vishnusavestheday

Currently reading "The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays" and have been finding it quite insightful-- especially for developing valuable creative direction. I love the main idea of the focal essay: failure and, consequently, the very human perseverance in the face of it, is a continuous revolt against the gods. Those pesky gods that predate upon human expectations and fates, they are fools for designing such a contraption (like the boulder rolling Sisyphus paradox) because it only lets humanity become stronger in the face of certain insanity. Despite it all, humans are the most vocal beings probable of creating the myth anyways! Also, back to the insight I spoke of initially, I love that Camus had an appreciation for the themes of revolt, freedom, and diversity. Such elements can emphasize the intentionality of artistic choices and suggest the raw greatness in creating a true self-contained reproduction without illusions.

I've looked into it and have the equipment, but I've found confounding internet information. Do I need to consume an MAOI in order to plug regular DMT (pharmahuasca) or would there be active effects? Aren't MAOIs used only to stop digestive enzymes from destroying the substance, hence smoking it bypasses this? Why would I need to consume such a substance if the DMT is my rectum? Anybody care to share? Many thanks.

I've been going through paramedic school for the past year. Whenever I've had a learning crisis (retaking a test, etc) , I've consistently been able to--against all expectation of it being useful--edge (masturbate) with pornography while ingesting psilomethoxin and then figure the way out of my problem. Weird I know, but I had an insight today that I am (consciously or unconsciously) simply replaying Plato's allegory physically and then wrestling with the consequences of duality following orgasm. Which side of orgasm is the cave? Before masturbation or after the orgasm? Some people think that pornography/masturbation/orgasm is a shackle of desire. Others think that sexual liberation is the key to ending repression. Who am I to lead the ignorant out of the cave? Who's ignorant in this instance anyway? I've also found that psychedelics have the capacity to advance abstract ideas with less friction, but maintaining brevity, succinctness, and weighing words effectively is incredibly important. The capacity to advance ideas while tripping is typically at the expense of a dangerous feeling of verbal anxiety. Just my thoughts. Thanks.

I have struck a deep insight after spending about a year and a half in unadulterated, sober contemplation, and I have struck this chord. Compartmentalized trauma is the nature of existence. We were born without consent, and we were motivated to become human ever since then. We cannot escape our traumatized nature, for even splendidness is in contradiction with any regret we've ever held, even once. Consider walking into a hotel's infinite hallway with a randomly generated stimulus in each room. The first room shows two masked people getting raped. The next shows an infant baby enjoying the love and quietude of their first month alive, listening to Beethoven and feeling the crib rock. The next shows a bearded Jew getting bloodied and flagellated before the Syriac people in public, in total belief that he's impregnating the souls of the unforgiven with his pain. Which of these experiences gave you your permission to imagine them before you imagined them? None of them--literally none of them. I have since walked and spent a few days in astonishment of the many woke simpletons that teach awakening can be hinted at with intuitive silence. Nonsense. We were hypnotized into this story; please don't aggrandize me with alleged hallucinations. Compartmentalized trauma does not mean permanently stubborn-- people's minds can be persuaded. With successful persuasion, one demonstrates a certain un-entrapment of the self, by luring out an innate fluid reasonableness. That being said, learn to subdue yourself in realization of the reactions you are chasing. Every aspect of your actions, thoughts, and behaviors are a certainly limited variation of Stockholm syndrome. They will not disappear. Why will they not disappear? Because we remain trapped-- locked in cages by witless captors. If we once began to act as if we were liberated, we would merely imitate how others may have appeared liberated, and that is not liberation. We limit ourselves by our very resistance. Our traumatic existence will not disappear.

Ah I see

The many who claim the flames will hate to lament in reprehension of negativity. Say, we could all be imitating some wise writer or another from antiquity that we may be reading, but at the very least we do so with the intention to gaze through the window of their process.

@Leo Gura I disagree. You wouldn't have a problem with my statements unless you were traumatized into believing the validity of yourself. Trauma is literally unlimited. Even criticism is traumatizing. We might have a different understanding of trauma. In healthcare it's a word that describes injury through physical force. I'm not at all interested in deposing your validity, but you will not convince me that we've given consent to exist in the first place. If I was motivated to learn after being forcefully born, my conditioning wouldn't grant me liberation. Say life was supposed to be a gift. If we were compelled against our will to enjoy the gift, that wouldn't let me enjoy it. If I was compelled to empty myself in order to enjoy this gift, I would only be traumatizing my mind to find callus enjoyment in surrender. If I went onto this forum and lamented about how life has led to rather miserable awakenings, what would become of it? Surely, I would get a slap in the face from Leo about how limited my description of ecstasy is being portrayed. Nonetheless, I must be the trickster in denial. I think not! How conveniently have I already postulated the notion of compartmentalized trauma! Surely I could not be in psychological denial of repressed trauma holding to the certainty of compartmentalized pain not existing! I sincerely think not! Would we at least be able to find compromise in that devilry is proliferated from compartmentalized trauma?

i've been there... you have a fixation to sit in a quiet moment that you can't find when i was younger, i would hear a similar shrill noise when meditating you can't meditate and procrastinate at the same time. i don't meditate much any more, i just maintain communication with the Lord

have you heard of any dissociative substances? Dxm probably fits the bill most to what you're talking about...

