Hulia

Sorry, my thoughts are made of concrete today. Was it a happy end? ... or not?

Is the colour of your skin white? Then you have no idea what racism is. And no fucking right to judge about anti-racism.

I read now "On looking. Eleven Walks with Exper Eyes" by Alexandra Horowitz. Great idea, wriiten in a good easy-to-follow language. She shows us a city from the perspectives of different people. How different the same things look for different observers. "Alexandra Horowitz shows us how to see the spectacle of the ordinary—to practice, as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle put it, “the observation of trifles.” Structured around a series of eleven walks the author takes, mostly in her Manhattan neighborhood, On Looking features experts on a diverse range of subjects, including an urban sociologist, the well-known artist Maira Kalman, a geologist, a physician, and a sound designer. Horowitz also walks with a child and a dog to see the world as they perceive it. What they see, how they see it, and why most of us do not see the same things reveal the startling power of human attention and the cognitive aspects of what it means to be an expert observer."

@seeking_brilliance I tried your video with lucid flying. It didn´t work good. Because I had to stay too long at the window. It was difficult. I sprang at least 10 times out of the window and made a couple of rounds, till the voice officially allowed me to spring out. Just to let me fall. But it´s difficult to fall if you can fly. So I stopped the video and tryed to visualise something myself. It was similiar as last time. I has become a bird, flied to the sea, fell into water and turned into delphin, jumped a little over the waves, turned into fish. Having dabbled enough in the water, I found myself near the White House. And shortly afterwards inside, I saw suddenly my hands lying on the desk. "I am a Trump", - I comprehended. And you know what? He really thinks, that somebody has stolen his victory. Somebody who doesn´t want him to win. At any price. Not him. Poor guy. So annoyed and bitter. I thought to myself (yes, I was still in Trump but this time I thought as me and not as him): "Hopefully I´m not so ridiculously deranged like this poor guy" (I have some annoying struggling at my work currenty). The thing is, I cannot be myself during visualisation. If I imagine that me is just me, I am not inside of me, but somewhere above. And I don´t really see me of course but some shapeless shadow, which I know should be me according to scenario. It feels artificial.

I don´t know if it´s a good idea. He was too scary when I saw him last time Luckily I didn´t know anything about zombies and such things at the age But I really dreamt a lot of him and my other relatives did either. And in all our dreams he was in the house asking not to leave him alone. After he died nobody wanted to live in this house. Actually it was only my aunt with the family who had lived there before he died. But she refused to live there afterwards. We rented the house out. The 1st couple was a good family - friendly and nice, but somehow a husband was something like criminal businessman and was killed. His wife moved out. The 2nd renter hung himself up. After that we´ve sold a house. But I like this house and the garden, though I didn´t spend a lot of time there - sometimes my summer holidays. I dream very often being inside or outside of this house with or without grandpa. My mother and aunt have this dream too. I can recall many details. Though it´s eternity that I´ve been in the house last time. Was it at funeral? I think so.

The ones with less emotions and more facts. Dramatic music in the background, images of blood, violence, death, interviews from weeping, shouting, raging peolpe is a signal that you are watching a propaganda channel. A serious news channel shouldn´t always show you both sides. It´s not always necessary. You don´t want to hear the arguments of flat-earth-beleivers, why they think the earth is flat, will you? As well as to listen to arguments of nazis why they had to burn all the wickid jews. Though it might be interesting to hear the opinions of psychiatrists on these phenomena. Sometimes one side is enough. Important is that the news are neutral and factual, not emotional.

A memory. I am not as good in fictions as you It was my 1st experience of the death. And I can tell you, it was quite a mess. Firstly my step grandpa unluckily died on Friday evening. Everything was closed on weekend, it was not that easy to get all the necessary documents and organize a funeral. My poor aunt in the middle of bureaucratic chaos. Secondly we all were waiting for my uncle who was coming from a place 8.000 km away. And he did it! He came in the last moment just before the cover was closed. He kissed his father on a cheek and everybody gasped, I heard a word "cadaveric poison". A grandpa didn´t look good at this point. A skin on his face cracked partially and at the corners of his mouth appeared blood.

Look, we don´t even need to go back into history. I come originaly from Ukraine. Russia annected one part of my country - Crimea, and occupied another part - Donbass, where the war is going on. It´s not a matter of debate, everybody is agree on it. The matter of debate is, who is to blame. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Many tell - USA ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? My brain is not designed to understand this "logic", it´s getting overheated.

Supposed we wake up one morning and USA has disappeared. What do all America-haters think will happen? Eternal peace on earth? With all the undemocratic militarised countries like China, Russia, Turkey, North Korea, Iran developing weapons of mass destruction? Countries in which a single human life has no value and is subordinated to a State Ideology proclaimed by a current Leader. I think, a real chaos will break out.

