Hello1

I relate. If you find some solutions, let me know. I try to create events on facebook or posts about looking for someone for a certain activity. For example breakfast early morning by the river together / painting outdoors / and so on.. special activities that i like to do and almost noone does (as a filter to attract those ppl) or i post about looking for introverted friends etc. Or i go to art / literature events. A solution would also be to sit in a caffe or outdoors and read a book or read in a train etc - to signal to ppl that you like to read . I know it sounds stupid really... Those are just pointers for me to a similar personality to mine but it rarely works. I dont know how to approach ppl either.. i wait to be approached. I like to paint outdoors so when i do that I get the most approaches by ppl who see me - 95 percent regular uninteresting or even annoying ppl and rarely someone interesting but mostly those wise ppl don't approach but let me focus on my work which is wise

Unlike men , working on our attraction doesn't involve mainly personal development , but rather shallow stuff like studying skincare, make up, fashion, hair products, walking in uncomfy shoes, working on our hair, skin, researching plastic surgeries, depilation, nail painting, dying grey hair etc. It takes lots of time, money, energy and you are not winning this game anyways, you grow uglier as you age. Whereas men when they work on their attraction, they invest in their personality, confidence etc... it takes mosty self growth... it also only grows and gets better with time unlike looks. So thats my biggest problem, investing in dating life like this. Also if you are ugly you have a major problem as a girl

@Inliytened1 I do realise that actually, who hurt me was ME myself. I have hurt myself that is what happened. And the way to heal is to experience the opposite and therefore to love and respect myself. However I cannot decide whether the self-respecting and self-loving act would be to go to the places where I can meet them or the opposite, not to go. I am good at theorising but when it comes to practicalities I am stuck

@Inliytened1 good point. I am trying to organize my lessons and insights from this relationship and breakup and implement them. (I mean after deep realisations they will implement themselves, like Leo´s episode "awareness is curative", you know what I mean...) I try to work on that. Some things take very much time to change

My ex-boyfriend hurt me with some immature and dishonest behavior. Long story, throughout the whole relationship it was hard to get any self-introspection out of him and mutual honest communication as well. Then he once out of nowhere broke up with me via a lazy chat message and I inquired about more information (in the state of shock). I called him and asked him whether he had sex with someone (used a special trick for that, long story) and he was forced to tell the truth. He said yes. I said thank you. I wish you good sex. (and I meant it) We were not compatible at all. Now I am relieved because facing my worst nightmare is over. It was an emotional roller coaster times so the anger came few days later. He was too lazy and careless to be there with me throughout my valid emotion but that´s what I expected from him - he was never very mature. We have finished on a very bad terms with lots of revenge and hate and long-term effects . Could have been a loving process throughout the whole lovers-to-friends episode if we were both much more healthy. Now we have both karma and consequences to suffer. I revenge a LOT when someone hurts me badly. However I was not hurt by our incompatibility and his natural needs, but by his lack of love (in a broader sense) and honesty. I wasted time with such a small person. *don´t get me wrong, it still hurt like hell to know he slept with someone but I felt that this emotion is pointing me to some truths and it was better than anger at him for completely ignoring to communicate anything and neglecting me so badly (as a human being)

@Razard86 another idea is start with communicating about how much honesty we can handle. I would love if my partner asked me that question.

@Razard86 I don´t know, the only way I see is to act according to ideals and shape the world and people by that. Maybe I am blind to some instances when it can be harmful?

Talk to her about this. Just like you write it here to us. Maybe even show her what you wrote here. That you would never cheat on her but you feel this need to flirt. Ask her whether she thinks this need is normal / healthy etc... Wonder about her opinions on that. Care about her opinions on that. Then if she has an emotional reaction to that , endure that emotional reaction and wait til it passes. She deserves to express her emotion because every emotion is valid. Even if it´s anger, sadness or whatever. Go through the emotion with her and support her in it and once you can communicate rationally again, come up with some solutions or leave this problem open. Leave it open and add any insights / thoughts later on. I think this is the way to solve problems in relationships. To explore together what the healthy relationship is, what the biology wants, be brave, honest, loving, open-hearted and truth-seeking. You can be ALWAYS honest in a relationship no matter what the truth is. The only case when honesty would actually hurt me long-term is if a guy told me he finds someone more attractive physically so he is leaving me, especially parts of my body that are my insecurities. Anything other than that is good. Not only good but necessary in my opinion if you wanna have a real deep worthwhile relationship or friendship with someone. I got hurt by dishonesty and I learnt that I absolutely only accept honest deep relationships in the future. Someone who is capable of that. With honesty and love I think it is even possible to transform from lovers to friends or from anything to anything. Or to find a new partner and still be friends with the old one or friends all three of you. example what is possible with honesty in my opinion: (just briefly simplified:) - "I never meant to hurt you or to do this but it happened to me - I met someone else, and we find we are very compatible and in love. do you think I should stop seeing him to forget hiM/her? Do you think I made a mistake anywhere? Will you let me process your emotions about that with you?" -"blablabla... I feel very sad, shocked, jealous, angry, hurt..." -"can I hug you? I will never stop loving you as a person. I will not see him/her til I process your emotions with you and we can talk about it for a few weeks" -"you know what, actually I love you and I want you to be happy so I will not stand in your way but I feel blablabla.." -"you dont have a reason to feel jealous, she/he is better compatible in this and this way, you are still better at this and this. you are still very beautiful. we can be friends once you heal" ---- Basically I think all those kinds of things are possible, I wrote it in a very simplified way, that discussion would probably take weeks and would be a lot of emotions... but I think it is possible to explain cheating, having sex with someone else, not being attracted anymore, and all those kinds of things. I deeply believe in that. So a problem with a need to flirt should be definitely possible to explain in my opinion.

