Blackhawk

Sure.

No.

I don't know. I don't remember.

@Raptorsin7 Yes I did. I'm born as a quiet person. And then people come and say "you can talk more if you just try" or "just stop with your victim mindset" or "if you work on yourself". When I was a kid I was happily unaware of that I'm broken since birth and will therefore always be alone. So no I didn't think these things as a kid.

It has nothing to do with "nice guy". I'm not assuming. The facts speak for themselves. Supplements and medications doesn't do anything. But alcohol works ok.

@DecemberFlower No I wasn't.

I load trucks with food+drive truck a bit.

Okay.. I know that my personality sucks because girls never want me, not even sex. Females despise me, they reject me, they ignore me, they ditch me, they hurt me, they yell at me. All that while they absolutely love other guys. To say that it hurts is a understatement. It makes me suicidal. I'm such a failed loser mistake, completely unloveable and unlikeable. The biggest reason why my personality sucks is that I don't talk or write much. Everyone thinks that I can change that, that I can start talking more, but I can't. People are so stupid when they think like this: "I can talk a lot, so that means you can too, if you just try." Btw that thing applies to everything else too. For example: "I could get a gf despite my shyness, that means you can too". Etc. It's a brain dead way of thinking. They assume that everyone are identical and have the same potential.

I'm trying to, but since my personality sucks big time I doubt that will happen. And even if it would, it wouldn't help me with getting a gf irl.

The world is full of rotten people who don't give a shit about your feelings (This isn't related to catcats reply.)

Okay. I might try psychedelics again some day. I'm glad that you haven't experienced horrific inescapable hell-holes, but try to not downplay my experience of horrific inescapable hell-holes.

@catcat69123 I tried it once. It didn't go well. Now I'm scared to death of psychedelics. I would be crazy if I would take the risk again.

You also want a partner. Everyone does. You guys are underrating how much everyone wants a partner, or at least sex. Basically everything here is fundamentally about that, because that is what keeps our specie alive and makes us expand as a specie. But apparently many of you aren't aware of this stuff. Loneliness is a huge problem. If you think anything else you are wrong (no offense). It's provocative when someone who isn't alone says that loneliness isn't a problem. I would value being close and intimate with a girl, both mentally and physically. At a soul deep level. Share thoughts and everything, make each other happy and feel good. I see this partner thing as something sacred/spiritual, maybe the best way to get deep into reality. A portal. We came into this world from that stuff. Merge with another beautiful soul and become one. Finding my soulmate. And I think it also makes you grow as a person like nothing else can, and maybe as a soul too. Yesterday I met a girl in a game called "Second life", and it was one of the nicest experiences that I have ever had. And we didn't even have sex at that time (but you can have that too). And it felt like it made reality itself melt. A million synchronicities started to happen, deja vu, lots of deep existential/spiritual insights started to pop up, and stuff.

Hardwired survival instinct. Fear of death. Not making my parents sad (me committing suicide would make them sad). A small belief that maybe we are here to learn and grow, and that suicide would impede that process.

No I haven't. I read about it a bit now and it seems to pretty much be a natural version of Fluoxetine, which is a anti-depressant, which I have tried. St John's wort also pretty much has the same side effects as Fluoxetine. Natural doesn't always mean that it's good and safe. My loneliness is my biggest problem. But I think it's only a partner which I want. I don't feel a desire to have friends. I don't try to get a partner because I don't have any hope of ever getting one. So don't even give me advice about how you think I could find one. I'm not expecting my situation to ever improve. So I'm not really even asking for advice/help now. But I wont stop you guys from trying to help.. I guess it's nice if people answer with something, even when what they say wont help.

@Raptorsin7 I take a multivitamin supplement, and D vitamin. I have tried anti-depressants, doesn't help. I did solo traveling one time, just to our neighbor country Finland, didn't like it. I wouldn't like traveling anywhere else either. No I'm not interested in a meditation retreat..

I can't listen to Jordan. I don't understand anything that he says. Leo is best, no one can beat him. I clearly understand every word that he says, and I can listen to him for many hours and not lose concentration. With Jordan I lose my concentration after one word.

I'm so fucking dead And sad I'm even crying a bit. Which I usually never do.

Blah blah.. mental gymnastics and beliefs.. Who the heck knows. Just screw everything.

I love that quote by Thomas Ligotti: "Nonexistence never hurt anyone. Existence hurts everyone." - Thomas Ligotti Why didn't I think of that. I already knew the whole idea so I could have created that one myself.

.

I seriously do not understand how any guy can get a gf. Because for example literally even a average looking girl can get many thousands of hungry good looking and charming guys chasing her on instagram (and everywhere else). It's just mind boggling. I as a guy simply cannot get a gf when things are like that. There's always a huge amount of guys who are better than me in every area.

It's like a fucking joke, because even if I find someone, then other obstacles shows up. Like time zone difference, my night shift work preventing me from seeing her enough, and stuff. It's seriously like reality is actively stopping me from having a gf.

I'm 33.

Well this was a nice surprise. Thanks for being so forgiving, instead of immediately locking the thread, banning me, and going all crazy, haha.