Striving for more

I felt too tense so I fapped. But because I fapped now I feel to apathetic. Incorrect solution. I regret killing my 4/5 day streak. Need better, quick (healthy) solutions in place to release tension. Meditation isn't enough, Requisite variety needed. I have dissipated my life force. Not helpful. The persistent support of regular Masturbation just startles me, I can't think of anything more draining, how can Leo still recommend this? It can help after several weeks of build up, but not regular, no fucking way.

I went out again yesterday & I approached 1 or 2 (half heartedly) then throughout the night I hesitated, & hesitated ... & hesitated. a la finale I did approach 2 girls and went for close, but they weren't even that attractive and it was an easy context I've realized it's less about how many approaches I do, It's about the key moments of tension & how I react in those moments that count. Especially if I overcome these key moments early on, then by default I loosen up & could approach as many girls as I want after that. Still failing myself, aligning with my instincts in these key moments of tension : on a dance floor in an open fairly well lit bar , a group of girls com in & 1 of them is very cute. I hesitate & wait & wait & wait.. then it's over for me, but I stay there, just there in the venue idly wasting my time, my energy body is already castrated by the inertia & hesitancy the resistance strengthens until it feels like an immovable force Reconnecting with rage, hesitancy makes me furious, time is ticking boy. WHY THE FUCK AM I HESITANT TO APPROACH A GIRL IN THESE MOMENTS, SHE GONNA STAB ME OR SOMETHING? It's just a fucking woman man. Ima brute force my way to fearlessness. Way bolder & riskier approaches, way bolder in everything I do. Maybe I'll take some mushrooms too. Though shouh Intentionally go over the top, the slow exposure therapy shit doesn't resonate with me at this point, I don't plan to get old by the time I figure this shit out. I want the fucking 9's I'm taking them, I'm at war with myself, the only solution is jumping in, skydiving in.

Pick up questions to elaborate on or post to forum. How far should I push it in pick up? > I have a natural desire to "Push it", to go above my comfort zone, to go more boolsy & risky, not really as a technique to get lays, but as 1. Give myself reference experiences to understand what is possible & acceptable in different contexts & 2. To enhance my courage muscle, & transcend that self conscious muscle or unhealthy feeling of hyper-awareness of other's reactions to me (wow I need to rephrase this thought more concisely). So ... "How far should I push it?", How sexual can my opener be? I have a desire to just try out really blunt & sexual stuff, even vulgar stuff, not that I niavely expect it to work per se, but without direct experience of how girls would respond, how can I trust anyone's word on it? Also, even if they react horribly, if I can cope with approaching girl & spouting hilarious vulgar opener & then staying present in her reaction & feeling & breathing in the momentary tension, then I can cope with anything else. I have gone out a lot the last couple months (currently have less time) > But almost none of my approaches are boolsy enough, they don't feel authentic enough & I feel like the real & true me is waiting on the other side of the boolsy approach.

It's more about energy & belief behind it. Using "fantasizing" it' already suggests dating success is merely a phantasy to you, just a pipe dream. Better to "Visualize" deeply your success, fantasizing is for losers.

Mark Manson - On Elon Musk esque Efficiency : AVOID TASK SWITCHING. Better to spend a whole half - day block or day, or 2 or 3 > working on the same thing Constantly working on 1 thing actually drains far less energy than doing multiple things > If u work on 1 thing for 8 hours, U'll have much more energy than working on 8 different things for an hour each. Implications to my life : Start Religiously pre scedulling every Sunday my time & tasks into blocks Remove supermarket trips, cooking, cleaning. Cook Maximum Once per week. Remove all that bullshit from my life, long focused sessions towards my goals & skill developments Follow scedule, hyperfocus. As for reading articles or books - have this all in 1 chunk, not scattered intermitently, fucking same with anything. Probably should start doing 24H Fasts & eat huge meals, except maybe some fruit in the morning & nothing in between Only workout inmeditaely after waking up or before going out (state booster)

Whole in my heart, too long I been stuck in my logical brain, I just wanna feel something. At some point when I get the money & the girls I know I'm just gonna end up doing drugs & going crazy, we're all gonna die anyway, might as well enjoy it. Melancholy pleasure, power & greed. Music drugs & 10's.

