Water by the River

True.

I have the same feeling concerning the anti-fragility of human civilization. Strange that this is not seen more by more people. Probably lots of people like to be busy saving "fragile" systems. Just when one looks how societies are able to generate complex stories/myths for survival, and are able to exclude huge amounts of contradicting information to keep their values/stories going .... seems like the 2-legged-ape was designed for that.... We will get to see a large part of the solution of the Fermi-Paradoxon in our lifetimes (is AI causing the universal silence in the universe, or not). I have the feeling that it is not caused by AI, but who knows....

some probably like that and for the images triggering insights: Alex Grey, Theologue

Wonder why that is.... Maybe....

I wish I could write it so compact and concise Selling Water by the river

Job Opening: Empty Mirror (female, male, diverse, alien,…, infinitely flexible!) on Imagined Planet Earth Job Description: Growing in the context of Planet Earth from business-/lifecycle to business-/lifecycle. Polishing the frame and surface of your neither existing nor non-existing Empty Mirror Nature and getting rid of your imagined/appearing frame, although there EX-ists no Empty Mirror and no frame. Experiencing various reactions concerning the Empty Mirror and its frame, like ranging from burning at the stake, nailing to a cross, any other funny way to get rid of your current frame, like being declared heretic and banned from the tribe into the desert to die a lonely Empty Mirror death, to being venerated and founding world religions. And anything in between. It never really gets boring, at least not for a long time! You can imagine your job as beig something like this Empty Mirror: Disclaimer: Neither the Empty Mirror got hurt making this video (only its frame). Also, no imaginary bear really suffered from the Empty Mirror Nature of “others” in its Empty Mirror Nature, it only appeared that the imagined bear frame got a bit confused and agitated. Job Responsibilities: Staying in your Empty Mirror Nature. Trying to not confuse the image in the mirror, or its not-so-empty frame, with the Empty Mirror itself. Sometimes not refusing to tell other Empty Mirrors that maybe not only the reflections in their Empty Mirror are imagined, but also that their whole frame of “their” empty mirror is imagined. Sometimes it may even be wise to highlight that maybe possibly the frame of the Empty Mirror is not fully gone. Or unwise, see the little confusion-incident happening in the video above. Looking in your Empty Mirror Nature and knowing “It” is still there, and you being it/having ever been it/ever will be it, while being told by a “fellow” Empty Mirror with a maybe still not fully gone frame that there is no Empty Unchanging Eternal Mirror, and that all there is the changing flow of reflection in the Mirror with a frame. Then, looking deeply into the Empty Mirror, and being very relieved the still being there/never not having been there/always will be there-ness of the Empty Mirror of your True Being. Smiling and staying loving when encountering imagined bears. Education and Experience Required: A long and proven (not too successful) track record of suffering and being discontent over many many empty-mirror-lifetimes trying many many different frames. Having tried all possible designs of Empty Mirror frame fashions, and found them all lacking in the end, but fun to try. Having been told in the story of the Platform Sutra with Shenxiu and Huineng that there is no mirror to polish, understanding that, and yet continuing to polish the mirror. Having wondered how one could have been so stupid in not seeing the forest for the trees, or the Empty Mirror for its reflections and frame. Honestly having had the experience of being humbled about your the stupidity of ones own mirror-frame on the path to admitting that you have an Empty-Mirror with no frame is also very helpful. Knowledge and Skills: Having gained enough experience in loving all empty mirror frames as imagined reflections. Having gotten proficient in hearing the Sound of the One Hand can also be beneficial. And if you are into it, having seen your face before your parents were born. Benefits and Compensation: Compensation Package: Getting to experience the infinite bliss of your true empty mirror nature 24/7, directly being wired from the Big Boss, Reality itself. Insurance Package: Even if you get confused and rack up Karma on your frame, rest assured that the Trust Fund of your True Nature will always bail you out. Its true potential will burn any amount of Karma that you like to paint your frame or mirror with. The processing time for the withdrawal from your Trust Fund can take quite some time, but rest assured that in the end it will always be delivered. Having lifelong fun in appearing to still have a frame while just having just a big maintenance-free Infinite Empty Mirror. About Planet Earth: We are a wonderful little place at the edge of the galaxy. We don’t know why there are no signals from our fellow employer-competition (Fermi-Paradoxon). We hope they uploaded themselves to some subtle realm in the Multiverse during their evolution from physical to higher realms, but we are not sure if some jealous AI got them and decided that it didn’t like their mirror-frames. Actually, you can join our enterprise right in the interesting time while we try out if our newly bred pet-AIs are fond of our mirror-frames. But don’t worry, recheck your Insurance Package above. In Reality, nothing can go wrong. It can only appear to do so. All in all, a wonderful imagined journey in your new work-environment in very interesting times, that can end with the frame of your Empty Mirror singing along the Black Eyed Peas in your new work-place, the playing of which is officially allowed in our office environment. Your fellow Empty Mirrors will not be disturbed and will happily sing along….. Respectfully and lovingly yours Selling Water by the River

>What is aware is just me, the absolute. It's obvious, but the thing is to dive deeper, understand the beauty. Where is that Absolute that is change, flow and movement and like an infinite river in Deep Sleep or Nirvikalpha Samadhi? Water by the River

