TheSpiritualBunny

Hello, so I tried all kinds of psychedelics, LSD, ETH-LAD, several Psilocin derivitives and phenethylamines like 2C-B, but I find the by far most intense psychedelic besides 5-MeO-DMT I've tried is Psilocybin. I used LSD up to 750ug, ETH-LAD up to 275ug, as well as 2C-B up to 45mg, but 3g of mushrooms are much scarier for me then any of this, even 1g often gives me bad anxiety, half of my trips on it were pretty bad, while on the other psychedelics I rarely had bad experiences. The worst one was my last mushroom experience over half a year ago. It was a dose of 3 or 3.5g (not sure), and at first it took so long to come on, for the first 2 hours it was super weak but after the 2 hour make it suddenly got super intense. So far it was pretty fun, even the peak was great. All kinds of dualities and differences between things seem to melt and dissapear, everything in my mind and around me seemed to melt together. The scary thing started when I was starting to come down, this melting together of all concepts started to gave me extreme confusion, it was such severe confusion that it was terrifying. It started when I tried to text a friend and I couldn't decide what words to use, I didn't know what wording would be best, all I could type was "everything is so confusing, I have no idea what's happening". I had no idea why something would be good or bad, and when I would try to calm myself down I would thing "Why should I calm down and meditate? It makes no difference if I panik instead." I was questioning why I was here, what is even happening in this existence. I tried to distract myself and continued watching one of Leo's videos about self deception, and I remember him saying something like "Whatever self deception you would find in Trump, you would find times a thousand in yourself" which freaked me out even more, I couldn't understand why we would find self deception in ourselves. I started restlessly running though the house feeling like I'm gonna freak out, I even got scared that I would kill myself because I thought I went insane., so I ended up taking some xanax to end this, which brought me back within just 20 minutes. This was so scary that I haven't taken mushrooms since then, except for 0.25g doses, but even these would give me anxiety. The weird thing is that this happened when the trip was mostly over, the peak was really amazing. I'm just wondering what happened there? Was I maybe close to some kind of awakening experience or ego death? I would really like to try mushrooms again, but this experience really scared me.

I tried a lot of psychedelics, for me all of these 4-HO Tryptamines were really mild and fun psychedelics, non of them come even close to the intensity of Psilocybin/ psilocin, even though their chemical structures are so similar, psilocin is just much more hardcore then any of it's analogs. TBH I would even say that all these psilocin analogs like 4-HO-MET, 4-HO-DET or 4-HO-MiPT are kinda baby psychedelics, which is so surprising, because psilocin/ psilocybin itself is one of the most hardcore serious psychedelics I've tried.

A while ago I watched Leos video about detoxing from heavy metals, and as someone who studied Chemistry for almost a decade now I have to say that the information in this video is very good, much better then I would expect from a typical "detox" video. I have to applaud Leo for doing proper research about this topic, there were a lot of things I didn't even know about. Chelation therapy is a proper treatment for removing many heavy metals like Lead, Mercury and Cadmium from the body. However, there is one really poisonous heavy metal for which chelation won't work, and that is Thallium. Thallium (element Nr. 81) lies between Mercury (80) and Lead (81) in the periodic table and is a metal you probably didn't hear much about besides it having been used for murdering people and as rat poison. In the test results Leo showed in his video the Thallium level was the 2nd highest right after mercury, but surprisingly he didn't even mention this metal once. Thallium causes peripheral nerve damage, hair loss and induces cancer, which is different from Lead and Mercury which mainly cause CNS damage. Acute thallium poisoning makes people feel like they are walking on red hot coal. Sources for Thallium exposure are Vegatables and fruits high in potassium, because Thallium acts like Potassium and therefore gets accumulated in these plants. Cement work, waste from the oil industry and smog from coal burning introduce Thallium into the environment as well. Lead, Mercury and Cadmium all have a charge of +2 in the body, therefore they bind with sulfur in proteins which usually has a -2 charge, thereby destroying them. Chelating agents like DMSA have negatively charged sulfur in the molecule which attracts the positively charged metals like a magnet. However thallium has only a +1 charge in the body and doesn't interact as much with negatively charged sulfur, so chelating agents like DMSA don't interact with it. In order to remove thallium prussian blue is used which forms an insoluble complex with it. Thallium competes with Potassium in the body, so making sure to get enough Potassium via Food, Potassium suppliments or by using low sodium salt (which has potassium added to it) is also very important for removing Thallium, besides other things these are the two main way you can get rid of Thallium. I would suggest doing more research about this yourself. Anyway, I hope this interesting and helpful to some people here.

