bilbomi

@abrakamowse You are right, of course. My ego still wants to blue pill itself though! I’ve had these realisations to a lesser extent in the past and managed to bury them. It’s all out again now though.. my life is a lie! It was a nice lie though, I want the lie back and I will face the consequences later. Haha

@Seraphim Ok thanks, that’s a relief. So, the understanding may reside permanently deep-down but I should be able to feel like some sort of “me” again with time, am I interpreting your message correctly? I’m also curious, does it make sense to you that I would want to return? I know that as you’ve reached an advanced stage, you see that we are both one and you have love towards me and all others. So, from your perspective does a desire to “forget” what I have learned make any sense at all? I feel as though this may seem counterproductive to you, since it must seem unthinkable to imagine yourself identifying with the “I” at this point. I must explain that I am reacting this way seeing as I didn’t seek this understanding out, I clicked on a video out of curiosity and the effect simply happened. It now feels like things don’t “matter” in the sense that I’d imagined, and that’s quite a scary revelation. Of course, I always had a suspicion that nothing mattered (what does that even mean anyway? You can probably tell I was feeling existential even before this experience), but confirmation feels rather different to suspicion. Practically speaking, to achieve this forgetting should I start doing normal life things to “distract” myself? Should I start by not reading any more information about awakening? I’ve been stuck in bed in something of a trance for most of the last day since having this experience, and can’t stop thinking about and researching all aspects relating to it. Is it likely that just getting up and going about the day will help me feel more “normal” (I.e. bring the ego-self back over time)? Is it possible to keep such thoughts from the forefront of your mind and maintain relationships with people on the “human” level once you have gone through this change? I loved a lot of people in my life and wasn’t ready to find out that they are not even really separate from me - I’m struggling with that. I would rather reverse the change and perceive the duality of my relationships again if such a thing is possible. Sorry for all the questions, I really appreciate you guiding me through this.

@Seraphim This makes sense. I can feel the battle taking place now, the ego is refusing to die. However I feel as though this video has been a culmination of my experiences and intuitions thus far, to the point where I am able to know deep down that there is no “I”. Does the fact “I” recognise this mean that the ego is dead or dying (although I suppose the question in itself is a defence mechanism of the ego)? Can it truly come back once a certain level of consciousness is reached? Will the allure of the ego outweigh the impact of truth, or will I be aware of the truth forever now? I feel lost (or, the ego does) and don’t know how to continue living my “human” life in the face of this, which is why the ego is fighting so hard. The implications for my relationships with “family and friends” are painful, hence the ego seeks to return. This explains bad reactions I have experienced with weed brownies in the past, as well as the alcohol induced psychosis of several months ago.Yet I wonder whether Pandora’s box has been opened with this video, and whether the awareness will remain. Although there is at this moment an awareness, I admit (or my ego does) that not knowing was a comfort, having my human identity and my relationships was a comfort, and this knowledge feels too advanced at the moment. I have awoken, the question is can I fall asleep again?

I don’t know how else to put this, but this video has led to an awakening. Since I started reading about people’s DMT experiences a couple of years ago I somehow innately knew the truth, even though I’d never done psychedelics or meditated seriously. However I was not ready for this revelation at the time - I have had mental health issues for much of my life, and my reaction was one of great panic and wishing I’d known nothing about any of it. I managed to gradually fall back into my ego after I stopped viewing spiritual content, and hadn’t thought too much of the matter again. However, today this video appeared in my recommended and I couldn’t pull myself away from clicking on it and viewing the whole thing. I now find myself in a similar situation after having watched this video; the awakening which may have been partial before now feels completely profound. In some ways it is beautiful, however I must admit that at this stage of my life I am not in a fit state of mind to deal with this knowledge, and am willing to say that I would rather live with the wool pulled over my eyes for a while longer. Will this stay with me forever now or is it possible that I can return to my ego? I have had incredibly vivid dreams most nights of my life, which may be an indicator of my susceptibility to being awakened even without intending to be. I also experienced an alcohol induced psychosis earlier this year, during which I believe my suppressed intuitive knowing of consciousness came to the fore and faced active resistance in the form of my ego. It’s only after the experience of watching this video that I’ve been able to draw that connection, however I fear that I now cannot go back. Can anyone help?