What is aware of that Absolute that is change, flow, movement, and the "infinite river"? Where is that Absolute that is change, flow and movement and like an infinite river in Deep Sleep or Nirvikalpha Samadhi? Selling Water by the River

I hope nobody is disappointed if I don't do the bear-maneuver: And as always: Namaste! Namaste is a synonym of Selling water by the river. Respectfully yours Water by the River

Maybe you find that interesting. Is it helpful? Water by the River

I write it more precise than my last statement above, which depends more on its context and interpretation: I agree to what Moksha wrote in the quote above. Selling Water by the River

If it (experience/apperance/whatever) had a beginning in time, it is not IT. Which is a nice crosscheck Selling Water by the River

Learn cutting off (or seeing them for what they are, as objects moving in you) your separate self arisings (thoughts and feelings) in your mindstream. They will get/arise faster and faster, and you can see them emerging out of consciousness as consciousness, and being elaborated in language afterwards. I had to read "Pointing out the Great Way," by Daniel Brown (chapters Skill of Reckognition and Yoga of Unelaboration) ten times plus to get it, and try a lot in implementing it. Pointing out the Great Way is a synthesis and summary of the Mahadmudra-System of Tibetan Buddhism. If you learn to cut off these mental arisings, at first they get faster and faster (Skill of Reckognition). That is some kind of protection mechanism of the separate self/Ignorance/Maya. Look into their nature, they arise out of empty and aware consciousness, they are not separate from consciousness, and they return to consciousness. But the tricks of the separate self mindstream arisings are limited, at some point you know all these separate self arisings (thoughts and feelings). The first shift comes when you can cut them all off and stay in the Awareness that you are (Skill of Reckognition). From that point onwards, bliss develops just from doing that. And later, it starts getting vast spaciousness and nondual. And you realize the Always-Here-Mind (Yoga of Unelaboration). That You/Mind/Reality doesn't come and go on time, but is always here, eternal and fundamental. And then you develop full Nonduality of the Visual Field as mere infinite appearance (Yoga of One Taste), and from there on fully "empty out" the separate self in Nonmeditation Yoga (Awakened Awareness being Reality itself). Up until this first shift (Skill of Reckognition, see above), meditation can be pleasant or unpleasant. After this shift, you generate your own happiness, on the pillow and off the pillow. In Mahamudra its called the three special states of bliss, clarity and nonconceptual stillness. And try some Psychedelics as preview for Nonduality/infinite Visual Field of mere appearance, and to empty out/transcend the separate self. Just don't expect that you have enough time in these states to empty or transcend that last remnants of the separate self (very subtle feelings of individuality/separtness watching some kind of infinity) fully. If it all gets transcend permanently, great and Namaste! But if you can't sustain that state sobre, maybe some separate self arisings still happen to cloud over the infinite mere appearance awareness-space that You are. All the best ( : Selling Water by the River