Thanks a lot, that makes sense. The trip right before my ETH-LAD trip where I realized I was God, which was also on 200ug ETH-LAD I also got intense panic out of nowhere during the comeup, it felt like something huge was about to happen, but I couldn't tell what and I had no clue why I was panicking, it made the effects crazy intense. I guess I was close to ego death so that in the trip after I managed to break though that barrier. I'd like to do it again, but I'm worried that I would freak out again and harm myself, I can see how these trips can get so horrifying that someone would kill themselves to make it end, especially with mushrooms. I think I'm gonna try it with Mescaline instead for now, it feels a bit more gentle. Btw, what do you think of trip killers like xanax or valium? Do you think there is any situation where it would be appropriate to use them? Since they can be quite addictive.

So you mean prussian blue and high potassium intake wouldn't work? Did you find some articles about that?

I see so many posts here basically saying "If you're an unattractive guys, you can improve a lot, if you're an unattractive girl, you're screwed." It seems to make a lot of women here feel very insecure, and I also think it's simply not the case. Women are just as visual as men, an attractive guy has way more options then an average or below average guy. If you make a tinder profile with a very attractive guy, even if his profile text is horrible, he still gets a lot of matches. There was an experiment were someone made a profile with a guy that looks like a model and in his description he said he molested a child, he got hundreds of matches with girls messaging him saying they like "bad boys". Also, even an unattractive women has way more options then a average or below average guy has. These guys might not be the most attractive, but a lot of them are still great options, these women are just often not interested in them. If a guy looks attractive, women mostly also assume that they are more confident and have a better personality. I'm socially extremely awkward, and I had a really awkward video call with a few asian women from bumble who were really into me, after the video call, their interest in my did not diminish at all. I still think personality is important though, for both men and women. If a women who is interested in me is attractive but has a bad or boring personality, I would still wanna have sex with her (I try not to tho, it's unhealthy), but I wouldn't wanna date her long term. And there were also women I weren't really attracted to in the beginning but became attracted to them late on because they were really sweet, loving and compassionate, which is extremely important for me in a girlfriend. So I just wanna give girls who might be not so attractive some encouragement, and for guys to be a bit nicer. If you don't wanna date a girl just because she isn't attractive, you probably aren't really worth dating anyway. And I also would like girls to pay more attention and be conscious of how looks influence your dating choices, because it has more more influence then you might think.

At 21, I tried my first illegal drug, Mephedrone. I was at a bad place in my life, burned out from school, something with a girl, so overall the worst time to try this drug, and I got hooked on it for the next few months. Over about the next two years I abused all kinds of drugs, during the worst time I would often take xanax with alcohol, which could have easily killed me, however I didn't really care at this point. Later I started to care about my life again, maybe this has something to do with using psychedelics, but at that point I just used them for fun. But since then it got better and I used less and less, but I'm still not over the addiction. However, I have extremely low motivation, I started studying pharmacy at a university, but I can barely get myself to study. I also took the big 5 personality test, and I scored 71% in Agreeableness, 78% in Openness, 18% in extroversion, 61% in Neuroticism and 4% in Conscientiousness. I almost felt like crying when I saw this, because of the last three. Conscientiousness is extremely important for discipline, and the exam is correct, I have barely any discipline. I've also heard that you can't really change these traits as an adult. But I feel like I might also have messed it up with my addiction, first of all I kinda wasted 2 years of my life with it, and before that I at least had some kind of motivation, but now I'm wasting all day on Youtube, and I'm afraid I permanently lost my motivation. In my teens I would study Japanese, make drawings for others and was really into chemistry. Now I don't feel like doing any of this and just watch videos and get high, it's sad. I wish I could go to a clinic just so I'm forced to stay away from drugs for a while which would help me to quit, but that's not so easy right now. A few months ago I also started talking to girls on dating apps, but I feel like I can't really connect with any of them, even if they are interested in me. However, I finally started meditation for 20 minutes a day, it was so hard to convince myself to start, so it's a huge acchievement for me and I wanna increase that time over time, however the at this point milder drug use is still quite hindering. But if I keep going like I'm doing now, I for sure will go nowhere, and I know I have to hurry up, I will soon turn 24. I can't sleep right now because it worries me so much, I'd love to get some advice.

