at_anchor

People with power want to kill me and torture me and take everything away from me. I want to live, not be tortured and have everything I need to be happy. Unfair attacks that lead to me being wounded and attacking from that state and now I have to be punished hard. Death or torture and losing it all. Anyway, I love cats.

@TheCloud yup, I am probably lonely. I can't talk about it here I think. Maybe I could, but I'm afraid.

@Salvijus What parts of the Bible old and New Testament are important to read? It is a very long book. I guess reading that book is important for becoming Christian, right?

Enough. Enough said. What kinds of things are there? The worst is coming.

@TheCloud It can and will have to get worse. Way worse. Worse than I can imagine right now! Having cake and internet from my neighbors can't replace the fact that I am in danger and wish I could be in a Dutch hospital till they figure out what is wrong with me, what has happened. But that is a fantasy, a castle in the sky, something I don't even expect to happen, ever. So yeah, it is actually very bad. I can't read and grow at a normal pace.

Unfortunately I often give a say to everyone, kind of like a green stage person, or a person without boundaries from homeless or very foreign gypssies and so forth. I am indiscriminate in this regard, but if you threaten me with evil and show evil intents towards me, are there to hurt me, I lose trust in you, but even then I can forget about that and again allow for someone like that to trick me. Your ideas here are top notch.

I will, if they are someone I trust, yes. Definitely.

I'm taking all the pills. It doesn't help. I can't even stop having Mendilex. Doctors advice is not good. I can't take this life anymore. It is getting a bit out of control.

I got molested young, now I'm getting screwed over old even worse, it never stops. It just gets worse and worse. It is really like hell. And I'm supposed to go to hell, for what? My brain has been destroyed from years of misuse and stuff. Now people want to finish it. They want to kill me in tge worst ways possible! God save me from those monsters. I cannot,tgey are worse than sharks. They are worse than sharks. I am afraid of them all more than sharks and the like.

Ah, mosquito bites everywhere. I ate a lot of peanuts today and dairy too. I think your diet is not for me so I am stopping tomorrow. Tnx for the advice. I appreciate it, but I'm screwed to the bone marrow by people.

If someone ever meets God, ask him to write me a book about my life so I can read. But maybe I just feel unable to read. Another symptom of this pill is not being able to sit down for long and being restless all the time.

Ultimately, I want to read about myself. I want to read about my life. About what is hapoening in it from Gods point of view. If God accepts and loves me, that would be nice to read.

I want to read something that gives me courage and a will to end my life. Something that makes me endure the pain, quick pain, not the pain that is given by others over years and decades until I'm dead. Something that can make me brave and courageous. Something for battle. True stories and reports.

@hyruga not sugar, sugar not problem. healthy diet is useless and even criticized against. it is something else that scares me like hell.

Anyway, lock this topic please, I don't want any replyies. My story is long and sad. It won't help me saying random things. Nothing can help. My life is forever taken. If I stop taking the pills they can kick me out of here and send me back to a place I cannot take again. The journey was fun, but a war started and I got shot. If only it was that easy! Hahahah If only I just got shot. Well, ladies and gentleman, I will try to bother you less here. If only I could take to my grave what I had learned here from you and if only I could keep you all in another life through this forum, I would be happy. But you lose people you love, that is a fact of life. We will never meet again. On this forum. I love it. I was so lucky to have it. So lucky I made others jealous I guess! Make my world a better place for everyone. Good luck. Live long and prosper in a way that is good everyone. I should have left this fake country a long time ago but I didn't, tear drop. Fake becomes real. I can't recommend this place enough, yet my recommendation is never gonna be heard by anyone anymore and that is for the better. Cause yeah, I lost my credibility. But I hope this place onky gets more of it because it really deserves it fully. I also feel sorrow for losing my mom, more than ever before. She made mistakes like we all do, more so than others. But she is my mom. I wish she could be my mom in another life in better circumstances again. I love my mom and I hate the fact that I lost her. Your member here is officially almost entirely lost. There won't be any chance of personal dev here anymore. But new ones will come and wise stuff will stay here and get repeated if needed. You need to repeat it more until it is heard I guess. My profile is polluted. Truth will find its way into the world one day. I am going to heaven probably, but I will miss this planet and beautiful places it has here to travel and visit. Yeah, living here, traveling this place and learning languages was my dream that will have to be burried with me and will have to be unfulfilled. Then there are just my natural weaknesses and genes I guess. I don't know how much blame we can attribute to that though. But now it's not great. I just wonder what comes after death though. But I won't die for me for a very long time I guess. So I will be here a bit more. Just a bit more. Death is not the thing that is goonna separate me from this place. I hope I didn't cause much damage here. That is the most important thing. But I guess God is realized by about almost all of you, so no damage. He protects. Anyway, got carried away. What a world this place is. What a world. My mind got destroyed so there is nothing left anymore. Never shall I try those psychedelics I heard about. If I ever did, it would be a nightmare. Only my grave can save me. Only my grave can give me peace and let me be with God and maybe even give me another chance in this world.

