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@Trevor Herrick Hi Trevor, Depression is created by a negative self image and in order to escape it you need to develop a positive self image. The very short version is that there is a chain event>though>emotion>action that is in your power to control. If you have a negative self image you will have negative thoughts that will assign a negative meaning to an event and you will create negative emotions like depression. Now you need to work on that self image and transform it in a positive one. This change will take some time to implement but it is the best investment that you can make for yourself, better then winning the lottery :). Leo has some powerful videos where he explains how self image works and how emotions get created so you can start there.

@Blue Hour I'm going through the same process of emotional release of suppressed feelings. In my case it is about 1 year and 8 months since the process got triggered and it isn't over yet but with time the intensity went down and at some point I stopped caring about how long will it take. I think the time it takes differs from person to person based on their own past experiences. If you stay mindful long enough you can see how thoughts create feelings and feelings create thoughts and so on like a never ending cycle. It is when you detach from this process and observe it without getting lost in the mind that the true healing happens. In order to detach from this process you need to build up the courage to stop trying to understand and control the thoughts and just observe them without judgement and with time the intensity goes down on it's own. For me it helped to listen to Eckhart Tolle's talks about the pain body and Leo's videos about meditation to gain the courage and understanding to totally let go of control. It is hard at first but it is the only way. The paradox is that the default state of being it pure happiness, but the minds need to control the experience thinking that it knows better how to create happiness is what ruins the happiness.

For me what felt as enlightenment was like my brain turned inside out. In the first few weeks it felt like my right side of the brain caught fire. Instead of perceiving myself as a point behind my eyes in the middle of the brain and thought emanating from there, now I perceive my self as something outside the head and thought are happening there. One of the difference that I observed is that the thoughts are not emotionally charged anymore and don't create suffering. All this happened without any hallucinogens but with a lot of emotional suffering.

I had the same issues after a break up about 1.5 years ago. My commitment at that time was to do meditation and try to watch what was happening inside me for as long as possible no matter how bad it felt. My method was similar with Leo's do nothing technique. The question I used was who is aware of I fell good, I fell anxious, I fell this and that? After about 3 month of doing this every day for as long as possible a shift happened and in one morning I found myself as awareness and not identified with my pain. After that event even though the experience was still very bad and got lost in my thoughts very often something in the background always knew that I'm not the experience. With time now after 1.5 years the awareness grew stronger and stronger and my levels of inner happiness are growing steadily without to much effort. From my observations trying to understand the past has no value as the mind can give an infinite perspectives on it and can keep you busy a life time. Stay as awareness for as long as you can and the understanding will come naturally.

@rush It depends on the amount of meditation you are doing. In my case because some emotional problems I over do it at first and the results came after 3 months but this caused many other problems. As I was not aware what was happening I went through many months of panic attacks until I started getting a handle on it. It is better to take it slowly and also it helps to have someone that knows the process to guide for a while. Also it helps not to have any expectations of what will be as it is something experiential so your mind can't conceptualize, it is like trying to figure out what an orange tastes like without ever tasting one, any answer the mind gives you it isn't the truth.

There is no "RIGHT him or her" as long as you have a need for someone to fulfill you. The right person will become the wrong person with the first disappointment. Let go of this need and everyone will be the right one.

I had the same problem at age 35 so you should consider yourself lucky that your are aware of this at your age . Keep up the good work and with time you will realize that you are whole with our without friends. Observe how much abundance you have in the parts of your life where you have no needs and are indifferent of the outcome.

Look closer to what belief is triggered when you experience it.

