Striving for more

I love journalling, I still fee kind of sick physically but there's such a STRONG wave oh psychological desire pulsating through me that I feel ready to go anyway, ready to take some risks, to confront boredom & do menial tasks I have to do, to bite the bullet, step up to the challenge & FIGHT, GO DOWN SWINGING, as Jocko would say. Go fucking down swinging. I leave on this note, this note of high vibration.

Feeling super sick & tired today. Really struggling to be effective. Strange because I wasn't yesterday, it was sudden... Have eaten some high thiol foods this week, It could be that or just general metal toxicity. I have aching jaw, stomach ache, bloating, low energy, weird digestion & fog. I was relatively productive yesterday, towards my goal of moving ... But I still have a lot of sub steps to go. Thank god I have enough savings to keep me going several months, I would struggle to find hope if I didn't, I had backlash this week & wasted stupid money on alcohol & jewellery & fast food. I prey to learn the lesson & have more boundaries with my self, exercise more self control & self respect. And I prey that this sickness is temporary, & not continuous ... but leads to more appreciation of health & a more careful diet. I need energy, physical & psychological, to carry out my present goal, a burning mental desire still but I prey for health to accelerate & ease the process. Lots of small steps, some physically draining, some cognitively demanding. I am a very suggestible person, 1 key reason why I must make the move, for I know of no healthy nor successful nor creative people around me, I have very high standards of who I allow into my life, & that must even include neighbours, the vibrations of a town. In spite of the sickness, I will act towards my goal, as much as I can, but I must also watch my diet & be careful. I am reading Andy Cutler Chelation once again... it turns out I missed so much! So many sneaky sources of exposure ... Like the silver rings I wear? Like Poultry & Bakery Products? Like Paint in my house ? Some people might see the term "normies" as snobbish, but as a suggestible person you must weed out the normies, for otherwise you'll slip right back in to "normie life", "Normie thought processes" ect... I used to be a normie anyway, & guess what? My life had no hope, I accepted the hollow fate of everyone else, believed strongly in the education system as the only path, ate crappy food & absorbed the binge drinking culture of my country, accepted my "role as a normal guy or perhaps less than normal" "Don't try to hard, don't dream to hard, it's all bullshit, it's all a scam" "It's not easy to move country" "you need mucho money to start a business" "Don't approach that girl, because you'll embarrass yourself, don't be a creep!" "Don't bother going out on your own, it's weird!" "You need a Mercedes to attract women" >> Lool I've gone off on a tangent. Anyway, back to the goal ... I will keep journaling, keep reading, keep tweaking & changing my habits & diet, not lose sight of my burning desire, burning obsession to move & find a different life, a different culture, to have a more inspiring environment, to be in a bustling yet peaceful city, filled with both Vibrancy & Serenity, modernity & historical awe, inexpensive yet exuberant. I know what I want, the question is how do I accelerate the process? I am not the most naturally organized & conscientious, but this 100% SOMETHING MUTABLE it certainly can be changed > for this reason I keep studying technology, I keep tweaking my routines, how I process & categorize & utilize information. I was such a mess, cognitively, psychologically, informationally, only a year ago... I have grown so much ... & I thank journalling as 1 big reason, a habit I only really made consistent about 6 weeks ago. I write this post for self - love, for relentlessness, to keep my spirit & morale high. I decide that I was born to be a warrior, I listen to Jocko Wilink, I listen to soldiers, I always keep my headphones on in public as the average vibrational frequency of normies in this specific area is as low as the mice that run around beneath me. I say thank god for technology > for it allows me to keep my vibration high, I am not necessarily an introvert, but in this place it is very wise to be an introvert, in any place in fact when you expect such low frequencies from the outside world. This will all change when I move. Now I may have 1 health question to ask this forum about mercury exposure, after that I log out & continue striving towards my burning obsession.

Just be yourself...

