WelcometoReality

I enjoyed reading that. Thank you.

Lately there's been alot of fears coming up. Intuition is pointing into a certain direction and when I go that way I feel like I'm going to die. I'm not talking about a small fear of certain activities like when you're doing public speaking or ride a roller coaster. I'm talking about feeling like I'm going to die if I continue. A primal fear that I have never seen before. And I'm running from it, I'm distracting myself so I don't have to meet the fear. I know that meeting the fear is the answer. But it feels like I don't have it in me. I don't want to stare death in the face just yet.

I can inquire into that I as you say and the fear goes away. But what inquire into that to make the fear go away?

@Devansh Saharan What if life is like a journey and every step on the journey is necessary for you to take the next step?

@Aakash The trauma is in the body. When fear arises you can look where in the body it arises from. Even when you have realized that it's not true conceptually the body still have the trauma engrained. To get rid of the fear of wasps you need to meet that fear. Preferably start with videos and pictures of wasps then continue to real wasps when those stop triggering fear.

Mm, yes transformation, baby!

Waiting patiently for something to occur which might never occur. The perfect way to let the dream continue indefinetly. Let go of any expectations my friend.

@ivankiss Let the emotions about abandonment, betrayal and distrust come to the surface. The forgiveness will come by itself.

@traveler He's been so up in the clouds. Perhaps he's finally starting to land in his awakening.

@Pouya yes I think the unsatisfactoryness is built into the human body as a way to survive. If we go back a hundredthousand years and compare a human with this built in unsatisfactoryness with someone who is constantly happy and content, it's easy to see that the unsatisfied person would probably be better equipped to survive. That persons way to move in the world would probably be different from anyone elses. He would probably not have goals and desires to change his own state but to help others.

It sounds like you have an avoidant way of attaching. You can read more about it here: https://www.psychalive.org/anxious-avoidant-attachment/ You can also find ways to transform it to a more secure way of attaching there.

Mm curiosity is good but don't you have the answer already?

@SoonHei You have conflicting conceptual and experiential understanding which is causing confusion. Do you need to hold on to the conceptual one?

@electroBeam The same movement can both be egoic or non-egoic. You can't decide it from what the movement is but it's rather the source of the movement that determines it. Is it from the whole or is it based in separation?

@mandyjw It's quite a ride to awaken and realize you have noone to talk to about this. My spouse didn't get any of it although she tried her best to listen to the videos I sent her. A collegue of mine is slightly interested but I have to watch my tongue to not sound to spiritual or vague. At a certain point though you don't really care about your aloneness anymore but you rather embrace the fact that it is your journey and yours alone.

This is where you are at. You have goals and you have desires. Good for you. Just because an enlightened being has less desires doesn't mean that you should try to be desireless. It means that as you awaken your desires will start to fall off. So enjoy your wants and desires while you have them.

I was going to write something similiar but you beat me to it. ? @Cody_Atzori If you want to do a practice like that it might be better to search for the I that you are referring to. Where is it?

When you realize god the personal will starts to fall away then you get more in tune with god's will.

Good luck and enjoy yourself. I'm gonna meet it now because I'm going to bed. Last one to the other side is a rotten banana?

What I have seen is that it's just THE FEAR of death. Plain and simple. Not fear of death because...

Yeah it always hit me when I least expect it. I let my guard down for a second and then a slap in the face.

I'm fine thank you for asking. ? The fear came when I was in bed trying to sleep so 4 hours of sleep this night which is enough.

It's a 4g I think.

That's the perfect place to start. To acknowledge that you don't know what's true. Then you investigate as the thoughts and feelings come up. Is this thought true? What is this feeling about? There is an anger there but what is it really about? Is there a belief that make the feeling arise?