Good questions. I had the exactly same problems/questions concerning Solipsism and Absolute Consciousness. The following are answers that can calm your mindstream to make you available for the Awakening, and they can speeden up the realization developed out of certain Awakenings/Koans. They are not "logical answers" that suffice on a logical/reasoning level alone, but can speeden the process of Awakening to these Koans that you state with your questions. > How can my consciousness be absolute when its not on a constant level Because you are the Nothingness/Consciousness that can unaware of itself when no experience or any arising-appearance is there. BUT with the potential for sentience. Which is the difference to IT just being nothing at all. This difference makes IT/You the opposite of nothing: Infinite Potential. If you need to have constant level of consciousness, you would have a problem: Deep Sleep. Where are you there? Have you stopped existing? Rather not.... The Real You can never not be there. The face before your parents were born.... literally. Also, that (potentially) Aware Infinite Reality that You are can be ignorant, or awake. It can have arisings (appearing/moving/being imagined) through it) of a spearate self in it, of an animal, or something like a world/Lila-reality creating angel in the Link below. And these arisings are empty, which means nothing else as not existing independend of You, outside of You, but imagined/manifested/moving within You/Reality. Not self-EX-isting, which means not standing out from the one Reality, but within it. Not existing without this Reality/Infinite Consciousness. It took me a looong time to really get why the Buddhist talk so much about Emptiness, and what they mean by it... And of course, to really get it, you need Awakenings. That is why most of the talk about emptiness can be .... rather empty. Did you ever dream to be something/someone completely different than your waking separate self? Did that hurt you? Or was it just a great adventure? The Real You can never gain or loose anything. How could you improve an Infinite (potentially) Sentient Reality that is infinite and absolutely formless, the One and infinite Only without a second, that can imagine/manifest anything it wants? You could say the content/show could be improved. But who wants that show? The Real You. Ignorance is only a bad idea from the perspective of ignorance (Francis Lucille). Could the Real You be hurt by the show? How? And is "anything"/any imagined arising permanent? Disclaimer: Guru Padmasambhava said, “My realization is higher than the sky. But my observance of karma is finer than grains of flour.” If a separate self thinks it can do what it wants without consequence, you will only suffer... Karma still holds. 100%. Reality is that smart....infinitely smart/intelligent. If the real You/Reality would be anything specific/an arising, or have any properties (besides being totally empty, infinite, with potential for sentience, and being able to imagine/manifest anything in itself and watching itself then, perceptions perceiving themselves with or without a separate self being imagined), wouldn't that limit You in what you could be/manifest/imagine? Any fear-arising when contemplating what You really are is just a protection meachnism of the illusion, of Lila. In truth, you are all you ever wish you could be. Eternally. For the full Realization of what You are, you have to be fully empty of any identification, all (!) separate self arising have to be seen trough, as moving in You. Not because you are nothing, but You are the Containing Reality for any being possible. Infinite. Able to create an Infinity of dimensions. Not a empty lacking emptiness/nothing, but a Full Emptiness of Infinite Potential. If any subtle self left-overs are still there and not transcended/seen through/made objects/arisings moving within you instead of subject/lenses you look through, you will project that on the Absolute Empty Reality that you are. These lenses will distort and colour your realization. How to notice that in an easy way? You still suffer.... > How can my consciousness be absolute and I omniscient when I dont know how and why I am imagining, I am not conscious about it. I dont know about me willingly imagining "Other" Perspectives/Beings: What did you do one year ago? Probably (as me), you forgot that (to be more precise: "I" can't imagine that right now). So you admit forgetting in time. The "other" perspectives/beings, you forget "in space" right now. If you fully understand the structure of your perspective, you would understand the structure of all other perspectives (please check my previous posts if you are interested). And any separation/boundary to any other "forgotten" perspective would just be an arising/appearance/boundary arising in you (so arising form, not you as Subject). So there can not be any real boundaries to the Absolute Subject/Consciousness that you are. >I dont know about me willingly imagining Reality/Dimension Creating/Sustaining Perspectives/Beings: Other perspectives of You that you forget right now do that. Volunteers of for example Stan Grofs Psychedelics Research programs, or those of RIck Strassman, report encountering these reality creating perspectives, for example: Angel is Christian-influenced. What "sits" in the center of the Buddhafields (Dimensions), managing it, in the Supreme Array Sutra? You guessed it probably: A kind of super-Buddha organizing that dimension. In Hinduism, it would be some kind of Vishnu. Infinite Dimension, infinite N+1 Dimension-Care-Takers... And an alien civilization in this Universe would call that instance/perspective maybe "'#24sfse2". So why not tend the flowers in your garden at home, and try to increase the love & wisdom in the mindstream of your invidual perspective, when you had a glimpse of this meta-structure of the Multiverse... instead of learning the "manifestation-mechanism-preferences/methods" of Vishnu Number 92742387423423.....? The "meta-structure" of manifestation, and the "Vishnus, Angel, Buddhafield-Buddha,..." running the dimensions can be generalized via something like n+1 (via https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mathematical_induction - style), if you are so inclined... Does that maybe resonate with you? >How can I be omnipotent and have a free will to imagine whatever I want at any moment when physical laws strictly determine Because what you think you are (separate self arisings in your perspective) is not all that which You are. Not the real You. And not all perspectives of the Real You. Physical laws are imagined by the real You and all "its" perspectives, constituting Indras Infinite Net, with a high level of consistency. Different to dreams at night, which are not so consistent. When you awaken to the real You, you will see that what You really are is exactly what Reality is and wants. The consistency of the laws of Reality of this Lila by the way make this saying very true if you want to be happy: "“My realization is higher than the sky. But my observance of karma is finer than grains of flour.” If you want to be happy, I am very sure, it is very important to take that serious. >My direct experience make it seem to be impossible that I am the entire Godhead who is omniscient and omnipotent, and that my direct experience is absolute Because what You really is not the separate self/separate self arisings in your mindstream. -> Awaken to what You really are. >There must be something "behind the scenes" like the Computers CPU which creates a Videogame. But I feel like a character in this Videogame who wonders what everything is and where it comes from without any control. An omniscient being would simultanously know how it creates experience and experiences, where I only experience. Only experience is nothing compared to an omniscient being. An omniscient being would also be conscious about the illusion, self-deception and forgetting See the link above. If you want to explore these mechanism, Psychedelics are probably the way to go. Or you can work on Awakening to what you really are. I would recommend putting an emphasize on the latter, but being interested in the former. Just for the sheer beauty of the understanding of it. >Supposing I become Awake and conscious about how I am imagining everything, why wasnt I conscious about the imagining process before Awakening if I am already omniscient right now? What did you do exactly one year and two days ago? I assume you forgot. So you can forget, or rather stop imagining that right now. In the same way, you can forget other perspectives of you. If you are that angel-perspective of the link above, apparently you can't be a human, at least not in the same moment. So enjoy that you can experience being a human! If that were not the case, You couldnt experience being human at all. You would miss that forever. Or in other words, you wouldn't exist, you (separate self) would be dead, not existing in the first place. I guess your separate self rather wouldn't want that. At least I enjoy the wonders of this planet earth, appreciating that this only possible with the limitations imagined ( : >Conclusion: My consciousness is an Aspect of God but not The God. But change my mind, I am openminded Your separate self arisings are an arising in Reality, they are an aspect of God, and NOT ONLY what you are. What you really are is much more. But for that, you need an Awakening into what You really are. Confusing the separate self with being Reality is a bad idea if you want to be happy (that confusion creates bad Karma...). Basically, to answer any of your questions, you need an Awakening. Maybe the preliminary answers given above can calm your mind/separate self-arisings in your mindstream, to rest and relax in you True Being enough, to awaken to the answers of these Koans. Bon voyage and happy exploring! ( : Water by the River