No forum time but I MUST offload my thoughts rn whilst my brain is sharpest. Random collection of "Important" thoughts : Several persuits are the higest priority for my growth across multiple domains (Lifestyle, cognitive development, spirtual enhancement) A focus on GOING META A.Solve the structure before I just go into more & more content. Alongside just journalling day after day - I will spend a short (10-20 minutes) every day, decluttering + simplifying my 1note journal (towards a > efficient, simple, future proof, lucid format that is easy to connect & reconnect with ideas & lessons & set goals & learn skills from, no > clutter, a proficient system, TESLA). (This will take time becoz I got bills to pay, but after weeks I think I'll get there, stay strong.) Never listening to boring people ever again I don't care how smart or successful or useful someones information is, if they're presenting it in a boring way, if the speaker has a monotone low testosterone uncharasmatic voice with no passion humour & no public speaking & he fucking coughs & umms & erhhs & has a bland look in his eyes & shit then I'm turning that shit off Why Neo? "So u just gonna go & listen to some charasamtica marketing guru who spews out nonsense to sell u shit?" NO. U can have both, u can find people who are both intelligent & charasmatic, vocal, interesting huourous. I have high standards & besides, I never learn as much if I'm bored. 1 Sorta Exception is Andrew Huberman > He isn't the most charasmatic speaker but he has gone through pain & problems & > life experience than most professors, u can see the pain & humility in his eyes & although he's defo no owen cook I allow myself to listen to him (if the topic is relevant to my needs), because he does engage me > than most boring professors & has some masculine energy & decent voice. More of a focus on only learning what interests me (Unless the boring thing is in inmediate survival category - gotta be mature & just brute force that shit) > Because Sometimes on autopilot I'm washing dishes & half listeing to some random podcast but lost the awareness that 1. this is fucking boring & 2. I'm not even concetranting So > mindfulness throughout the process > more mindfulness on who I select to read listen to + mindfulness as I'm absorbing it whether I should continue, fuck sunk cost phallacy, if anything I listen to starts to get boring or unuseful or telling me what I already know, then gotta be mindful & inmediately find something better or meditate instead, sounds like common sense maybe but some reason my flawed brain often doesn't even notice this stuff. What does interest me? What I chose to zoom my selective attention on : Heavy Interest : Pick up, Socialization, social skills, charisma Lifestyle Design >> Logistics, Travel, Adventures, Time management, Side Hussles / Building passive income structures, Building "social currency" (through syndicates, status & social opps finding better biz oppurtunities & shortcutting my way to wealth (no fucks given this actually takes enormous work & initiave/requisite variety to build initially anywa) ,Networking, Contacts management, Integration between social life & technology Public speaking, body language, vocal range Energy work, trauma release, meditation Marketing, copywriting, Persuasion, Influence Going meta, mental models, fast learning, efficiency, productivty, structure, ruthless organization, long & short term planning, Mild Interest / (Could become Heavy once I have > Mental bandwith to give & less stress) : Learning 2nd language, especially mastering it efficiently using 80/20 rule & zoning in on the accent & pronunciation (the most valuable & underated aspect of learning a language, ensuring that people 1. understand what the fuk ur saying & 2. actually want to listen to u rather than falling a sleep to ur slow, annoying accent - Not an easy task this, very hard but nothing is impossible) No "Interest" but heavy priority - Must brute force this for my own self - love : Saving money, discipline, long term planning, money management Emotional self control, anger management, manage cravings Mercury detox, reduction in plastics, buy water filter again, stop plastic bottle use Quickly increase income so I can afford mecury detox & afford to eat organic, "safer" food & maybe Keto Cut out heavy dairy use (Recent habit) Find better less polutted place to live which is quiter & I have better sleep Brute forcing health issues like energy problems, brain fog, anxiety, adhd, persistant physical injury

I just WASTED 30 minutes of my precious precious life on this forum. I have worked pretty hard recently brute forcing stuff but I had more in me, to continue going this evening. But then I thought "let me just scroll through the forum, "just a bit". NO. Fuck answering people's posts, fuck joining in, I don't give a shit right now. MY LIFE IS PRIORITY. Fuck this forum, I'll come back in a month or only when I have a specific question to ask I'll ask it & get some answers. Fuck Loitering, whether in the supermarket or in the forum. Seneca Bitch! Big fucking dreams this year are finally gonna happen, and I've got a lot of pressure at the moment too, in the deep dark abyss & no one holding my hand, cutthroat business I gotta make it out the other side, I gotta live where I want & I gotta go get the money. Go get the skills. Go get the value. Nothing else right now.

