Striving for more

There's two traps with this 1. You deny it exists & that there aren't people in power who are involved in this 2. You become an obssessive Qanon guy & think EVERY person in hollywood is evil, you think brad pit is a satanic pedo or something. There are people in power involved but there's also middle class people that get involved too, it's just that 1 of the core tennets of satanism is limitless power so it's not surprising that someone like Marina could easily be involved.

it's real, I'll find some interview / podcasts & it's just undeniably obvious the victims are not lying! People on this forum called me a looney for mentioning satanic abuse as a systemic problem. It's funny how closed mindedness works! Even the most "openminded" members here think satanism is bullshit still. It's real & it's horrific. To reiterate, I will send the links when I can be bothered to find them.

Read my new book, "the decline of elliot hulse part 1 ", 10,000 pages all written in latin bitchh me siento tan loco ahora mismo chicas Y chicos tan loco necessito ponerse fluido para que peudo estoy loco en otras idomases porque ingles es tan aburrido JODER ! JODER BITCH

HMMM UNLESS SHE'S SANDRA BULLOCK

Ok I need therapy. BUT MY THERAPIST MUST BE HOT AS FUCK & AGED 18 - 35 ; )

I WANT MILLLIONS IN THE FUCKING BANK FUCK THIS SHIT FUCK IT. STAGE GREEN IS BORING I CHANGE MY MIND STANGE ORANGE TO THE FUCKING EXTREME I HAVE AN ORANGE PENIS ! BIILLLLLLINONS IN THE BANKKKKK BILLLIONS!!!!!LAfbkadfhsfasdHIOASFGJI

Exercize is bulllllllllllllllllllllshit mayn did nothing for me only raw extreme martial arts will cut it. At this rate i will end up one of those fight club looneys because all i was tryna do is feel alive in this BORING FUCKING WORLD BORING !!! BORING PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET FUCK U BORING FUCKS. FUCK URSELF FUCKL

slammming the fucking keyboard sounds nerdy as fuck but it's the only subtle way to release this tension & no i'm not going to fucking masturbate that doesn't help me only make my life worse. Man even tho i'm obssessed normally with health & personal development here I want the old me back cos then at least I somewhat felt ALIVE. Doing cocaine & fucking a whore driving around at night playing music & shit. At least then I felt kind of ALIVE jesus fucking christ. I'm so dead inside right now.

I want to punch the bed it's therepeutic but I can't because my parents don't fucking understand that it's really fucking healthy they should actually try sometime. It hurts fucking no one. I want to elliot hulse (yes I know he's a luny now talking about the old him) .. elliot hulse tension release but I can't because my parents will think i'm a freak (i honstely don't care) however they';; litterally start slamming doors because of it. Fuck this shit so fucking desperate to change fuck OCD wont stop dufkjdvhl;k sfadsfj[plassa

Mental health really bad today. Frustration eating me alive, feeling like i'm too old already, or i'm getting too old Just feeling so much regret that I didn't start enjoying life young, like 19, at least 21 fuck sake. Not that far away from 30. I just want to live in a cool place, socialize, bang hot chicks. It's not a lot to fucking want, but we can't even do that now maybe another year this will last, god knows 2 years what the fuck. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo frustated ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I STILL LIVE WITH MY DAD HE'S SUCH AFUCKING LOSERRRRRRRRRR AHHHHHHHH FUCKING NERDDDDDDDD YOU FUCKING PEACE OF SHIT I DON'T WANT TO BE LIK EYOU BUT U RUB OFF ON ME YOU ANGRY BITTER FUCKING LOSER AHFKJLSADFHJKLASDFKLHJSFADHLKJASFDHKLSADFKLHASFDUKLHASDF KLASHF ASFSDFHIL I NEED A FUCKING PUNCH BAG EXERCIZE DOES NOT CUT IT I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT EXERCISE. RAW SIMULATION OF FIGHTING CALMES THE NERVES & RELEASES THE FUCKING TENSION Cider is all I have right now WHY THE FUCKS MY DAD ALWAYS SLAMMING DOORS MAN FUCKKKKKKK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT. FUCKINGLOSER,. AH I NEED MY OWN PLACE SO I CAN SMASH SHIT UP I left my parents at 17-22 but I had to live with this fucking bitch, ugly personality, but at least then i could smash my fucking room up when I wanted. Now i got to keep it inside cos I live at home again fuck

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHATSSSSSSSSS THE FUCKING POINTTTTTTTTTTT. WE ARE ALL JUST DEALTH EITHER GOOD OR BAD CARDS, ITS LUCK. JUST FUCKING KILL MYSELF

I'm too tired to fix my problem, or just my problem can't be fixed. One day I wake up at 5am get 5 hours sleep, then next day falll asleep 2am. Just for this reason i feel like a zombie. I can barely be bothered to type this. Good diet cold showers sun blah blah fuck off doesnt even help u useless fucking CUNTTTTTTTT Just give me good sleep pattern god, I am only young once, please give me my life back. All I need is normal sleep. FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ YIOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU HFUFUFUOFADKLHSADFIOSDHASDFASDFFDHKLGASDvghklasdfBQSDFANBKLAcsbml;eqwrg;sdfb FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSAIUDFHSADIUOSDFAIUHSDFAHUIDSFAHUIDSFHFSDAHOIUFASDJHASDFJHKSDFAJKHSFDAJHSFDAHJSFADADPHOSAFDHIUOPSADFHUSADFIHGSADFIYGSFADIGOUSADFIGUSFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIFDGIUO

have never used or seen a kindle before. Does anyone recommend? If so which one & how much should I invest? (there's many newer versions of different prices) I like the feel of physical books & will still buy them sometimes but kindle seems more pragmatic

