KGrimes

First of all, thanks for so many replies, seems like what I knew deep inside is true, just needed more clarification from other point of view, and it seems that my insecurities, and fear or rejection is what constantly does not let me take the final step in leading the way to attraction, unless the girl is more leading or gives me obvious signs. @Gesundheit Before Covid, i was doing quite a bit of approaching, sometimes it would lead to numbers, sometimes to dates, never to any relationship. Since i went through constant development and rejection, naturally i felt like i just kept failing and nothing works, so back to the drawing board. @Leo Gura Do you think getting rid of this approach anxiety/ insecurity is a way towards better life and higher-consciousness? It is something that I have been debating for a long time, I just can't understand, how important reality is in the end. If I finally make the realization (i already know this, but i have not felt it) that I am god, I am conciousness, then it sort of eliminates the need for sex and relationships, doesn't it? Other part of me wants to just spread joy, love and enjoy this dream together with someone else, who also understand atleast spirituality in-general. @Sine The funny thing is, that sometimes I feel like I have worked so hard on having this "attractive lifestyle" that some women told me they feel bad since I make them look like they have not achieved anything. I have studied abroad, i have done student exchange programmes, I travelled, i saved money and purchased a car, I lived a lone for a long time, I have been working out and living semi-healthy lifestyle for a long time, I also used to love to party a lot and go out, for me, it looks like it's a good balance, but then again, it is my life so creating a general opinion about it is quite hard. On some dates, I end up simply talking too much about my life I guess. @Preety_India here comes the confusion, Mark Manson's book How to attract women through honesty explains that vulnerability is the number one thing a man should have when trying to attract a girl, vulnerability shows that you are not afraid to show your weaknesses, and that you know them, and you are not afraid to be rejected for that. So what you recommend now, is to simply never show my vulnerable side and simply outright lie or hide them? That creates even more issues. And what is security anyway? Secure in my situation in life? Secure in my lifestyle? I already enjoy everything BESIDES my relationships with women, that by far is my most lack aspect of my whole life. I can be friends and find ways to interact to women no problem, moving on to a relationship of any kind besides friends is where I am stuck. @Nahm Thank you Nahm, but my inner dialogue becomes the monkey mind when I am around others, especially women. I have reached states of awareness with bliss and simply pure knowing when im alone from time to time, but when I am around others, seems like most of my spirituality work gets overshadowed by other personalities. Also, the more I work on myself, the more time i spend alone, the more I feel needy, the more I feel the need to find a relationship, and the more i start questioning every woman as if "is she the one i will have a relationship with?" @RendHeaven Alright, i get it, i knew it most of the time, I lack direct action towards explaining what I want from women, without being completely honest. My final question is, what should I do with this co-worker, since I feel like the sings of attraction from her are sort of gone, I am leaving the work soon, that means we wont see each other as often, i am debating on: a) finally tell a woman, that I like her and i care for her, and that if she would like to continue talking with me and see where this goes to, we should do so, and if she does not like me, we should go our separate ways. b) simply not tell her my feelings, and end the relationship right here, assuming she has no attraction to me, and that i do not want to be friendzoned again. Thank you all for your replies!

Could you specify on what these "lower stages" of Spiral Dynamics are? I often still struggle with everyday life needs, sex, love, neediness, alcohol, entertainment and so on.

Hello, It's been around 8 months since the first time I have had this weird experience. I am yet to find an answer or somebody with a similar experience as me, and to this day I am not sure what exactly it was. The first time I did it, I was meditating as usual. I was in deep focus, and slowly my body sank in and started feeling uplifted. My breaths slowed down, to barely any breathing at all. Slowly, i stopped breathing. When I stopped breathing i started feeling a rising sensation across my body. The weirds part of this is... I started to have an erection. And it was perhaps the most intense one I have ever experienced. I started slowly inhaling, and the euhporia was rising. My body was shaking, trembling even, my breaths were deep but I was not exhaling, i kept inhaling more and more, with the sensation rising, as well as the erection. It felt as an orgasm, yet it was full body and it did not stop. My vision became clear white, and started having unclear visions. I stopped, once I completely ran out of breath and had to start breathing again, and I had to do it fast as if i just did intense cardio. After this, my body was trembling/shaking even. I had the weirdest experience. At that point I was not yet into Leo's videos, and I though by chance this was the enlightment, because that's how I imagined at first. I could not say, that it had a very direct lasting impact on me. But I was able to achieve the same feeling over and over again, sometimes higher, sometimes lesser, but the euphoria was always there. It was addicting even. Everytime I wanted to meditate, I was reminded of this feeling and wanted to achieve it. I stopped intentionally doing it, because I felt it was hurting my practices, but now once I have been meditating a lot, sometimes I naturally reach the beginnings of this state, and simply decide not to continue, but if I wanted to, simply controls of my breath would provide the same results. So what is it? Is it Kundalini awakening? Is it some form of Wim Hof? Or are there some other practices?

@Swarnim The reason for posting is to understand what is this experience that i am having, since i was unable to locate any information for over half a year, i dont want to brag, i dont need your thank you's, i dont need anything, actually. I just want to know what it is. @nistake Is it also quite intense for you? Like sometimes you just can't hold it for long? I am usually trying to let it go, and when it works it's an incredible feeling, but somewhat addicting to a regular practice.