Sometimes I feel moved to tears as an alone person. Then I feel gratitude for being able to experience such a state of peace. Frowning and experiencing validation to one's suffering is quite moving. I don't find smiling to provoke meaningful peace when other people aren't around, at least sober (not tripping).

I sometimes run 6-8 mile courses once or twice a month, but right now I prefer hill sprints for cardio because of the minimal muscle fatigue and I work a lot right now on the ambulance. I have this hill up my street. I live in San Francisco, where there are plenty of uphills. My hill is about 167 feet sustained over 0.5 miles, so I can do a couple laps up, then walk down, then I'm good for the day.

fucking read a book

All of these wise ones are coping because veganism makes one quite certain of their own beliefs. It screws your head on right. The dogma of simply leaving yourself out of harming animals requires too much transparency for many of these actualized folks. I can't say how many times I've picked myself out an actual bad trip by thinking "fuck that, fuck everything, at least I'm a fucking vegan." Oddly, I never get a sense that veganism plays into some larger scheme created to humanity's detriment. Facts and logic destroy carnist nonsense every time. I had a time where I had these digestive stomach ulcers before I was certain of the diagnosis. I was shitting blood and I had been vegan at the time for many months. Everyone wanted to tell me, going on and on, that " I'm eating too much fiber in my diet; I should start eating animal products." That was certainly not the case as--after the colonoscopy and a couple tissue-samples later-- it was ruled as a stress-related ulcer. There are no medical recommendations to have anything less than a high fiber diet in lieu of such a medical observation. After a few enemas and oral mesalamines, I'm back to normal. Though I'm sure they may have been quite worried for me, I never ate animal products or caved into these silly people's suggestions. Goes to show that people don't know, and they often misinform out of ignorance rather than keep their mouth shut. If somebody were to have one shred of compassion for the injustice that happens to animals, then they went out on a limb for that point of view (ie went vegan) alone, that would be quite honorable. If, after that point, they contracted some odd disease inexorably linked to following a plant-based diet, then went off to be martyred for it, this would be quite telling. It would be better than as some morally self-recusing parasite. So many ex-vegans quit the diet "for health reasons," then go off and buy the "pair of Ugg boots [they] always wanted." It takes some faith and character to die with that dignity. What are else are we best for, other than the transfixion of the world's projections upon us? Those last statements are probably a little too dangerous to take lightly: watch out for me, I guess... I just can't imagine thinking-- say, if my father lived as some pig farmer--how quickly he'd slaughter some little piglet to see if it would make his vegan son's poopoo less red for dinner. Can we at least concede to this injustice rather than stare off at death with such vanity? I'd even go as far to say that a vegan lifestyle is eons more important than any political belief or spiritual realization, because those affiliations lead to more polarizing division. It's frustrating that it's perceived as some "exclusively liberal" movement, because I oftentimes perceive similar interplay between veganism and natalism, which is oftentimes "exclusively conservative." Veganism has a really good way of rooting out the intellectually honest ones from the crowd

Not saying that Mormonism is a Christian denomination, but I'd also recommend checking out other Christian churches too. Check out Protestant churches. Go and visit a Catholic mass-- like a High Mass TLM with Gregorian Chant. Many churches exist, and the ones that you aren't proselytized about might draw you deeper into that side of civilization. If you see a positive side to prayer, please do seek out all the styles of prayer that there is on offer at your disposal. There's a lot of Mickey Mouse-ing when it comes to the differences in Christianity. Some people like Hot Jazz, some people like Cool Jazz. Some people like Big Band.

I posted this same video the other day in another topic. To think that God pools from the vastness of possibility...

Another problem with the experiment is that any "infinite" room in the hotel requires a definite volume -- a sleeping area has to take up a definite amount of space. Is there a qualifying factor that defines an infinite guest too? What if one such guest (ie a talking T-Rex) needs a room and he doesn't fit? In even Googolplex universes, there is room to contain reiterations of the same matter along multiple, alternating timelines. Any of these qualifications limits infinite objects. You're talking about a hotel larger than a googolplex hotel-- a hotel that could be more than a library of time itself.

Here was a friend's recommendation. I didn't love it until we stopped doing what friends do.

