vishnusavestheday

Rock Climbing, Calisthenics, Running, Slack-lining

@NoSelfSelf We could just be miscommunicating? I can acknowledge everything you've said, but I don't have the need to vocalize it the way you did? Who says not masturbating is not an act of self growing? Why would you assume what a man does for his personal benefit is not self-developmental? Or masturbating is like getting drunk to be lonely. Since being on retention, my relationship with family has improved. I have felt loads less stifled with them. Are you satisfying your needs? Or your desires? I unpacked them separately, but I suppose you could suggest needs and desires just collapse into nonduality, freedom, god-realization, liberation, etc in order to justify jerking off or not-so. the point of this topic is attraction though. if the ideal is attraction then how would you suggest to me that a woman is more attracted to a man who jerks off rather than not, assuming all factors are held constant? TL:DR i think we're just at odds, honestly. i've realized that we're probably falsely assuming that we're attracted to the same women... we're probably not and that's the disconnect. maybe people on retention want to talk up different women than people who jerk off in general..

@NoSelfSelf That's lame of you. Very donkey-like to say, and quite disparaging it is to hear from another conscious being. Why do you scare people like this? If somebody were to read this then the next thing they do would be to gravitate back to porn after being on retention (granted that they believe and accept what you are saying) and then experience orgasm to prove to themselves they were "just being creepy before" what does that prove to them? They are victorious in an orgasm? Come on son, you can't talk a retention dude off a ledge. Even if they jumped you laugh at them for being up there. Loserthink.

Just posting some self-inquiry tidbit I got stuck on tonight Since letting go is a continuous practice, how was it allowed to begin? How did the mind ever figure out what letting go was not? How was I ever allowed to start letting go? Seriously, you can respond like I'm stupid and say that I allowed myself to let go in the beginning, but I'd be letting go of the end of holding on before I ever knew what holding on was even then. In that case, I was born letting go, like a tabula rasa. But even then it's impossible to know how a blank slate can figure out for itself what is eventually written on its own body... How would a blank slate realize it's being written on at all?

Yeah, it's nothing special. If you really investigate it, these people who'd "know your inner thoughts" couldn't do anything with the information anyways because the energy is basically cheese-grated to a level of pointlessness. It's not outrageous or controversial really. Take it this way. Some people masturbate about their coworkers. Do you think your coworkers would know it outright? Or do you just think the residual effect of the situation at home plays out at work regardless? It wouldn't matter. Even if the world knows what you're up to at home, the world never made it important for them to care. You are the world making things important bruv. But then again, stroking it on the late late to your coworkers might worsen your confidence around them, because of idolization, coveting, etc. That kind of mental effort carries subconscious weight. How could it not? Is hiding something innocuously the same as never hiding anything innocently? Never...

I work in retail right now, basically recovering a clothing store all the time. It's pretty fun to just fold clothes that people don't put back and bag their new stuff. I'm not miserable because I just fall in love with the hot people who walk in. And I get paid to just be nice and fold clothes and open up dressing rooms. Pretty cool, better than my past jobs. I worked at In-N-Out as my previous job for about $3.50 more per hour than where I work now. Not worth it. The food is terrible for you daily and the energy is stressful. You wear pathetic outfits and you feel really stupid and ugly. I'm currently studying to be an EMT, maybe a paramedic eventually. It just sounds fun to do. It feels like a good service to reality and others? I literally get to embody enlightenment every day without having to be bleached by humanity's stupid ethical standards? Sign me up. I hope you can have a positive experience expressing your efforts to society in the future.

Salvia is like walking into the next moment and all of a sudden everybody speaks in reverse of the actual point they want to get to. My friend literally ran into a wall while we were listening to Pink Floyd under a roadbridge, haha. Metaa

My friend introduced me to this concept years ago, but he considered it tantric buddhism. I still think it's nonetheless profound because this method produces such diverse failures of people that I too would in turn consider this method a success-- just because. It's how the Satanic tenet "Do what thou wilt" acts for those Abrahamic's "Thou shalt nots" without having to annoy with boring over-explanation.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=EqWRaAF6_WY&feature=share This one is scary to me, because I'm planning on becoming an EMT and if I die doing something epic it's like I'm hearing it at my funeral already. It's a victorious type of sad.