So I saw a lot of posts on the r/atheism of people bashing religion and religious people, so I felt like I had to make a post where I explained why I religious people are religious, and that we have to be more compassionate to them instead of insulting them, because it just turns them off and makes them hate atheism. I got A LOT of hate for this posts, it has about 9% upvotes right now and moderators removed the post. I think it's pretty ironic because atheists often say they unlike religious people they wanna have constructive conversations, and then when I start one about religion they are just hateful and remove my post while saying that religious people are just stupid and we have to keep telling them that. This makes me kinda sad, I'm not religious nor an atheist, just like Leo I came to spirituality from atheism. However, I think atheism is extremely useful and it would be great if we get more religious people to get into atheism, but atheists just alianate them with this behavious. I feel like most of them have no interest in getting religious people interested in atheism and and just wanna show off how much "smarter and superior" they are compared to atheists.

Exactly, you get it! Everything is love and we all want love and do everything out of love. Now you also have to look at all the things you don't like and realize that it's love, Hitler started world war 2 our of love, he just wanted to make the world better.

No, this is exactly what turns people away from atheism. Yes, I just think that atheism might be the next step in for many people in their developement, I also was an atheist for 22 years of my life. And that's exactly what I'm trying to do when talking with religious people. I actually have a muslim girl as a friend I met on OkCubid, I decided it would be pointless to date her because her believe, so we remained friends. I sometimes just try to encourage her to question her believes while still being respectful, which sometimes even worked. She told me that her ex was mocking her religion saying stuff like "uh, Muhammed was a pedophile" and she broke up with him because of that. Religion is a huge part of their identity and ego, and therefore mocking it just turns them away. Same with atheism, I just wish people wouldn't so dogmatic about their believes, then we could learn a lot from each other.

I don't think so, a lot of your looks like your facial structure is genetic, some people are just really unlucky. And a lot of it is also depends on your childhood, like if you have been breathing through your mouth a lot when growing up and didn't use your jaw a lot for chewing (which is a problem almost everyone in the west has due to modern food) your jaw doesn't develope properly and you get a receeding jaw and croocked teeth, which you can't really change much anymore once you're an adult. Gym can also only increase your looks to a certain level, your genetics and childhood developement put a cap on how attractive you can get. Personality is also very hard to change, it developes during childhood and when you're an adult you can't really change a lot about it anymore. Also, a genetic condition isn't caused by "your parents not giving a fuck", it's literally in the name, it's GENETIC. If your child has a genetic condition like downs syndrome, which is caused 3 of the 21st chromosome instead of 2.

Yes, many don't know how to do this and get damaged by attractive guys who only wanna have sex with them.

I'm actually vegetarian and agree with most of what vegetarians and vegans say, but I cringe at these agressive vegetarians and vegans, they just put people off and thereby ironically keep many people from becoming vegetarian or vegan, I would never judge someone for eating meat, I think it's okay in many circumstances and I also did it for 17 years of my life. These are typical strage green people and I see they are important in the developement of our society. Same with atheists, they are mostly typical strage orange people and an important step in the developement of society, Atheism is very useful and an definitely more developed then religious people, so I don't judge them. Same, I always cringe at my older comments, I probably will even cringe at the comments I'm making right now in a year, but that's a sign of developement. I just hope that many of these atheists will do the same, but maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Of course, I didn't just believe it when I heard it, I just thought it was worth looking into.

