Gabith

I'm a people pleaser, not everytime but enough to stop me from not caring of what others people think of me. What prevents me from being authentic, saying no, having an argument or reject someone that I don't want in my life is fear. (that's my opinion maybe I'm wrong) I fear the outcomes of my actions & my words. Since I'm a teenager or maybe even sooner, I manipulate people (mainly unconsciouly) to avoid them to become angry or judgmental with me. I think I adopted these mechanism because I was bullied for years, it went far and I even did suicide attempts. And maybe because of my mother & my stepfather who wasn't supportive and didn't listen to me, they were judging me negatively and I never felt adequate or loved. I see myself being inauthentic especially with girls that I'm attracted to. If I stop a girl that I'm attracted to, I feel insecure, I try to be polite, I can't be relax and I fear rejection or judgements from her. I can ask for a number when I'm interested but just before asking her number, I feel fearful and insecure and it prevents me from being relaxed or keeping a good vibe. I struggle too with keeping eye-contact with womens, I have thoughts like "if I watch her and smile to her, she will think of me as a desesperate needy guy trying to please her" and inside I feel like that, I try to please the girl I'm attracted & I feel bad for that because it communicates neediness. And being perceived as needy from a girl is what I don't want plus it is repulsive for women. After thinking about that, I was wondering; if I take courage; I go out and act like a douche on purpose. For example when I'm attracted to a girl as I talk to her, I say stupid things, I create ankward moments or I act like I don't care at all about her, would it leads to less people-pleasing & less fear to be judged ?

Thanks everyone, it brings light to me

Do you have examples of dreamboard in pictures ? I don't know if I must write something like "Becoming more conscious" or "I am more conscious" for example

thank u for your help

I'm 28 years old, and for the last month I've realized that I'm a person who changes my mind all the time and who never gets involved in a project or goes all the way through. My friends tell me the same thing and I have plenty of examples where I changed my mind along the way. Recently I played in a band for several months thinking I was going to stay in it for years and after 6 months I decided to quit because I didn't like to invest myself in it anymore and wanted more time for other things. I sold my electric guitar for an acoustic one, thinking that I would never want to play electric again, after 3 months re-listening to my electric compositions made me regret selling my guitar and finally I sold the acoustic guitar to buy an electric guitar. I had started a morning routine with cold shower, I stopped after 3 months. I had started to learn a language, very motivated, I have the vision but I never keep it and my motivation falls down so I don't learn anything since weeks. Now I'm interested in women & dating but I'm afraid I'll lose motivation again and stop half way. I am also discovering magic, archangels, law of attraction and light transmissions which have opened my mind and I also want to practice the law of attraction but if I do that I am afraid I will have to give up something else because it takes time. There are only two things that I have done consistently for the past 3 years and that is my street interviews and I know that I won't stop unless I get depressed or sick. And the other is meditation. All this scares me, I don't know how to find my way and stick to it while being fulfilled. It's as if I had a lot of things in mind, always wanting to try new things but I have no organization and I never go all out in one area. If I go in one direction, I'm afraid I'll miss out on something in another or not take the right path. I didn't mind before because I didn't realize how changeable and unstable I was. Now that I see it, I realize that I am missing something and that I may be going in circles. Do you have any advice please?

Thank u

@Terell Kirby Okay hope it will help... i'm on this, I'm working to love myself more, to be less judgemental and I made huge progress but it's a long road and I know I have a lot of work to do because I'm not conscious enough of all my subconscious thoughts and beliefs. I still have a lot of insecurities and it's very hard to accept these parts of me. It's like I'm just able to recognize and love all the good parts of myself but not the "bad ones" I think I'm afraid that if I allow myself to accept the "weak" parts of me it will be counter-productive

What are internet and videos ? Are they less real than "material stuffs" ? How can it be possible to watch a video ?

omg Bill Gates was a genius... I can't believe a human used his mind to create and materialize something so complex

@Captain_Diabetes why ? and what is reptilian sorcery, why would be it bad for us ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvAXN_Te6L0 Share with me how was your experience after watching this video