I remember, years ago, taking 3 tabs of strong LSD and sitting with my tripsitting friend after a workout and just asking him over and over the question of "What is Life?" until I literally forgot what everything was. I forgot who I was, I forgot what burden the question itself even meant to me. I felt I was a bound lightning bolt flame--flickering in most moments but arcing sometimes. I remember him dryly saying, "Life is just what you make of it." Life is forgotten. Life is typically forgotten. What is life but something forgotten throughout the day.

If you've ever taken a psychedelic, you'd know that you can recall the most gristlingly random details out of books you almost forgot about in innocuous conversations just because you're feeling it. Microdosing or lightdosing is especially good for this. If you are prodded on an intellectual level by ANY sort of focuses stimulus, your collective processing data will be able to recall enough to help you get by. The clip is exaggerated, but you get the gist. https://youtu.be/zN8mm_7wj7g?t=126

haha i see where he was going with this but it is wildly out of context and looks bizarre... squatting and sprinting can raise testosterone production. PS do hill sprints if you are sedentary... that also my advice

Well what is enlightenment to you? Is it being that sort of teacher with that story of how one renounced their worldly life even though it wasn't too bad? Think of being a man meditating in a field, after leaving your wife and kids to be homeless for years, and yet realizing "I alone am the Honored One." Is that what you desire? Is that what life is calling out of you?

the worst part is that the reincarnation proposition is a continuous question for the seeking mind; it comes back every few weeks. it's the idea of reincarnation that keeps abiding in flesh, as with the soul.

@AlwaysJoggin dude it was a joke to suggest you not take things as seriously... Especially to even waste time with. Didn't pull that punch. Ouch. What a bold expression of paradoxical being actually that is though. i wasn't aware of what your scouter was saying about my intelligence level, my mistake... i stand corrected. Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?

@AlwaysJoggin I am imagining that time itself is forcing you to grow up by sitting you down at your computer--with a gun to your head--as you type up these infinitely genius responses... Instead of you just picking up a book or something that would help you remember what little innocence you had in the beginning, before this depression quest of yours, of course. Here's a question. Why are you communicating this to me? We can't all sit around and feel sorry for ourselves, did you come here to confess despair? Note your attachment to the outcome of how the world should be.

God is also the taste of every good memory you've ever had. We probably don't deserve life at all, you know. If we were born from a desire-less soul jar--just a docile awareness alone, and then, God sat us down and created all these desires time could mend in front of us to chase through and jump around like a dog obstacle course, what room was there for God to sit in without us? Well, silly, he spent so much time and effort on building this dog obstacle course that he hoped you wouldn't sweat the small stuff, like the possibility of God liking reality only when you're in pain when you trip through a hoop... Only God is patient enough to be our first friend till the end. Plus, he might even let you off the leash if you get more trained at life!

I mean this. Once you start developing a yourself, real motivation, and self-esteem, you can stop projecting your self-worth and moral value onto others. Find yourself an attractive being worthy of love and live capable of authenticity. It's all worth it! Just for this especially! Don't let vanity make you ashamed!

It is very true, that the Bible teaches nonduality. Adding to that, the religious life takes on new energy when one investigates the sense of self that considers itself "believer" at all. Awareness can't "believe" anything... it's incredulous for awareness to realize anything at all already. The function of the surviving "believer" identity shadows the awakening of God-realization in all cases. The believer is always reaching for more context... But I've taken a semi-oppositional stance on this idea above--that the Bible teaches "sinnerism" rather than God-realization. To elaborate, one could say that the Bible serves to help the inclined acknowledge partitioning acts--conscious choices--with humility as a consistently practiced theme through a redemptive arc. Personally, I take that as one of the better characteristics of the Bible compared to other religious books-- the humanity in purifying self-wickedness.