The goal of this journal is to write exactly how the experience with the unknown was from my point of view and I will try to keep it as simple as possible. It all started about one year ago when after yet another break up everything changed. Before this I was a happy go lucky alcohol/sex/drugs addicted with almost no notion about spirituality and in total denial of it. My life was all about partying, clubs, alcohol, soft core drugs, sex, and running away from committed relationships, which was my way of living for the past 18 to 20 years. Getting back to one year ago; during that time I’ve started reading about Dialectical Behavior Therapy and mindfulness meditation looking for a fix for the bad feelings that come up after a break up. First I’ve tried to stay still and watch the thoughts but they were too fast and I was getting lost in them almost instantly so no good, then I read somewhere about staying relaxed and noticing the feelings that arise and just watching them without trying to judge. So I started doing that and it was working, it got me hooked. I remember I was coming home from work and staying watching what arises in the body for hours every day. It was a mix of fear, shame, anger, sexual energy and lots of emotional pain. I was practicing this for a couple of months when one morning I was in such emotional pain that I remember saying in my mind I surrender, I give up and then something strange happened, a energy out of nowhere started moving in my head mostly in the right part and the front of the head. I remember I had some panic attacks about it because my mind didn’t know what was happening until I read about kundalini energy and I’ve calmed down when I saw it was described somehow how I was experiencing mine. I’ve started observing this energy and how it was growing, from my head it expanded to the heart area and then the gut area. The mix of feelings became just pain; I was feeling pain in the heart area and gut area and this pain stayed for another 8 months roughly and then it stopped but the energy remained. During all this time the mind chattered away story after story and I was getting lost in them often but I didn’t try to stop it, I just let it do its thing. What kept me sane during all this time was a sense of blind trust that all is for my own good and listening to Eckhart Tolle and Sadhguru. About 3 or 4 months ago the thoughts started slowing down naturally to the point where now is very easy not to get lost in them. During the past 3 months I’ve started going to acupuncture weekly to help with the process. About 1 week ago I’ve got the experience of nothingness for about 5 minutes and it scared the shit out of me. No body, no mind, no sensation just a watcher of what is outside.

@kalter000 That's why I mentioned first learn more about the ego. I'm not a pick up artist. I was just curious if they work and I've practiced them on a few people and they worked. Btw they work on guys and girls also. I don't know who this guy is or what he does, I only tried what he said. About the authentic part, really listening to someone is the most authentic you can be.

I've only tried what this guy says and it worked every time as long as the girl is interested also.

If you can engage girls easily in conversation learn more about the Ego. Some NLP might help also. You need to get the girl to talk as much as possible because they can do that easily. You need to be a good listener and ask the right questions. If she asks you questions be honest. As a guy talking too much is a minus.

And here the hard work of training awareness kicks in. The easiest way for me was to sit still and observe feelings and bodily sensations for as long as I could.

The observer changes, it judges the ego, it judges how the body feels. "The something that never changes" is the thing that is aware of the observer. Awareness itself. Living full time in a state of aware of the fact that you are aware is enlightenment.

What does "The observer" means in your experience?

Who is aware of that?

@Neo Who is this "Mr EGO"? How would you describe it?

First tell me who in you is the one who wants to know?

@step1 Enlightenment doesn't make you holly. What you do after you attain it, it is of your own choosing. There is a book called Autobiography of a Yogi with lots of examples of enlightened people and how they lived their lives.

"The park" as seen from the ego is just a belief. It is a story that the ego tells you. If you want to dream your life away stay in "the park". Also the enlightenment books are just stories to make you curious and not what will happen with you. Enlightenment is a personal experience.

Before enlightenment you have to be awaken. When you are awaken you will know it because it is a physical process, the body gets flooded with energy and you feel the energy vortexes(chakras) from your gut, heart and head. As this energy floods your body there will be a releasing of all the negativity in you. This is a one way street,once you enter it there is no going back. Your focus should be on awakening.

Life works driven by desire. Having desires is not a bad thing, it is natural. The problem arises when someone doesn't discern between the ego desires and desires rooted in truth or higher self desires. I'll try to explain my perspective on this by an example: wanting a car because you need it to go to work is a desire rooted in truth while wanting a car because your neighbor or colleague has a car is a ego driven desire. Another example that comes to mind now would be with relationships, wanting a relationship in order to grow yourself in love is a desire rooted in truth while wanting a relationship in order to not be single or in order to show off is a ego driven desire.

As I see it there is no personal Free Will because we operate drawn to what it makes us feel good even though we think that we do whatever we want. It takes a lot of awareness to realize how unconsciousness our behaviors are. Observe your action and question them.