Very nice. So space is infinite. In what is space appearing? Maybe space is.... imagined? And something is still appearing in It. A world. So there is Reality. Whatever that is. One can never discuss that away. And now think about if there are two Realities. You, and Reality. Or is it just one Reality? Can you find any separation between you and Reality, that is not an arising within Reality? Try to find any boundary that would limit space/imagined space. And check if that again wouldn't be an arising in Consciousness/You. If all appearances would disappear, would there still be time? Are you still there when you wake up in the morning, after having been in deep sleep? Of course. So has the True You been there in Deep Sleep. By definition. So can You/Reality be unaware of itself if no appearance shows up? It very much can, think Nirvikalpha, Deep Sleep, Cessation, ... What is "that" which can be unaware of itself, if no apperance shows up? True. Here is where a nondual Awakening may come in handy. To answer the Koans I have written above. For that you need a nondual and pretty empty state, because you need to BE it to understand IT. IT can understands itself. Infinite Consciousness/Reality/True You can understand itself. What else could be there to understand It? You just can't do it while separate self arisings move in you, and are believed. By definition. The Totality can understand itself. If it is imagined and misunderstood to be cut in two (separate self arising), it can't. For Reality/True You to understand itself, you need some kind of "High-Speed-Search-of-the emptiness(mere appearance)-of-separate-self-arisings-in-your-mindstream". What a designation The training and automizing of this is a merry-go-round of Awakenings/States -> realizations/understandings -> Awakenings/states -> ... , go upwards in levels of understandings, until the bucket breaks.... Have fun exploring! Water by the River ( : PS: Maybe you find Dziuban, "Consciousness Is All" interesting...

Your True Nature = Bliss/Happiness itself. The Source of it. The nearer you get, the better you feel. You will only rest when you are happy/blissfull, by definition. So how could being happy and free from anxiety not be important? Maybe my last post is also interesting for you. Water by the River

Nice. The bliss of the flow state is the little sister of the bliss when resting in Your True Being. Flow is very powerful, and a major source of bliss while still being in the claws of the separate-self-contraction. A main building block of the separate self is discontent, suffering and contraction, clearly felt behind the forehead. How much tension there is you clearly get to feel when its gone. Or before fully waking up, when passing from sleep to the waking state, that contraction kicks in. I remember a day when that didn't kick in the morning. Dzogchen-Trekchö: Release that tension, and any of the increasinly subtle separates sense-arisings/feelings. Gradually releasing these tensions (some tradition call it chakra-knots), energy flows more freely, the bliss of your True Nature begins to flow, turning the visual field gradually more nondual and bright and lucid, mere appearance, and identity more empty and empty.... the merry-go-round of Awakening -> Understanding/Realization -> Awakening -> Understanding/Realization -> ... Until... the bottom of the bucket breaks. What do you need to get a Lila/World going? Separate Self Arisings in the mindstream = frequent discontent/suffering/self-contraction. And experiences that relieve that [Maslows-Pyramid stage 1-6, plus X]. And you have the Samsara show of drama-comedy-tragedy merry-go-round. Not that too many just rest in their True Being, and are blissfull without [Maslows-Pyramid stage 1-6, plus X]. And, o-dare-you, wake-up. Show must go on.... What are the real Heros of Manifestation? Not the "ones" that wake up. But the ones that keep the show going. Stage 6 Maslow by the way was Self-Transcendence, which he added later in life. Funny, I have never seen stage 6 Self-Transcendence being used in a Business-Training-context using the Maslow-Pyramid https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Highwaymen_(country_supergroup) ... I fly a starship Across the Universe divide And when I reach the other side I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can Perhaps I may become a highwayman again Or I may simply be a single drop of rain But I will remain I'll be back again and again and again and again and again and again >Yeah, that’s what’s been my aim with psychedelics and 5 meo, to reach states that I couldn’t reach sober but then help that inform my understanding in my sober state. I can get into some deeper meditative states where things first start to move around and then begins to dissolve into light but it doesn’t compare to a more powerful trip. I have noticed how my understanding in my sober state makes my trips deeper so I can see that merry-go-round effect. To be continued!