Cherry tree There was a garden, which belonged to the house where my mother has grown up. In the middle of the garden was a cherry tree. Normally the cherry trees are rather small and slim. But this one was an enormous tree bearing enormous cherries. They were not red but black. As black as a night. They were not sour but sweet. As sweet as a dream with a light note of sourness. I spent a lot of time sitting on the top of the tree, eating cherries and looking around. And what a view it was: behind the row of houses a field of red poppies extended to the very horizon meeting a high blue sky. Once it stormed madly, thunders and lightnings exchanged every now and then, my tree swayed from side to side with me on the top. I was so high by all the crazy things happening around me, holding to the tree and flying with it in the wind. My next memory of the tree is when my step grandpa died. I entered the house and he was lying on the table (probably it was more convenient to clean and dress him up on the table). It was hot but he had heavy boots and a black suit on. He looked heavy and soooo rigid, his face was white and swollen. I wondered how is it possible that somebody looks so rigid, I even haven´t touched him to know. Somebody from adults noticed me and pushed me hurriedly out of house. My multiple cousins were already playing in the garden and eating cherries from a cherry tree. I joined them. I was eating sweet black cherries and thinking that a dead man was lying on the table so close to us. A sweetish smell of a corpse was beginning to escape a house and was hanging around in the hot air.

I married for the sake of marriage. Well it was an interesting experience, but I wouldn´t do it again. If you love someone, you want to be with her? To experience with her all the possible life forms and contents, maybe to have children together (or not it´s up to you both), eventually being bored or irrtated by each other eventually? Not?

What is for you "fairy unbiased"? Do you find it´s ok to interview and broadcast the racists? RT (Russia Today) moves constantly the limits of what is acceptable in out society and what is not. For me racism is not acceptible and no way unbiased.

@Mesopotamian I don´t know a lot about your country. But I visited once an online meeting of toast masters in Baghdad. I have never seen so many young beautiful and bright faces in one toast master club And they all spoke perfect English like you do. I was astonished because I thought iraquis don´t like americans. They also invited a lot of people around the globe to attend their meeting. They electricified us, sleepy europeans and americans, with their vitality

I also don´t understand what America does: - occupy the terrotories and keep the people from forming popular uprisings? - or topple foreign governments and occupy the territories? Oh, wait! They (you?) topple foreign governments, occupy the territories and keep the people from forming popular uprisings? I am completely confused, I am afraid.

Can you give me the examples of american regime-change wars and toppling foreign governments?

Oh yes.. Let´s take Germany and Korea. What America have done to them - divided and conquered. Terrible...

Your leader.... Oh dear, you seem to have a Stockholm Syndrom. Was your farther or somebody from your surrounding cruel to you?

@Mesopotamian I understand you so good, my friend. USA help my country to struggle a strong and aggressive neighbor, which have already occupied a part of our territory. Luckily the majority of my countrymen appreciate this support from overseas. I also get sick when I hear all the anti-american conspiracy theories. Here in West Europe or even from the americans themselves, when they try to explain me what is REALLY going on in my country and the fatal role of USA. Do you know what makes me angry and sad? It´s not the COMPASSION with the people of your or my country or Syria or Afhganistan which fuels all that conspiracy theories against USA and NATO. No! On the contrary. It´s INDIFFERENCE. Some shitty dictator somewhere in the desert kills his people with chemical weapon? So what? Different countries - different traditions. Let´s respesct their culture, their lifestyle. Maybe they like it this way! Not everybody needs to be free and safe. Let´s repsect their choice! I could vomit of so much hypocricy. What they really are saying: Let us alone wit that shit, not our business.

Then he shouldn´t be in a palace but in a forest. Forest is ok. A forest covered with snow is more than ok. It´s extraordinary beautiful.

This something is SpongeBob! He unifies so different characters. That´s why I like this cartoon and watch it always to raise my spirits. Did you read "A long way down" by Nick Hornby? Completely different people meet on the roof of the buildung out of the same reason. They want to commit suicide out of different personal reasons and circumstanses. They argue and accuse each other, in other words they are distracted by each other and cannot die solemnly as intended. Instead they remain in touch through the whole book It´s funny

What my yoga couch says and what is really working good for me is holding the poses as long as possible. Headstand at least 5 min., forward fold 20 minutes and so on, it´s individual. My yoga coach says: after 5 minutes the psycological impact unfolds, more than 5 min. - spiritual. And it works. I can better meditate after yoga and even during holding the pose I can meditate. Due to yoga I´ve got a grip on meditation to some extent. I am still very far from being a master in meditation. But it still has become has become something like meditation.

@seeking_brilliance I tried your fairy kingdom with the mushrooms houses. I liked the story! It´s very easy to imagine everything (especially a small house with a round table in the living room and the flowers on it - I know the scenery!). The flow is perfect. But! I have my problems with the king! The first thing I imagined was a white horse with the wings. But then it didn´t match to what the voice told me about the king. I tried my best to imagine a human being as a king and the only one I could imagine is this moron. So clearly as if I´ve painted him myself. My collective ukrainian subconsciousness refuses to provide me with a positive image of a king. The kings have never been our heros, rather our enemies. I don´t want to ask him for anything. I don´t even want to go into his palast. Everything resists in me.

I promise, I won´t think you are a redneck! I´ll send you my guide- a tulpa!

Why don´t you record with your voice? It would be nice to fall asleep with seeking_brilliance´s voce

I admire your ability to do several things simalteneously. I am the one with the male mind, I can focus only on one thing in a time So I wrote down afterwards. I was once a bird. After especialy relaxing yoga exercise. I think, it´s partially due to Castaneda that I began experiencing turning into animals. I´ll try!