Writing out goals & habits for this month : Goals Visualization Mediation Structure (More neat journaling system & use calendar more often) > (Eliminate friction & decision fatigue) Not using daily calendar is most ridiculously Imperative thing I MUST ingrain as subconscious habit NOW. Fresh start to Month, a purposeful month, a month of achievement & optimism. Symbolic spring is here.

Oatmeal is the worst I'm lit more productive after eating chocolate & ice cream lol. I can't see how fruits would cause brain fog. I don't have problems eatings dates, bananas, oranges ect.., but fuck grains.

My life better if I eat clean cos brain is sharp as possible. But 1/2 days a week of moderate amounts of tasty bad food works well for me. Occasionaly a full on day or multi day bender of gorging myself with pizza milkshakes & ice cream + video games also has it's place, But I try to save this for uncommon moments of well earnt celebration, after completing a hard challenge or something, it certainly has it's place for me. Healthy hednoistic pleasures like driving a lambo, motorbike, skiing, playing sports, orgies or listening to music in a hottub , renting out parties in some beautiful location , going to comedy shows, travel, should be enjoyed to fullest , I aim do these abunduntly until I die, not in moderation. Junk food in moderation because theres hangover, no hangover from truly having fun for me. However We all independtly decide our best life, no one else. P.s maybe u have freak genetics & u can get away with it, gotta respect the independance of thought & inquisitiveness, enjoy & do whatever u want.

In a certain kind of mood. I can't work or train or read any more, I can't be in logical brain any more right now. I want to go back to socializing and pickup, but I have to save money & also make money & do it quick & I don't know if I have enough mental bandwidth for social life again yet, but ahh life moves by quick, hurry up, get the mundane logistical garbage out the way. I don't know whether going against my urges is "delayed gratification & focusing on prirotiy" or it's just self neglect and burnout/lack of balance, no logical verbal answer will answer this question. Been thinking about death & how I can't take it for granted, I don't know how long left my mum will live, people sometimes just die & you assume they got another 30 years. Not just mum but general people, Owen Cook could die any minute, Leo could die, many interesting people could just die, & I'll never have a chance to meet or engage with them if I don't move quick, time doesn't stop. So many wholes in my life & spirit, so much to accomplish, but even more importantly so much to experience, so much I have to experience, I have to get the stage orange shit out of my way quick, I have to get there. I feel a whole in my spirit & I feel like I am too in my head still, I need to get my finances sorted & my physical energy better because I want to focus on what matters, I want time & space for relationsips, I want to never go back to where I've been most of my life, lonely, bored, contracted & stuck. Time for some dark room Meditation.

I understand there's no exact answer, and if I'm really enjoying myself & don't have prioritees next day ect.. then sure I may occasionaly stay out all night until sunrise ... these moments always happen sometimes in the year. But what is sustainable pick up? Should I go out early & leave earlier, or go out late until 3-5AM & change my daily schedule so I can still sleep 7 hours & then wake up at say 11-12 Or should I become like Sad ghuru & get really spiritual & "only need 4 hours of sleep" How do you do regular pick up & have fun, but still chase your ambitious goals & intellectual persuits, reading, learning, creativity, starting a biz / Job Is it even possible? Sometimes I think I should create intention to just "become a dating coach" - In order to solve this dilemna, not sure if that's rlly for me though I dunno I think I want a lot of things, so many interests, I need to maybe I am overthinking right now.. I say this too because I have a desire to do intesnsive pick up, this is more exciting & worthwhile than half hearted 2 nights a week, but I can't fathom how I'd manage to mix it with everything else, or maybe I can & this is my mind always thinking in scarcity. *Also > from my (limited & biased) experience > Hot girls are normally around at the beginning of the night in bars & Clubs, isn't this the 20% of the 80/20 rule to concentrate at the beginning & not stay out that late?