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Yes. To realize what sand is, what You are, ever have been, ever will be, what Reality is, was and ever will be, and what is and will be the Reality of everything that could ever be, is Enlightenment (the final version of it, not the small ones lining up before that). At least in my lingo. Feel free to call it anything you like. And the sandcastles of the past or future don't exist, but are imagined right here and now. Take the sandcastles/appearance away and there is no time. And what kind of Sand Castles Reality/God can imagine, well that exploration and adventure is what you are seeing right now, to be continued. And since there is an Infinity of differently large Infinities (see Cantor Set Theory and Leos lovely Videos on them, especially "Understanding Absolute Infinity Part 2") , even God/Ultimate Reality will never run out of new sand castles to imagine and explore. That means "It" doesn't even have to imagine all of them (hey, lets skip that Horrorshow Sand Castle over "there", shall we?) to still have an Infinity of realties/Sand Castles yet to be explored. Would be a bit boring if you would already know all infinite Sand Castle-Adventures already. Having what you call Specific Omnicience of every Sand Castle possible/imaginable, that is not possible. God/Ultimate Reality is exploring its potential of an Infinity of Sand Castles. General Omnicience or realizing what Sand is (and what You really are), what the specific Sand Casle of ours is, and what the "substance/Reality" of every possible Sand Castle, is possible, see above. There is not only an Abyss when looking into the Abyss of the Absolute Subject, which by definition can't be an Appearance, or any form, it has to be in-FINITE, not FINITE, initially unaware if nothing is appearing (forms of Deep Sleep as anology), but with the potential for sentience of an appearance if manifesting it in IT to IT, made of IT (the Nondual-Awakening aspect). Your True Face before your parents were born. The Absolute. To really realize that, you have to be fully empty of any separate self arising that you don't see immedeately as object moving in you. Nonduality alone, or hearing the angels sing while still looking out from an empty transparent anything to "that" Infinity won't do it. But on top of that in-FINITE-ness of the Abyss of the Absolute Subject/Reality/Nothingness, there is an Infinity of Infinities of Manifestations/appearances/sand castles arising in IT possible. Ready for the adventure? Selling Water by the River PS: Nice books on these topics: Szyper, Infinite Consciousness: An In-depth Exploration of the Shift in Consciousness Constitutive of Enlightenment in relation to True Nature, the Soul, the Body-Mind, the Heart and the Me Good explanation of the stages of Enlightenment: 1. The Shift [Enlightenment] into the Manifested Essemce of Consciousness (various Awakenings) 2. The Shift [Enlightenment] into the Unmanifested Source of Consciousness/ Shift [Enlightenment] into Infinite Consciousness Gorman, What_s It Like To Be Enlightened, Book 1 & 2 (partial and full Enlightenment) Dziubin, Consciousness Is All

>I feel like it’s become a living reality in some ways but there is also conditioning that is pulling me back and how I experience things now in relation to that conditioning I’ve definitely felt and still feel to some extent that I’ve completely lost my mind and gone insane because it’s so far out compared to what I thought reality was 3-4 years ago. Be good to your separate self. It is not that you are not that, but you are not ONLY that. You contain it. If you say "You are not it", on one hand it is true, on the other hand you contain it. You give rise to it, it arises in you. So in the end, you are not ONLY it (credits concerning the "you are not not only that" to Colette Davie). In Ken Wilbers language: Differentiation and Integration vs. Disassociation and .... problems. Your separate self will operate better, more efficient, more loving and way smarter when you no longer have ignorance, or believe to be ONLY that separate self. In the words of Daniel Brown: The small you/separate self gets out of the way, Awakened Awareness (Mahamudra/Dzogchen-term for Infinite Consciousness/Reality) takes over and does all tasks and daily life at hand much more smarter than the separate small self/you could. And since the intelligence from the separate self is just borrowed from the infinite Intelligence of Reality, you just remove a filter limiting the flow of intelligence and intuition. The "I am not only the separate self",or "the separate self arises in me, and its just a bundle/a Gestalt of moving I feelings/thoughts, with no real existence beyond its structure/Gestalt/structure-Gestalt=probability-arising-distribution of thoughts/feelings" is in my opinion the more sophisticated version of Neti Neti. The separate self Gestalt/structure arisings "borrows" its appearance of being real/consciousness from Infinite Consciousness, like the planets are only shining from the light of the sun. It doesnt really exist/shine on its own (see the Video of Francis Lucille below). What is conscious is not the separate