Striving for more

I go sleep for I am becoming incomprehensible, i am becoming jelly, i am talking to distract myself from the fact that I FUCKED UP AGAIN, MADE THE SAME MISTAKES YET AGAIN, FOUND TRAPS YET AGAIN, THE SAME TRAPS, NEW TRAPS, TRAPS TRAPS. I LEAVE. IM GETTING OLD, REJUIVNATE ME, REBIRTH ME AGAIN, BORN AGAIN, ICE BATH ME FOR 10 HOURS

I KNOW I DESEVER A 9. I KNOW I DESERVE TO TRANSCEND THE RULES & SOCITIES NORMS I KNOW I DESERVE TO BECOME THE BOSS. NOT YET, THE DESERVING IS TO BE EARNED. BUT I KNOW IT IS JUST WAITING. I HAVE TO HARNESS THE PAIN NOT HIDE IT HARNESS THE PAIN & THE REGRET & THE FRUSTRATION. FUCK THIS FORUM. FUCK EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, ACCEPT MY DOG & I MISS U PUP, & MY CAT I MISS U. YOU GUYS NEVER DID NOTHING WRONG, YOU NEVER CHEATED ME, UNLIKE A BITCH, UNLIKE DADDY COROPORATE BOSS, UNLIKE CORPORATIONS, UNLIKE BORDER FORCE & UNLIKE THE FEDERAL AGENTS, UNLIKE THE FOOD INDUSTRY & UNLIKE THE, FUCK THE WORLD, THE WORLD IS MINE.

I DON'T EVEN RESONATE WITH THIS POST. U SEE TH LOGICAL MIND CAN ONLY HELP U SO MUCH. I Can feel my emotions, it's only resonating with pain. This post just makes me feel shit about what I should have but dont have because of some stupid politics, stupid people, fuck you. Go die ignorant fucks. I only resonate with pain right now. Im not emo, but i need to process it, & no i cant sleep, it wont happen today. Shit, THat's gonna make going out tomorrow hard, I may just have to accept social defeat & go out in the week, ] maybe Ill find a therapist tomorrow ... BUT SHE BETTER BE HOT. (HUH?. yeah humans are fucked up aren't we) That's right, my therapist better be hot, & she sucks my dick! (lol, hahaha, therapist fetish lolol)

I can't be at shared public places any more. don't have the time to rent now, but Im attached to this new city But I need my space, I need a room & a vision board & art & instruments & lights & colors & a packed wardrobed & big cosy bed & I could take beautiful girls back & fuck em to the bone with the music & the candles & the lights & devour their flesh & express myself through art & this would inspire me in the morning & Id wake up & scream the pain away & work on my dying business ideas & dance around & do push ups & speak to myself in the mirror & build myself to the boss, the king I was born to become. But it's all a pipe dream still right now i, the problem is, can I have all that in a place where it's all worth it, hell yeah it would be worth it if I had that in this city, the girls are fine ass here too, but fuck, im in dirty ass shared bed shit right now & I have to depart, requisite variety is needed, maybe ill become immigrant, but that may affect rent, maybe I don't know I could do all this if I went far far away, to another continent, but again I really like it here, I just want to be here.

So much of my potential I have wasted, so much time I have spent in Traps. It rots me inside because since a kid I was always so ambitious, I always wanted to win, I always wanted the attention, always wanted the girls affection, always wanted to be the boss. I have to be the boss. I have to get there quick. I have to get agressive & maybe Ill brake the law this time, because its that or depression, maybe I have to play dirty a little, with myself & with others. Maybe I need some shortcuts, but that combine with killer hard work & still providing value, like Elon Musk, value provider, but dirty value provider, brake the rules harder, brake some border laws, brake some legal rules, tax rules, get into some syndicates, go underground a little, play tricks a little, smarten up, toughen up, sharpen up like razor blade. I have to get there quicker than it should take, I need the fast train, the fast lane.