The weird thing is for a minority of guys aspergers seems to make their personality really cute and more likable, but for most it makes them less likable, and this is unrelated to looks. I know one guy with aspergers and he is way more likable then most people I know. Also from my experience it also seems to make me more likable, people often have much closer friendships with me. So maybe I didn't makes such a bad impression as I think, not sure.

Yeah it's kinda sad. I was an atheist my whole life, in fact I'm really into chemistry. I think I saw your videos about god and oneness not even two years ago when I still was an atheist, and I just thought "hmm, that makes so much more sense then what science says" and I had absolutely no direct experience of it at that time. I just assumed that many other people, especially atheists are like me. You also came there from atheism. For me when I heard about god and spirituality, it answered almost all questions science and atheism never answered, so it was easy for me. Exactly, but they think almost exactly like religious people.

Looks matter for everyone, not just men. If a women finds a guy attractive, she will put up with much more then if she doesn't. Conficence and humor only works if you aren't completely unattriactive, and attractive guys don't have to be confident or funny to attract women. I know this from experience, asian women find me really attractive because they are into western guys, I have to do barely anything to attract them. I'm socially very awkward and I have aspergers, I had an extremely awkward video call with an asian girl from bumble, and she still was super attracted to me after that. Also, girls have way more options then guys, I'm sure there are many guys who are interested in her but she isn't interested in them, most guys usually only have one girl interested in them every once in a while. She won't have a problem with finding someone else if she wants to, don't worry. Also I can confirm that I also care a lot about looks, I'm sure it's not just you, everyone is like that. There are experiments of tinder profile with a guy who looks like a model, and in the profile he literally says that he molested a child and he still got hundreds of matches.

I also think it might have to do something with my provious intense high dose experiences. When I started with psychedelics normal doses wouldn't do it for me, but I guess at that point I still just used psychedelics for fun. Btw, what do you think about going outside on low doses (but still not microdoses)? For me, walking though Vienna or doing everyday actvities on 100ug of LSD or ETH-LAD was always quite interesting and insightful.

Whenever I used psychedelics, I always used huge doses, like after some point at least 500ug LSD or beyond heavy doses of other psychedelics because I very rarely had a bad trip, but most of them also didn't do anything for me, except for a 275ug ETH-LAD trip where I experienced a completel nondual state for the first time, since then I got really interested in psychedelics again. After not taking them for months, I grew some mushrooms, and I suck at that, I managed to get like probably less then 1g of dried golden teacher mushrooms. Since I never tried mushrooms up to this point, I decided to take the 1g to get some mild effects and see what it's like. About maybe 20 to 30 minutes of taking it, I absolutely started feeling the come up, and it got stronger and stronger. Since I didn't expected much more, I just decided to watch a video from Chubbyemu where someone injects brewed mushroom tea into his arm, just for fun. I also started to see moderate visuals, which I didn't expect. But at some point I just didn't feel like watching anything anymore and took off the headphones. I was so surprised at how intense it got, I just was sitting there for over an hour staring at my screen and just observing the almost rythmic buzzing sounds in my head. I just started to get kind of a glimps of what my most intense experience was like. The idea that I'm a male, or a human started to fade a little and I felt a bit like I just was this empty, infinite being with no gender, no personality, and I just started to observe it for a while, it also felt quite loving. During the quarentine, I just started texting with several girls from a few dating apps, but I couldn't really connect with any of them. But during the experience it became appearent to me that I should just put more effort into it. I would often forget things I talked about with one girl, and I saw how this was kinda disrespectful and I should put more effort into doing that. Anyway, it could have been stronger, but I didn't expect it to even be nearly as intense as it was. I also often just watched videos during trips, and I realized that this might have been a reason for why most of them didn't get me anywhere. I got a better harvest now, and I'll keep doing this every once in a while without distracting myself, thank you for reading!

