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Thank you. I'll rewatch what I already saw and the rest as well until something shifts in me.

Thanks, that's a good idea. It just hurts sometimes inside and I don't know how to deal with that pain they cause and the misunderstanding they create and just distort reality in everyones eyes. And I can't go on explaining the past. I make mistakes if I try and I get called a liar and they just end up winning, as though they are right. It's just so... I don't kow how to express it. I wish I could do that. Sometimes they can just get selfish to the point of trying to destroy you and prevent you from working, simple way of putting it. I don't know how to do that. I think I'm not a New Yorker with Western problems. Yeah, meditation, exercise, nature, education, work, friends and relationships. It's hardly possible to have all of that for me. Kind of a big challenge to get.

but that's not fruits and veggies

Fighting back makes me more humiliated and shamed than being recorded fat on a porn video and ostracized for that. How fucked I got psychologically from this over the years and basically also ended up being recorded and ostracized. I'm gonna throw up. I get more tired and bad from interacting with this person sometimes than from physical exercise and stuff that makes me feel better actually. Here comes the person again.

And how to set boundaries here and enforce them? I could decide to never speak to this person in my life, but it will just get used against me and I will continue to be treated with hate and bad intentions.

How do I explain the fact that my parents are actually not my parents and that they have did me and wanted to do more harm to me than good? In spiritual terms? How do I explain that they are not good parents and that they are actually not even my parents?

How to keep yourself from saying something stupid and offensive in the heat of a moment?

@Bobby_2021 That could be true. Maybe from your experience you caught glances of proof for this and now see that it's actually reality while the rest of us just walk ignorant of what you have witnessed and then rightfully concluded. I'm open to the possibility of it being true, but I would need a lot more proof to be convinced, which is hard to get since I'd have to literally go through your life to get it or maybe not. What do you think?

@Kalki Avatar JB is actually very attractive. He's just not gay and some of his pictures with tattoos all over his body are, well still hot, but why did he have to do that all over his body? Like, it's not an issue for me. If he was gay and attracted to me I'd love to marry him and he'd make a perfect wife lol sorry. i mean, he'd be so good to kiss. omg, he really does get more and more beautiful as the years pass by, or I don't know, I think I prefer 23 year old JB over 29, but he's still looking like he's twenty. I wonder what's his secret...

Hey. Can you show me pictures of men you find attractive? I'll mention Cole Bentley as being really hot and feminine. I want to see a bunch of men like him. It's like weird to talk about it, but hey. They look fantastic. They are also hard to get by, especially for me. Ah, how much I'd like to be in an intimate relationship with one of these feminine men, you have no idea. They are so hot and attractive and heaven on Earth to be in bed with. But I don't want this to turn into an erotics thread so just ignore it if you don't know anyone and can't keep it decent. It's also a waste of time. I'm such a L that I just have to let it all go.

No, that's not the case. See, I find minors atteactive like everybody else does, but I would never do that, cause I'm beyond a certain age. If I was youger I would gladly fuck with a teen, like you wouldn't? But as I am older now, my desires shifted from minors to those above 18. That doesn't mean i'll ever again get sex, like I used to desire sex with minors when I was a minor so see but never got it, while almost all my friends did...

heheh yeah Because I just like them. I feel an inner pull towards feminine voices and looks, sometimes even hot girls make me uncomfortable because I might actually have in me somewhere attraction to twenty year old big boobs and ass women. But I'm not chasing that. What I'd feel most happy with is yeah, maybe gayish and feminine men. I think their youthful apperance combined with homosexuality is what I like about them, obviously.

Is there even such a thing as a separate self which was born and alive before my birth? Or is my body, my brain and my internal thoughts all just shapes of this lifes path I embarked on that is soon coming to an end hopefully, because I kind of don't like the people who are trying to put me away and drive me down. I want to know if I lived before birth. Does anyone know is there a separate self before birth or are we all like appels falling from a tree and rotting away into the ground from which we were created from? I really had enough of this torture in life. I really have no one that does not want to hurt me in life around me. So who is the "self" that could be said to be separate from the whole? Or is it all just a whole like a character from a movie with determined journey?

That's correct. You could probably make a deal with the owner when buying a house to pay him over time the sum that he wants right away so you don't even need credit to buy a home i guess.

no way, i can't do that. no one wants to do that for me. plus, i have little money compared to them. i tried getting a private investigator, but i was not able to

because Danish seems impossible to learn, while other three or four nordic countries are i guess too advanced and stage green, which is a good thing. i picked germany because i don't want to be too greedy and so forth. otherwise, i'm all for those places. they are also hard to move to i think, but i could be wrong.

thanks, but it cannot but go wrong since all the businesses and people are under their sway and i cannot talk and explain stuff to others so they will be prejudiced and against me. this is a serious capitalist organized mafia that tries making people commit suicide and lose all their belongings and people.

