MuadDib
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Everything posted by MuadDib
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Suit Hookers Cocaine
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Got it.
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This is how I would define 'equanimity', as I use the word, and how I interpret Shinzen using it when describing it as an aspect of mindfulness in his formulas. That's all I'm really interested in developing here. Equanimity, once developed, contains within in it the memory of all previous 'reality tests' as you seem to say, although not as a function of working memory, as I understand it. My level of equanimity hadn't developed deeply enough to meet the constant low-level pain. That's what I meant. I try not to either, but I guess it's implied because of the cultural narrative as you say. I don't really care about 'success' or 'failure' in conventional terms either. Appreciate your insight, I wish I could use words like that.
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That's really smart. I wish I had done that or had a process to do this effectively. I forget all the shit I've been through pretty easily and don't pay any mind to it, even though it's there unconsciously. I hadn't heard the term "contrast bias" before, but after reading the definition I realized I am actually doing the same thing at the moment. In January I signed up for a 100mile ultra-marathon taking place in June. I got the inspiration after listening to an interview with Cameron Hanes on the JRE podcast. I have time-stamped the video below to the part where he discusses "contrast bias" development in his kids after he started slowly applying it to them and himself. Pretty amazing guy. I figured I can run/walk and train my mind with that while my shoulder recovers. I wanted to start lifting seriously this year, but that vision was shattered so I had to adjust. I bought a second-hand treadmill and have started building a process to work towards finishing the race. I'm reminded of Shinzen young's old mindfulness formula's where he says that: Purification = Pain * mindfulness Suffering = Pain * resistance This experience has taught me that with relatively low-grade, constant pain (that's with you 24/7) it becomes quite difficult to remain mindful and fully equanimous all the time. Resistance creeps in unconsciously and so the suffering creeps in as well. I'd say it's more difficult to be mindful 24/7 with low-grade pain than intensely mindful during an intense period of acute pain. So while the amplitude of suffering and amplitude of pain aren't so high, but the 'volume' is, if you know what I mean. Of course, it also offers the opportunity for really high 'volume' purification which I didn't capitalize on because I wasn't really aware of what was slowly happening to me. It was kind of this slow death over 6 weeks that I was all strapped up. I can learn from it and apply it to similar events that might happen in the future. Thanks for the kind words @Preety_India . You know, after pondering this contrast bias stuff and everything I've personally experienced, I can honestly say that NOTHING compares to a broken heart.
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Mine completely fucked me, lol. Total anterior dislocation with Bankart lesion (torn labrum) and a pretty bad Hill-Sachs lesion on my humeral head. The Hills-Sachs lesion was particularly bad for me because I had to reset my arm myself. The nearest ER is a 1hr drive and my car is manual, so yeah, that was fun. Assuming this is your first time(?) so I'll info-dump everything the pros told me. You can make a full recovery without surgery but if you're young and active, the chances of it happening again are extremely high (<25 = 90% recurrence). Also, with each successive dislocation, the damage to the labrum and humeral head make further dislocations increasingly more likely. Both my uncle and a friend of mine decided to skip surgery after their first incidents and told me they deeply regretted it as it kept happening again and again. They now dislocate diving into swimming pools and rolling over in bed. I also have a friend in an ortho training program who said he sees the same pattern frequently, especially with young active guys. If it wasn't for their anecdotes I would've just let it slide and bust out some crazy physio. I was already feeling some functionality coming back after a few days. Here's a video that covers the anatomy of a typical dislocation and the injury dynamics of further dislocations. Age, activity level, and previous history are the major factors in deciding whether to have a stabilization procedure. I had my surgery in Brisbane and my surgeon was great! He made me a very comprehensive vlog post-op covering everything he did, could send you a link in pm if it would help set your mind at ease. I was in a sling for 6 weeks, it was very painful and I was completely immobilized. I figured doing my time now would save the time wasted in the future, plus give me the peace of mind I would like to go out and do everything I want. I've been doing physio the entire time. Basically, my shoulder has been super tight and painful. My physio work revolves around stretching it open to a full ROM again at the moment, in the beginning it was strenghtening exercises and preventing shoulder freeze. I could drive after 2 months, and do light stuff after 3. Was told 6 months until I'm completely free to do whatever I want again and that feels about right. Working through this playlist brought me to a much deeper level of appreciation of my shoulders and all their little parts. The dislocation threw a spanner in my works completely, and the pain forced me to become much more aware of my body, posture, and all sorts of cycles that I'd never really felt into and become conscious of before. I also began to feel how pain can infect the mind and send it into downward spirals. I've just finished reading this book. It covers depression from a neuroscientific POV and explained how chronic pain (among other factors) can systematically affect different neural systems into a downward spiral of depression. It was exciting to read because it matched my first-person POV perfectly. The pain was like a slow process of Chinese water torture shutting everything down and throwing everything out of balance. It's bringing much more clarity into subtler areas of the mind for me, as well as how to direct attention in different ways to work my way up. So yeah, technically a win overall. Hope you don't suffer too much!
