Preetom

Thanks for your responses. I'll keep at it. And I think I've read my fair share of scriptures including books on the conversation with Maharshi. Still read them everyday for inspiration and fine tuning the necessary ideas about the practice and the metaphysics involved in it. I must also admit your posts and book have inspired me to take it seriously as well. So thanks for everything

Thanks for the answer. Now it makes sense. So you were finally able to persist without having major personality puzzle issues. And that was the case because you integrated the personality for 19 years, so it didn't bothered that much or come as a big obstacle. Now I have something to say regarding the practice. This is where I am at right now. I can see that the so called holding 'I' or being aware of awareness was actually focusing on some very subtle, hard to detect sensations. Or at the very least, it was holding on to the thought that 'I am aware or I am present'' So that means, self-inquiry won't necessarily be a practice where the mind is completely calm and quiet, right? Because there is always movement going on and the simultaneous recognitions of what the 'I' is not. Right now it feels like a repeated moment to moment spark for me. The I feeling is there, but it is not a phenomena. It almost feels like an endless freefall with nothing to grab on to. From time to time, the tendency to grab the I collapses by itself. Usually by this time, I'd be distracted by thoughts. So should I keep on repeating the technique over and over again?

Thanks for sharing. This morning I found out that happiness can never be an object of experience. Just like you cannot ever be an object of experience! What we conventionally know as happiness, is not happiness at all! Just like what we conventionally think ourselves to be has nothing to what we really are. It was so clear all of a sudden that I finally understood why in advaita vedanta the Self is called existence-consciousness-bliss. Bliss and the Self are literally one and the same thing. You cannot ever 'know' happiness, just like you cannot ever 'know' yourself as an object. Happiness is just another name of you. Maybe forgotten but yet it's still there. Edit: This is why I said even if you are 99% happy, you aren't done yet. Keep going. You still haven't realized yourself. Complete self-realization will simultaneously be complete happiness. In fact, they are the same thing.

@winterknight Thanks a lot for the elaborate answer. It reminds me something I read in a conversation with Maharshi. A seeker was casually telling if he could self-realize within few days by doing constant self-inquiry in meditative sitting. Maharshi replied, ''Why don't you try? Your very tendencies won't let you'' So at this point, the question comes how did you know that you were ready to do intense self-inquiry after 19 years? Where did that conviction come from? Why not 5-10 years ago or later? Is there a sign where I can know it's time for me to dive deep into inquiry and leaving all else?

I'll leave you something from Maharaj. I've read it so many times, it is fairly in my memory now ''The seeker is he, who is in search of himself. Leave all questions except one. Who am I? After all, the only thing you are sure of, is that you are. No one can legitimately deny their own existence. In order to know what you are, you first have to know what you are not. Clearly see everything you are not. Body, mind, memory, time, space anything perceivable or conceivable, is not you. The very act of perception shows you that you are not what you perceive. The sooner you realize that you cannot be described in any mind language whatsoever, the sooner you'll come to the end of your search''

So you are ultimately relying on other people's comment to validate whether you've finally got it or not? would that be something direct or indirect?

If you are 99% happy, don't sell yourself short yet. Keep gaining clarity about that 1% unhappiness. Btw have you contemplated what happiness really is?

@Aakash Reading your posts, I assume that you have am incessant fascination of trying to describe yourself or Reality with models, words and intelleculization. Haven't you had enough? Can you open yourself up to a possibility that you can never 'know' yourself through an act of knowing or understanding, yet you will be 100% yourself? Are you okay with being yourself as you really are without knowing about it or any desire to understand it?

There is no other way. The more I do self-inquiry, the more I see that literally everything is just more distraction. Any thought, fear, doubt, desire, reluctance however grand or shallow, it's not it. The mind is such as a tricky thing. The moment it creates a maze, it gets lost into it obliviously. It boils down to 2 choice really. In or out. Self inquiry or more monkey chatter. Winternight, how were you able to pull this off? Did you only do the formal technique of self-inquiry in the final 1 year for the first time? Or were you trying for years and in the final year it really had the traction?

great. Seek yourself until you're clearly shown that you can't be sought or figured out or understood in any way. Any way you define yourself, you limit yourself as something you are not

if it doesn't spoil your peace then I wouldn't call it seeking in the first place. on whose behalf does seeking arise? What do you take yourself to be?

It is the same. It only seems a little different superficially and maybe at initial stages. But eventually you reach the same 'place' whether you are doing self-inquiry, witnessing or do nothing meditation : 1) A state where you are relaxed but yet fully aware and alert (not blank or sleepy) 2) 'You' are not attached to any particular phenomena. You are being as you are. Just depending on the current situation, you can apply different techniques. Self inquiry is great for belief and thought deconstruction. Witness is great for all day awareness during other activity. Do nothing meditation is great for intentional surrender during a sit. But eventually they will lose all distinction and only a lucid, pure, unattached, thoughtless observation will prevail

Seek as long as you feel like it. There is no other way. That seeking will have to exhaust itself. So it's better to utilize that seeking in the inner realm than seeking for pleasure I was talking about Soonhei's situation, where he is already in peace and yet the non duality jargon is bogging him down

The point of self inquiry is to make the mind see it's own shallowness, limitations and utter inability to be at peace to such a depth over and over that it finally surrenders it's folly. Keep the good work

@SoonHei If you are happy without the seeking/fearing dynamic, stay there in that happiness. No need to figure this stuff out. It's only gonna spoil it

How do you know all this? You must have been aware or witnessed this dynamic going on, right? And if you can 'witness' it, then that means that formless 'I' is no longer an 'I'. da ta

If you see a Bubba, go fishing shrimps with him

''This stuff will kill ya sonny''

Will do. Thanks for everything

From delusion to enlightened master Nahm

''The Enlightened Master who did 1000 5 meo DMT trips'' Who is gonna be the character of this book for the very first time? Would he/she survive till 1000 trips to talk about it?

''The fool who persists in his folly will become wise'' - William Blake

@Aakash In hindu tradition, the primary job after self-realization is being grounded constantly in Being..which eventually leads to a more and more Satvic mind-body. A satvic body-mind is the most perfect conductor to channel the bliss of Self. Better the mirror, better the reflection.

They arise out of decades of habit and remaining momentum. Stay enlightened for 5,10, 20 years they'd slow down and eventually disappear

''There are few things more dangerous than an ego which thinks it is God'' - Adyashanti