Sitting in burritos store, working on my laptop, studying, plotting. Trying to strategize my life, focusing a little more, rebuilding, regrounding, regaining inspiration THEN THE POINTLESS MAN COMES IN. THE POINTLESS MAN IS ORDERING HIS BURRITO & AS HE STANDS THERE, HE JUST WATCHES THE GUY PACKAGE THE BEANS & VEGETABLES, LOOKING IMPATIENT, NOT MEDITATING, NOT LISTENING TO SOMETHING OR READING, NOT IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. WTF ? & ANOTHER POINTLESS MAN SITS THERE EATING HIS BURITTO, JUST FUCKING LOOKING AT IT, NOT MEDITATING, NOT DOING ANYTHING USEFUL, JUST SITTING THERE LIKE A FUCKING BRAINLESS ANIMAL. Are you being the pointless man in your life? ... Am I? .. Somtimes. Time is too invaluable, watch yourself in these moments. Every moment, even when taking a shit, a shower, it can't go to waste. BACK TO ACTION, BACK TO INSPIRATION, NO MORE POINTLESS MAN AGAIN, & i'LL GET AWAY FROM THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS, NEED TO AVOID THEM CAUSE THEY EVERYWHERE & LEAK THEIR POINTLESS MAN SYNDROME ON TO U. I GOTTA FIND KILLERS. KILLERS. KILLERS IN THE CLUB, KILLERS IN BUSSINESS, KILLING IT WITH POWER & CREATIVITY & PRODUCTIVITY, KILLING IT SOCIALLY. KILLERS. ARE U A KILLER, OR POINTLESS MAN? what AMI ? I CHOSE TO BE KILLER. EVERY DAY EVERY SECOND FROM THIS POINT OUT. WASNT A KILLER IN COLLEGE & IT KILLED ME INSIDE. OH WELL, I'M STILL YOUNG, YOUNG ENOUGH, I GIVE MYSELF A 2ND CHANCE, BUT LIFE ONLY REALLY GIVES U 1 CHANCE. SO GO, GO KILL IT & BY THE WAY, LOOK AT THE POINTLESS PEOPLE IN DISGUST, DISGUST! THATS RIGHT DISGUST, DONT ASSOCIATE WITH LOSERS EVEN VIA ACCEPTANCE. NO. ONLY KILLERS.

What time you go to bed only matters relative to your desired lifestyle or schedule. I sleep at 2-4 am normally. But it all depends on what zone i'm in. Sometimes i have phases where I want to be up at 4-6am in the morning, in that case I'd sleep at 9 -11PM, but 90% of the time I am a night owl.

I am going to the club solo again, and I feel like shit. This is the last thing I want to do right now, but I know no growth without pain. Been reading random forums about how "girls just go out to have fun and they'll dance with you but won't go home with you, they'll get you to by drinks, they'll be with their friends" or about how "the competition is so high, they'll just compare you to a more handsome or cooler guy" or how "these guys are just creeps man women don't want to approached" .. ahh. Then I picture how ruthless and bitchy girls are and that thought lingers. Then I have mental image being "that guy", of going there, the desperate loner, no social status. Going there and getting rejected, security gaurds laughing at me for being that guy, all the crowds. I guess I'll go anyway, but I feel like total shit, maybe I should just not go because my mindset is so bad right now, I dont think being brave will save this mindset, I feel like being "that loner" is too much of a deal breaker too. I hope saying "I'm new here is enough, it's just its hard to talk in clubs & girls tend to judge you off first sight (context ect..) before u even have chance to explain why youre here solo ANd I hope even the authentic admittance, even through sub communicaiton "That yes im here alone because I want to pull girls and whtas the problem with that" Could be considered actually strong and attractive to girls rather than "Oh hes that creep" i dunno Maybe I should turn up late to avoid being "that loner" but I also want to sleep well tonight. Ah if only I could quickly find wimen, or wing chics, it's just so hard too build because I change city so often & finding people that want to go with you at the exact same schedule is hard to find too. I hope going out alone is ok, and I hope approaching girls at clubs is an effective thing to do because theres all these doubts, Ill do it anyway but fuck it's so hard being a guy socially, girls are so brutal. They give you weird looks for going alone. I guess I have to not care what people think

This is what I mean when I say how, seeing all these guys looking shitfaced actually made me feel more confident.