I had a history with pretty bad drug addictions, one of the main things are Benzodiazepines like Xanax. I already had benzo withdrawals twice, the first time in a clinic, and the second time I just waited it out in my bedroom. If you don't know what that's like, it's absolute hell. I still occasionally use them, like every few days. I don't really get much euphoria from them, they just make me feel peaceful and I can think more clearly, which gives me so much motivation to do stuff. Like replying to people, cleaning my room, exercising and trying new things. Before my first withdrawal I used Clonazepam for a month, and this month was amazing. I had so much motivation, I was cycling for several miles a day, I was super motivated to work, I booked a bungee jump, attented a protest, all things I would never do, I felt so free. In my sober state I feel just kinda stuck, I can't bring myself to try new things and end up just being unproductive all day just watching videos. I always feel like that it's pointless to try anything new because I feel like I would just fail anyway, but on benzos it's more like "let's try it and see what happens", which I think would be a much better approach. I also often feel kinda ashamed for what kind of things I like or music I listen too, and with benzos I don't care, it's just gone I've thought about getting a new prescription because I just don't know how to solve this, but benzos are extremely addictive and not a long term solution, I don't believe in treating people with such drugs, but I'm just desperate at this point. I just wanted to ask if some of you have some techniques like certain kinds of meditations or other things which over some time can give me this benefits longterm. I really just wanna stop with all psychiatric medications for good at some point and fix this permanently. Thanks for your replies!

Well thanks, I honestly hate to admit it, but I took 1mg of xanax over an hour ago and that's why I even feel like reading the replies. I don't know why, maybe I was worried that people would judge me. I don't even wanna get messed up and black out on benzos, I just like this calm and content feeling which really lifts my mood, I just feel okay, and that's why I find them so addictive. I've even used Methamphetamine here and there over a year ago and it was rather easy to stop. The euphoria was great, but that's not something I really want, I just wanna feel okay and do the things I always wanted to do, it would be great if I could do that sober as well. One of the most frustrating things is that I often even cancle video calls with girls I met on Bumble, it just really stresses me. I used Psychedelics a lot, LSD, ETH-LAD, 4-HO-MiPT, 4-HO-DET, 4-HO-MET and 5-MeO-DMT. I got a lot of insights about oneness and nonduality, but it didn't really help me with the addiction or motivation problem. I can easily get any of these drugs, but I still live with me parents, and I don't wanna bring any illegal substances in their house anymore, so I'll have to wait until I move out. My parents are great tho, and they aren't against psychedelics, my mom even is supportive of them. And I kinda gave up on therapists after I went to probably more then 5 or 6 different ones, I think just Leo's videos helped me more then all therapy combined Anyway, I didn't know you can journal here, thanks for your help. I've honestly considered using something like Kitchen Safe for Clonazepam, to keep me from taking it too often. I don't wanna get high from it, I just wanna get started with uni, and right now I really struggle with this. But I would obviously also do other things so that I wouldn't need it anymore in the future. I'll give it a try, thanks for all the suggestions. I'm still worried that it won't work tho. During me over 2 month stay in the clinic I also had nothing to do, I only used my phone sparinly and besides that there was nothing to do besides the occassional therapy sessions. And instead of being productive, all I ended up doing was just lying in my bed all day doing nothing except for just thinking. I have a very creative phantasy, and that alone can already be an escape. I even often lie awake for hours at night, not because I'm worrying, but because I'm just really entertained by my thoughts and ideas and it's so hard to shut it off. I sometimes just take Diphenhydramine just so that my mind would shut up.

I'd be surprised if I would be the first one to post this, this song is pretty much an anthem for stage orange.

