ThePoint

@Kshantivadin What did you use as a dumb phone? How did you replace your smart phone? Would love to learn more about your experience.

Thank you. Is this only for the United States? What if I have these almost all the time? What are emergency procedures? Could you give an example?

Thanks for your reply @Ethan1 As in, a financial safety plan? No. It's what I was working on before my health problems started though. As in, people to turn to and confide in? No, not in person. I talk to people online about this area but other than that, I put up a mask in real life. No. I don't think I am. I am addicted to masturbating. This is not caring for myself. And I don't seem to care that I don't care about myself. I want to care but I just can't care. I've just been using masturbation and food to cope. The only reason I can find to live right now is the possibility that I solve my health problems and become my self again. If I were to die, then that possibility is automatically gone. Maybe I can. I don't know. I don't feel motivated to influence my current state of function. I don't feel that motivated to improve my life anymore. I want to care about improving my life again but I don't seem to care, or at least not as much as I used to.

@thepixelmonk What do you mean by development? Software development?

@Ima Freeman What does this mean? What is the diagnostic trial of chelators?

@Fearey Would you say a tier 2 individual surrounded by other tier 2 individuals would catalyse their growth? And what type of motives would tier 2’s have which would be hard to understand for tier 1’s?

@ValiantSalvatore Why did you give those three examples in particular? Is it more common for software engineers and life coaches to be at a higher stage of development?

@StarStruck I don’t think your question makes sense. Bounce up from all the way to yellow down to beige? But I’ll interpret it by what I think you meant. See, Spiral Dynamics was a model formed by studies done on people. It’s recognising patterns. Most people are relatively healthy. So by that very nature, for Spiral Dynamics to be effective on you, you would also need to be relatively healthy, as the studies were done on relatively healthy people, not on people with illnesses. So I don’t know if it’s completely accurate for me to say I regressed to Beige, because Spiral Dynamics as a whole can’t currently be applied to me that well because it’s a model based on values, and I don’t care about the values I used to have because of apathy + anhedonia. Perhaps I could say a lot of my focus is in Beige currently as I’m trying to survive and solve health problems, but it’s a bit tricky to use Spiral Dynamics here. I think if I get my self / personality back, then I will start caring about my values again, from where I can start using Spiral Dynamics again.

Feeling hopeless. I’m just getting worse as time passes.

https://www.pssdnetwork.org/

@Osaid Do you know if anyone has cured theirs?

Day 14: This is the second week of November. I have missed counting some days on this journal. Though, I do wonder if counting the days is helping me or hindering me. Counting the days keeps masturbation on my mind. If I were to just forget about it, would I even need to be counting the days? Does a non-masturbator count the days he doesn't masturbate? No. Then why should I? A person who has never masturbated before wouldn't count the days he hasn't masturbated. It just doesn't exist in his mind. For example, I have never smoked before. Do I count the days I haven't smoked? Nope. Why would I need to? I've never done it. If anyone is reading this, let me know your thoughts on counting days. Is it actually helpful or does it hinder you?

2 years ago I was hovering around Yellow, but I was still working on integrating Orange. After getting both physical and mental health problems I think I’ve regressed to Stage Beige. I think my Orange pursuits may have contributed to me burning out in some way. Now I am the opposite of who I used to be and I now have addictions/coping mechanisms like masturbation and food. I can’t actually accurately map myself anywhere at this point. Spiral Dynamics assumes you are relatively healthy. Your spiral stage can change depending on circumstances and situations. For example, if you’re in a high risk, dangerous environment like some parts of the world, you’ll mostly have to be in Stage Red in order to survive. So health problems can be a huge hurdle. Another hurdle is frustration with the ideals Tier 2 has and the speed at which those ideals can be actualized. E.g. they can have visions of where society could be but there’s so much inertia in society that it would take a long time for it to get to the point they envision.

@StarStruck Are you in HU?

I am considering setting a goal of reducing nuts rather than abstaining from nuts. The end result would be the same, but it’s a different way of going about it. So maybe I can go from 30 nuts a month down to 25 nuts a month, then 20, then 15, then 10, etc. Instead of abstaining more, maybe I could try nutting less. I don’t know if this is the best move. Maybe I’ll give it a go after NNN is over.

@Ulax Thanks for your input bro. I am not sure how to do 1 and 2 but I will follow the video you sent. I haven’t heard of this before. I’ll look into it. I do think that gut issues are playing a role. I already have visible symptoms, so it’s plausible to think they’re contributing to my ability to feel satiated from foods.

@KH2 Solid point. Might help with my suicidal ideation.

How did you know you have heavy metal toxicity? What tests did you take?

How do you do that? @Ima Freeman

I’m addicted to it and it feels like I can’t stop. How do I stop?

@StarStruck I know what that's like because that used to be the case for me too. In fact, I looked forward to exercising every day, and it used to make me feel better, feeling the rush of endorphins and everything. I used to be the guy who would try to beat my PRs every week, and looked at the gym almost like a game. But after I got ill everything turned upside down. I've basically lost all my progress because of how tired I feel 24/7 from the second I wake up. I've seen some people on some other forums with health problems talk about how they never enjoyed exercise or felt better from exercise in their entire life, which is quite unfortunate. I guess I am lucky in the sense that I know what I "should" be feeling like, and I know what life used to be like before all this stuff, whereas for some other people they've been living this way for their entire lives. This is a tricky question. See, I have some gut issues that make it so that no matter how much I eat, I never actually feel satiated or nourished. One explanation that exists is that there is bacteria that is feeding on and stealing the nutrients from the food I eat, which might be why I don't feel full from eating. So far I know of it as a theory and I'm not sure about the validity of it, just read it in a few places - obviously not health advice for anyone else reading. I'm always thirsty so I drink a lot of water. I don't know about sleep, because I always wake up feeling unrefreshed, doesn't matter how long I sleep. It never feels high quality. Yeah, I know it shouldn't. That's why I'm trying to figure out a solution.

@StarStruck What is a coomer?

@Ulax I don't remember. I can barely remember what happened today, let alone 2 days ago. I did relapse today too though. The trigger was the feeling that something was "off" and that masturbating would relieve it. What could I do in the future? I don't know at this point, exercising doesn't get rid of the urge, and that feeling of "offness" doesn't go away by doing other activities. @Asayake Have you ever had a masturbation addiction? If so, did the book help you with that?

@StarStruck I can't do push ups. I first started with doing jumping jacks, and found that it wasn't that effective. I started doing what you shared here instead: I feel extremely exhausted during and after exercise. It wasn't like this for me before, where it used to make me feel better. I still do it anyway. Issue was, that after following this workout (and any other workout), I felt completely exhausted for the rest of my day, and it was even harder to motivate myself to do anything. @Asayake Yes, I exercise regularly, I go to the gym. It doesn't make me feel any better though, but I just cling onto the memories of when it used to make me feel better (before I got ill), so I still do it. There is no activity that satisfies me anymore. The activities that used to satisfy me have lost their spark for me and I want them back so badly. I haven't felt like my self for a while, I've just been surviving life and going through the motions mostly. Even with all this self improvement stuff, it just feels like I'm dragging myself through it. I miss when I used to have passions.

@StarStruck Why do you think that?