Yes, another big insight I had is that actually the best time to lots of approaches is at the START of the night, and to do it straight away : Why I think this? : 1. to quickly overcome approach anxiety & get in the zone of socializing >> + create that winner effect asap 2. Means you can get lots of phone numbers 3. You have chance to talk/flirt with girl & build some connection 4. All the hottest girls seem to be abundant at the start of the night, by 3,4,5AM, the clubs gets empty, the ratio skews to lots of men & things start to get awkward 5. Can feel satisfied already by 1AM, if you want to stay you can but the desperation, frustration won't be there 6. >> So less likely to be that awkward desperate guy alone at 4-5AM at the empty club, 7. More sustainable, more likely to sleep earlier 8. The habit of heavy approaching at the start of the night >> Forces you to learn to do it sober, whereas the more you hesitate, the more excuses you're mind will come up with "let's just get another drink first, lets get drunk first" .. then the hours fly by & you think what happend. Other Insight (Point confirmed by other guy) Alcohol is a clutch !! a drink or two is ok but I have to get to the point where I don't need it at all, I'll only drink a little to relax if I want to sure, any vice is ok in moderation but it's about not doing it to avoid the tension that I must learn to face sober

I had a few drinks so I cant pretend that I was 100% courage mode but mt tolerance to alcohol is so high i would say i wasnt much affected so im still proud What disappointes me is rbat ths pretty girl was a bit drunk, i didnt realize till after and felr liks such a player when i kissed her, its hardsr to take full credit now

I actually went out and eventually I made out with a pretty girl. I just called a taxi & jumped in the que. I waa shitfaces nervous but onxe i fot in the club I startes to relax, seeing all these nervous faces on such pretty girls actually calmeds me down some reason, also seing so many shitdaced guya i realized competition isnt thaaat bad even if they were look cool physically. She wasnf completely sober and I had several drinks (but wasnf exactlg drunk either) so I cant act like it was that much of an accomplishment She actually suggested leaving somewhere but i stupidly went bathroom and then she found her (overweight & demanding) friends, who told her "were going home in a rude demanding voice" Admittedly she wasnt completely sober but we made out quite a lot and I touched her nice ass and it felt so good. All the stuff I read and worries about has no relevance when I get there,all the hypergamy and peoples opinions on reditt flys out the window, I was wrong, girls do like to be sexual at clubs, you just have to not react & be stoic to the ones thaf dont like it, there will always be a mix. Crazy how many key lessons u can learn in one nigjt out too, u dont even need a coach. I feel like thw the more negative emotions u feel to doinf somethinf the more that thing is probablt going to lead to do something good, "life is counterintuitive".

With good social skills and intuition you can work that out in 10 minutes. Sometimes I know if I like someone in about 10 seconds. ALmost never fails if I'm in the flow state.

If a girl withholds sex, as a guy you should delete her number and go find someone less annoying. (Darius M talks about this concretely, listen to him guys not me). This is why I need an abundance of options, because then you don't have to wait for 1 annoying girl whereby the leftover dissatisfaction is a distraction to business and other more important aspects of life that get affected.

@Javfly33 Listen to a bit of Darius M too, he's a good solution to all this blue pill nonsense and teaches you to avoid the traps abuse women will put you under for being blue pill and how to be ruthless until the right girl comes around (the type of girl who actually cares and invests in you which he explains these are rare to find) I wouldn't only listen to him though. Unortunately no pick up theory is actually working for me yet, but it sounds good. It's just integrating it and not forgetting it in the moment that counts, I do believe in it for sure (just need to pick the quality teachers).