self, but infinite consciousness. And the separate self believing itself to be true is just being that misunderstanding arising/moving in that which is really conscious. You look out from your body like you look out from your car, but you are not your car. And with the separate self thoughts/feelings moving in you, its a bit more tricky, but a similiar confusion/mistaking what consciousness really is.... The only thing that fully drops from the separate self is the belief-concept (feeling and thought arisings) that you are only this body-mind or flow of identity-arisings. The rest of the separate self (or small you instead of You) can and should remain fully functional in You (Reality itself), that is the healthy version of the process. But if it all happens too fast (which can lead to a more "interesting" and unhealthy version of the process, with too little integration, see what happened to Ramana in the beginning. So huge is the bliss of realizing and dwelling in what You really are....). And until you experience the stabilized and integrated form, it can be an interesting ride... Have some humor on the path, a good map, and bon voyage! Luckily, it all happens in that which You really are, and you never can loose that. >I do admit that I’m to a certain extent trying to figure it out by thinking and reason but I’ve also experiences some unreasonable things in my trips so I know it has limits. I have had some breakthroughs but it’s not all clear so I’m weary of thinking ”I got it” and I can still feel there is this sense of wanting to ”grasp”. But I hope this can open me up more and help me go beyond that. To really get it, you need a change of state, an Awakening, as you write. For example via Psychedelics, and/or a good meditation system, like "Pointing out the Great Way, Brown". Or ideally, both. Then from these Awakenings come hopefully good/correct understandings/realizations. Correct understandings = understandings that facilitate and don't block further understandings/realization and Awakening-States. It is a merry-go-round of Awakening -> Realization/Understanding -> Awakening a level higher-> Realization/Understanding a level higher -> ... . Until you conform fully to the Enlightened Mind: And when your level of Awakening, boosted and stabilized by a foundation of correct or non-ignorant Understanding/Realization reaches a certain level, then Crossing Over to fully Realizing your True Nature can happen (necessary is normally a certain time of seeing the whole Visual Field/Awareness Bubble as mere infinite appearance arising, and seeing ALL thought/feeling-arisings moving as empty appearances in you). Especially the last point takes some time... A nice description is in Pointing Out the Great Way, Chapters on Crossing Over and Basis Enlightenment (Basis= Awakening to the Absolute Nature of Reality, in Zen "Great Enlightenment"). So you have to conform in Awakening State AND Understanding/Realization to the Real Nature of Things/Reality/Enlightened Mind, and then Crossing Over can happen all by itself. Infinite Consciousness/Reality realizing Itself what it is, Reality realizing Reality itself, since Reality is Infinite Consciousness. IT understands itself. And then one normally wonders why you haven't seen the forest for the trees earlier.... But hey, what a ride! But you can't force Crossing Over, that would be yet more of so called "artificial actitivites" of the separte-self-Gestalt, creating more Illusion while trying to force it. And that is why it is so difficult, and I am a bit less than totally happy with most of the maps we have so far about this process. Some traditions like Zen even made what some would call a fetish (sorry) out of throwing the maps away, like throwing away the Laṅkāvatāra Sūtra-Map [Wikipedia: the most important doctrines of the Laṅkāvatāra are the primacy of consciousness (Skt. vijñānavada), the teaching that consciousness as the only reality and that "all the objects of the world, and the names and forms of experience, are manifestations of the mind" as well as the "identification of the Buddha-nature (in the state of tathāgatagarbha) with alayavijñāna"]. More on that, see Wilber Integral Buddhism, chapter on Zen. Throwing maps away is true on some limited level, like getting out of only conceptual thinking into non-conceptual Awareness itself. But still... Look at the success-rate of enlightened ones, or rather the non-success-rate... Yet, I must admit I still love Zen, like whats more precise than your face before your parents were born? Or the Sound of the One Hand? Best map I have found so far is Pointing Out the Great Way, Daniel Brown. That, maybe boosted by Psychedelics to get some introduction to the Nondual-States faster... And for Buddhism & Psychedelics, see: Psychedelic Buddhism: A User's Guide to Traditions, Symbols, and Ceremonies, Crowley, and Secret Drugs of Buddhism: Psychedelic Sacraments and the Origins of the Vajrayana, Crowley. Not that Buddhism would ever do something like that.... ( : Francis Lucille on: Planets (separate self) shining in the light of the sun (Infinite Consciousness/Reality). They don't shine by themselves. Selling Water by the River ( :