The best self help concept I have learnt recently which is deceptively simple. Celebrate every small win of the day (Rsd Julian) "YESS, "YESS Well done!" > This doens't make you lazy, it gives you more fuel! & the mind has a Negativity Bias. So consciously build the habit of celebrating every micro win ... & finding every micro win in every situation & training my RAS to zoom in on that, rather than dwell on what I didn't get. I did a cold approach today & my mind instantly started to focus on how ... on how I talked too much or too long, or how I hesitated initially & didn't jump straight in ... But I still fucking approached! & I got the number. What the fuck. YESS!, what a win YESS. Also energetically celebrating too, so u just did an approach? > Jump up into the air & shout YESS!, reach your arms up like an athelete would after getting a medal. Do this even in "bad interactions & bad nights out", There's a lesson to be learnt here ... YESS!! I said outrageous offensive shit, YESS!, now I know not to say that again! WINNING. I did deep work for 20 minutes today, YESS!!, tomorrow I can do 40 minutes. I read a self help article but I didn't apply nada, YESS!! Well done for showing the awareness of how imperative it is to actually apply what u learnt, awareness of this mistake means a change in future behavior, next time u will inmeditately apply what you learn! Increased self awareness, YESS! ... Recently I read an incredible medium article, this guy is so smart it's insane, the debt & complexity of his ideas are incredible, on another level, on another plane. I will have to paste my notes when I have time. Maybe, or maybe I should keep them to myself, you can't share everything

I Understand how it's hard to balance ambition with intensive night game .. But I don't think it has to be an either or scenario or Because ... No matter what you do you get burnt out from it ... but when there's contrast (I personally) don't get burnt out. After working or learning something for several hours, my brain needs rest & contrast ... to then go off on a walk & do some day game approaches, this is perfect because although it's stimulating & challenging, it's completely different to logical work or reading books ect.. I believe I can gradually improve at both aspects simulataenously, because of this, also because it's more about quality than quantity, like doing the approach properly & then analyzing it afterwards ... you only need a few approaches per day to gradually improve right? But obviously I wouldn't be able to progress as fast as if I was constantly doing day & night game 24/7, but like most of us I have to pay the bills & also I have other things I like to learn & practice than pick up & don't plan to stop (Polymaths Rock). So Imo I could do 3-5 day game approaches per day + 1- 3 nights out a week, when I'm also working on career & education a lot. Then when I have money / time, I can switch to intensive pick up. Even with the former I believe I could still make decent progress.

So my question is not "Is it possible to attract a taller girl" ... obviously it does happen. My question is ... Is the juice worth the squeeze? Should I filter out taller girls out & not even bother approaching? Is the rational thing to only go for shorter girls because the odds are higher? Because recently in a cafe I saw this quite hot girl, but she was about an inch taller than me, a pretty tall girl. So for that reason alone I couldn't get myself to do it. At what threshold is a girl too tall to be worth approaching, same height, half an inch, 1 inch, 2 inches? (I don't have a specific preference for taller or shorter girls, I just don't even care about their height that much, but I do feel way more confident to approach if the girl is clearly shorter than me, especially by several inches or more).

This "when I'm in heels" shit is so dumb. A 6 foot man is still taller but "Because one must be shorter when she's in giant heels" he's not enough .. such a weird arbitrary cultural phenomenon this. Learn to actually read my post. I said specifically that I don't have a preference for taller or shorter women. The build, how fragile & skinny & feminine she looks, & her feminine energy is way more important to me. If she is 1 inch taller but skinny and feminine & hot, she is much much better than a girl 4 inches shorter who is muscular, fat, heavy, masculine & dominant vibe. Given that feminine & hot women seem to be fairly rare, I am willing to compromise on a girl who is a little bit taller.

Meditation = HIDDEN SECRET TO MOTIVATION ??? So I've just spent most of the day durping. I wasted the last few hours > Mostly environmental cause, couldn't find quiet environment to focus & work. I go to a burrito shop & buy a big burrito, then I feel tired, but mostly due to the disappointment Of having durping all day, & doing some self help reading but not actually working on my life or my important problems. So I finally cave in & realize, this isn't working, lets just embrace my procrastination, So I sit there & jus start meditating NOW AFTER JUST 20 SECONDS OF MEDITATING, SPIRITUAL ENERGY FLOWS INTO ME, & I HAVE THIS HIGHER SELF THOUGHT/FEELING THAT INSTANSTLY CAUSES UPBEAT VIBRATION, IT'S LIKE THAT HIGHER SELF THOUGHT WAS WAITING TO SPEAK ALL DAY, BUT IT WAS BEING DROWNED OUT TOO MUCH BY NOISE. I am going to continue meditating now & then god forbid I will get to action.. can't be on here or any other conceptualverse too much.

