at_anchor

my resentment cannot go away until I am safe from the influence and attacks, including indirect and camouflaged ones, aimed at burrying me in all the worst. Of course I am not safe where I am now, I just wonder whether it would be better to be homeless and try that since that would have been better for me than to be a pray of such beasts I cannot describe how awful I suffered from them and that's just the beginning.

To live as a slave unjustly or die unjustly are my only options. Not willing to do any one of these.

i am not afraid of death, I am afraid of INJUSTICE

i never even had chess pieces, I was just a pawn for someone else all my life

all the chess pieces are gone

I read and listened to all your ideas here, and I see that more of you are against casual hook ups than for. It can be dangerous as well to have one. Right now I have some men online flirting with me but I am reluctant to schedule a date. Who knows, maybe I even end up having a relationship with a good one and move to his place. Kind of tricky. I agree with you so much here. I kind of even want to just let go and say to hell with my reputation and even the consequences of stealthing, violent sex, STD's, being filmed and telling everyone about our sex. It would be like a drug to take some pain away for a short while, but then come at the cost of trauma or an even worse reputation. On the other hand, I really wish I could take this drug and kind of find a boyfriend to move out of my family.

yeah, but are there any downsides for those who do it and then whena potential mate finds out, he sees them as lesser or dirty or slutty or weak for doing it? how does that happen?

You are right, they are not the endgame. They are just means to something higher, like meditation. The wealthier you are, the healthier food, water and air you can consume, the better people and love you can have around you, the higher are the chances that you will actually stop mindlessly consuming and start a serious meditative and self-inquiry practice for long hours consistantly over time. The less wealth, the higher are the chances that you will be stuck in problems that are gonna be preventing your desire to self-actualize and the more frustrated you will feel or even worse, so that in the end you will go down this spiral into nothing good at all. So you often can't say people are lazy or are chasing only after sex and wealth. In some cases yes, but often they are chasing these things because they bring you closer to actually being able to get on track to save the world from ignorance and poverty or to get in touch with God or Infinity. So yes, you are right. They are often necessary.

But you haven't said anything. Everyone basically wants money, sex, and maybe they care about culture and tradition a bit too. I bet that sex can fulfill me better than meditatation in these circumstances. No one talks about mindless consumerism where you sit on a couch and eat chips all day. Wealth lets you explore, feel safe to pursue anxthing you want out of love or desire to get better and attract someone you like. So nope, you're wrong if I'm not mistaken. Inspiration without wealth will be crushed in you by your family and society. If you want to be inspired, not motivated by someone else, you need independence as well which wealth offers.

What are the benefits of learning Latin? Does it improve your communication in English at all? It's sort of a dead language and kind of useless unless you work in the medical profession.

@A Fellow Lighter sex is a spiritual need and so is mones and wealth, but okay, let me hear what you have to say, what is it that we should aspire to, give some examples please.

Not everyone can find and have such a thing. Few are not animals in this world.

What about learning Greek? On a scale from 1 to 10, how useful is it compared to Latin? There are somewhere around 150, 000, but I am not sure how useful Greek is for better understanding and use of English...

Tell me one person who was undernurished or unhealthy and didn't get sexual gratification enough in this world that became successful in something big worth aspiring to more than sex, power and money?

What would you do if you had one day left to live? I would guess this depends what specific needs you still have a lot of karma to burn through. Or would you just meditate that one day? What is the best thing to do before you lose your life and everything?

If you had a bad upbringig and a family that didn't love you, that abused you and nade you weak an pray to rich and popular bullies. When you grow up the same shit continues, but now you are utterly weak when you know the causes of the past problems and you know you should have moved out this family. But you did not. So now come new so to say rich and popular bullies and your family is still against you. You get put down, stripped out of your dignity, ostracized and demonized as well as physically damaged. Very damaged. You start living in fear and have nothing you love. Hope is always illusory and you basically cannot be who you are, authentic and happy. Life is nothing. It has no meaning and all my potential is never gonna be realized anyway. So why should I live? I'm like an animal in a cage with abusive owners and cannot get away. I also feel small. Yeah, my I'm a taller man, but my mind, life, bank account, 6 inch penis, status, all this is too small. I'm not gonna commit suicide but I have to ask what the pros are, cause although I don't believe in the Church, sometimes I do fear Karma and even Jesus, but can't believe in that for sure. But sometimes you just gotta go. Is there anything positive that could be said of suicide?

Yes, if I was able to get medical and other help that I need, if I was richer, stronger, happier but I'm sinking, I'm being pulled down to the depths of the ocean, suffocating in pain from the beast that's doing this to me. And no, I am not expecting to get something better in the afterlife. This life is so bad I simply cannot stand it anymore.

@Roy I like point number three and last point the most, but if I was to believe that I was going to Heaven to get laid after death, I'd just get drunk and punch someone I hate.