I'm not even kidding. Bear with me. Try and look into the books by Paul Reiser "Couplehood" "Babyhood" and "Familyhood" in that order. It puts normality into perspective. It's very good at reminding us of the novelty of simple life and its very gratifying sublime-ness. And I'm not going to lie. It gave me the most realistic take of long-term relationship standards. And it made me smile. It's pretty funny. When I first looked at the title, I thought it was a play-on the phrase of Buddha-hood, a title of becoming. I really don't know if I was being extra deep on that one. Maybe that's the point. etc etc. blah blah blah To put the books simply, they are just collections of chapters of categorical insights surrounding average human relationship development. Nothing special, unless we are over-developed in unique-ness and divergence. Then it's very special Seek some clarity for Pete's sake! Be honest! lol

Probably the last post of this journal, just because I feel concluded in this journal topic's title. "Who am I to you?" has been an interesting thematic question at this point for me. It's evolved into "Who am I living for?" a realization that I've had multiple times in my psychedelic past. The realization that paired with it was always an emphatic "Oh! Me, of course! I'm living for the joy and pleasure derived from myself! The realizations right now! Myself! Wow!" "Who am I to you?" was never a public question up for debate. I've always responded to my own question, not for the attention of others. But look at me humble myself publicly, as if I don't already know. The question is a hook of compassion for those unawake. They really have to awaken to this, to know this emphatically rather than simply read it or memorize it like it's a rote prayer for help. You have to want life like you just jumped off a sky scraper but have the chance to reach back for the ledge. The call of your soul must reach maximum volume to know the infinity of life. Thank you. -First Journal Topic Adjourned-

So I've typically kept quite a bit of information to myself. I've journaled alone, cooked alone, explored the city alone, meditated alone, prayed alone, drawn alone, read alone, sang alone, played guitar alone, exercised alone-- the last few have changed only recently. I don't live alone. I wish I could describe myself as an idiot who spends little time doing things he claims to do. I'm probably not, though. I probably spend more time practicing crafts than most people. It's unfortunate really, how low the bar is for people to exist as hobbyists. It feels like a borderline a professional claim to say you do something out loud as it is. Most of my coworkers just go home and watch Netflix for hours a day. They get invested in their Asian subtitled dramas and that's their existence. That or they play video games. Wow, I guess that's why I have so much time. I don't play videogames. "Who am I to you?" is a question I'd like to explore in the next coming weeks. I'm interested in witnessing it evolve as a continuous phrase taking reflection deeper. I've also been trying to comment on this forum for about a month, with some occasional posts every couple days/weeks. Funnily enough, I come to this site every night and try to respond to comments on topics. I generally overlook my own response before I send it, judging my potential posts as negatively impactful. I've literally been moderating myself too thoroughly, almost too aware to be careless about what I say. Why? I've been moderating my words more because I've noticed that if I were to publicly take a side or position, by the end of the day, I am a hypocrite. Take seed retention, for example. The moment I talk about seed retention or attempt to defend it to debaters, the more I've already fallen for the temptation to respond anyway. Actually responding to public discussions has caused me more relapses that positive growth effects. It's an entire red carpet rollout. I have absolutely zero trust in other people's authority as rational and typically relate to people once they posit the depth of their consciousness in conversation somehow. I'm already getting the urge to delete this text wall or cut it into a text document again. Be seeing you.

Weaknesses are like tree stumps that never go away. Might as well carve out a nice throne while they are there.

Yes, you've probably tripped alone before. Yes, you've probably tripped around friends before. Maybe even family. Maybe around women. Maybe around men. But with only a member of the opposite sex also tripping? And I mean one on one. Not a group. It probably was the biggest milestone in tripping for my social development to trip with a female. It doesn't even have to be a sexual experience, it does not have to escalate. It gives you a gauge of social credibility, and you might not be as out of touch as you think. Your personal psychedelic world merges with your social persona, your sexual persona. Just talking and getting to know someone is really cool. All that is necessary is that you are conscious of yourself tripping in all developmental states-- social and personal. I'm posting this in gratitude of my previous (Sept. 7) lemon tekk trip today. Please seek this experience! It's worth it! If you haven't had this experience you're basically a psychedelic virgin, but you don't even have to have sex to lose the card. Worth every second!

they have most difficulty believing a perfect God is capable of committing atrocious evil and devilry. it's really quite simple. perfection does not equal imperfection. if they fall short of perfection, they are not god. they don't leave room to beg any questions in that regard. could I ask you a perfectly reversed question as a Christian would perceive it? it's the diametrical question that keeps them where they are. why is it so hard for sinners to see they are sinners? why is so hard for sinners to stay in sight that they are sinners? ... for the same reason it is hard to see one is God all day long