Desert Solitaire - Edward Abbey The Swerve - Stephen Greenblatt The Fountainhead - Ayn Rand The Gulag Archipelago- Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn Miracle of Love - Ram Dass

It's hard to be conscious by posting on this forum. I grow so weary of being judged for typing possibly dualistic or unhelpful comments to others that I usually cut my own prospective posts and replies and paste them entirely in a desktop text document. It kind of rings out from that old Watts saying, "Once you get the message, hang up the phone." I hate that saying. It feels so amputating, but I've attempted this sort of cessation hundreds of times. My dad told me that same message when I was getting into trouble for using psychedelics. He pleaded as to when I would stop trying to interact with psychedelics, or whence I'd stop chasing enlightenment. We've been since estranged for other differences. But since our estrangement, he's gone on multiple Ayahuasca retreats. He was a secretive person, admittedly. Either way, his actions don't prove me right, nor do I feel less guilted by the Alan Watts quotation neither of us said first. It brings me to this topic of discussion. How secretive is enlightenment? Does enlightenment belong with afforded privacy? As somebody posting on this internet website regarding mystical permanence, am I perceived as a lesser, limited self for even daring to ask questions? Is there any room for enjoyable chatter? I ask these questions because I get the rising feeling that awakening would be described as a something that *didn't* encourage me to generate a new internet post--probing for innocuous information out of loneliness or sorrow. I don't really like this forum because I feel dead-ended fairly often when users preach on and on about words I haven't quite realized as deeply as them. Like I said, I've tried and failed to execute on posting at all anymore because I just feel predictive of expected results. There's not a chess game going on from this topic, I just feel out of options. Any non-pavlovian response would be deeply appreciated.

It always seems like involuntarily celibates seem to struggle more with celibacy more than the voluntary ones. I wonder if voluntary celibates just walk down the sidewalk, endlessly propositioned by potential mates for free, detached, and shameless sex. It must be on those sidewalks you've never visited before. Got to just get out more, probably.

Salvation might rightly be in how maturely one might grieve for their own life before their own passing. Contradictorily, it could also have to do with discovering real immortality. I once thought that living this life alone, as an eternal recurrence, would be a fun possibility. Eternal recurrence seemed to be a fair hedge of my bets--neither Hell, Heaven, infinite void, or a new nirvana, just something always happening in the middle of everything. Having thought about this unceasingly for many years now, I personally find it quite hellish now-- because one might drag their feet or count their steps forward-- albeit to a very Sisyphean degree. I've thought about how many vision quests I've pursued, or walkabouts I've already lived through. To think I'll have to do it again after a quick memory wipe seems like I've really gambled the wrong hand for a soul that I'd never want. Maybe salvation has to do with never leaving that solemn face you see in the mirror everyday unattended from self-affection. How much would there be of you that you'd want to remember about yourself after death, if it was up to you? How much would you be willing to forget entirely?

@Shodburrito Eh, I suppose I've flagellated myself for getting into unnecessary shit-throwing contests before. So I've just avoided these interactions and employed this sort of aversive maneuver as a self-preservation mechanism, because I exercise the awareness of the possibility that I'd provoke undue reactions from others. Many times has it occurred that one undue reaction in a day sets off an entirely unexpected and radically dualistic chain of embarrassing self-evidence. Only recently has a trip through the grocery store checkout on LSD shown that there is a way through without provocation, bravado, or fake humility. I was buying one bottle of sparkling water from the grocer, and unabashedly did I wait patiently instead of using the self-checkout. I was quite pleased after that event. I grow tired of such fruits of childish spirituality-- valor stealing, laughing at insolence, or inviting humiliation. Other people don't deserve it.

Personally, just have it be your dying unforgiven debt. Imagine God owes you an apology for being born; do what you like. Follow an instruction manual, or make your own.

I remember feeling this way when attending youth group in high school. I was, admittedly, an undercover Buddhist at the time. I even joined in their nondenominational worship group, as the backup singer and lead guitarist. That was very cringe. Those Protestant Christian songs suck. Hopefully I'll sing in this Gregorian Chant choir soon. Here's a thought experiment. Does "Domine" as the Latin form, or even "Deo" make you equally cringe? If it doesn't, possibly consider that the word associations constructed out of this upbringing of yours has tainted the sounds and utterances of your life. I remember, more recently, attending different Latin Masses and finding some priests whine the Latin Mass in an uncomforting timbre. I also remember a distinct LSD experience where I felt the "nonduality talk" as equally cringe. Nowadays, I still get nauseated at the vocal phrase "we are one" because it invites a deep level of psychological ingratiation in social situations. If I say it to somebody walking down the street, I will feel the cursed detriment of the Most High God. Too "on the nose" perhaps. Yet, I don't find such cringe when saying "we are one in Christ." Might a spiritual-but-not-religious identity make you cringe, or is it more a deep piety that causes ick? In other words, do you think it may have to do with an unsubstantiated understanding of God? Or, rather a deeply conformed knowledge?

I have not came upon crystallized 5MeoDMT yet, but psilomethoxin is another story. It definitely feels different than mushrooms--more visceral in bizarre ways--but not Godlike. Before taking a heroic dose tonight, I'm wondering if anybody can help confirm or deny my suspicions about this substance? Is it the same? Is it different? My first ingested psilom trips definitely glided close to my smoked N,N experiences, but I've drifted away almost since mixing it with LSD ...i guess you could say i'm having a self-reference problem