at_anchor

I like the look of the church and the formal culture in it. It is sad that they don't make libraries and museums like this. I wanted to go to church as part of my personal development Stage Blue. It would be fun. But I was afraid they will kick me out or gossip how I don't really believe in God, angels, hell, heaven, afterlife, and the judgement day that will punish the bad and save the good, etc. No, I don't believe God is a super powerful man. Plus, I'm not straight, but neither are they, so that shouldn't be a problem. The solution is to build beautiful schools and libraries. But yeah, all religious institutions have that abuse of power problem. But just think how much worse the medical system can be that can label an innocent child worse than a sinful person who does not believe in God as some man who is omnipotent and omniscient and who will be a judge in the afterlife or for being gay, and by labeling the kid like worse than that, you destroy his dignity, value and his deams in life, his potential, you make him even more a victim and wound him even more, the abusers can continue to do injustices, while also opening a big security threat for everyone who some day comes and does not like the guy and has something to gain from his defeat or envies him or whatever. Well, that was my experience. While going to some monestery on a mountain, that was the best day I had in my life. It was amazing. The roses, trees, gardens, images and architecture. Beautiful and amazing. People sitting together to eat and priests giving advice to everyone individually afterwards. Family institutions can also be bad and corruption exists on every level. Look at the British royalty. Not Kate. Now about religion. There is no Hindu or Buddhist church here. I wish libraries were so beautiful and formal and nice and ordered and peaceful.

There was a guy I went on canera with on snapchat and grinder and he was like some successful guy with a big dick in some luxurious apartment, tall, and on the cam he did a feminine thing eith his lips which turned me off, and then he did it over another account. Then he blocked me and deleted nessages on both. How do I deal with this? Is he like angry at me because I didn't want to have sex with him or is he literally gonna somehow destroy my reputation? Not that it is not already destroyed. But so what if I am wasting time, addicted on a stupid dating site and I want to have sex, but not if I'm gonna lose value, or get AIDS, or I don't know. The truth is, I cannot find a job. My arm hurts and so on.

Who is the father? I can believe in the Holy Spirit and Jesus, but not in the judgement day and the judgemental father. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE for him to exist. I believed in the father in the past and in praying to him, but I went to church just once a year. ?? that's it

Thank you Thank you. I will try to not post here in a really low emotional state from now on. But I have to put back the post I deleted in this state about beautiful architecture, and a nice community.

I've noticed that this holds me back in life a lot. People close to me have been hurting me for years now, and I didn't even think that it is such a big problem that I cannot tolerate. I thought I can suffer through this. But the truth is that it is not possible. There is a wonderful quote I found: So now I could work on my independence, but there is this resentment in me and hurt I can't let go of. They would get away with all the damage they caused me and everything they took from me. Well, I am angry. PS: Please don't recommend a book on emotional mastery or something. I will read that somewhere in the future when I get older, etc. Right now, I'm just afraid of letting them go, because I feel damaged by them and because they are turning everything they did to me as rationalized self-defense or they are completely denying they harmed me so much. Honestly, I am not sure even a million follars would fix this. But it would help me go on with my life for sure.

You most certainly can change human behaviour. It's easier than changing animal behaviour. Yes, I think they are doing something bad/evil, but not inherently bad or evil. You know how they say, Time heals all wounds. In a 2-3 hundred years, Infinity will make all the damage, summering, corruption and "evil" they caused disappear. But until then, I don't know what to do. Well, I might have judged them in a very negative way, but I judged you in a very positive way. There are many people in this world that I understand, they are one of them. But I feel resentment towards them and love towards other people such as yourself. It is not like they don't want to make me judge them. It's actually the thing they want the most, is for me to feel resentment and powerlessness. See? You certainly can control peoples behaviour, especially if you want to make then unhappy and miserable. There are a billion ways to go about doing that! And they're Stage BLUE masters at pressing these buttons and exploiting everything to gain more for themselves at the expense of otgers. I don't see empathy in them, they were never put down enough by life to do more than just understand another person. They must have the experience of it and not want it to happen to somebody else.

But all my life bad people (or animals) have been bullying me to say the least, and they won't stop. I could think of forgivness but that won't change their actions or end the harm they caused and are causing to me and other people. No, they are seeking to do this to me and other people. I can easily forgive. That is not a problem for me at all!