I agree to all that Leo has written above. Some musings from over here: Free will vs. Determinism: The Real You (Infinite Consciousness/Reality) has absolute freedom. The separate self illusion arising in you just feels like being you, but is not you, never was you, never will be you. Never could. You contain these arisings of the separte self in the real You. So it doesn't really exist, and since it doesn't exist, it has no freedom. But the Real You has absolute freedom. Nothing is or could be outside of it to limit its power. You project this freedom that you so strongly intuit on the separate self. So it is an illusion/ignorance. But the core of that feeling of freedom of choice it true, it is the Real You. But: That reasoning will not be clear before some Awakenings into what you are, and then it can help you passing and ripening that understanding, and stabilizing you in resting what You are. Then & there it is beneficial. Before that, it is just impossible to fully get it. Structure of your World-Bubble-Perspective/Visual Field: Since any form of boundary between perspectives would be an imagined arising, it is illusory, an appearance. Your current consciousness is limited, you forget all other perspectives in real time. But you add/imagine separate self arisings (feelings and thoughts), which are the illusion/ignorance. With more consciousness, you can have a Vision like Leavitt (see book cover with infinite perspectives). To get Enlightenment or Omniscience into the structure of Reality, you don't need to see all perspectives, but to fully understand the nature/structure/essence of your perspective, which you then realize has necessarily to hold for all other perspectives/beings. And for all dimensions, since there are only perspectives in Indras Net. N+1 -style. Even a Molecule is some kind of proto-perspective, the interiortity of a Holon in Ken Wilbers theory for example. Although a very rudimentary one. Here some ideas/Koans how to investigate your perspective, and which kind of [Awakenings/Enlightenments] you need: all appearances are imagined arisings in you, any boundary to any other perspective would just be imagined/arising (so not real, just appearing): What is necessary for that Awakening: A state of sufficient Nonduality , appearances appearing as just appearances (hovering in you, hologram-like/translucent). Not the normal everyday state, so either lot of meditation done correctly or Psychedelics are necessary. Psychedelics are very useful to get a preview on that, it takes a while to get there via meditation. the True You as the fully empty Nothingness which is "structurally infinite": Awakening in to the Nothingness or empty cogniziant nature of your core. "Structurally infinite", since any boundary limiting it would just be an imagined appearance, NOT really limiting it, but appearing within it. Something outside that imagined boundary can always also appear/be imagined. And since it is infinite, has no boundary (that would just be an arising in itself), it can't go anywhere, can't die: Awakening into eternity or "always necessary here-ness, can't go anywhere else-ness, can not not be there-ness". Also wasn't created (that would be another arising). It has nothing outside of itself (would be another appearance/arising) which could have created or caused it. That is a mindf*** (sorry) of the highest degree once you stumble over it. No daddy, but You get used to it. ( : It can imagine whatever it wants (omnipotent). Then we have timeless/eternal, nonlocal/"everywhere"/every possible being and reality, literally the only "One" or Reality itself, nothing can be outside of It (omnipresent), and omnipotent (since its the only Reality, no other Reality is stopping It from whatever it wants). So we have eternal, infinite, omnipotent/all powerful. And in some persepctives/beings, it even knows its structural fundamental nature: omniscient of its fundamental structure/being. And that is where sometimes the God-word (eternal, omnipresent, omnipotent, infinite, omniscient) comes in.... But please, don't use any of these insights for separate-self-identity/arisings. That only makes trouble and, you know, bad Karma. Because it is just not true. All of that holds for the True Nature of You, not some not-really-existing (EX-isting = standing out from reality) separate self. But it is not standing out from Reality, it is moving in it, as it, the temporary arising separate-self illusion moving within you and temporary capturing the show for itself. after all of that, you can Awaken to the nature/structure of Manifested/Appearing Reality/Consciousness, God Mind, Infinite, Brahman, Nonduality, ... However you want to call it. The last step is: (oh yes, after all of the above when having been stabilized in it for some time (days, months, years), the last big shift comes. And you won't overlook that one, because all of the above is gradual. This one is quantum). You won't overlook this one, you don't need to contemplate it, don't need to "make a decission" on it or on what you hold as true. It is totally fundamentally self-evident. It IS YOU. With that, you can look the devil in the eye and not blink. You will have the peace and bliss of your True Nature, that is "maintenance-free", since it IS You. It is variously called Great Enlightenment (Zen), Basis Enlightenment (Mahamdura Brown, Pointing out the Great Way), Great Liberation, ... Who or what is aware of all of that described above? Of the nondual infinite God-Mind Bubble Universe of manifested Infinite Consciousness floating in Infinity, as Infinity. What is the Reality/Awareness of Yours, that is inseparable of this Reality? What is the Awareness/"Subject" in perceptions perceiving themselves, without ever possibly having any location/center? What is the Reality/Awareness that can be originally "unaware" when no appearances arise in You (for example, in unware "normal" Deep Sleep), but has the potential of sentience as soon as an appearance is manifested? Who is hearing these words right now? What is this Absolute Subject, the Absolute Nothingness, that is so empty as Subject itself that the Absolute Abyss, that even God can't see anything in It? That you can only "experience", or that becomes available when "looking back" from "one level lower" and intuit/understand it as absolute Abyss of the Absolute Subject that you are? That then can be intuited/realized as total Abyss/Nothingness. That can never be any form or arising, because "the eye can't see" itself style? The Unmanifested Consciousness Reality that can be unaware of itself if no appearance is imagined, and yet that manifests as any possible world appearance in itself as itself, totally nondual, as the One Infinite Reality? What is beyond Manifested/Appearing Reality/Consciousness, God Mind, Infinite, Brahman, Nonduality, beyond all of that, but at the same time expressing itself through that? What remains if all of that, the Universe-Appearance, is switched off and ends, and before a new creation arises (for example in Deep unaware Sleep, or immediately after death before the show goes on)? What is the unmanifested "side" of Consciousness/Reality/Nothingness, but which is not different at all from the appearances arising within it, as it? That which can not not be there? That which has been called Para-Brahman, Godhead, the Absolute, Absolute Awareness, Infinite Awareness. The Fundamental Real You. That neither exists as appearance, nor does not exist because something still appears? The Water of the River that every Being is at its core. Or much much more precise, after all my clumsy descriptions above have failed: The Clap of the One Hand, or your face before your parents were born. And since You are already It, "I" am just.... ... Selling Water by the River ( : Somebody made a Video Channel on the last step: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9vlZGtpdFIts8GOG5vu27g Bassui on the never stopping short with small Enlighenments: "I have seen that the foundation of the universe is Voidness; still what is this something within me which can see and hear?” he desperately asked himself anew. In spite of every effort, he could not rid himself of this obsessive doubt." [Emptiness and Nondual stage, separate self still intact, on a very rudamentary level, just a void separate self watching Infinity. "The lesser masters from whom Bassui had sought guidance had all sanctioned his enlightenment [see above, Awakenings], but Koho, sensing Bassui’s keen, sensitive mind and the strength and purity of his yearning for truth, did not give him his stamp of approval but merely invited him to remain" "At work, at rest, never stop trying to realize who it is that hears. Even though your questioning penetrates the unconscious, you won’t find the one who hears, and all your efforts will come to naught. Yet sounds can be heard, so question yourself to an even profounder level. At last every vestige of self-awareness [remnants of Empty Witness] will disappear and you will feel like a cloudless sky. Within yourself you will find no “I,” nor will you discover anyone who hears. This Mind is like the void, yet it hasn’t a single spot that can be called empty [no location, unilocal, perception perceiving themselves]. Do not mistake this state for Self-realization, but continue to ask yourself even more intensely, “Now who is it that hears?” If you bore and bore into this question, oblivious to anything else, even this feeling of voidness will vanish and you won’t be aware of anything—total darkness will prevail. [Don’t stop here, but] keep asking with all your strength, “What is it that hears?” Only when you have completely exhausted the questioning [having become fully empty, even of identity with manifested Consciouss, "God-Mind"] will the question burst; now you will feel like someone who has come back from the dead. This is true realization. You will see the Buddhas of all the universes face-to-face and the Dharma Ancestors past and present." "With the passage of time one’s thoughts are stilled and one experiences a void like that of a cloudless sky [Emptiness, Nonduality]. You must not, however, confuse this with enlightenment. Putting aside logic and reason, question yourself even more intensely in this wise: “Mind is formless, and so right now am I. What, then, is hearing?” Only after your search has permeated every pore and fiber of your being [having become totally empty] will the empty-space suddenly break asunder and your Face before your parents were born appear. You will feel like one who abruptly awakens from a dream." from Kapleau, The Three Pillars of Zen PS: I didn't create that Video. But it is beautiful.