Medium.com Is fucking awesome. I read a couple articles from there a few years ago, but I let it slip. I didn't even realize it has a cool structure to it, a recommendation algorithm based on what u favorite & easy highlighting feature. I love Medium, reading their articles just works for me because they tell me stuff I didn't know or they reframe how I think about something in an insightful & engaging way, rather than just repeating the same shit in the same way like 95% of every fucking human does with their boring brains. Ima do 20 minutes a day now.

Can you have food addiction to healthy foods ? I eat all the time. I'm muscular, athletic & about 12-14% body fat. I enjoy eating, I always eat. carbs fats protien everything. Why should I stop if it's not bad for me? Is this lowering my willpower or OCD eating 24/7? (couldn't care less about becoming fat, being "too big" or some arbitrary health benefit like "studies say I'll live longer if I fast", couldn't care less I'd rather enjoy myself than that). I only care about > Mental effects, productiivty willpower mood impact or brain function.

I watched old infield compliation of Rsd Tyler & Julian. Wow, haha. I actually needed to see that. Leo said his theoretical series was enough to get results & I agree BUT, I do think everyone needs to see some masterful infields ... It's one thing to hear a logical list of steps, another to see the end result in action. So feel like watching that completely changed my brain. Why? The level of entitlement & not giving a fuckness + the sillyness & weirdness of those approaches is just startling. But the key lesson here is : Game doesn't need to be sooo fucking serious... I have a short time left on this earth, & I don't wanna be like every other Joe any more holding this nervous face, "HEYY, WHERE ARE U FROM, WHATS UR NAME, NICE TO MEET U .... ERH SO DO U WANT TO DANCE? ... I'M GOING TO PERSIST NOW! ... NUMBER PLEASE?? ... "QUICK GET IN STATE, QUICK MUST GET THAT 9, BETTER CATCH HER, AROOH" Like noo bro. The ultimate end point of game would be to get similar to how owen & Julian are in these random compilations, completely not giving a fuck, experimenting, completely entitled, 0% needy in any way, will approach any woman in any situation, when she's with a group whatever, just self - amusing, having fun & not taking myself so seriously. It might sound simple, but this imo a serious serious skill, to the level that I saw them do this in these infields, I have almost never seen anyone do it like that, especially in personal nights out or in the day, how rare is that lol. Starting to go on tangent a bit, look ultimately this is fucking comedy gold here, my work is very logical & boring, I've spent years being around low vibration people, It's a paradox, on the 1 hand I'm dead serious & observing patterns & I'm treating my life Like I could die any moment, & I'm dead serious in persuing these social goals, but the ultimate goal is the complete opposite : Complete presences, 0 self-consciousness, 0 approach anxiety, 0 needyness, 0 giving a fuck, 100% independence of outcome, & most crucially, self amusement, having fun, experimenting, trying wacky shit, it's just fun, people are funny & I'm excited to see what I can get away with, the shit I'm gonna pull off, & the person I'd have to become to be able to do this with ease : way more wittier, much more present to the moment, far less needy, more internally grounded, much better humour, quick wit, body language, bools. Now, the key Frame shift I'm making - due to witnessing these compilations : Going to try out the frame of > DOMINANT + ENTITLED + SILLY + DETACHED FROM OUTCOME "Come now, leave now, You're coming with me leave your friends, I'm out of your league" (The reason Julian does this so well is because he's also very silly, (**I must intentionally infuse SILLYNESS with dominant frame otherwise I am just a threatening predator). "You can go now" Funny accent imitations, stupid stunts ect... > This can all be worked on & this sounds pretty fun tbh, going to watch more stand up comedy also * I'm sure this frame might not work too well at first, may even get me in trouble, but I'm just done with going half hearted, Gonna go full circle with the frame, anything too over the top is a calibration lesson. Intentionally going slightly over the top > Recentres & brings up the default baseline (this statement only makes sence after watching tyler's marketing/public speach lessons) Summary of Action Steps : Find wingman & fix logistical problems Try out dominant + entitiled + silly + detached frame Approach WAYY more (I have to deserve what I want to get it, & I have to earn who I want to become) Get better clothes, get some wackier clothes + more smart clothes (to enter certain clubs) > & get some tailoring done Next go out & not drink once, not 1 single drink Learn better wit, accents & imitations & spontaneous convos Transition : observe > approach + statement > (Instant) Kino escalation & calibrate to reaction Internalise & practice kino escalation, step by step Meditate every day Internal validation frame & having standards > (both pick up & meeting friends) > I am screening others, I will not randomly just befriend everyone, I have standards & screen for people who fit my energy, my values & interests, even after befriending someone, I will not invest in them more than they do back &the less I know someone, the less I will invest. Self knowledge & Mental clarity > I must know exactly who I am, what I want, value & enjoy & where I'm headed > this enables me to create boundaries, to filter out the wrong people & situations & to screen for the right ones, to say no to the things/people that are an oppurtunity cost to that with which I resonate.