Loooool. Really? Wtf how? I've been doing that for months & indirectly spent about $7000 in order to pull a decent girl, I pulled a fat girl and a couple very average one, (with still decent amount of effort) but NEVER have I successfully pulled a decent or hot girl, and I've tried a lot. I go out 3-5 times per week, sometimes every evening for few hours. I get NOTHING. I am in shape, I smell good, I dress good enough, I act confident and sometimes genuinely am, I listened to too much pick up shit, and I get nothing. So what is the steps? Because even at bars and clubs girls hold so much resistance, if you're lucky you get a dance, but then they disappear the next minute, they speak to you but they're "always with their friends", then they leave you. I wish I could just go a club & quickly pull a girl home but that seems to be the most difficult thing in the world, far far more difficult than making money, learning a language, making friends, becoming anything literally. It is so fucking difficult it's painful. I think maybe if you have the right look metrics it's easy I don't know. but I see that most men including myself can't even pull at bars and clubs. Maybe America is easier I don't know.

Mark Manson's wife is ugly af. I'm sorry but you have no place to write dating books if you have an ugly girlfriend. I want to see Mark manson actually seduce a Hot, 8+ girl & pull her home with ease. Where is the proof of that from mr dating expert, aka scammer. Funny how he met her in Brazil too, where there is an abundance of beautiful women who give more leeweigh to white western man, yet he settled down with a girl I'd consider a 5.5/10 from a normal country.

Soo ... where the fuck was I again? ... uhh, umm oh yeah about validation .. & this applies to social skills in general ... (the complex dynamic of social validation) "Most people play to not lose socially, they're driven towards getting others approval & avoiding rejection/Disapproval > this leeks into their behavior, which causes them to act inauthentic, needy, or be restrained, they care too much. It's when you don't give a shit about about anyones approval that they'll actually start to like you This is why I tend to lean more towards the arrogant side whenever I go out. And btw, this has some risks & some negatives, you're more likely to offend some people, but for me I feel as though it works more, because although "there is a fine line btw confidence & cocky", I'd rather just go cocky then risk being a fucking nice guy. Nonono. Mr nice guy is long gone in the past. I am a sexual being & I want my body langauge to express the fact I like women for their beauty & sex appeal (& other stuff too of course, being fun ect..) ... BUT primarly for their sex appeal ... and I am a very high sex drive sexual being & I have no shame in this. I'm here to fuck them. I'm here to fuck them in the dirt, fuck em rough, in the middle of the night, maybe I take some drugs too, 1 life to live just gotta do it rich. It's only cool when you're rich. No one wants to fuck a broke lose. Arrogant, cocky, funny ect... This solves MOST of the problem of the complex validation dynamic, but there's way more to be said about it, & I need to go back to the Tyler videos & re watch some of it to explain my point a little further. All the dots will connect eventually > Red pill, Pick up, Tyler Durden, 48 laws of power, Darius M, Direct experience, Intuition.

"I like your tatoos ... ahhh whats that a bird ahh yuhh man" "No u don't like her tatoos, you hate tatoos on women, it looks masculine. You don't give a fuck about her tatoos ... and she sees right through this, it's so obvious you're just saying that for her approval .. To FUCK her." Now here comes the complex part, the parts that Tyler Durden ... oh wait psychosis is back ... let me finish that train of thought after my recuperation.

Right now just bad brain fog. Anxiety isn't as bad, but pretty bad, especially in the body. Just sitting here in the room, I tried eating but it didn't take it away. I am considering alcohol but would that even help, may a little will. There is no consideration, I can't feel good sober so I can only numb this, that might at least allow me to relax enough to go out & network, even if I don't feel good it's a Friday, I can't waste this chance, life only gives you so many chances. In a sense, 1 chance. 1 chance, 1 shot. I live like i'll die tomorrow, every day, no regrets no holding back, the bold are scarce, I am a scarce asset.

