LostStudent

@MrBON I don't think this is necessarily true. I'm unconscious sometimes for why I'm attracted to one person more than another, but once I've established that I'm attracted to someone the decision for how I should proceed isn't usually an unconscious one. Some of those reasons might be personal issues like you mentioned above but the majority of the time I have a clear reason for why I want to remain friends with someone I'm physically attracted to. I'm quite young and I don't even enjoy the same foods I enjoyed last year so a big reason for me is that I feel like I'm putting a good friendship at jeopardy by persuing more if things are going well. Another big reason that I've noticed is that sometimes I'll be sexually attracted to someone and that will lead me to believe that we would be great for each other in a relationship. A funny phrase that I hear my guy friends use for this would be post nut clarity haha. Either way, even if girls are completely unconscious of what attracts them, I'm not saying making moves is bad but I don't think it's as reliable as a old fashioned talk. I'm just drawing from my personal experience when I say that I've missed many moves over the years and maybe it would be easier to do both those things.

@MrBON Oh I see. I agree that if you treat someone like a friend you'll probably end up as friends but I feel like it's so much easier to be straight forward instead of using these moves. Whether you want a relationship or just casual sex, I feel it's better to make your intentions clear so both people can either proceed or move on. I'm personally horrible at flirting so unless guys are coming on really strong or being overly sexual, it's easy for me to misinterpret their flirting as friendly banter. I prefered the guys I encountered in university who asked me flat out if I wanted to being friends with benefits more than the ones who pretended to be my friend for a while before disappearing. I'm never going to tell someone I see as a friend that I'm not romantically interested in them, in my mind we're friends because we both want to be friends. This is different if I'm interested in them. I have plenty of guy friends that I find handsome, smart, and interesting. The reason I'm just friends with them isn't because they didn't make any moves on me, it's because I only want to be friends with them. If there's someone in my life I'm interested in who's handsome, smart, interesting, and they weren't making any moves on me, I would just approach them and ask them if they felt the same way about me. Maybe some girls are too shy to do this but I think you're overthinking a bit here. Keep in mind that this is all based on my personal experiences though, I could easily be wrong.

@MrBON Can you clarify what moves mean in this context?

@Gesundheit Sorry, maybe I worded that poorly. The physical support that I crave would be hugs, cuddling, holding hands, and sex. I get plenty of sleep and exercise every day and I eat pretty healthy. I feel a significant amount of discomfort regarding my lifestyle directed towards my career choice and lack of human interaction though. You're probably right. I'm so desperate for physical affection and it's probably a trainwreck waiting to happen. I'll check out your links. Thanks.

@hamedsf @No Self Yeah I think both of you are probably right.

My family and the people around me have always preached "no pain no gain" and "bitter before the sweet". All my life I've worked hard to excel and overachieve in school, hobbies, and other facets of my life. I've always been able to self-motivate myself to perform well for things like school by convincing myself that even if I don't enjoy the course, I'll definitely enjoy the result as well as the praise from my family and peers. These past few years I've found myself numb to that praise and affirmation, it's been my drug of choice for all my life and now it feels like I've built a tolerance to it, I can't get enough for a "high" anymore. I recently graduated at the top of my university program and I have a job lined up that most people would consider high paying and sought after. I'm just wondering when I'll experience the "sweet" because it doesn't feel like I've achieved anything. Do I just have a messed up temperament? All my peers and family look up to me but it's honestly so laughable, if they felt what I felt I doubt they'd feel this way. It honestly pisses me off when people are envious of me because there's no way they'd want what I have. I've never had thoughts of suicide in the past but lately right before I fall asleep I have a thought that I wouldn't mind if I didn't wake up the next day. The idea seems so peaceful to me, it would be like before you were born, no pain, no suffering. I guess I'm just on here to see what kind of perspectives people have of my life. I realize that I'm the one causing this as well as the one suffering from this but I struggle to even envision a better version of myself, beyond that she would be happier.

@EmptyVase That makes a lot of sense. I think the root of all my misery is worrying about the future and reliving my past mistakes. A lot of the times I'll do that without realizing and I'll be caught in negative thoughts for the whole day. It's hard to put into words but I'll feel shame or embarassment and it'll keep spiraling until I get this sense of helplessness. I'm going to try to meditate regularly, I'm hoping that this practice will help me stay in the present more. Thanks for the link!

Hey, I don't quite understand the "I" and conciousness stuff but I thought I could chime in about fraternities. I feel a lot of people have this image that people in fraternities just party all the time, I'm sure that happens a lot too but when I was in univerisity I met a lot of really good people who were members of fraternities/sororities and this helped me dispel that stigma. This is just my personal experience but I've seen that frats can offer opportunities to network, volunteer in the community, build leadership skills, balance academic/social life, and make good friends. My mom and dad were members of a fraternity/sorority when they were in university and they made lifelong friends that they still speak with today. I think it just comes down to you finding the right situation to fit your needs.

@EmptyVase That's very insightful, thank you. I think the majority of my daily focus is either in the past/future or on someone/something.

@xxxx Thanks for the interesting article!

Thanks for the interesting read. @Gesundheit

Thanks for your kind words. @Thought Art

What does it mean to wake up? Do you have any good resources for beginners? @aurum

I just want to live a happy life. I have these hazy memories from when I was around 2 years old, they're the earliest memories I have but I remember waking up and feeling bliss. Somewhere along the line I lost that feeling but I guess I want to experience that again. I don't know how to answer the second question because to me, happiness was that feeling when I was 2 and all my "positive" experiences since then are stark in comparison. I really enjoy traveling and playing instruments but I don't see I could turn that into a career. I have no clue how to answer the last question in my current state. I'll check that out, thanks for the tips. @AdamDiC