I love the beauty of reality

Thank you guys

Hi my friends, today I took mdma but I didn't want to comedown so I took a second dose. It's the first time I did this, I know I will feel very bad after the effects. Can you guys help me with tips to what to do next when I will have negative thoughts and feel bad ? I'm sorry for this

I had a little insight, when I was introspecting in my living room, I was thinking that when winter comes, I should go outside for a walk with no shirt on stay outside as long as I can, while being conscious of the suffering I feel. I think I need that in my life, I live in Europe and everything is easy, confortable, I don't feel like a man enough. It's like I'm totally conditioned by my culture, we have access to food, warm water, cinemas, music etc.... everything is easy if we compare to some other places on the planet. And yet I find myself complaining for shallow things, little problems... I think about vikings, ancient civilizations where people were very bold and masculine, they had a complete different mentality and more strenght than me. I think that if I put consciously myself in pain, it will grow me and I eventually feel more masculine and confident but I'm not totally sure because I've never tried this before. What do you guys think ? Do you have others tips to become more "strong", "masculine" and more "grounded" ? sorry for my english

As I become more conscious, I'm feeling odd and I don't know how it will be like if I was authentic, I'm realizing how I see myself and what are my "weaknesses", my body language, my subtle fears when I walk in the city or look at a certain woman etc... I've also realize that I'm acting a little bit feminine in my body language and that I'm not very sure of myself and I don't use my tone of voice with enough confidence. I know where I want to go but I don't know how, I have to change how I think, or I see reality/myself and I want to become a more masculine guy, more grounded and showing that I'm confident and I know what I want. I think I became like this because my father wasn't very present and he was an alcohoolic, my mother was too protective and loving in a toxic way, always telling how bad I was, what I did wrong etc... I think it had a bad impact on my confidence level, even if I attract some girls and I know that some people are attracted by the "weak me", I don't want to be stuck with this personality, I want to improve and I want more options in life. Since +- two months, I sometimes feels angry or hateful, it's like there is a big force in me that want to be bad, to break things or doing crazy things. Do you have tips ? Were you in a similar place before ?

@JosephKnecht what is the mirror ? You mean looking at me in front of a mirror and talking positively to myself ?

Do you know an effective video for gaining confidence with positive affirmations ? I want to try one everyday when I wake up, to see if I get results or not A lot of videos are in english, the french ones doesn't sounds good to me, even if english is not my native language, does it will works as effectively than my native language ?

I wanted to share my first experience of going out on LSD (little dose 25µ) but I'm quite sensitive. no visuals but very mental I was doing street interviews, my first interactions was one of the worst I had in my life after 3 years of street-interviewing people. I have forgot what I wanted to say and it was hard to have a fluid conversation, I was hyper-conscious of myself so my mental was hyperactive. I felt the energy of discomfort, the judgements of people etc.... everything had a taste of more "serious", I felt fearful and was unable to smile at everyone like I used to do when I was sober. After this desastrous interaction, I was thinking to myself "okay go through your fears and continue to meet new people" I did it for the next 30 minutes and the interactions were a little bit better but I was still very self-conscious and totally unable to ask a girl's number. And I saw that I was playing a role, it was disturbing to realize. Then I decided to go to the cathedral's city, and I sit there to medidate, I really needed it, I was thanking myself for the attention I needed, the need to be alone in a peaceful place... All I know now is that I don't want to use any drugs when I go out for street-interviews, I'm more able to feel confident & positive when I'm sober. I just wanted to share this with you and asking you what was your experiences when combining psychedelics and socializing ?

up

drugs are the cheat codes loooooooooool

I'm more aware of my thoughts, of my false beliefs so I can work on me in more conscious ways I'm more happy, positive & resilient I'm more patient I know now that I don't have control of how people think of me and I take things less personally I can appreciate a lot more music, arts, movies I'm better at feeling and being in touch with my emotions I can see beauty in a lot of things that I didn't notice before (people faces, lights, the city...) I'm more open-minded and better at understanding people I'm a lot less judgemental and don't moralize I see Reality in a more magic way than before where I believed that it was all material and explained by science... & more

I'm realizing more & more Reality at a slow pace and it's amazing, it comes naturally everything is so beautiful and mystic ....

@ivankiss So whatever you think

@ivankiss It's a manifestation of God