at_anchor

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I wish I could do something tonight, anything... but I don't even know what can I do tomorrow! This is really tragicomic.

Where are the relpies, heheh I'm not just gonna be talking to myself. I like therapy, but I can't find a good therapist.

"HOT! 16 replies" Nothing hot about this thread. This must be a technical error.

The only thing that I'd be able to earn a living with if I knew how to do it is programming. But that is so hard and boring and I really don't know how to do it. I don't want to become a fat, lazy, sick slug. Others around me actually do want just that... always did. To increase my dependency on them, decrease my perceived value and increase theirs in the eyes of society.

There is hardly anything I can do but complain, cry, sit down and watch myself decay. Historical issues and heographic I guess.

I feel like a bunch of wolves or whatever have surrounded me and almost tore me completely apart.

I shouldn't relax. That's how I get screwed over the easiest.

I always fool myself that she loves me and then get into more trouble. I should remember: Untrustworthy to me and unloving towards me. There is either conflict of interests, a spiritual problem or I really don't know what else. Maybe I am terrible as a result and now should stay that way according to this person.

Months have gone by and I'm still nowhere. Things just got worse. Why did God allow other people to do this to me? Maybe he didn't. Maybe it is just a thing that cannot be any other way in Reality.

My language abilities might sound better than they actually are from what you are reading here.

It eats away my time, it distracts me from doing the work and turns me away from people. It builds prejudices and false assumptions against me. It or a multiple of things I guess. But it is okay. The biggest issue I have is that I'm so tied to this one life and there is no possibility for anything better than this. I can't grow. Preventative measures are taken against my growth and advancement in any positive direction. Complaining to you won't help. But I am afraid to complain to those who could help. It gets them into trouble and also risks misunderstandings and so forth. I might sound like I know what I am talking about, but I don't.

I'm also kind of afraid that I can't do anything from where I am now. It is like I have a terminal illness. Like I have a cancer that will eat me in a short amount of time. So I don't know how much longer I have, a year or a decade at best. If I survived a decade and still didn't grow enough, I'm sure I'd experience loss and pain I never have in my life.

I know death is imaginary and that there is nothing to fear, but there is no way I'm dying before getting the education and money I should have had in my teens and early twenties to live a better life.

I often feel like Romance countries like Portugal, Spain and Italy, although beautiful and fun in many ways, are not safe for me. I feel that only Germanic countries are, but I'm afraid that Germanic languages are some of the hardest and also I need to master English before I can even think of learning a Germanic language. I feel so confused as to which country is best to seek help in. I cannot get it locally. There is a lot of corruption, mafia and people that yearn to see me sink.