"Most of you are not energetically ready yet to resonate with the advice that you need". High, Status, Mentoring ... Program. Fucking, Epic. Have passively listened to the program & taken some notes Next > finish entire program Rewatch & take comprohensive notes + fill in any gaps I missed Inmediately start doing Exercises & Schedule in at least 1 exercize per day Continue to practice applying these principles talking to self in mirror (body lingo vocal range Marketing & persuasion telling stories ect..) , by writing stories & persuasive sales copy, by practicing continually selling myself on my dreams, consciously noting my lower day to day & higher self goals. (Do this multiple time per day) Consciously apply this stuff in social + dating + biz interactions, but apply gradually 1 thing at a time, no overkill. Continously rewatch this program at least once a week, it is to epic to let it slip from my brain. Buy & read any books that owen advised in the program + Use my intuition, innver voice & future reference experiences to feed into my theoretical web of understanding (gained from the program) & vice versa. Curious to read > Levels of Energy. AH GO TO BED, Must go against my mind's desire for stimulation rn & rest. Stressful day tomorrow. ... 10/02/2022 18:56 ... I'm just divergently riffing here & conducting multiple threads & thought processes without purpose or structure. Creativity, money & spirit. The 3 things combine to create a force that pushes through any resitance & changes the world, But only some people have the combinaiton, manye have just 1, many broke hippies, many souless entrepeneurs, many copy cats, many followers It's all about being disruptive. Reading random self- help articles this evening, without purpose or or plan, allowing my thoughts to take me somewhere "I know I still care what people think of me, I am still inhibited, I've wathced some utube videos on this already, yet the problem still persists, different perspective?" Random google articles, Nice. Counterintuitive : Stop judging others, judging others feeds the background anxiety that others may be judging you. Don't judge, just observe. “We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own,” (Marcus Aurelias). Marcus Aurelias, Marcus Aurelias ... as my brain registers the name a charge of energy is transmitted, energy directed to focusing longer & harder & processing the qoute harder, the brain fires up, better take this qoute seriously. (So the exact same qoute by some random joe might not get my brain internalize). Why? The Halo Effect >> Owen bangs on about the Halo effect a lot & I get why, some stranger or certain acquaintance say the wisest or genius thing but we dismiss it because we haven't haven't pre-validated them, worse we may pre disregarded them. So this is why influence & credentials can be important, even if it's all a pumped up marketing process, u might need to go thru all that to get to the point where people take u seriously & listen & value your thoughts, u gotta play in to this illusion to truly influence people. More Infield Experience Journalling coming soon : (> Detail another day tired) Turbulent fluctuating shift in states, winner & loser effect, dependent on other's reactions to self Did some physical opener approach, initial reaction good so perhaps inital attraction, but frame was probably weak, eye contact probably wasn't strong enough ect... (It would help if this was literally filmed, just a diluted memory to work with) Did some physical opener/ escalation & She responded quite well/touchy, but got stuck there, let go, then the awkward dancing next to her & in my head the whole time thinking "ABOUT TO DANCE WITH HER SOON, ANY MINUTE NOW, GRAB HER HANDS TO DANCE") So not very present in the moment, maybe 20 or 30 seconds go by & I offer to dance, but I do this weird Half hearted dance (more like a lame hand gesture) (PATTERN OCCRUING) > Where I grab 1 of her hands with my hand & then swing it up & down like a hammock, then I do the swirl her around thing then I swirl myself around, then I let go & dance myself for 20 seconds or some minutes, then I go back to her & this time grab both her hands & we do a slightly less half hearted dance (But still feels like cringy kindergarten dancing BS) ... Then she sees another friend & overtly offers to dance with him/her (a clear indirect