Striving for more

I am considering spending $2K on a laptop ... because it's such a crucial investment. I believe I can make millions & millions out of this & other technologies, so in the larger scheme of things, 2 grand is NOTHING. Abundance mindset too states that you shouldn't communicate to yourself that you're poor. I want to buy microsoft surface laptop 4, 16gb Ram, 13.5 inch or surface book pro My laptop must at least have 16GB Ram & be fast with modern features. It seems that touch screen capability is an excellent productivity feature, to not harness all is just stupid af IMO These laptops are well optimized with windows & one note. It has a pen & touch screen option & dictation ect... tons of great features for taking notes, communication ect.. If you have better suggestions let me know, but I'm willing to spend tons of money on technology because in my situation, it will allow me to make millions and millions. Why so many people so frugal, it's stupid that why they stay poor, abundance mindset.

I'd probably have killed myself by now if football didn't exist, when I was a kid, that was the only thing that could make me happy. Fifa is also an amazingly fun video game to play. You should try it out.

I will never boycott soccer, I will never boycott the world cup, I love football too much to even read your post. soccer is the best sport & will always be the best. I could've made it myself but I fucked my chances. I WILL NEVER LEAVE SOCCER, I AM MARRIED TO THE SPORT LOLOL. The good of soccer imo outweighs the harm because even people with harsh lives in Brazil can come together & have love for the game, forget their poverty in playing the game in the heat since their childhood. Depressed dads watch the sport & the world cup & the game bring some life into them, a new love for life is sparked, time slows down & feels eternal as you're watching messi score a goal that was somehow carved by god himself There is almost nothing more beautiful than watching messi or neymar score a goal in the world cup or champions league, the best of the best, it is a true showmanship of mastery, the game is truly a creative sport like no other, nothing will ever compare.

This is the problem. I Fucking love smoking. It sucks that it's bad for you because otherwise I love the experience. I personally love sports & working out though so I guess you have to love other stuff more. I'm sure I'll smoke again on special social occasions, but only if it's a social experience & I'll have to be careful not to make it habitual.

My grandad smoked from the age of 9 - 60 years old > that's 51 years of perpetual chain smoking, He quit instantaneously. The Trick? >> "I'll have another cig in 1 hour" "I'll have one in 10 minutes" He kept telling his mind this, every time he got the urge "I'll just do it in 30 minutes" He has never smoked since, still alive today 25 years later. The way I stopped is that I left my job & changed jobs because everyone around me was smoking. Your environment is the most crucial, but if you can't change your environment tell everyone you quit & it's important to you.

This but also I genuinely find older women more physically attractive . Or at least it's a different kind of physically attractive that is no worse than that of a young woman (& often times more enticing) Like my ideal fling would be with a bubbly hot lady in her late 30's, 40's + (or even 50-60's) & who's like an experienced yoga instructor, meditates a lot is really chill & at peace, that would be like heaven for me.

I honestly have a BIG fantasy to sleep with older women & I'm early-mid twenties. I genuinely find women in their 30's - 60's more attractive than women my own age. I fantasise about sleeping with older women WAY more often than I do about younger. I also seem to notice older women a lot more often in public & have a bigger desire to flirt with them than the rest. You can maintain looks for a long long time if you do lots of self care (physical spiritual mental) I find older women who have bubbly personalities & don't decide that they're "old" are especially more attractive to me than younger because I intuit an ongoing, incessant love of being which isn't fleeting or dependent on being "20 or in college" I see no point in the mindset that "your best times in college" or "after college you can't have fun or ... "after 30 you must now be serious & boring"

@Michael569 You advice a range of complex carbs and whole grains for morning as for specifics .. Is wheat OK? Leo advised against gluten & dairy as a priority in his food video.. I eat wholegrain wheat bran cereal sometimes & tbh I have no idea if it makes me feel better or worse. I am also avoiding lentils due to it being "High thiol", as I am experimenting with low thiol diet, again I have no clue if this low thiol helps or harms me as I don't have great awareness over how food affects me, unless it's ice cream or something blatantly bad. although I always feel drained after eating lentils and beans I think & I cant tell if rice is good or worthwhile, I eat some oats & sometimes wheat cereal as well as fruit, nuts, seeds, avacado & lettuce/cucumber Is that enough complex carbs ? Sorry for long message

Yeah I consider an M1 MacBook but I would mostly use windows, one note for note taking & one drive cloud . I'm also an android user. But I could also get an Ipad pro instead, because you can do stuff like video editing on the 16gb M1 version, easy to carry around too. ^ Main reason to buy an Ipad is I could pay in monthly instalments for 2/3 years. The problem with spending 1-2K all at once, is that I can't invest that in crypto, stocks & any other investment. It's a big oppurtunity cost. But obviously a laptop is so much better than having an Ipad, I also don't like IOS at all.

