goldpower123

When I connect the dots, it seems like making true growth is the hardest thing you could do, and will be the most counter intuitive thing you could do, because it's literally like staring you in the face and killing the current you, and that takes going the complete opposite direction to the mind and what the mind is used to doing (externalizing) In a sense, I think of it as literally choosing Truth, or God, over anything and everything else no matter what. Is there any video Leo's that explains this process in depth and how to really do True Growth? Not sure exactly which one.

I struggle sometimes between the agenda of what I am "expected" to do, and believing in myself and simply doing what I want to do. It's also the definition of career. It's like all career is, is to go to university, study a generic field, get a well trodden job and serve the government. But doing it this way is so lame that literally I don't have a career choice. It's not even an issue of subject choice or which field, because it's not on my own terms: I really don't give a shit about studying pointless stuff unless it is about myself, my deep passions or outside the box; which isn't 'rational.' I guess that's the cost of committing to something more is dealing with all your fears. I spoke to so many people last year when doing my Diploma who had studied multiple times at different courses, switching subjects, spending so much, and people who quit during the course. It made me think maybe it's better to pause on career and simply get my shit together, work, improve my health, my foundation etc. I'm more motivated and inspired to work just to know I'm improving as a person than actually settle down for a career. It's like what's the point of going to Uni other than to serve the government. I'm not taught anything about myself, how to think for myself or think outside the box, but that's the setup. It's like what's even the point of a career for me as an individual. Low conscious trap. I'm just thinking this stuff up and sharing it because damn traps are real mentally and out in the world. Because I see some people around me living these traps and they don't even know it themselves. Bottom line: Do what you want and make choices for you, not for other people

There came a point where as I was focusing on my core self, I felt something bubble up from the depths of my subconscious like from deep within my heart and I almost visualized it like a bubble deep within me rising up to my conscious mind, then I began to feel fearful, attached to my ego, negative and self deceptive. Like sneaky ego maneuvers trying to get me to relapse. I assume this is the purification/shadow work process, where if you can suffer through and stay true to yourself, you make real growth. Unfortunately I folded and relapsed to porn, man this has got to be the hardest thing to do. And it's funny how afterwards you get a window vision of how you could have kept going

I've been on this inner spiritual journey, inner transformation, I've completely changed as a person and I'm not living the same life as I was. I faced my addiction with Porn/Masturbation and let it go. I've came so far. But I think deep down I'm still holding on, because I re attach with my ego sometimes, I "tap out" of myself, start feeling fearful etc. and then backslide on the path. (Feels like I am going stray from the path within) perhaps this is part of the journey or I'm running from something that I'm not yet ready to suffer through/face (at my current level of transcendence/development) Its just like a dark night of the soul really, it's like my old self/old ego mindset is coming back up to haunt me. Like I lost that peace within and the connection to the source. It is quite uncomfortable and unsettling

That means the world, thanks so much for that, Im not a hardcore meditator, I've been here before, its ego identification, its suffering, lower animal. Except just as you said, the downs/ego backlashes get stronger just as the spiritual highs do. Thats totally relatable looking at how I've grown. To know Im on the highest path is something that is comforting in itself and to know all things good and bad come to pass

My first time was around 1 gram of magic mushrooms. Haven't done since, Would absolutely do it again, no worries or dramas, great start

Definitely feel more moral when I have that double down mentality on my spiritual ego

Watched the backlash one, very good video and relatable, I'll check out the others

Not really, I dream frequently but sometimes have trouble remembering them

Could you elaborate on what you mean by awaken?

I think negative entities (energies) do exist but mainly they manifest inside of people. Some people really harbor hateful feelings in the heart and you can see they are riddled with darkness (call them whatever you want) that feeds off their negative emotion and fear. That's my perspective, I just look after myself and keep myself healthy and I don't attach myself with anything bad

As much as I don't trust what this world offers, I agree it's good to be careful

I like to see people as NPCs because then I don't identify with any engagements I have with them, freeing me up to do whatever. I CHOOSE to associate with these people. Life is like a game.