Examples : Struggling to freely do my power poses, affirmations, (Elliot Hulse) Trauma Release, because I know neighbours or Family or the public may hear or see. Saying hi & flirting with a girl on the train, but there's a carriage full of people Relates to power of letting Go vid : If I regularly let it go ... Can I get to the point where eventually the sensation doesn't even appear in the first place & I honestly wouldn't feel 0 amount of embarrassment if say I did some Elliot Hulse Trauma Release on a train or something like that, a completely energetically care- free man I'm just realising how much my life has been stunted due to this. And I'm even slightly less conscious than the average Joe now, who is literally mentally Imprisoned by his self - consciousness & how life is constrained by this ... But still I am also imprisoned by it to a large degree. So what's the best way or combination of methods ... How quickly can I get to this permanent carefree state?

I never asked for shortcuts? But often times there is a best way to do many things, or at least a better way. I don't see how this comment is useful. How long it takes is not the point of this post.

Today I force myself to become emotional. I force myself to get passionate. Keep feeling trapped by my environment, my growth feels soo stunted. Some Restrictions have been lifted now, I must take the leap of faith. Stop eating food to distract myself, Feel the pain, & harness it. I must move country. I must do this as soon as possible. No more planning, holding back. No more worrying about money. I have enough, just enough, In fact people have moved with no money at all, even that's possible. I must move within a week. I need a big change. So much fucking shit I wanted to do the last few years, but didn't. All cos of my environment. Money, fame, power, sex, friendships, spirituality & Joy could have come to me, but my environment crushed me. It's my fault, for letting it. I am still young, but there is no time, I will be dead tomorrow, 80 years old & forgotten, crumbling with regret. No. I can't plan today, Had some wine. But I will channel the power of faith, because I the courage & the drive to just fucking move. I need to feel alive, I need a breeze, I need nature, I need art, I need inspiration, I need my own space, I need novelty, I need to get away from this twisted culture of apathy & get away from the rain & all the fucking misery western fucks. I need change. It's been too long. I know I'm capable of being creative, businesses & art & creativity & success & a social life & challenges & all of that. I can gain all of this, just need the environment, the space, the inspiration. Time to go now, time to fly away, the heroes journey. No more time to mess about. I will message every single youtuber who has recently moved, & ask them how I do it, tell them I'm desparate. I want my own youtube channel, I have so much charisma & wisdom & "art" to share. But fuck doing youtube where I live, I'm going a beautiful country & then, & then I have the scenery, the inspiration, the art, the space, the peace. I need to explore, I need to feel alive for once. I can't take this anymore. I'm waking up at 4AM tommorow, no exucuses. I can sleep once I succeed, once I've moved, then I can sleep. I have to go now, I have to fly away. I prey to fucking god that this comes quick. I need the spark, the match stick, my environment always douses the flame, NO. I NEED THE FLAME, THE FLAME IS FUCKING EVERYTHING. FAMILY, CULTURE, THE WEATHER, TOXIC PEOPLE, ALWAYS DOUSING THE FLAME. You know what? ALL THESE PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK. SICK! DISGUSTED. I NEED TO FIND WARRIORS, EXPLORERS, LEADERS, RISK TAKERS, GODS AMONG MEN, & No shallow dumb girls, FUCKING GODESSES. These people I will associate. I will find them. Think & grow rich is the only book I will read again this week, nothing else needed. FAITH, SELF - LOVE, SEXUAL DESIRE. ALL WILL BE TRANSMUTED INTO MY GOALS. I watched porn yesterday, I ate junk food the last 2 days ... WHY? Because I lost touch with a purpose. My purpose is to move, & that isn#t easy, it won't come by being lazy. 4AM I Wake up. I listen to jocko willink. I WILL SPARK THE FLAME AS MUCH AS I CAN, I WILL KEEP IT GOING INDEFINITELY UNTIL I HIT MY GOAL.

@JonasVE12 But you're right I think I'll try make it to Miami

I almost did that in my country too. But I didn't because I don't trust that. Health comes before money. If they're willing to pay that much, it's definitely dodgy. I couldn't take that risk of heavy metals or chemicals. The problem is I need money to make more money. I don't see how a 4K Weekend is sustainable unless I already have 100K ready or something.