@Dingo 6 years that's a lot! which Lenovo ideapad model was it specifically? Hm, what Nootropics do you recommend ... Alpha GPC? (My main barrier to Nootropics is that I don't know which brands to trust - (I'm not from US) ) @Arthur You'd consider a Lenovo before a Mac , even M1 ?

That is an undebatable idea except that mobility & portability is essential for me atm. I can't be tied down to one place. (You can't take a desktop on a plane either).

Thanks guys for giving me a clearer perspective. It's just when I went into the windows store, she showed me these nuanced features you can use with 1 note & the pen, & I remembered being mesmerized at how useful it seemed. Also my Leo said many times to "not go cheap" with important investments, because it might break or not be sufficient. I think I will need to do photo & video editing & I like to use many many tabs at once often also, so I'm assuming any standard 16gb ram laptop is sufficient for that? I recently watched video of the new M1 Macbook Air, & then I see all the comments & then I feel a sense of Lack for not having one, I know that is a weak position to make decisions. I prefer to use windows so I would have to boot a windows to mac too. I find the overwhelm of choice in this modern day really tough though, there's like thousand laptops. but what is certain is I would use windows as I don't like macOS, but I'm open to using windows on a mac. Apparently they "Last longer" all though they are often overpriced. Yeah I will look into Lenovo thanks.

So excited to read more of your guys journals, so insightful. Actually really bored of the forum now, these are where the gold is, the hidden autobiographical underworld of deep insight.

Feeling kind of shit, even though I worked hard today. I do want to build my income & education ect.. but I'm struggling to let go of how frustrating the last couple years have been, where I was into self help, but I just didn't have the right guidance & self belief & direction, & sort of still wasted another 1-2 years, after already having a shit life of hell & wasting about 4 years straight before that to drugs & other bullshit. It's sick & twisted, I'll see someone else on the path inspiring me, but then they still arouse insecurity within me, especially if it's a younger guy, I just feel upset that I didn't handle my dating & social life at like teens or age 20, I just wish I had the guidance to handle it earlier, there's only so much time, everything feels so slow. This life is precious, how did I not realize this earlier, that there's nothing to lose & life so precious. I'm growing, but it's so slow, I want this to speed up, I know I have to work & work harder & some patience or I'll blow everything away, but for fucks sake I need things to move forward. I prey to god

@Michael569 You're supporter of eating big breakfast. Do you normally stop consuming completely by say 5 or 6 PM ect.. to allow a 16 hour break ? Do you notice a worthwhile enhancement in cognition due to regular 16 hour fast?

Lool cmon these things aren't bad! @flowboy That's insane I want to try psilocybin, not sure where to find it reliably though. @Raphael Suprised no one has mentioned learning how to learn. sleep & meditation ect.. = basics but Im realizing it's about how you use your brain & how you study, think, strategize & organize your mind. Spaced repetition & Forgetting curve https://www.mosalingua.com/en/memory-the-forgetting-curve/

I don't know the right answer but what I've heard may be true : Would be interesting to hear if anyone resonates with any of these. Optimize sleep (The first thing you should do, the only certain thing without conflicting opinions) Optimize Diet (so much conflicting opinions) Meditation?? High intensity exercize? Brain Training? >> Reading books, studying, thinking, solving problems, doing calculations, learning new language, learning new skills or instrument Socialising & Networking? (I intuit that social situations challenge the brain in unique ways) Nootropics & Dietary supplementation Detox / Mercury Detox / Plastics detox *Outsource ideas & memories to your pc/phone Sex? (- I could intuit that the endorphins release may lead to more clear mind, better serotonin (although I am very undecided about masturbation debate) Cold shower? Use visual stimuli >> Set up your room, desk, office, workspace whatever to be appealing, bright, colourful, inspiring Micro dosing? MDMA Therapy? Adrenaline releasing activities >> Competitive sports, Dancing, riding motorbike, winter sports, skiing, hot yoga, beach sports, Fasting? Binaural beats, focus music, flow state music Walking in a , riding bike in a forest (Sparks creativity, allows meditation)

A weird thing happened last night. I got neurotically obsessed about my dreams in the evening I slept an hour later than normal I only got 6 hours sleep "Just let it go, even the desire to be successful, just let it go" I struggle with neediness & desperate energy. I'll never lose my ambition nor passion ... but I must remove the attachment, desperation, neediness. I have been viewing other guys journals ... & I'm shocked. They write so concise & clear. Short bullet points summaries. My time is so valuable, I am creating a new journal ... a more clear & concise progress journal .... A fresh start.... Or just deleting this whole thing because the time & effort of this isn't paying off, I prefer reading others for insight really. My next journal will be more like a progress / Habit tracker. Very short, simple & clear.