Proof I don't have. Truth I partially have. The truth is that I need to report a person again who stole something from me. But that person gaslights me and wants to do it with my entire family. That person also probably works with an experienced prosecutor behind my back that is paid to destroy my life and will do it without passion. I mean, truth is a luxury in the real world. There is no evidence to support it. People who are stronger win cases. There is nothing else to it. God help me. For I am innocent, a victim of injustice, of evil people and yet I don't know how to defend myself. How to defend yourself if you live in a third world country with corrupt people on top of the difficulty of proving what you say? If I accuse, I will be called a liar and so on, yet I really cannot tolerate the crimes commited on me anymore. I could pretend as though everything is okay, I could pretend and say that I lost this somewhere, but how? How can I do this again and again and again and again, try to forgive like Jesus, when I cannot. This person wants to ruin me, this person and many others don't want me to prosper. I cannot take the lies and manipulations anymore and the acts against me. How do I defend myself? Should I really let it slide again just to end up appearing normal and not insane and accusing people out of nowhere for nothing?

It is unrelated to modern day European languages and very difficult to learn for people who grew up in Europe, America, Africa, and elsewhere, but I want to ask, how hard is it to learn Chinese? The language is a cold thing. There is nothing passionate about it. So the goal with learning a language is to speak to others, live in another place, find a job there, or just to improve your English as the case is when learning Latin. But really, how hard can it be to learn Chinese? I don't want to live in the west anymore. Hoping to get away from all my problems by moving to China or Thailand or something over there. Can learning Chinese be done? Honestly I think all your wisdom and ideas which is like seeds, gets thrown on rocks or on the side of the road or in thorny areas when told to me. But keep responding because someone else might benefit. Edit: I actually don't mind living in the west, but the poverty and life circumstances are pushing me to suicide or to go far away.

Do you know maybe some river or spring or someplace where I can go camp to for the next couple of years and maybe get back the motivation to read some Hindu or Buddhist texts, texts that I don't have atm

Does anyone here know some affordable Hindu or Buddhist monestary where I can go to for the next 5-10 years to seek enlightenment and peace for a while, that offers a dormitory, clean water and food of course? What do you think about Christian monestaries? I'm kind of not able to survive where I'm at and yup, I would go chase it while deep down desiring basic stuff more than enlightenment or a piece of peace and God. Still, this is just an idea.

I want to disconnect from everyone and everything. It feels like I need a glass wall between me and others. Some I don't want to be close to because they can hurt me and I hate them, others I love very much and don't want to be close to for an unknown reason to me as of yet. It could be from trauma. But it could be some kind of toxicification from something, a plastic or metal overload in my body. My ears, left ear especially now, I hear what I never heard in the past on them, which is like you know when a phone charger buzzes quietly, well that but louder. Other functions in my body are also bad. Also, I've been waking up in the middle of the night in the past few days or weeks even when there is no noise or light around. This is a new symptom of something. I guess I'm afraid of being falsely perceived as evil and bad. Also afraid that people will poison me, make me worse and push me down this slippery slope. I guess being poisoned is one of my biggest fears. I heard many people talk about this toxification and worry about it, on this forum, in the gym, at work and elsewhere so I'm not the only one. It's a real thing. It's so easy to add something here or there to your water or food supply that I am very afraid of losing my sanity from that. I barely know my own family, and even they can be sneaky, let alone those who have access to food before it gets on my plate. People are also full of secrets and lies. They can be the most dangerous snake of all. But it doesn't explain my avoidance of good people who I trust would not sell out or harm me.

Latinates came to English mostly through French if that's correct. Which could mean that all the words from Latin in English are basically French words with like a couple of hundred give or take that came directly from Latin. If this is true, then that could mean that learning French is better for building an intuitive understanding of English than real Latin. What am I missing?

Sorry for a delayed response. I've been having some trouble sleeping and processing stuff. @thepixelmonk That is a great idea actually. Thank's. But I doubt I can just go to Paris, London, Lisabon, Copenhagen, Warsaw, Madrid, and so on. I don't have the capital. @Tyler Robinson This is a long term plan I'm trying to create for the next five to ten years. When you're powerless, poor, weak, demonized, abused, gaslighted, humiliated, hurt, etc., you don't own anything in a country so it's not really your country but from those that do this to you. I would like to go to China and try some of the crazy food they make. Just not the bat soup, please just not that! But other than that kind of cultural open mindedness, I'm afraid western difference in cultures creates a blind spot in me, but also just fear. @hyruga Exactly, I make many decisions in life without this kind of caution and overthinking "Oh, I made a bad decision, now I have to go back and go to the other store, what a bummer" or something. @StarStruck Yes, I lack self knowledge I guess. Best thing would be to detox, meditate and go trip on DMT, but that's fantasy. Staying true to my own word can be scary when the going gets tough if it is not the right thing for me. "I'm gonna do 500 push ups every day for the next week" is a big challenge, and it is the wront challenge if you are a female or something for example. Push ups and this is not the same thing. @Patrick_9931 It matters because I want to pick the best path for the best future for my own and other peoples happiness. How to get in touch with your heart?