Pyschosis again, i'll give it a couple hours and I'm sure I'll be fine. It's hard because I want to socialize tonight, & that requires a good mood, although even a bad mood is ok because you can turn that around, edge that out (or even numb it down some way if you must)... but physosis You can't just numb it away, you might make even it worse by alcoholising it. No, psychosis you must wait it out I suppose. an Hour in psychosis can feel like 10 hours though, and sometimes, sometimes it doesn't go away in time for when you need, but I feel some lucky spark in my chest that fuck it will, but that's also superstition. Psychosis but I feel so fucking determined, I'm not where I wanna be & how I wanna feel yet & the road feels so far and slow blut life is counterintuitive, anything is possible, maybe I'm closer than imagined, and fuck you Leo for saying success takes 10 years, or even 5 years, there are no rules to the universe (bar the actual "universal laws" like physics and gravity, that is irrelevant, this about the expecations of a humans fate, that you make in to concrete laws but that differ in limitless variations). And fuck I still need to finish that train of thought relating to Tyler Durden, where the fuck was I again. No Psychosis is back, I remind myself that this was gonna be a juicy post, forum worthy .. but you know what I don't feel like attention, I don't feeling like sharing, I feel like dropping knowledge in mysterious places, Those who look or stumble upon thee gold mine shal find, shal find magic. this will still be a juicy post, I'm not clear headed enough to write or think right now.

Mild Psychosis again. Only temporary I think, but I'm just waiting for it to disappear. I went inside because I don't want to stand near a terrace during pshchosis. Can feel it getting worse again right now, body swirling. It's funny, this is a different kind of pain, anyone could potentially experience this, if the mind & body react this way to anything. Wooah & I'm back to normal for 20 seconds ... and now I'm even worse than before. lying down right now i dont feel good now. Now i'm back to normal again & now m not. Ok now this is just god just wasting time. The world needs me, fucking boss. Wake up, back to life bro man. Ok I feel decent right now. Ima do some push ups.

I have gone out a lot recently but not in a strategic way, last time I went out I messed up my chance to pull because I fucked it but by not believing I deserved her. Tomorrow I go out, I go out solo (because I don't have any pick up friends & don't have time or energy to find them righ tnow) ... and because I am desperate, not just merely for sex, in fact I'm more desperate to just challenge myself, overcome the fear & awkwardness, & to have some real fun, to dance with women, to kiss them, to be sexual, to forget my problems, to get out out my head. I start tomorrow, & I continue again the next day ... & the next day. The process starts. I want to kiss a pretty girl tomorrow.

I met a beautiful girl and got her number on Saturday. I flirted and touched her but unfortunately didn't kiss her in time. I texted her and she took couple days to reply, then gave me a different number (whatsap) It's been 2 days & I haven't messaged her again yet ... I would like to arrange a date this weekend. Because she's beautiful I have to be as smooth as possible. Pick up videos telling me women like men who have other options, their own interests and are not needy so this why I haven't texted her again yet. Should I start off with casual "hey it's me are you free this weekend" ... or is that too needy and should I try to flirt via text first (fuckI hate text flirting) Or should I say "hey I am from that bar I remember how you said you are like this X, you seem interesting tell me about Y (Again fuck that plz) ... If any kind womanizers wants to speak with me directly and I can explain context if you can help. I really want to get a date with this girl.

Yeah guys it's all over, I texted her to slow playing games, but to be honest, it was already all over when I didn't seal the moment at the bar. To be fair, I hate texting, I'm going to just man up & approach lots of pretty women in bars, this way they can reject me straight away, move on to the next, & try and dance and kiss them then & there ... that sounds so much more fun & to the point ... this way when I go home & in the week I can focus on my goals & my vision & be at ease. (Fri - Sun evening = Pick up zone), (Mon Fri + weekends in day = Business, work, goals, study). On switch, Off switch. It feels wayyy better getting a girls number after dancing or kissing her too, takes off lot of pressure & this is how I failed with this girl, I didn't have the game & the Persistence in person, that's when it counts. Fuck this waiting it out texting game. Some mixed opinions here but : the takeaway No bs back & forth small talk via text >> just arrange date straight away Do voice call when in good mood (after gym) & be direct (Thanks Flowboy) OR send direct text message to arrange date & nothing else I personally like the idea of sending a voice call, it feels more boolsy & human. It's time to go out to the bars & I will do it alone because I don't have pick up friends. It sometimes gets to me the thought "oh so you're here alone just to fuck are ya? hahaha u loser" Then I remind myself that fuck what anyone thinks, I hope that if I just own it they will respect the confidence "yes yes I am because I like meeting women & I like the game, I don't need to have a wing, my only "clutch" is the clothes I wear