Arthur8769

Hello, I've been into spirituality for quite some time now, and I'm not new to it or to meditation, however yesterday night I attempted Leo's exercise to realize you are God. In meditation, I removed all of my paradigms and belief systems. Realizing that the earth doesn't exist, that I don't exist, that the universe doesn't exist. And what I was left with was just pure awareness, an all filling sense of awareness. And for a split second I've felt this very very intense feeling of just being, existing in an endless nothingness. And it felt really lonely. What I thought was my whole reality shattered. I felt the illusion of our world and I felt like a sole existing consciousnesses in the emptiness of consciousness itself. And it was the most terrifying experience I've ever had. I started panicking and was barely able to calm myself down enough after a while, to go to sleep. I used some meditation to remind myself I am human. After that experience I really needed to "come back down" to reality. The thing is that now that feeling of reality being an illusion and me being just consciousnesses existing in nothingness is not quite going away, because of how powerful it was, and I'm freaking out, like LITERALLY. I think the reason it felt so lonely is because I just experienced the sense of awareness, of being, eternally. There was no love. An emptiness that emptied me. I don't know if I should have felt love, but now I don't know where love is supposed to fit in this new picture of reality. And without love it all feels extremely lonely and meaningless. Where is the love? Addition: If You are God, we all are God. Although when we have these ground-breaking experiences of feeling like one pure aware being, just conscious of itself. "Where" are all the other people and aware selves that exist in the world? We don't feel them. It's just us. Just OUR sense of awareness..

Hey Thank you very much for sharing that! I very much appreciated reading all of it!! I can only imagine what it must have been like having an experience like the one you are talking about! I wonder how common it is? Looking from outside yours but also my experience too, which was way less intense I believe, I can say that it really seems like the some part of our mind freaks out when we feel this eternal and infinite sense of consciousness. And it feels very lonely because we only get to experience OUR perspective of consciousness and because we feel how infinite consciousness can be and so our rational mind does 2 + 2 = you are an alone consciousness. Which in a way is true but it's not the whole story. Somebody else's perspective is also part of the eternal consciousness that exists. You just didn't experience it. Also wonder why we can't experience somebody else's point of view? I found that sometimes I read a phrase or think of somebody that really clicks inside me and that opens a new door. Makes me change my perspectives. One very recent example is realizing that when I intentionally feel love, I am not faking an emotion but creating it. If everything is emptiness and nothingness it means I can fill it with love. Like God would. And that was quite beautiful to realize. Do a lot of grounding meditation, focus on the present moment, go for walks and try to experience love as others have said too! The experience I had very much changed something inside of me and it made me grow, even though I'm scared to admit it. And I'm sure by doing those things, you will start feeling much better too! as a footnote.. I also found myself pondering why do spiritual work when it seems so common experiencing fear and utter terror. I think I have answered that with peace. I am a much calmer person than I ever used to be. I had OCD and depression and panic attacks, on a daily basis and was struggling quite a bit. I have found that meditation and spirituality have helped me out like I never would have thought possible. I always went through, and still go through, meditation or whatever practice I'm doing with deep trust. I trust the process. Whatever I go through I have this trust in the process. and I think that has helped a lot too when coping with these unpleasant experiences. I have gained more than I have lost overall I believe, and I hope it is the same for you my friend.

@Ryan R Hello I cannot thank you enough for how much thought and work you put into this. For starters I want to thank you for encouragement me to continue with spiritual work regardless of the frightening experience I had. That is very much what I think I will be doing! Also a big thank you for the exercise you mentioned about feeling the love of somebody else or of you loving somebody. I find that I appreciate the love I feel inside the most if I just sit in acknowledgement of the existence of awareness and love. I find it very deep and genuine. I do have some exercises to open up your heart and have been doing them for some time now and have found that they really change the way I feel. I used to be (and still kind of am) a very head and rationality oriented person and exercises to open the heart have really helped me to quite down that part of my mind and make the emotional and loving part grow and rise more. And the best part I think was your exercises regarding the ego. You made a very good list of them! Some of them made me laugh as I've never heard of them but are nonetheless valuable and effective! I will integrate some of them into my life and see how it goes I have lost some sense of self from when I embarked on the spiritual journey. I think that even just focusing on awareness in silence makes you realize you are more than just a brain in a body and that does quiet the ego down quite a bit. And that's roughly where I am, still walking the path, and feeling love also makes the ego quiet down as you realize you are more and more. More than you thought you were. Thank you lots and wish you a happy life!

Hey thank you for your different approach to the matter as it has helped me understand it better! I think I have understood that part of what I had experienced was driven by thought and not self-awareness and self-inquiry. @Endangered-EGO you might relate with the following description? when you said you also had a very frightening experience of nothingness. I'd love to know how yours was. Removing all the paradigms, the earth and the universe from the picture of reality was an exercise and I think my mind made up a vision, in which I was feeling and existing as an all filling "spirit" of just nothingness. Kind of like an empty universe. With nobody else in it, no beauty, no love. And that was very terrifying because my mind had dropped me in this inhospitable place, kind of like floating aimlessly through space. It was a nightmare. And it shook me up very much inside that I had to do some grounding work to come back to reality in a way. Also being able to name this as you've said "Solipsism" has helped me to understand it better and to realize that what I had experienced wasn't really THE TRUTH. It's also helped to understand deeper that I am in fact not alone as I'm just a "part" of a greater consciousness. So thank you for that! However this experience I think has helped me look within more, and really just listen to awareness and let emotions flow as they come. Also some exercises about really just letting yourself feel the emotions you're experiencing. Also thank you very much for the video recommendation and the time stamps too! I think I might listen to the whole thing in the end but what I did listen to was very helpful !! Talks about how we created ourselves and this universe and it is pure beauty and love and how it couldn't be any other way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Hey, thank you for that. I can relate to what you're saying. I have taken a step back and really allowed myself to ground back into reality, took walks and did grounding meditation and it has helped a lot. I am now becoming aware of love, small step after another. How did you end up experiencing full blown nothingness and then an awakening to love and perfection? What did you go through? Have you just been sitting in meditation focusing on your awareness? What I found myself doing is just sit and pay attention to my sense of awareness. Curious to know your experiences if you're okay with sharing them!

That's exactly it. I didnt know what I was getting into as I had never experienced that. And now I was and still am trying to understand it and work on myself again

Hey, Thank you so very much for sharing that with me and the rest of us! I can actually relate to some of the things you said and some of them I found very beautiful like your description of emptiness inside you as being something that allows you to connect with others more easily and more genuinely. I think that even FEELING these experiences that you are describing helps to grow and get closer to actually feeling these things yourself. so very much thank you for sharing your thoughts!

I don't think the emotion is that truthful if it's created. If I experience the emptiness and it feels like emptiness, then if I fill it with generated love, isn't that faking the real state of things?

How do I become aware of that? Of emptiness being love? By trying to feel the love while having the experience? Because if I just contemplate on the emptiness of consciousness the feeling of love I'm used to doesn't arise. And that's what's so frightening.

That's quite beautiful actually. Thank you so very much for the perspective. I didnt think about it that way. I guess I was expecting the same feeling you get when you love someone... Or just a more powerful version of that love.