I would love to but I'm not rich enough to be throwing 4K into a weekend. : (

@JonasVE12 So are you suggesting manipulation, logic ect... aren't effective ? I don't care whether I use spiritual being or manipulation, as long as it works it works, if she's attracted that's what matters. I have no issues with manipulating women, whatever works works. Is studying videos like this pointless then? I don't want to limit my social & seduction skills to merely spiritual stuff like presence, unless "that's all you need", if that is truly all that you need then great! It's not like I want to have to study social skills & techniques but lets be real, life never just hands you success without effort so I assume that you need both.

& How do you do that exactly? How do you authentically express your desire for someone without being desperate

Brilliantly put. And tbh even if that ESFP is 40 or 50 years old, she's still not really built for monogamy. It really is a temperamental thing, I'm defo the same way.

1 of many Reason to avoid monogamous relationships as guy. You can't get cheated if there's no commitment. Well that's just my take. I wonder were their boyfriends not highly charismatic? If they were more charismatic / confident ect.. do you think these girls would've been willing to cheat still? Like maybe they said their bf's were great but they didn't mean it? or is the cold truth that women will sleep with a guy of your looks even if they truly love their boyfriends? @integral

So fucking pathetic. Being such a pussy recently. Why did I go macdonalds yesterday? It's not the bad food that matters to me so much, it's the wasting time and late eating. I have more important matters & dreams, disgusting mediocrity no. I had such a good early morning going, meditation, books, visualization & was gradually planning more & more & gradually gaining strategic action. I've got a great rhythym with thsese habits, some years old, some months old, some weeks old ... just keep going results will come. I give myself TOO MUCH LOVE TO WASTE ANY MORE TIME OR TO QUIT. As Jocko wlinkin puts it "FIGHT, GO DOWN SWINING. But I don't even need to fight in a sense, because I actually want to be efficient with my time & chase my goals & be healthy, so I don't need to fight my natural desires. But I fight the weakness till the end. My time here is done. Time to go after my dreams, I start fresh again, I clear away my neurosis, todays a new day, I chose to be in the present & let go of the frustration. I chose to fight that negative feeling inside becaue I am not a broken man, I am not a happy guy or successful guy in anything yet, but I chose not to be broken like those weak & lost rich kids with $Billion parents who won the lottery of life. Still feeling not goood, mind & writing has limits, I will do some trauma release now & get back towards my goals, pick myself up, journal my half a day backlash. Yes I'm perfectionist, I only set high standards nada mas. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. TIME TO ACE LIFE EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. "THE HARD CHOICE". I CHOOSE TO READ MORE, STODY MORE, MEDITATE MORE, GROW MORE, WAKE UP EVEN EARLIER, EARN A FUCK TON MORE MONEY & NOT LOSE ANY AGAIN. I CAN DO ALL THESE THINGS AT ONCE, RIGHT AWAY, BECAUSE I'VE BUILT UP TO THIS FOR TIME & SO THE MINOR BACKLASHES ARE JUST FALSEHOODS THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM. A FUCKING WARRIOR. I WAS BORN TO BE A WARRIOR, A LEADER. I AM STRONG. & I CHOSE TO LOVE MYSELF. I CHOSE THE HARD CHOICE, THE RIGHT CHOICE, FULFILLING CHOICE. I CHOOSE THE WAY OF THE HERO. NO ONE WILL PUT ME DOWN. NO ONE WILL INFLUENCE ME. NO NORMIE WILL AFFECT ME, NO MEICROITY WILL CROSS MY BRAIN, MY RAS WILL ONLY NOTICE GREATNESS, FOR THAT IS ONLY WHAT I RESONATE WITH. NOT JUST WEALTH OR CAREER, GREATNESS IN EVERY AREA OF LIFE, IN EVERYTHING THAT I DO. I allow myself to be free, I chose freedom, I chose to fight.