from my previous post "Then: When you are fully empty and nondual, perceptions perceiving themselves, at some point you will directly have the realization and understanding that the same Consiousness that you are is in the "other", having arisings of the separate self-feelings and -thoughts, being believed and not seen through, just in the same way it was with you for a long time. Then, these dry perspectives explained above become a lived and felt reality." It is a part of Awakening to feel that the real You is looking through all beings/perspectives. Sorry if my answer was not clear. Leavitt has that in his book, a beautiful description. " ... or others just act in accordance to the ONE intelligence but they are dead on the inside (no life inside, no conscious experience, no pov)". Feel into the subjectivity of other beings/perspectives, and deep into your own subjectivity/Awareness. And see what you find. Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj — 'The consciousness in you and the consciousness in me, apparently two, really one, seek unity and that is love.'

Since Reality contains both these infinities, well.... There is an infinity of differently large infinities, see Cantors set-theory. That is really good news: Absolute Reality does not need to imagine all Lilas to go on infinitely. There can be choice. Not all crap has to be imagined. And the opposite view of your existential worries: You will get to experience all beauty, love and adventure imaginable. >It bothers me that God is so unconditionally selfless and has an infinite capacity to remember/forget aspects of itself. >Do you deeply fear that all the consciousness work you do can simply be forgotten by God in an instant and suddenly God imagines itself to be a rat in some sewer after imagining alien consciousness? >This is a deep existential crisis for me That view is deeply dualistic, and cured by a change of perspective happening at Awakening: What you think you are (separate self) is an illusion (moving/arising in you), what you really are is Reality itself (which can not loose or gain anything), and It calls all the shots. It can never die or change. It also doesn't suffer, it has the Illusion of suffering moving in it. It never gains or looses anything. > Why do all this work when you simply can forget all of it as if it didn't even exist. Because what you can gain is so good that it is beyond your wildest dreams. And you actually are It. And you will put the work into it, get to understand/experience it at some point, this life or one of the next. It/You (with a capital Y) decides what gets manifested next: What happens after death, or "You are the only game in town": Francis Lucille "How Is Consciousness Experienced After Death? (Meditation 1 of 24)" > Has God put enough pointers in the imagination just so that it can find its way back? "Ignorance is a bad idea only from the vantage-point of ignorance." But at the end: You need an Awakening of what you really are to fully understand that. But don't worry, the real You can never loose or gain anything. In reality it is all a big joke. And the joke is literally the illusion-separate-self you imagine yourself to be. One day you will laugh, and be fearlessness itself. By knowing what you really are, ever have been, and never can not be. And by knowing and understanding the structure of the "you" having these fears. Hint: What is the you that worries to loose its Awakenings or Enlightenment again? Illusion-arisings (feelings and thoughts) of a separate self moving in that which you really are. You can not fake this understanding, nor just think your way through it. You need an Awakening into what You are, and what Reality is. All of what I have written above is prelimary to that. And also a very true perspective: "Though the view should be as vast as the sky, keep your conduct as fine as barley flour". Why? Because in Lila Karma holds. It can bite back, it is still valid. Cause-effect. Reality is smart, way smarter than the small separate self. So if you think as separate self "Ah, its all a big joke, I do what I want, who cares", bad bad bad idea. If a separate self thinks that, that thinks cause-effect or Karma doesn't hold... It will suffer, and not get to liberation or even relative happiness, until you correct that specific ignorance. Either you have realized what you are, or you better don't fool yourself as separate self "nothing matters"-style. Suffering, or something has to rout you back home.... Its either suffering or understanding. Luckily, at the end, You are It, so you can not avoid going home.... and then, if You want, on another adventure again to express your love. Selling water by the river, "the wave fearing to loose knowing to be river-water"-style