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Everything posted by at_anchor
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Again, you are missing a crucial point without which I can't do or have or find anything I enjoy. Does it really matter so much? Yes, family as well. You know how they call me? As I am writing this my Viber has like 6x calls from a family member that is pretending to call. Then will say how I did not want to answer, but my phone did not even ring for a second. It's quite disgusting actually.
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@Devin You're missing the point. What's that? I don't know, maybe they are basically doing terrible things in the world like people that did terrible things to me in the past and left me wounded. But they dont want me exposing them so they twist and turn just in case I try so no one believes me. That's that. They use their privileges to separate me from everything good in this world, including my life.
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No you cannot. I don't care about junk food, sky, drink, sun, birds or butterflies. Although I just ate an orange and it was pleasant. I cannot do what I enjoy. I can learn French, probably, but why? I'm learning it to get laid and also get a somewhat decent paying job in the second place, but this strategy is gonna fail, especially because I don't know what to do there to make a paycheck. End of story. French is easy as fuck. It has a couple of different ways you can write a couple of different vowels and that's it. Yeah, Spanish and Italian might be even easier, but again, I don't know how to make a living. Edit: Actually yeah, it would be so nice to go into a park, run or walk, and see some birds and butterflies. But the problem with that is that I don't want to experience the next thing people have in store for me. And besides, I don't have the right shoes, I ruined em on the job.
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Can you absolutely know that? The life that I am in sucks, yes. It has cost me my health, my dignity, my freedom, everything. I almost never had these things, at least not in a sufficient enough amount to burn through that "karma". I cannot give this up. This is all I have. I don't understand. Over a half of my life has already passed by in nothing but loss with occassional fits of hope. There is no life that I want, cause it is too late for that. What life do I want? I want another life, a better life, that went better from the start. Yeah, now I am chasing to satisfy the bottom needs of food, sleep, exercise, safety, health, employment, sex. Bu I can't get this stuff.
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@Bazooka Jesus Thanks, of course I love life. But not everything in life is desirable. Some things are better not going through. @Devin I can live a life better than 99.99% of people? No. I can't leave and go live the kind of life I want. Currently I might have an incling of a desire to get a job in France or Germany that contributes to mankind in a positive way, but that is a bit im... And also I don't know what else I want, everything else is even more im... Good night guys, thank you for talking with me through this difficult time. I don't want to be spoiled and ungrateful. I hope in the morning things will be better, if I get enough sleep.
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Yeah, I think the onky thing preventing me from it right now is my own cowardice. Still, life is much more painful, to me, not you. I'm not fit enough for life. People made ne weak and hurt/are making me that still. So I wish to get free from Earth in a day or two. Also, my moral compass and my compassion are at work. I wish they gave me a break. They are a luxury sometimes. Finding the Truth and getting justice is.
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@Yarco Great, I didn't know so much about cheese before reading your post. Camembert looks so delicious I simply have to try it. But red meat might actually be more healthy than milk and milk products, I don't know. Milk has more cholesterol, lactose, casein and so on. Plus, it is just as unethical, cause a baby cow gets taken away from her mother so that they can milk her dry. I don't know, maybe there is more milk than needed so maybe we milk what is left.
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@Lila9 thank you, beautiful post. I just feel this life is gonna be pretty much the same forever. @Roy I do not know the future. I just found out that in 41 years we will be out of oil on Google and so on. This is how I get demonized. People make me appear like I know what I am talking about, like I read a lot in the time I got, like I am educated, like I had a lot, was so lucky, did a lot, to be jealous of. Like I am just pretending to be a victim. But those that do this demonization know I am stupid, and so on. Yeah, I will think about the future. Just not now. Unfortunately, I am again giving up on something I decided to try because of many things preventing me and out of fear. @puporing Great, but I don't want to be taken off the streets into a jail cell by being accused of having drugs with me, or I don't know what else. Many possibilities. I could be harassed so much that I actually kick an officer in the balls and punch him and then good luck in jail. There are so many ways for them to lure me into something and frame me, like the last time at work and in the supermarket. Tricks of the devils. They might keep me away from sleep, etc. Like now I am experiencing that a bit again.
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@Roy Psychiatrists in Netherlands, Belgium and elsewhere actually do validate suicide and assist. But I don't know if that is going too far or if that is the next step in evolution of society. I guess the only pro is that existance, fear and all the bad stuff go away. But I'm just assuming that. Then again, why wouldn't my time come to an end when I am forced to decide that it should come to an end? Why bad Karma? Even if there is bad Karma, that just means that one day I will just learn my lesson, although not in this life. Okay, how do I challenge myself that I could be wrong? Maybe there is an actual God figure in the shape of a man or devil that will actually punish me. So that is one reason not to. Maybe Karma will create the same people and experiences in my life, even though I do not deserve it cause I know I wasn't Hitler or something in my previous life. So yeah, other than that, I don't see anything good. Reality won't be affected much by it. Many will celebrate my death, a few might be sad, some might be affected negatively by it and could end up being the new targets, although they already are weak and they cab easily be exploited, destroyed and demonized later on anyway. So yeah, the only thing really is that things could change and go in a better direction. Well, I have a hard time accepting that. It seems very unlikely. Maybe if I survive another 20-30 years of this shit. But then I will be so old and in the same spot as I am now again or I will be even worse off and then I might not get another chance to commit suicide for God's sake! Yeah, I might see the world change for the better, see self-driving cars, electric cars, borders opening, peace spreading, corruption maybe gone, who knows what else the future holds for the world. But I am not from that world and I'm never gonna belong in it. It will be like an old Ethiopian man going to New York. He simply would not be able to adopt, fit in or learn the language or survive.