3rd June 2021 : Positives : I did 1 hour of miscellaneous study > (Technology, using different windows & android software, using brave browser functions) I did 1 hour of business brainstorming > created an outlined plan for my course Great plan! I really believe in this course, a very simple idea ...but no one's fucking done it yet! (must constantly remind myself to incubate this idea every week Day 4 of No fap > Passed today Did 2 hours of deep work > for online survival income, finally got back to it, (must aim for consistency, tomorrow I do 2 hours & 10 minutes!) Barely wasted any time on the forum this week, have been strict with just journalling Negative / To improve : I ate 5 bowls of processed cereal I ate a chocolate raisin bar Took too long to get going & get productive >> Spent too much time with YouTube & podcasts Didn't strictly do morning routine or to do list ^^ Lost sight of my major short term goal > only did 1/2 steps towards it (there's at least 20 steps) Today I am grateful for : Discovering the beautiful mind of Daniel Schmachtenberger For actualized.org For the millions of dollars I am going to create for myself, for the amazing life that is coming my way, for the dreams upon dreams that will come to me For the growth that is coming my way, money & growth, money & happiness. The fact that I fell in love with the concept of growth, knowledge & self learning For the knowledge that I know nothing, & that I may get closer towards knowing if I learn something, & the knowledge that I must learn through multiple angles, (through direct experience, through practice, through observation, through contemplation, through socialization, through discussion, through media, through books, through mistakes, through other peoples mistakes, through history, through mindfulness, making interconnections & on & on..) I am grateful for the knowledge that awareness alone is curative. I read back through my journals, I try not to cringe but I see the extent of my neuroticism, it's cool, I feel it gradually dissipating, I don't even need fucking therapy, I'll just go after my dreams "But success is not growth, it's fake growth". But that isn't a guaranteed statement. If the journey leads to growth, & Success is just the climax of a hard earnt journey, then it must represent growth. Ok, now I think too much, I leave. Shut the fuck up stupid neurons.

I'm dead fucking serious. & I'm not settling for just one area either. Money, pussy, social life, happiness, physical health, intelligence enhancement, biohacking, building Infrastrucutre, building charisma, social intelligence, abundance of beautiful women Live in a beautiful country, all the infrastructure, travelling, experiences, friends, & Being a leader, & being a creative genius, & being multi lingual & That isn't even an exhaustive list. No one will take away my ambition I am serious because I have undergone a lot of pain & mistakes, but even more so because the greatest pain is regret. I'm terrified of more regret. Trying to fail faster everyday, be less & less stupid & neurotic every day. By the end of the year, who knows maybe I'll be a genius, a fucking immortal super being. Maybe you will too Yeah I really fell in love with the idea of ambition, many people will think I'm a narcissist & you know what i am. I Like it. But I'm gonna help a lot of people too, in a twisted way, my narcissistic drive will lead to serious advancement to society. But even if it doesn't, I don't give a fuck, beacuse Im gonna die anyway.

Thanks a lot, same with you man ! @Jai Yeah, my journey has been pretty frustrating, there's been a ton of backlashes. Sometimes I've worked hard for weeks & months & actually blown it all away in days or hours. I've also done many things in the wrong order, then I realized that structural problems (where I live) were severly limiting me & I wish I fixed it earlier, I'm getting there though. This video really helps (It's not about Andrew Kirby) Summary : Progress is very choppy - it is only Linear in the long run Progress is faster ... with less intense down swing, IF you do not hate yourself on your mistakes, lapses It's the hate & neuroticism that turns a micro mistake or micro backlash into a longer lasting one.

I love Jocko Wilink. He's perfect bro's pick me up outa rut He has a lot of hard earnt wisdom, great perspective & mindset to absorb, I love his intensity.

"Wisdom is the ability to bypass the short term reward circuit in order to get to something deeper & better" Delayed gratification = self love.

I listen to Daniel Schmathenberger, I love he speaks. This guy is a genius. Why? Because he says the most important relevant thing in the most simple concise & persuasive manner possible in the exact way you need to hear it. He is a masterful articulator of concepts, problems & systems. Tomorrow I go again, I fight back against the perpetual backlashes & I prey for a restul nights sleep.

I'm back. I need to clarify with myself. I seek happiness in a curry today I spent £16 on a curry. It tasted good, it lasted 10 minutes. If I did that every day that would be ... £212 per week thats 848 per month .... that's just over 10K Per year Of course I don't buy takeaways that often. But this is the slippery slope of wasteful spending. & imagine the investing oppurtunity cost of blowing away 10K on curry... a 10X Investment is pretty common these days, that's 100K ! This year I spent months & months of pretty solid saving, I had broken my spending urges, I worked non stop, saved & invested non stop. Now I have fallen back into bad habits these few months, spending, gambling even. Like I said, the mind is one hell of a sneaky, powerful enemy. I haven't grown enough yet, but a big part of it is the "structure" (content vs structure) I'm sure if my make big structural changes, I won't even have the desire to eat shitty food, I'll be too busy learning, socializing, fucking a real person, exercizing ... that's real pleasure ... slow pleasure that requires work. A curry is fake pleasure.