Honestly I envy men a lot because none of the physical issues is a big deal. I know many men are worried about baldness. I can assure you from my point of view it is not a problem. None of my boyfriends / dates was bald but I have been attracted to a bald guy. I don´t know if some girls find it particularly attractive - maybe? But me - I find it neither attractive nor unattractive. Also check out Valeria Lipovetsky youtube channel - a shallow channel of a model girl but she has a husband and he is bald. Hottest girl with a bald guy - just one of the proves. The husband is in many videos.

How do you deal with post-break-up loss of social circle / community / places to go / friends etc? My breakup story in short : 6 months ago it was a traumatic breakup . I didn´t love him and it didn´t work, I stayed in the relationship for 2 years out of the pity, anytime I brought up the topic of how it doesn´t work and how we might need to end it , he became sad , angry and I cried because I´m too weak and so we kept going in circles. I was wondering why he wants to keep it when even sex doesn´ t really work. Eventually he got bored of me, texted me one lazy chat message that its over and in 3 days fucked someone else and exchanged me. She was from our common social circle which I therefore lost. I am lucky to have that out of my life, I learnt many lessons, for example to have a healthy level of selfishness in a relationship and not to stay just out of the pity because it will only backfire. However, it was still very traumatic and I haven´t fully processed it. The shock of being lied to, manipulated and cheated on is BRUTAL !!! That makes it impossible for me to go anywhere where I could meet him or her. And this is a small city. That social group is large (foreigners in my city, I used to socialize with them) and there are many places where I can meet them. I get extremely anxious in the city center because he lives there and even in his trams / buses. I keep looking around to see if any of the people is him or her. I keep wearing the covid mask even though we don ´t have to but I don´t wanna be seen. And it has been 6 months! I don´t think it is getting any better. I was even considering to move to a different city because of that. I lost half of the socializing opportunities and once I meet them I will not breathe through that. It is very humiliating. This pattern actually repeats after my breakups. With my 1st boyfriend I got cut off the art community (it was 6 years ago and I am still impacted by that). With my second boyfriend I got cut off another community and with this one I got cut off from international community in my city. The emotions that I feel about that are very strong anger and very strong shame. SHame - I am ashamed of myself, of how she looks better or is better, of how I was naive and cheated on when everyone knew it etc... Ashamed in front of all those people, ashamed in front of him and in front of her. Anger - angry at him (huge anger) for having taken my places and my scarce socializing opportunities. What is the objective way to deal with that? I am a very emotional person so probably other people don´t have these kinds of problems? Or do you? Do you get swayed by shame or fear? What is the proper way? Even though rationally I know I could go anywhere I want, emotionally I am not able to. Thanks a lot

yeeees I know Daniel Mackler. He seems sometimes a bit unhealthy to me, too negative and using his channel to spill it out , however, I don ´´t blame him for that, it has helped me too, I also needed someone to side with me !!!!!!! I even read his book "breaking from your parents" and his documentary on healing schizophrenia in finland is interesting

I am all about MBTI . I am an INFP. However, don´t trust the test, you need to study cognitive functions (deep rabbithole) or get typed by some typologist MBTI knowledge actually changed my life, brought so much value, I have studied it for 2,5 years and will probably for the rest of my life It has brought me as much value as watching every single one of Leo´s videos.