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@puporing What happens is that bullies get me outside this house. @Roy That is not a pro of suicide. I think that things cannot change and go in a better direction.
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Absolutely, didn't mean to say that it is bad for everyone. Just for those that have POIS and who already mastrubated too much for years, so you gotta find the right balance and sometimes you have to do the complete opposite of what you have been doing/thinking to achieve that balance. ♡
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@LoneWonderer
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Because SF, porn and mastrubation are not what the body craves. Dopamine hits like that three or more times a day can rewire the brain, leave you sexually unsatisfied and lead to depression and other issues.
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You're not your thoughts, your body, etc. All this changes so in the end you are basically nothing and everything. There is no boundary between you and another person. This dream is like a moving picture. The distinctions are imaginary. You make the other person as much as he/she makes you. There is no difference between people. Just different positions and apperances on this canvas of reality. As previously stated, there is no soul that you are, which is different than someone elses soul and will get reincarnated in another womb. Okay, we have various kinds of animals, humans, bugs, microscopic organisms and aliens. Am I missing something here? You can't be serious that there are Gods.
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Sexual Fantasy or Porn ---》Mastrubation Cut out the root cause of the problem. Try not imagining sexual things in your mind. I don't know how long I am gonna last. My mind has already started seducing me with images of love, relationship, kiss, and then slowly into tantra where I had to stop. I wish I could stop this mental mastrubation and accept my lot in life, which is such that I cannot get laid properly. Ever. If you are fantadizing, you are not getting the real thing. It is like being hungry and imagining food. It will get worse and worse. You will start thinking of unhealthy food the most, even though vegetables will also be appealing as fuck.
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I'd eat this in one go. Cooking peppers is like wasting vitamin C. Add some pinto beans, cause I think they are the most bioavailable vegan source of proteins and other good stuff. Also, maybe try giving the water some kind of a color as well cause it would be more aesthetically pleasing, like try adding some red beets
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Yeah, this is healthy, but for me personally it doesn't work because it takes a lot of willpower and food is my escape hatch in difficult times. Plus, it is all around and there is nothing else to do in life but eat right now.
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I worked at a sweatshop around two years ago. My boss was very ruthless and cruel, but did not show it directly. He was outwardly calm, polite and I don't know how to describe him. He was short. So there was some emotional abuse, and basically I did everythimg there. I didn't get just one specific task. So in the end I was sanding painted doors for a week or two and you basically get a mist of paint that you breathe in. I would be all white and come back home coughing i the shower for hours, not being able to breathe, basically it all got into my lungs. I was not registered, but I could find some witnesses. How damaging is it to breathe all that paint in? Is it my responsibility or his for not giving his workers gas masks?
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I think my eyesight and overall health worsened a lot from that, but there are many other factors as well.
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I'm not able to. He has a lawyer, money, experience, an IT police officer and his wife were ordering from him, as well as some politician. So I'm a small country compared to him. I would be burned and crushed even more. I knew that it is unsafe and I tried telling this to the worker who I basically wanted to be good with and the other guy as well. So I was kind of pressured and tricked into it, kind of lured. I thought who am I to complain when these people had even worse lives. I was there for the people and wanted to help them one day. But it's a mission impossible and again, it appears some are loyal to that boss and don't give a fuck about the fact that I want to help. But I could be wrong. That guy might have just been ignorant or manipulated as well.
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I like how he says that nightmares are just healing dreams. But how can you absorb fat soluble vitamins on a diet without any fats?
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at_anchor replied to Holykael's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Someone here Thank you too -
My diet always changes so there are no certainties in here, but I'll tell you about the last couple of weeks I guess. So I was mostly vegan, but I tried some eggs, which were actually rotten and smelled bad when I didn't cook them properly. But I thought it's ok until I noticed the expiration date. At night, when I can't sleep I would cheat and eat a pate or a jam or honey that was in the fridge. Ate lot's of sugar, unfortunately. If the world made replaced meat with green peas and beans, many of our problems would be solved, I think. Plus, green peas would be cheaper than they are here in the EU. I love green peas, so that's what I ate. But honestly, every time I eat something, I feel fatigue after that, even after eating just green peas and oil and supplement with vitamin D3.
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Compare different foods to others by looking at their content of vitamins, minerals, protein, carbs and fat. You can do that at nutritiondata.self.com
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at_anchor replied to Holykael's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
You are different all the time. What will live on? I swear to God this is the case, you cannot convince me otherwise with all the false evidence about past lives. It's just not the case. You have to accept reality. I used to believe in the possibility of reincarnation being real, but it ain't. You are an Avatar. The Being is different from that and at the same time, it is everything, including your Avatar and every other. There is just one Being, One. So your Avatar won't reincarnate, but there will be many new ones that are similar to yours. Do you really think that Vishnu, Shiva and Jesus are real and somewhere out there awaiting you on the judgement day? There are no deities and there certainly is no reincarnation. God does not punish himself by sending himself to hell or reincarnating itself in a terrible life. He knows exactly why you did what you did in life, He made the butterfly effect and made you do it. He did it, not you, so there is no Karmic debt to be paid or sins weighed for you to go to hell or heaven. And God does not care about being worshiped or you fearing Him because of eternal hellfire or bad Karma for sins. I don't know, but you could actually point your finger at God for everything you do or anyone else does, cause he made you do it. He moves the mountains, the seas, and all of our asses.