If you're a Man, definitely NoFap/semen retention. Nothing compares to that life force

A couple of years ago, I was with my dad and friend at the time, I took around 0.5-1G while my dad and friend took around 2-4G of dried mushrooms sloshed in peanut butter. I remember I was not a good person at the time. was dealing with a lot of negative things on my consciousness, addiction to porn, trauma etc. My heart was pretty hardened and far away from my real potential and power. I remember experiencing the energy of everything like there was no distinction between me and the external world (Felt like I melted into physical reality and became absolute one with it) and the couch I was sitting on, but the path I was on at the time was not in a unified trajectory, I had lots of negative personality traits and bad energy. My consciousness was 'unwinding' and it felt like this would go on forever because this Energy/Consciousness doesn't get destroyed but only transferred. It woke me up and elevated my consciousness for a few hours and it put me on the path to try better myself and change. And this is where I found the ultimate grace of life's design, is that you CAN change, and become a new person, and unify yourself closer to God or the source of this consciousness. People dismiss matters of the heart which turns out to be the most existential and important thing you have (no surprise really) I would say God uses psychedelics in people to heal deep trauma and pain when they don't see any hope left. Always know you can change, and that you are innocent.

How do you exist?

I had a talk with my dad one time recently about emotion, and I told him about what I have experienced to do with spirituality, Truth, self actualization and my growth etc. We talked about emotion and how I felt like I rose above emotion. Like nothing could effect me, I was unwavering and like an emotional pillar. Like I'm unwavering. And I can also see how with this I can seriously hurt a lot of people if I'm not careful, but also help people in a huge way. He reckons that you're meant to feel hurt, or sadness, or joy, etc. and that emotion isn't something you are supposed to transcend or rise above, because it's the very thing that makes you a human being. And that's not wrong, but when I just take a glimpse of people around me in the world (including even him) I see that they generally suffer. They have all these issues and life is a drama, it's negative. But it's so common that it's normal; and it's masked with distraction. Now to me, that's not a life worth living at all. In order to not have those issues, dramas, health problems, etc. that most people have, you MUST transcend emotion, meaning literally transcending the human being and acting from a place of divinity. And this ultimately means to kill a piece of yourself. Your will. Give a piece of your will to God. Lower the grip of Ego to up the control your life. But to do this you must turn inward and surrender. This is deep shit. Very emotionally painful. Most people are so afraid and so selfish to do this but it's the way. I was explaining this experience to him that changed me forever but he can't understand (my father that is). Otherwise, your life is completely swayed by your emotion and this is always escapism and comfort. The things I've gone through have forced me to take the steps I take, because in my experience, standing out or doing something very emotionally uncomfortable in an act of discipline, doesn't compare to the kind of suffering I know is possible (a deep spiritual suffering) but what's shocking to me is that most people are blind to this side of existence. They haven't been through anything to put them on this path. Any thoughts?

I don't know you or what you're going through, but here's my experience, maybe it's similar maybe it's not I had to face my demons face to face. I was addicted to Porn and masturbation a lot. This was hard and dark for a short while because I literally had to kill my old self. But I knew I had to do it because nobody can save me but me, nobody really gives a fuck about me but me, and nobody may walk my path in life but me. You are on your own journey and this cannot be voiced to anyone because you are the only one. I came out of it stronger and a better person on all levels, closer to God. Of all the times I tried to change, I bitched out, backslid, but then one of the times, I had to face it with courage, kill my old self, completely change who I was on all levels mentally physically spiritually and live a new life. I've came out on a higher vibration and a better person, closer to God. Like my Heart has changed.

I have been through a similar experience, just no where near intense as you described. I started getting extremely weakened on all levels, like a zombie crawling through the gutter trying desperately just to maintain existence. Like a drained life force, I was losing connection to the thing that was sustaining my existence. I was at a very low power level. Simple things became intense struggles and missions like talking and walking. Like I couldn't handle anything. The worst part is that no one else understands it so you suffer through it alone. It didn't last too long but I remember it was extremely painful. But now, I feel spiritually stronger, alive, closer to God. If there's some how a way to serve my purpose 100%, because I don't want to reincarnate man, I don't want to risk going through all this again.