Okay, even if I don't feel right, this is still the absolute truth and exactly what should be, but I get your point there. And yes, right now I don't feel like I'm god, but does anyone ever get in a permanent state of being conscious that they are god? I was absolutely conscious that I was god on a 275ug ETH-LAD trip, and during this I was conscious of that for probably 6 to 8 hours where it felt like no one else besides me existed and I was the only being here. I was sure I will never forget that, but as the drug wore off, I was just really shocked but also back to normal. And you're right, I also thought about just having a bit fun during my 20s and also getting into relationships, I just hope I can find girls that interest me. On Spiral dynamics, I'm pretty much at yellow with a bit of tourquise (I took a test), so that might also be a reason why I isolate myself a lot lately, like I barely even text people. Not because of anxiety, I often just don't feel like it. My therapist suggested it might me signs of depression, but I'm certain I don't have depression, I feel alright pretty much all the time. I also hope I can travel next year (well now, this year). Disipline is the hardest part for me, it hinders me with finding my own apartment, studying for uni exams, and I'm embarressed to admit, I waste my free time watching youtube videos right now. I wanted to make somewhat abstract and crazy drawings about Nonduality and Love, I have such good pictures in mind, but I still didn't do it Anyway, thanks for your reply.

I don't know why, but I started to understand Nonduality way before watching Leo's videos or any other videos about it, I didn't even know that term back then. But during my later teens to early 20s, I just started to see that you can't seem to put things into strict categories, but they are on a spectrum. Like in chemistry, Metal and nonmetal. I saw that there isn't a strict boundary, but instead the elements gradually go from metal to nonmetal from left to right. Or with mental illnesses, no one has either just Depression or not, or ADHD or not, or OCD or not, or Autism or not (not really a mental illness). I just started to see how everything bleeds into each other. Then at about 21 I started using drugs (not just psychedelics, so I'll keep it short), not for Nonduality, but just because I was curious. But I surprisingly got insights from them, stimulants often made me contemplate things, where at some point I came to the conclusion that wishing or imagining for something to be different makes no sense, because everything just is the was it is, and it can't be any other was. During my dissociative drug abuse I became completely aware that I have no free will as this ego, I'm (my ego self) is just a part of the whole universe, which happens in a continious flow. You can't blame anyone including yourself, it completely destroyed the boundary between what I'm responsible for and what others are responsible for. It went so far that I just became completely aware all language, distinctions, basically our whole systeme in which we operate is a complete illusion, it completely breaks down when you investigate it deep enough, I'm aware that the words I'm typing here are also just nonsense which can only work within dualities. But this just made me feel very helpless, since I knew our whole thought systemes and languages are complete illusions, but we still have to use them. I couldn't say anymore what is my fault and what are other peoples faults. Doing something "good" didn't make sense anymore because that's also an illusion. However, I had a lot of puzzle pieces already, and finding Leo's videos about Nonduality helped me piece many of them together, like that there is an Absolute. love + hate = Love, good + bad = Good, free will + determinism = Will. But some things I still don't understand, besides deconstructing my ego to persue enlightenment, what should I do with that? How should I do good when everything is ultimately Good? I don't wanna use nonduality as an excuse to do "evil" things, but no matter what I will do, even if I go on the streets and shoot up Heroin, it is ultimately Good, since it's gods Will for the purpose to maximize Love. So this still makes me confused, and I don't know what to do about that. Thank you for reading this, I'd love to hear your opinions or suggestions.

Yeah, it does seem a bit odd at first but it also kinda makes sense after a while. You also often hear this from people who tried 5-MeO-DMT that they felt such an overwhelming sense of love, they often say it felt so overwhelmingly loving that it was terrifying. I also like Leos analogy with raising a stray kitten. You can't just run up to a stray kitten and cuddle it, it will be terrified and bite you, you have to slowly earn that kittens trust and let it come to you. I also had an experience of oneness on 275ug ETH-LAD, I cannot put into words what was going on in my mind. But it also felt really loving, I didn't even understand why, it just did. It is you!