I am curious about outside opinions. Many areas of my life are lacking behind and I don’t know what to focus on. Socializing (connection) / finances / sex and relationships / pursuing my passion / family / learning and education / mental health / looks and fitness All those seem to go to hell. Where to start building my way up? I am lonely, I try to organize events or post ads that I am looking for new friends but I struggle to find people interested in high quality friendships and worthwhile topics / activities. I try to fit in to random groups but I don’t see point in anything they talk about. I feel like my need for connection is screaming to be fulfilled. I am also pushing away friends subconsciously because I am embarassed to tell them about my job / finance situation. I feel toxic with my family, I would like to keep distance but they give me money and it´s addictive to take it. I am very embarrased to say that I am 29 years old and my longest job has been 3 months. I panic about going to work, I cannot stand people and wasting my time on anything that is not my passion. I am very introverted and unpractical. Only thing I can do is a cleaner job and I still suck at it. I am made for mental jobs but I don´t feel like pursuing any career because I want to paint, that is my passion. I don´t wanna waste my mental energy, I need it for my own insights and my rich inner world. I wanna paint, explore myself, my theories, fantasies and experiments. I have depressive periods very often and I am very anxious. I cannot focus on my passion, because I am too anxious and deep down I know my life is not in order. I leave every project unfinished because I am too anxious, disorganized, stressed and distracted. I dread going to work because painting takes unbelievably much time to learn, make progress, experiments, finished projects. Its unthinkable to have 2 days a week for it instead of 7 which seems so little anyways. My mum is spoiling me, giving me money and its very hard to say no. In my country with my skills and education (zero, I never finished anything) you actually earn 3 - 4 eur / hour which is laughable and my mum works in Vienna so its easy for her to give me money. I have been a cleaner for a few months, I sucked at it although tried hard and I was a shop assistant and sucked as well. (my boss still saw and used my excellence at coming up with ideas and I brought much value in this. He implemented several of my ideas in his shop and I keep giving him ideas for free anytime I enter now as a customer) I don´ t wanna waste my mental energy to learn new skills for a career I am not even interested in, I´d rather be a cleaner or kill myself. In fact there were times when the only thing keeping me alive was my practical inability to kill myself because I m so impractical. I was a very good student in my school / academy times. I can learn a language on my own in 3 months to a B2 level - not depending on a book (have done that with Polish and German), I have studied translation but I left, I wasn´t very interested in it. I am not stupid and people tell me I should do something better than cleaning, however I am not interested in anything. I wanna paint. I have applied to 6 art academies in the past and got to all of them, in one of them (and also in art high-school) I was the best (first) applicant (best results in entry "exams" - painting tasks.) I am just saying that to prove that I am not kidding myself. I tried two of those academies but left both for various reasons, I couldn´t fit in with the group, I didn´t respect the teachers and I was getting depressed. My strong points are - fantasizing/ brainstorming/ imagining possibilities/ theorizing about impractical abstract concepts / I am also a natural therapist and a good listener / and I absolutely love to paint -- it seems like all those are hard to monetize. I suck at - generating results / sticking to one vision / anything physical or practical. I think I have aversion towards setting goals because I have repeatedly failed. 3 years of hard study of a field I don´t care about and then quitting / learning German to work in Austria and after 1 month of work quitting / learning Polish to study in Poland and after 2 months of study quitting / AND MORE... I am very burned out. I don´t wanna risk having any more goals. My sketchbooks are full of ideas, I go to galleries and see that I could do the same or a better job as those exhibiting artists (my "colleagues", ex-classmates...) if I only had peace, time, money, space and practical mindset. I am spiraling down every year more and more. I am burnt out and pushed to find a job. (mostly pushed by embarassment) I tried many times to tell myself that I will take few more months with no job and try to make some paintings, some portfolio, but honestly its hard to focus in this chaotic life and I don´t even have a studio, only 10 square meters of my room in a shared flat and in those 10 square meters I eat, sleep, dress, paint, and store everything. I never keep the artificial deadlines I create for myself to deliver results. I don´t know if I am too easy or too hard on myself, it feels like both. Burnt out or a lazy shit? I even bought Leo´s Life purpose course but no time to do it now. I am all stressed. All the other areas of my life suck too. I feel pressure to fulfill my need for sex and relationships, just because I have completely neglected this one in the past and as a 29 yr old my looks is starting to worsen I am also recovering from a traumatic breakup where I was cheated on. Ahhh all areas suck at once! Although this sounds like I only complain, I only do it to explain my situation in this post. I wake up daily with a new hope. I can be as excited and fascinated with life, as stuck and stressed I am. I love life, my blurred visions, my fantasy world and I see beauty everywhere. I wanted to mention that to compensate for the negativity and it is true. I have millions of ideas and also insights daily. I organize them, I journal, introspect and brainstorm daily. Organizing my personal values is my flow state. This plus painting takes all of my time but none of that earns me money. Where would you start to build my way out of this rabbit hole? I feel like I have wasted so much time already and job will waste the rest of it til I die. Thank you.

I'm not an antivaxxer, but I don't have a vaccine yet. Various reasons, basically I am usually slow to make decisions, I react slowly to new things and I freeze under pressure. Also, I am young, 29, very healthy and rarely leave home. All those things kept me from getting it. My flatmate had covid and my boyfriend too and I was close to them and never got it. Now I am not opposed to getting it anymore, the pressure is gone, however, is it still worth it? Won't there be a different solution soon? Like pills or so? Thanks.

@Karmadhi double standard makes sense here since men are attracted in a different, visual way to a great degree