I like to think that I can transcend the human being, the emotions of the human, the bondage to survival and suffering. Gods love is so good that literally after a few days or a week (when the backlash hits and I fall underneath emotion) I start eyeballing and crying just to process what I experienced. It's tiring like all I want to do is cry my eyeballs out to god and process what the heck I just experienced. But while I'm experiencing the divinity I feel emotionless, like I've transcended emotion, the human part of me. I enter into my God self and it's super empowering and beautiful like I'm in control of everything. The only way to respond is to process it by me letting it out and crying, but it's from a human level now, an emotional level. Like I need time to process and emotionalize what I fucking experienced. It's outer worldly. It's indescribably ginormous. To realize there is nothing I can do or say that will make God not love me. I've been on this spiritual journey for around a year and I've changed so much, learning so much about myself, life and how the world works at such a young age (20) but I still do everything else in my human life that needs work too like socializing, finances, health, fitness, etc. God has transformed my heart and transformed my life for the better, as crazy as all of this stuff sounds, especially to someone who's never experienced it. A piece of me has gone forever, a piece of my Will, my emotion. But I suffer less. There is no other path I would rather be on, I can absolutely see how this path will in the end lead to an indescribable privilege I have been seeking my entire life. I'm only at the beginning but I already feel like I'm so far away from the masses. People look at me weird for some reason but it doesn't compare to whats within. I can see the bots for what they are. Leo you have made a huge impact on me and my life, more than my parents or family ever could. I'm so grateful that I have the opportunity to pursue this and experience this, and how for most of my life I have suffered the trap of society not knowing the answers, feeling lost and not fitting in, why the world is the way it is. Deep down I always knew something was wrong. I'm finally beginning to escape this prison. I've got answers to so many things from within, and your videos helped me through a lot of things. It feels good to vent this out and to have someone else read this.

When I slip on my spiritual journey, or go astray, doing the wrong thing, giving into desire and temptation etc. etc, something freaky happens. The last time I did this I entered into a whole other parallel reality timeline where physically everything is the same. But spiritually I felt protected and my perception of the world and people were good. And then all of a sudden, I drained my energy through masturbation, and I noticed everything became gloomy lifeless and darker, but it was a spiritual perception, you really can't describe it with words. It's in the energy realm, like a part of you dies and you take a step back. That night I had a couple of nightmares of my old self, my old life at my old house where things weren't so great and I was scared to exist. It's like your old self comes back to haunt you sometimes when you go astray it's creepy man Anyone get this or have a similar experience lol?

I don't have a water filter, I usually put a slice of lemon in my tap water and let it sink in for around 30 minutes.

I personally think it is damaging to every aspect of life. This is only coming from a spiritual perspective, because it depends what you are living for and what motivates you to do it and the life style you want. For me, it is caused me so much suffering in my teenage years. The Ego Indulgence, Selfishness, Shallowness, Negativity, Negative relationships with people, Un natural behavior, all the trickery, feminizing effects on me. Though, I heavily miss-used porn throughout my teenage years and masturbated to it 99% of days for like 5 years. I don't even think it's worth it to do it once. It will seem great, everything your Ego wants. But the price to pay is not worth it, in my opinion, for matters of the heart and soul.

I'm 20 years old, finished studying my Diploma in Web Production last year. I recently started working again, warehousing, at a job I did before. But after changing so much as a person since I've worked like this, I feel how detrimental this work is to my life. It's taking a toll on my time, self confidence, energy, it's physically straining, the work is uninspiring and ultimately, toxifying my human experience with this chocolate-coated slavery is something I cannot do if I truly want to have my best interests in mind as #1. If you don't work you don't eat... I think that's messed up when food comes from the earth and we all inherited the earth so everyone living here should be able to eat without working a 9-5. The system... They say it's fair and even, about working hard, getting good degrees, but in reality it's about bias, who's put in the best word, and who's the most faithful to the superficiality. I would literally rather die or be homeless, constantly scoffed/laughed/wondered at for the rest of my life, than to work a 9-5 again. That's not from laziness either. It's like I know what is within me. I will do anything it takes to do it my way and do what I want to do instead. More than anything, give me Truth. I guess this was kind of a rant but it's how I feel and hits home. Anyone else relate or have any suggestions?

This. This is key. It's what you are living for, you are either living for what truly matters to you or living for pleasures. Heart is the only thing that will shine through mind, in MY opinion.