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4 months into my own recovery. Opted for surgery. Will be interested to read this journal. Hope you don't mind the comment. Get well soon mate.
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Some songs hitting the magic ~20-year-old mark that I enjoy.
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https://isha.sadhguru.org/au/en/wisdom/video/significance-kalabhairava-fearsome-form-shiva
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So like, how do you get RID of a hot witch girlfriend(s), man? Serious question, bitches are relentless. Asking for a friend.
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@Preety_India You are in a state of shock and it's quite normal to experience these things after psychological trauma. Your nervous system is on edge because your narratives of the world and your place in it have been thrown into chaos. You are going to be desperately trying to make sense of a huge chunk of your past and recontextualize all of that information and those experiences. It is a HUGE process and can certainly feel extremely overwhelming at the moment. Be mindful that you will only be able to process so much of it at a time, it's not going to go away overnight. It could take weeks or months to fully integrate everything, ground yourself, and move forward (that's the best-case scenario). You are also going to be hypersensitive to potential threats in your environment and hypersensitive to people, the words they say, the multiple possible meanings of everything and your mind is going to skew heavily negative. It's important to keep that in mind so you can try to look at things more objectively. A terrible thing has happened to you, and there are terrible things in the world. It's true. But there is also so much beauty and goodness everywhere you go as well. In this state of vulnerability it's important you don't try to seek solace or protection or "revenge" in another relationship too quickly. You are going to want to desperately validate yourself and seek comfort in partners that may not be ideal and could make things worse because you aren't going to be able to look at people and situations objectively. Take time for yourself. It could be very difficult in the beginning but slowly you will heal. Writing out your experiences can help; just getting it all out in front of you, over and over with the INTENTION to become more conscious and move forward, not to spin your wheels in the mud and perpetuate your negative states. Grounding exercises like shamanic breathing/ Wim hof exercises and trauma release exercises can also help you to alleviate some of your nervous system tension. MDMA is a great pseudo psychedelic for dealing with trauma. It is slightly toxic, addictive, and is notoriously impure when you buy it off the street so if you get some (preferably from reputable vendors on the dark web) be sure to test it with a Marquis reagent (at least) and weigh out a proper dose. Don't mix it with any SSRI's it could be lethal! It's true, men can be pretty savage. As can women in their own way. Don't let it get you down, you will find someone worthy of your big heart one day.
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Rabbit edges Mahāsamādhi
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I can understand, I had crippling social anxiety when I was younger but I managed to work through it. That deep sensitivity does make you more liable to attract them for a sense of stability and protection.
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WOW! Such a detailed and comprehensive response! Thank you so much. I just needed to make a distinction between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder.
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I'll preface this by saying I think I might be a narcissist, or maybe somewhere on the spectrum. Reading this is kind of puzzling for me though. I honestly believe these are qualities most humans carry with them to various degrees. If I were to replace the word "narcissist" with the word "women" in many of these posts, I think the vast majority of men would agree with the statements (and giggle inside) For example: I don't mean to downplay your struggles. I get you have been abused by someone who is probably uncharacteristically bad. I can understand how you want answers and explanations for what happened to you... but how many of these qualities can you honestly identify within yourself, or within all people? How will you decide when to put a person into this category and when not to? It seems like it could be a blanket term used for anyone who does you wrong that you apply in hindsight as a means of consoling yourself. It might also create unnecessary conflict to group people into categories that can be demonized. I don't mean to demonize women in the quotes above, but how does it make you feel when I do that? ... It might make you unnecessarily combative, making it harder to reason with you (as a narcissist woman) Looking forward how will you address it? Also, isn't "narcissism" on the rise globally as a result of technological advancements that now cause us to socialize with a tribe of billions of people, throwing our self-esteem and social tracking systems out of wack? ... Meaning that the majority of people you meet are going to be somewhat narcissistic, especially the younger they are.
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Just read the terms, I guess it might not work if your images are copyrighted, LOL. There are a bunch of different hosting sites you could try that might have different options. Imgur and Flickr come to mind...
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Hey old timer, Here's an image I am hosting on postimages.org : It seems pretty straightforward to use. Just upload a pic to the site, (like this screenshot I took of me uploading the above image), then select the DIRECT LINK option that I have emphasized and paste that into your journal. Seems to work well enough, can't guarantee longevity as I haven't read about the hosting terms but these things aren't really a big deal as far as hosting is concerned, usually.
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Abusive voice messages MAKE PEACE.
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Broooo, the struggle is so real. Currently sitting in a cubicle, 40-degree heat, broken aircon, grinding through a semesters worth of material. Not so stressed, but can't be asked. It's so hard to just sit and work without the moral support or even mild social motivation that comes from live classes and pracs etc... university: well laid out and evenly distributed workload dripped out over 14 weeks me: watching all the lectures back to back in 2 days
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