I kind of think that insurmountable barriers are placed there by others to keep me down because they just don't want me to make a living in life and escape worse than wage slavery. One of the symptoms of the pill I am taking is inability to sit still which might be a reason I could not meditate and also started craving sugar which is another symptom, low sugar or sugar disease. Anyway, if I ever find euthanasia, it is gonna be because of people who don't like me, not my incompetance I guess. I wonder if there is gonna be another life after this one for me or not? Darkness scares me a bit.

I thought of doing fasting. But I'm gonna have to take some pills. Thank you for the wonderful longer posts.

My hands might not be that small actually, but still. I could be a psychiatrist if I was able to go to college and learn stuff.

I don't think I can. Structure determines behavior and where I'm at I am basically in a structure that is heavily influencing me to eat that bread.

Okay, whatever. So what now? I'm just gonna fly to a better place, super man style... I can't. There are other people and organizations that hate me and make everything impossible in my life.

I'm afraid I won't be able to replace sugar in my life. I might be pessimistic, but where I'm at, it could get worse than sugar, like canned tuna again and stuff like that. I guess eating pork is still better than sugar, but not if somebody adds something unwanted to it, which is possible where I live. So it will never get better, but I might try the diet. How many fibre do I need and how to get it?

@Salvijus I'm also trying to listen to the old testament. It has a lot of wisdom except for some laws I guess which are boring to listen to. It is all boring. My communication is dumn and I don't remember what I hear to repeat to other people which is my flaw. I might be on the path, but I'm still not gonna let go of suicide, nor am I sure that I am on a path to a job. My rep is tarnished and my health I guess. It's just that I won't be able to make it anywhere, especially living where I live in peace and health. I want to walk a path to heaven, but man, it is not meant. Obviously God has to have some sense of social justice and Marxism, otherwise I'm never going to heaven.

Oh WOW, it is beautiful. I like it very much. So doing first two lessons twice a day not longer than a minute. It is easy and simple and helpful.

That is really a good idea! Bananas never made for it. I like the bread in the cake, so basically, I like the texture of sweet bread the most. Soft stuff, except maybe pudding, I dislike. And I do not like fried bread like doughnuts. I don't think anything can replace this, but if eating meat is ethical and I can do it, why not be on a diet with pork, peanuts, pottatoes and veggies? Pork fat is not a healthy, but hey, if it can help a bit, then why not? I just don't know where to get my carbs from and eating pork fat is kind of scary from what I know they could end up feeding the animal, like with plastic. But since vegetarianism is not practical for me at this point in time, I'd like to try this type of diet. Thanks for the high quality response. I woke up in the middle of the night again, so I can't sleep anymore. I'll try listening to a religious audiobook now.

Omg, this textbook is from 2019. Someone has to make one for the newer content, but I was always afraid to print this out because I don't want to show that I followed here anymore. I wrote too much stupid stuff on this forum and tortured your minds with it, this beautiful place for learning I ruined. At least just the Mental Health section and nithing else that much. I love you for letting me waste your time and resources for nothing basically. Sorry. So nope, I don't know if I will print this out. It is great though, I bet on it. I wish I soent more time here and didn't waste it on Tai Lopez and Bob Proctor and other sources not mentioned here. In my next life I imagine I hope I will get this resource and utilize it more than in this one.