Leo's Videos : I've re watched many of leo's (practical mostly older) videos again recently : oh boy did I take these for granted, I "listened" to them before, but through one ear out the other, nothing changed in my life, when I listened 1 or 2/3 years ago. This year I want the books I read & leo's teachings to seethe deeply into my brain, a deep incarnation, embodiment I will listen multiple times & apply to my life, & connect his key sayings to past experiences & problems of my own life, & to my own intuition & I will put action first, with a good ratio of action to theory, theory comes first, but action lasts longer. Best Leo vids to apply & Deeply embody into my brain, my psyche, my subconscious, my behaviour, my life : How to be strategic mutherfucker The power of self - acceptance The no.1 Rule for Acing life (oh boy this one is so simple but its always the "hard choice", time to commit to this one for good) Learning = making distinctions, observation, behaviour change Requisite Variety (Blog Post) Awareness alone is curative Life is counterintuitive (This video hooked me to act.org, the god videos equally put me off haha) The power of asking questions Self love is the highest teaching Commonplace book video > Already watched & applied 1 note long ago, so fucking important, just need to organize my 1 note a bit better, but it's definitely getting refined every week, 5% neater clearer, but I need to define & escribe my goals more & actually remember to remind myself of them, although I know my main goals, I need more sub goals / sub steps to guide my journey Books to Finish / APPLY the organized mind 48 laws of power The 50th law - with 50 cent (Audiobook listened, amazing book) think & grow rich Elite dating secrets Deep work How to win friends & influence people The power of now ( not started yet) 7 habits of highly effective people & Take key notes > apply to my own life & GO SLOW - DEEP & IMPACTFUL UNDERSTANDING = EMBODIMENT = LASTING CHANGE Ask questions : "what were the top 5 ideas from this book" ect... & Remeber ... In spite of all this & books are great, MUST ground myself to direct experience, can't just limit myself to book smarts ... all smarts.

Mr alpha biohacker just ate a giant mac donalds & coke at 10:45PM, & Masturbated 3 times this week. It's stupid because it's not even a " moment of weakness" I used to feel addicted to that stuff but I dont, I consciouly chose to do it as if I had intentionally resigned myself to mediocrity becuase I'd gotten tired of life. It's a shame because in 10 or 20 years I would think but he still had his life ahead of him wtf, but the mind tricks u makes u panick to think no its too late lol crazy, again all stemming from fear of death & aging - & ironically this fear sometimes makes you act as if you're not afraid - just to forget the subconscious fear, sometimes it helps, it all depends from what place it's coming from I guess, the thought "my time is limited" can either get you up in the morning & get you running to your goals or it can crush you, today it crushed me, tommorow lets do the opposite.

GIANT 3 MONTH GAINS. 3 MONTHS COME FAST & SUDDEN LIKE AN ERECTION, 3 MONTHS TO SUCESS.

I'll pathetic i've been this evening & this week. I am so much more capable than this, Life can be 9 millions times richer, more fulfilling, more exciting. I just have to see it & focus. I am so scared of aging & death, I have little time left. I need this next year to feel like 10 years. I must do so much & manipulate the flow of time & undergo infinite novel experience, I must develop myself to the highest. & fuck it, I want quick results, sorry Leo, but I'm not waiting around. No not results in a day, but I want massive fucking results in a month & HUGE fucking results in 3 months, I'm not waiting around.

Seeking love through macdonalds. This evening I went to much effort to "seek love" through macdonalds, & in fact the macdonalds tastes incredible. But the worst thing is I ate it so late, so now I will have disrupted rem sleep, there is no benefit to eating late ever, I just forgot to eat. I just don't like the situation I'm in, I've made change so much slower than it need be, keeping myself stuck through my own low EQ, I'm not lazy or indifferent, but there's so much more to a low EQ than being lazy, because you can work superhard for years & then blow it all away in a day, there's tons of aspects of EQ that you need to get right, otherwise life will hit you with an infinite boomerang that just keeps reverberating to smack yall face, the sad thing is it was actually YOU & you're low EQ that threw the boomerang, but it feels as if it's just life doing it to you. The fragmented psychee of mine. Meditation, Visualizations, reading books, starting to deep work ... & also some gambling & wasting time & macdonalds. My problem is that I'm not happy enough, I'm not depressed, I'm not even lazy, I just need to change environment because nothing else will really change much. Lool sooo many fucking macho lesbians working in pubs in this area hahaha, they always look like they wanna fight you when you walk in, nah fuck the pub I don't wanna give my details & sit inside the garden & give money to those normie cunts anwyay, Fuck normies, I wanna fly to the moon & take all the non normies with me. Oh yeah, doing tribalism am I ? FUCK NORMIES, KILL THEM I'M FUCKING LIKE HITLER BUT WITH NORMIES. Oh shit I just killed my family then hahah. No I don't actually want to kill people, but the moon would be nice. Take me to the fucking moon.