signal of disinterest) > So then I leave alone. But what I remember is her inital reaction was decent, but my dance game & non verbal communication was probably just too terrible, or she was just being nice in the first place & Was never interested, I wish there was a camera Because It's hard to truly learn without it in these scenarios. Turbulent Tide of state change : I come out club & I'd had lots of good social validation some reason this evening, I come out & i'm walkin past & I thought I saw a girl smile at me in the que to the club, I walk down the road, then walk the way back & decide to approach "hey come to this club" this que looks slow, they look at me disapprovingly & say no thanks, My state was suddenly lost, just like that, it wasn't what they said, it was just there body language & I now felt awkward & low value, but I guess I learnt that that doesn't work, some girls wouldn't just randomly come to a club & drop what they're doing for a stranger on a dime, Unecessary Analysis > ((I dunno if those girls had a genuis level of quick analyical ability & actually went thru that thought process & then deduced "he is low value & doesn't understand appropriate social context & rapport bulding", or that was just their intuitive snap deduction represented as a feeling anyway I digress)) So I walk out with this state loss & carry this with me somewhat into the next club. I'm dancing with guy in group who's quite upbeat & seems quite humorous, on dancing floor I see him approach or gesture to a girl non verbally I think, then she hadnon verbal rejection or indifference Now from this point ... Now I see his face drop & it was sad to see, he suddenly looks quite sad & demoralized, like a (whole poked into his brain & a charge of energy & dopamine was lost) From this point on he would dance but he just wasn't the same the entire night, he didn't approach another girl & he looked more awkward & sad, I could sort of read him from this, he wasn't the most attractive guy or dressed up that cool, just average at best, so maybe he had decided that was his defining characteristic & no girl could like him, or maybe he was just sensitive to negative feedback, I don't know, but given how easily I could read this guy's state change it's scary to imagine how good at this stuff girls are lool. So I dance for a while & don't approach anyone, I see a girl with big breasts but she had Beaucoup makeup & prob kinda chubby, but I see her looking bored with 2 friends & I plan to talk to her but hesistate for at leas an hour, then i see her on the dance floor later & I decide "Bold phsyical opener!" She's dancing in front & I grab her form behind & put my arm around her & raise my arm up, she doesn't respond well to that. Not sure if that's my bad approach or it's more like "need big club & 2 out of the 20 girls will hook" (as leo pointed out) > So I'll have to ask about this // Think for myself about it too when I'm less tired. I'm getting tired & it's getting late, I'm learning a lot & finding juicer videos & articles to read & getting > social experience every week.

Maybe that's true with paid courses ... But I got SOOO Much value from Watching Julian's youtube recently. It's not merely his valuable insights, but he's very charismatic & a great speaker, & this is imo as important as the qaulity of the information for getting me to buy in & invest in the content & learn from it (why I don't listen to boring college professors) (However, I did buy Tylers HSC & it's very good).

I stay on no fap & don't want to lose my sexual drive I eat healthy & workout & do meditation - doesn't solve the problem But I CAN'T take my mind (or body) off sex I wish I could go & obtain sex on command, like go up to a woman in a store & pull her straight away, I know that is unrealistic especially for someone who's new to game, but this would be so much better for me & the world, because I'd be able to get it over with & then focus on myself & even life purpose. Because of sexual frustration, no life purpose, even worse my finances & survival needs are at risk because I can't concentrate. I am not here to make excuses, I can go & approach women, but I have no wing man, no support & I don't know how to do it without feeling like a creep, I've watched leos videos & more theory than I need, but in practice I just feel like a desperate creep.