Julia Su

@Preety_India Hello my dear! I just read your post and feel compelled to share some thoughts with you! First of all, I think it's so great and courageous to share this here in the forum and seek for support! A breakup can feel like a death so it makes sense that amongst all the pain also suicidal thoughts may come up! Feeling pain might not be pleasant, but it's your doorway to healing. I've read that you asked yourself the question of why you were treated in an abusive way. And I think we tend to make it all about ourselves sometimes, thinking that we are treated a certain way, because we don't deserve better or so. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, yet subconsciously you might believe something else because of past experiences. So that might be something for you to contemplate on: "How am I used to being treated?" (old patterns) vs "How do I wish to be treated?" (conscious vision). It takes a while and some practice for a new pattern to be installed and for us to accept the love that we wish. I love to hear that you feel that sense of unconditional love, because this is actually your doorway to healing. It's not bad to think about your ex, and you don't need to push those thoughts away. Imagine if you could use those thoughts as a guidance system to open your heart, experience unconditional love AND realize that it is WITHIN you. You just project it onto your ex when you think about him. But if you look closer it's your love and the way you look at him in YOUR mind. I used to judge myself for the thoughts that were coming up for me during or after a breakup, then later I let the thoughts come and used my intuition to guide me: Why are they coming up? What is the lesson I need to learn? What's love's perspective? It helped me to remove (self-) judgment, feel love again, be myself and realize who I want to be from that energy + envision what relationship I'd actually love to create. There are tons of wisdom that you can pull from all experiences, you are exactly where you need to be and your ex is on his own unique journey. I hope my words can help you in some way and I am curious to read how your process will unfold! I am sending you tons of virtual hugs Julia