This post might be pointless because tbh I haven't tried hard enough, but my life feels like an endless Mary go round to nowhere, I do pickup when I have time but every single time they have a boyfriend & seem creeped out & I have a semi broken leg so I can't even walk properly or go running & do pick up at the park. My social intelligence level is about -3/300, in spite of all the theory & YouTube & books, I just don't get it. I'm not shy but I talk too much & too fast, I say the wrong thing, offend people... I come across needy & creepy. I've watched "the power of letting go" video multiple times but I can't let go of how desparate I actually am to just meet someone, even for 1 night. I'm considering hiring a prostitute even tho I know it's fake & empty af, but I at least then there's a 0.1% chance of her enjoying it & some validation. I have 0 friends & I have had 0 girl for several years, I feel trapped in my own neediness, masturbation only makes it worse. I know 1 solution is to move to a better area with more young women around, & I have savings but I'm too picky & indecisive & can't choose where to go, covid stuff makes it complicated too. I'm not good looking enough for tinder & don't have enough cool pictures, although I had one idea that I could buy a tripod & go to a cool location & set a timer & make it appear natural & maybe this would work, but I feel like tinder the odds are just too harsh. So although I need to move out it's to find the right place & I'm very stingy with money because I obsess over investing every penny in stocks & crypto & education. So I feel trapped between my own indecisiveness, my OCD, my neediness & desperation, my low IQ & Low EQ, & My depressing environment that I can't think clearly enough to escape from... I have been in the same situation for several years, living a life of quiet desperation, except now I have some savings, but I'm still afraid I might lose it all. I am not actually "stuck", I'm not in prison, but I just can't DECIDE where to move out because the only place that fits my tight check list they all cost so much money. I am a sad loner with no life, & I'm not even that sucessful yet, I want all of it but it feels so far away, my environment cripples me but my own poor ability to plan & find what I want keeps me stuck in the same place, I just need these basics sorted so bad & I'm sitting here with a fucked leg so I can't even pick up girls at the gym, which I recently realised is probably my only true edge as I have a kinda athletic body, but I also just need to move place. As you can these this post is very long & incoherent, sorry Fuck you if that annoys you, that's my brain for you, I have no coherency or strucutre in anaything I do, i can't manage time, my emotions, my words, nothing.

@JonasVE12 Thank you I do need to just get out there & go experience you're right there is so much resources but it helps to release my thoughts or they just stuck in my head every day & my mind has not been very good at using these resources to get results so far Also love it when people share these bootmcamps or events, never would've found it myself, thanks a lot. I will have to lie to the airport to get flight to the USA for that lolz, I'll just not return to my country or pay a fine, I'll take the risk. I need an adventure, I only dream of visiting America @Shin Thank you so much for the wise words !

Why can't you study 10 / 12 /14 hours some days? Why not? Yes doing that every day is burn out ... but say you have an injury & can't leave the house, you really motivated to learn stuff, surely you can do an extra 4-6 hours if say you change the topic, or to something less intense but still learning, say not career based but something else, like learning a language. I'm asking because I want to be able to study 12 or 14 hours on days like this, studying multiple topics for multiple purposes

Aluminum : Mentioned in ACC guide as toxic heavy metal I use roll on anti pesrpirant, so I have been rubbing aluminum on to my armpits twice a day? Why is this legal? What is a natural deoderant & anti persperant. What about fragrance / perfume? Apparently girls love this smell, are perfumes bad too ?

Facts. + (From my experience as a guy), how "good looking" & confident I feel is a lot dependent on how I dress, shave, smell & my body language. The way you style yourself dress & carry yourself has a huge impact on attractiveness & style alone can get you attention you want. I know this is irrelevant to question being asked, but, don't focus on your looks (immutable), focus on how to feature your unique look & personality. That's it.

@integral Your good looks lead to better cognitive development? Haha how so ?