So yeah, it kind of increases. What do I think I'd gain from sucking a dick or lose by not, I have no idea. It's okay though. Maybe if I was clear and open about these things early on, it would be easier. I don't understand why men are attractive to me. I guess it is just nature. I don't want to be a slut though nor accussed of making a living by selling my body, cause that's illegal. But being in a relationship with a man, hmmm. I don't know. First of all I don't think any man would ever consider me really good relationship material. Second of all, I'm not able to do this role. I actually wish I wasn't attracted to men anymore. But it won't stop till I'm dead or firm. So I have to deal with the fact that I ain't attractive enough and maybe that, I don't know, maybe decide once and for all that I will never again go looking to get banged by one. Ah, I wish I was good looking to become a wife, lol I guess that's stupid. I shouldn't seek anything more from a relationship with a man than sex. But it would be cool to find a German husband;)

Start teaching them philosophy, history, language, math, biology and geography. Later add sociology, chemistry, physics and so forth. Make them environmentaly conscious and compassionate. Make them care about each and every human properly somehow. Cause children are the ones who inherit the world. If you make them all united and smart and happy from the go, they will end up that way till the end. I guess it has nothing to do with socialism vs capitalism. It just has to do with developing all people properly, and taking care of them until they reach adulthood. Then they would be like those from Star Treck I think.

I will try coming up with some ideas. So you start by showing a transition from capitalism to socialism. That might go something like this if I am not mistaken... Money gets invested in building an amazing school and habitation system for teens and then college level adults. Let's say kids start school at 9 or 10 years old. They all come together in a place like from that movie Harry Potter or something with the best of the best people serving as teachers and guides on their path to enlightenment and education. I would add a weird feature that sounds a bit too much but I think would serve a good purpose and that is that you don't take your eyes off children even when they are in their rooms. Fights and bad behaviours might show anyway and then you have to deal with that properly. I don't kmow how. Usually someone is feeling jealous because someone else gets the mates. But if you make it possible for them to communicate their problems like in a chat to a trusted teacher or a group of them and, I really don't know how you can actually take care of all the children. We don't have the necessary role models and ao forth. But if you design a school/habitation facility from which children get to see the world and learn everything there is to know about it without grades and competition, but rather they all have to pass a certain level to keep on moving. You also have to make sure they are doing their homework properly, understanding every word, traveling the world at least virtually all together to get inspired, being accepted by every teacher and protected from each other somehow. In the end, once everyone achieves a high enough level of education and consciousness, travels and so forth, it is time to pick a captain of a ship called a country and assign the crew to their places all together to make that vessle sail into the future as smoothly and as goodly as possible. With everyone aboard having been sufficiently satisfied in life and happy to contribute to the cause of human expantion into the cosmos.

i sounded like i was in psychosis. i wrote it all badly, i know, sorry for that. but i'm not kidding about some family members wanting me the worst. key is some and those are really unbelievably, like i never knew them. and honestly, the messing with my evidence of the past on my phone by some people to protect my family against me creeps me out. they don't care about my family, but as long as we are devided and they have a lot to lose by me basically saying they did this and are responsible for that, they will be useful for guys who really want me down.

@Danioover9000 sorry for saying "babe" i'm just a bit kind of drunk or something. but yeah, I'm sure if I had resources to parent someone, you give me any child whatsoever and I'll be able to make a doctor from him or her. that is the point socialism is trying to make. in capitalism, if you get a parent like that who makes you a doctor or you get lucky in other ways and someo e else helps you, that's considered hard work, sacrifice, making the right decisions as opposed to those lazy bums who go chase sex and end up raped. "Ah, it's their responsibility! It's their decisions that brought them here." Yeah, yeah, sure...

@Danioover9000 We can do without doctors to be fair. And many others as well. But labs are necessary. If you want a doctor, just take some kid and make a doctor from him. Anyone can be a good doctor. That is why socialism is actually superior, it just lacks the right leader and I guess people are ignorant to find one. Socialism for me means babe that everyone will get a higher education so that the diplomas and competancies mean nothing and so that you can't feel superior for having achieved this. If everyone gets a doctors level of education, then you guess what happens? Doctors don't get paid any more than taxi drivers babe. That's how I want all children to end up, as doctors, as equals, and that is socialism in a nutshell, from that comes socialism. Got it? Socialism is not some bullshit money for everyone. No. It is amazing education for everyone and amazing health for everyone. It is about a king, making his people grow at the same pace. But that's hardly possible in reality. Monarchy is a socialist kind of thing I think, if the king is good enough. I bet we can make 90% of children grow up to be doctors if we wanted to and cared to and did everything required to protect them from wasting time, abuse, disease, obesity, noise, lack of sleep, etc. If we made sure they all get the right caregivers and so forth. But that's hard to do because of capitalism.

@integral it is just that german is hard and not on my list of priorities when it comes to learning a language. i also kind of don't know if i want to become a german or not. whether i want to stay in germany for the rest of my life or not. also afraid that i will not be able to get a job there even when i learn it. i swear my life here is over and it came to a stop long ago. my existence here is unbearable. to me and others. i don't know how to fucking go there. i want to go there now and stay there. i just don't have the courage, faith and resources and i am afraid.

And you don't know if it is true that nobody is gonna come looking for me. They are. If someone is gonna be looking at me all the time, stalking me, I would rather have Germans be the ones to do that because they are not corrupt and they would not want to harm me with their power.