So I was up around 4:30AM, helping my dad load some garbage into his truck, and after that I had a solid breakfast. Peanut butter toast, something else I think. Anyway I decided I’ll wait until the sun is up and then I’ll chew the mushrooms. So I pull the biggest one out of the bag and weigh it up at 3.12g and put it on a small plate. So I’m just browsing the internet and doing this and that, and suddenly my eyes become drawn to the mushroom sitting there. I think “Is it time already, I look outside and it’s just starting to brighten up.
So, in the mouth it goes. I chew it, trying to swallow the juices without swallowing any solid bits. I brew up some sage tea and cut up a lemon while I’m chewing. After about half an hour I decide to start eating some lemon, still chewing on the mushroom I add some lemon, and I have a few pieces in this way where I’m now chewing lemon and mushroom trying not to swallow the solids, at this point I’m starting to have a hard time with balancing swallowing the juices and not the solids, eventually I relax a little about it and it starts to go better. After about 5 or so minutes I spit it out, drink a sip of tea, that as some good tea and I eat the rest of the lemon I had prepared. A couple minutes later and I’m feeling nauseated so I chew on some ginger root, and it’s pretty intense but it seemed to do the trick.
Well, I had planned to go outside, so I started getting ready, and things start getting intense. I really start feeling a desire to be around trees and things that will have a more radial geometry rather than the walls of the house which are starting to seem weird to me. I start getting my coat etc on, and I’m wearing this black vynal jacket with a long black wool overcoat and I think to myself that I look like the grim reaper, and it occurs to me that I am death itself. This energy starts surging in me and I’m feeling very powerful, but not in a manipulative or evil way, just very strong and masculine. I decided to leave behind my backpack because I just didn’t feel like carrying it.
Well, I have some trouble getting my shoes on, losing track of what I’m doing. My brother comes down the stairs and I’m very confused what I should be doing but I carry on, eventually I get my shoes on, even though I kind of didn’t really want them, but it’s winter out there, so I decided I would wear them. As I’m putting my shoes on I’m having this feeling of falling asleep and waking up, like I just woke up and here I am putting on my shoes, and I have this insight like I’m just waking up to life here as it is.
I see my big staff and it’s exploding with all these shimmering colours and I’m in awe of it, so I grab that and head outside. A few steps outside I decide that I can’t be trying to keep track of my phone in my pocket, so I go back in and put it inside. I get this insight that I don’t need to hold onto everything, that it’ll be there when it needs to be, and everything is available.
It’s a short walk, much shorter than I had previously planned, but it’s pretty cold out there. I thought it smelled like paint thinner, and I start making these connections about how people are living, and I’m not judging any of it, I’m just like well, this is what that experience is like. It’s very dry and cold out, and I’m moving, I start doing some shaking thing with the staff in my hand and becoming ecstatic.
I get down the street and I see this car parked with the word “Sangha” recalled on the back window and I’m intrigued, I was considering just walking up and asking him about it, but I decided not to partially because I don’t want to offend anyone afraid of covid, and I’m not really sure what I’m doing at this point or if that would be appropriate, so I keep going a bit further down the street. I was thinking before that I would head into the woods, but at this point I decided head back to the house. I was questioning myself, wondering why I always return to this comfort when I could be out doing anything, but I don’t really want to argue with myself so I allow myself to return. I come home and take my coat and shoes etc off and I lie down on the floor.
Things are really starting to happen now, and my brother asks me if I got some mushrooms lol I’m not sure if I should validate that line of thinking because I know what is happening is not really like his perception of drug use, but I just make a vocal “MMMMhmmm” kind of sound, because I’d rather be honest and misunderstood. After that he leaves me alone and I’m lie down on the couch and I’m staring at the ceiling.
The ceiling texture starts moving. Fractal patterns. I’m looking at it and noticing this is a movement happening in another dimension of consciousness. This isn’t just my brain misfiring, but I’m moving through reality in another spacial dimension. I start seeing various shapes that form different image in the ceiling, animals and buddha images etc.
I start to feel this intense pressure in my body and I’m convinced I’m about to die, so I just accept it. I melt into infinity. It’s hard to describe that but the flower of life comes to mind, usually we can only perceive some parts of the whole, creation, and I was seeing a lot more of it. Eventually I find myself on the floor, and I’m looking at the synthetic logs on the gas fireplace, and I’m looking at the texture on there and seeing the intelligence behind it, the intelligence and the consciousness of everything, all matter, all life. I get up and notice I’ve just had the experience of death. Not just some sort of “ego death” thought process, where I’m here but not thinking about my identity construct but real “physical” death, that was it.
Yet life goes on, and here I am on the other side of death and I’m in heaven, and this is what that looks like, and everything is divine. I am eternal. I start walking around and everything is moving. I’m watching my plants grow and change before my eyes. I look into the mirror and I have 3 eyes. Not like some metaphor but literally just have an eye on my forehead, and I’m like wow, I’m looking through this next dimension like when you turn a hypercube on a simulator, and I have another eye there. I get this insight about the nature of creation, and everything is already complete. All the potential already is predetermined, and I’m just getting to experience parts of it. I understand the akashic records now.
I started laughing and I can hear the sound of the trees in my voice as I'm laughing and feel the connection.
So I go downstairs and I see this smily face sticker I have on my desk and it has 3 eyes as well, and I’m like “wow I thought that was just a sticker someone made?” And then “No, that appearance is not the full nature of things, that is only a limited perception of the infinite creation.
I say out loud “That’s amazing” then “grace” and I just start spitting out more words and I hear music playing sounding like edm as I’m just speaking all these connections I’m making about the nature of life and infinite consciousness, and light shining through it. Everything around me is moving and dancing.
I go upstairs and I really want to eat some fruit so I pick up an orange and it’s moving in between being ripe and juicy and overripe and dried out based on how I approach it, even the seeds appear inside it our of nowhere. The second orange I had was much juicier for me. Well, after I ate I started thinking about how things were moving in a way that was not in accordance with linear time, and I’m thinking “wow, here I am post 2020, in the land after time. The dinosaurs lived in the land before time, and now here we are in the land after time. We have the concept of time but know better than to believe it. We can entertain it and use it, but it’s not actually more than a concept, and the way things move isn’t necessarily bound to it in the way we used to believe.”
Then I start thinking about my ex and how much I love her, so I text her “I love you” and she responds with “https://youtu.be/yTxhB1TE1xA”. I’m awe struck that she’s apparently on the same wavelength as me right now.
I’m looking around at everything and noticing it’s all so perfectly designed for me, it’s not just some random stuff, but everything is so deeply meaningful with so much emotion and energy and intelligence behind it all. It’s all such a miracle, from the wooden furniture, to the Pokemon picture on the tin I keep my computer accessories in. It’s all so alive. It's all so connected. It's divinity in form.
I googled “Winter wizard wood and bone” because I thought those things were an interesting aesthetic, and eventually I found this song "https://youtu.be/yTxhB1TE1xA"
Well, I could go on forever because things tapered off in such a way that although I’m not having that peak experience with 3 eyes and everything moving in that way right now, so much is integrated into my understanding, and I’m really not negotiating against death any longer. This whole life is a miracle here and now.
Another thing that came to my mind a few times that helped me through the intensity during the chaotic parts of the trip was the Mandelbrot fractal and specifically this video "https://youtu.be/ovJcsL7vyrk" of the movement through chaos and back to order.
Overall I was surprised that I got so much and went so deep with this trip because it seemed like a low dose, but I guess everything worked in such a way that I was ready to go. I really let go of control to a new degree and allowed life to flower and that has been a huge insight integration for me.
