Hulia

"You want to have both – rational understanding and experience. But rational understanding is more important. I´ve met both kinds of people. I´ve met people who intuitively know that we are one, but they completely lack the rational understanding of it, and honestly they are not very smart, I don´t want to be mean, but they a kind of stupid, but they might be very nice and compassionate, but they miss it on so many levels... And then I met people who only understand it rationally and they became like calculators and they are completely missing a very important element, they are missing – life.. the vibrancy.. the artist side of it.. this is something which is difficult to put into words."

Oh don´t ask, It´s pretty crazy currently. With all that directors - new and old. Every day some new ideas, new changes, new requirements from everyone of them, seeing only their part of whole picture. I don´t know anything any more. I have developed a concept for new target operating model, I was sure it would work for 90%, and the rest 10% I would need to check and solve on spot when we start. But there have been so many changes since then, I am not even informed about all of them, I am not sure of anything any more, or rather I am sure, that nothing will work. My ex-boss says, we should try and walk passionless through this development stage of our company. But I don´t want to bother you with this crap. If I had had a lover, I wouldn´t give a shit but walk passionless Actually.. since I know, that nothing will work properly, I can relax.. No need to bother about unknown 10%

@Preety_India Sorry, I won´t comment in the other journal

@Knowledge Hoarder It might be. But think, where he is coming from. Radical christian community. He didn´t even go to school. It´s almost impossible, that he has got where he is now. He has made a longer way than Leo. Speaking about the favourate thing of this place - SD, he is able to embrace all the stages behind him being where he is now. Besides I like the emphasis on collective, in my opinion Leo is missing the collective perspective. Anyways I think Leo and Morgue could help each other with their biases. In other words I´d like listen to them speaking to each other.

They are like you like them. They take everything seriously. And also such thing as family. They don´t start it untill everything is ready, organized and established, like a tree, a house, a job.. Now I understand, why my aunt fish loved my german BF even more than I did. I wouldn´t be surprised, if she still has his foto behind the glass of closet door.

When is the time right? @Preety_India be careful. Nobody get married in Germany before 30. ?

I think, because he himself experienced abuse by a religious community as a child, he would never justify Taliban´s actions by their difficult childhood or condemn afghan people to the slavery because of their low SD stage. He was there - in slavery, in abuse, on low SD stage, but he´s got out of that misery maybe not without the help of others.

His life is incredible. He is so rational and educated. But he hasn´t got a real education, because he was sent to a christian school where the taught him rubbish and abused his mentality severely. He educated himself on his own. His craving for freedom and knowledge is breath-taking.

Sometimes I am a perfectionist and sometimes don´t give a shit. I always set priorities.

This forum is funny.? I don´t know!! And guess what, it doesn´t interest me! What is it good for to know what combination of 4 letters you are? Dependent on situation, people, my mood I can be a different person. I am not even the same as I was an hour ago. No interest in putting my self in one or another category.

Actually if I give another thought.. I attract men who are afraid of intimacy, closeness, relationships. I don´t know what they want from me. It´s often not even sex. Why they just don´t stay in their caves but hatch out for me. And it cannot be, that I need to integrate this fear? Actually I have integrated it. But it doesn´t make any sense.

Hate is love (Leo) Why should he hate you? He doesn´t even hate Taliban or ISIS. You cannot be worse than them.

I wonder if it means you need to integrate a narcisstic part into you?

@Preety_India What kind of men do you usually attract?

I attract very different types of men. No special type really. Does it mean that I have integrated everything already? It might be. I have no shadows, no depths, no secrets. But there is a certain type of men (and women) who are annoyed by me. Perfectionists. People who like order, predictability, lists. With a trace of arrogance. I wonder what does it mean. I bet, we will end up by hating each other - with my 3rd director. She told me, she hates it, when one column is wider than another one. Oh my god! Maybe this is the reason why there were not really intelectual types of men around me, mostly simple peasants Nobody to talk to. But on the other hand it´s better to have a peasant around you than a stupid intellectual thinking he is smart.

@Preety_India UKrainian German Ukraine is my motherland and Germany is a country where I have been living for a long time.

not convincing I am not a tree and what is "perfect"? there are millions of ways how reality could be and how it also will be since the reality is changing constantly

I don´t hate Taliban, i just think, these "spiritual" guys should shift their attention from diffucult childhood of Taliban-men (which is gone, passeè) to difficult lives of Afghan people under Taiban (which is now; current).

@Marcel I can understand you. I noticed @Preety_India at once after joining this forum. She has style and she is not the one to overlook. You lucky guy

The power of internet!

Nick Hornby "Just like you" A beautiful story of love between 2 people with a big gap in age, upbringing, culture, race, interests. In the middle of Brexit campaign in UK. Still in the middle of it. Like Nick Hornby for the funny dialogues and warmth. What would I do without books? All the lives I´ve lived all the people I´ve learned....

I forget everything I´ve read, especially the names, I don´t know them even while reading. So let´s try a journal. 1. Akwaeke Emez "Fresh water" The book I´m reading now. Very Very amazing. Why? It is about the entity living in the mind of a girl. The amazing thing is that the book is written from the pov of entity, not the girl but the entity is telling us her story. Girl´s name is Ada Entity´s name: Asughara Asughara has brothersisters, they are also present but inactive they are behind the gate. Asughara and her brothersisters are the children of the pyton-goddess. Apart from Asughara there are also some other entities in the marble room of Ada´s mind: Vincent. He is mostly present in her dreams. Asughara and Vincent seem to be on good terms with each other. Yshwa. This is the right name of the entity, which people call Jesus Christ. He doesn´t live in Ada´s mind like Asugara and Vincent, but he comes sometimes. Asughara hates him and tries to get rid of him. Yshwa has that typical sad expression when he looks at her. Unlike Asughara Yshwa never responded to Ada, when she needed him, when she called for him. Asughara was always there for Ada. Asughara persuaded Ada that Ada needs her for protection from the cruel external world. That´s why Ada tolerates her, she is afraid to remain alone with a cruel world. But Asughara has no compassion, not only for the people around Ada, but also for Ada herself.

@Preety_India You know, I have a strange ambiguous relationship to India. I feel, in one of my previous lives I was an Englishman (because I feel very close to English mentality in form of literature), who lived in India during the period of colonization. And I think, I fell in love with an Indian girl but couldn´t overcome the social conditions and expectations and at some point I left India and that girl. I could have stayed or take her with me but I was a damn coward, trying to fit into society norms. I hurt her. And I did no good to myself. The first thing after I arrived in India were... apples. We were driving in a taxi from air port to hotel, it was raining heavily, and I saw a lorry lying on the roadside- it has lost all its load. Its load were... apples. They were lying everywhere on the road, we were passing slowly through the sea of rain and apples. The appearance was so weird that it struck me.

@Preety_India I told you, you are witch He is also sensitive and intuitive. Combine it with the typical German properties like reliability and honesty - precious mixture. I had also a distant relationship with a German guy. Hundreds of letters full of love. How pitty, I threw them away, I wonder now, whether they were like that. I don´t know any more, what he wrote, but he wrote every single day.