I hit my head (the top part) on a hard object earlier about 4PM GMT Have had a light headed feeling & headache since. & Disrupted sleep with extreme paranoia upon awakening : Went to bed & prematurely woke up hour later, stuck in repetitive incoherent thought loops, then my mum went to the bathroom & I thought there was a kidnapper & grabbed my scissors & waited there for 10 minutes, even after I said who's there & she replied, I thought that maybe a kidnapper/burgular had forced her to say that so I waited then calmed down then when I saw no one else was there. Still feel weird hopefully this is nothing serious. I am clumsy so I hit my head fairly often unfortunately. I am sure there's a chance it will pass & I'll be fine tomorrow. But the night time paranoia has always came & go without hitting my head but it was particularly worse today. I do not expect to sleep tonight. W The headache is particuarly noticeable in the right side of my head & is unpleasant, I feel pretty tense physically & its not in my control I'm hoping this reaction is common & not indicative of something serious. I have to add that I do have a long history of "midnight psychosis" before, & the exact scenarios described used to happen regularly when I lived on my own & do always happen now & then although. it hadn't happened in recent weeks & I still have a headache so I drew the connection that the head collision cause it or brought it back I don't know

Patience. Gratitude. Learn how to save & invest money. More self acceptance. Became more "introverted", less noise, more self - reflection & awareness. Started retrospectively connecting the dots in where I've gone wrong & let my mind lead me to traps. Started caring about the environment

@Abdelghafar Thanks man ! Im going to try apply this strictly from tomorrow. My issue is that ive heard similar goal theorg before, but then id start a goal setting / journalljng habit & type it in 1 note, but then I'd forget to check these tabs in my 1 note ! I might create an entirely separate 1 note for goal setting & tasks & have it on 1 separate laptop just for that purpose. I cant see any other solution because if I just my main 1 note it will get too clouded in all the folders & i'll forget

I have been procrastinating a lot lately & giving in to addictive, compulsive behaviours that stray me away from my goals. There are people to reach out to, bills to pay, pragmatic things that need being done. I devote the next 3 months to raw logic & pragmatism, with the exception of improving my EQ (Self control, awareness, Intuition) which has pragmatic benefits anyway. But I just need this leverage & more action. I am studying productivity advice on this forum which is helpful, but i'm wise enough to spot that it could turn into mental masturbation : I must take notes & apply this specific advice & follow through until it becomes a habit : Setting goals across different time frames & making a plan to achieve these goals. I want to be able to enjoy my life a bit for once this summer , that will require me to be more patient & strategic from now, focusing on building my income, educating myself, becoming more strategic & building habits. Also making detailed action plans short term vs long term for personal vs business life. A life of vision & strategy. No more over complicated bullshit, small specific steps, & remember patience is key, nothing will happen as quickly as I wanted, time to accept that. A healthy blend of raw pragmatism & life optimization mixed with strengthening intuition is the potent cocktail that I need, I Call that sex on a beach ! ; )

@Hardkill This feels like a pointless question and you're focusing on gender too much. I've met girls who are insanely horny, in an insatiable way, wouldn't last in a monogamy either. I've met guys who lack natural sex drive too. It really depends on the person. Don't make it about gender. Don't put billions of unique & varying individuals into 1 box for comparison. BTW women are more stigmatized for their sexuality so of course it will seem like men care about sex more but actually they only reveal that they want sex more often than women.

I feel like I lose either way. If I masturbate I get negative effects for 1 -3 days. If I don't I can't stop thinking about sex. And I need to focus on my work. I want to jerk off so I don't have to think about sex, but I don't want the side effects either.

I wish I had that option. But I don't have the logistics & free time for that yet. Soon my time for sweet pussy will come Hopefully I can learn some cool Matrix sex where the girls can levitate. : )

@fridjonk I'm going to try resist it thanks & use other stimulation to distract me then focus. If it doesn't work out I'll jerk off & try not feel any shame & not see it as negative either.

I know it's cliche, I almost deleted the thread before I sent.

@fridjonk I want sex with a real woman (not prostitute). I don't want to masturbate, I can go weeks without it, but now it it intruding my thoughts, hard to control. I don't know. & I want to be able to ignore these tingling sensations & do my work. But I don't like side effects of masturbation.

Hm never tried that. The UK is really bad at finding high quality meat. TBH Lentils do make me feel heavy. Probably best for the evening. Potatoes actually make me feel full & energized, get rid of sugar cravings, not sure why you experience that.

@mmKay I'm the same with rice & grains. brown rice & oatmeal , causes brain fog & an unbearable stomach ache immediately. Best foods for me : High quality chicken, lentils carrots potatoes yogurt ginger (cooking spice) bananas pine nuts (Pine nuts are delicious, but expensive) * Sometimes eggs (probably depends on quality) It's hard to get hold of good quality chicken near me though. Carrots & potatoes are actually my favourite Worst foods : Coffee, Tea (not herbal) Oats Rice Pesto (stomach ache & diareah) some types of nuts, walnuts, dairy milk,