Striving for more

@B222 Thank you for your comment. I dont disagree with you but I dont exactly understand how your comment relates to my question. I must admit that I am more open minded ever since I realized that NLP Most likely works. I don't know why but I was listening to Tony robbins talk about anchoring & conditioning in dept & I was like ooooh shit, this probably has a lot of validity & is a powerful concept. I am currently using anchoring to deconditioning my snoozing habit. It can be done in a couple minutes, either once but probably practiced for several consecutive days until new anchor is formed. I am pretty sure it worked but I slept through my alarm today, I will report back on results next few days.

So weird. So I started watching content vs structure (a.org) video 10 minutes go by & my desire to/emotion of procrastinate just disappears. Why? I think because I got space from my thoughts & emotions, it's like I accidentally "let go" of the shame & tension & whatever else I was holding in my body/mind Perhaps also because leos videos are slow & not ultra stimulating I don't know, like a twisted method of dopamine detox from quicker stimulating vids. I am going to do "structural" productive stuff right now. Rewatching this so far reminded me that I have a natural inclination towards systems & big picture thinking. Perhaps why business interests me and why at age 16 I had already figured out a long list of all the issues with the education system, & creative solutions. I don't know what type of brain is good with systems or if it's just a personality thing or purely down to experiences but it resonates with me. Also why I always liked the idea of being a town planner, designing all the different content/structure & how they integrate together, like how placing a bench in 1 spot would encourage sociability in the work space or how open space offices can either hinder or encourage synchronicity & serendipity (the latter point not my own imagination but points from the book "where do good ideas come from") Functionality, systems, connectivity, integration.

I procrastinated a lot today & I started to hate and judge myself for it, but I realized I can't hate myself. I have low energy because I drank caffiene too late yesterday, I ate pretty bad food 2 days ago and I had an argument and poor lighting in room. All down to me to change all that very quickly. Tomorrow I will have better energy. I can't get myself to work right now it's pretty late, so I wont force it, but instead I will listen to actualized.org instead of stupid videos, I know it's all mental masturbation, but it's better than nothing or something harmful. Tomorrow I will take a lot of action, like I was doing 3 days ago & this week, rebuild the momentum. I fapped today but after a 23 day streak. I have no guilt & the energy will come back in a couple days I'm sure, 30 day streak next time. I know i'm 100% responsible, but its funny how anothers influence can push you off course so quickly, in this case it was family for me, but of course I am responsible to push my self to take control of and change my environment. Lets get back to where I was 3 days ago, working hard, focused, actually sorting the basics of my life & not stressed insecure & procrastinating.

The biggest hurdle that standard people underestimate is a lack of documents. A lack of documents alone seriously fucks homeless people and immigrants. I've seen it first-hand (I mean "third hand*? lol) and the stress it can cause them that coupled with the closed mindedness/stereotyping / racism prevalent in the majority of a countries population, making it harder for certain immigrants to connect & intermingle with those who could help them out, causing them stuck in a isolated friendship bubble of other immigrants with the same problems. The passport is one of mankind's most evil inventions. I fucking hate people that moan about borders and immigration. Countries are just separated by imaginary arbitrary lines and the fact that your passport can dictate your future isn't considered racist and a violation of human rights is a joke, yet those same guys who call to "build a giant wall" are the ones who aren't held down by passports & failing to acknowledge their own default privilege ironically moan about their own rights being compromised but fail to consider the rights of the immigrant or the guy from Syria or Mexico to freely move to the USA because what the fuck why not, it's a free planet, we should be using flying cars & jetpacks by now.

I think I will stop focusing on martial arts now. I have a mediocre moderate level of martial arts skill. But why am I so obsessed? Because of fear, seeing the world as a threat. I am vulnerable no matter what, no amount of martial arts will make me invincible. Besides, I don't even like it that much! It's kinda enjoyable but I'd rather play soccer. And I actually prefer artistic stuff, creative stuff, film, music, and I love technology, business. Maybe I will come back to it as a hobby, but it's just a distraction from training my mind, and social skills, What's more powerful than that! Even with the gym, I go gym & I want to get in great shape for summer, high muscle mass and low body fat. But still .... All of this is secondary, it's not essential and if you're gym maxed but you struggle socially, or you have concentration problems or money probelms, you need to get your fucking prioritees straight. The gym is the least important thing to me, but it sure does make me more attractive, and I'll take that, but to a far far smalller extent that anything else mentioned would. Training the mind, detoxing the mind and body (of toxins that blockade the mind), this is is a priority. ** OK Now I think I am getting enmeshed in my own thoughts, self deception mechanism, over conceptualizing or repeating what I already know is obvious. Time to let go of conceptual mind now & feel in to my emotions & intuition, listen to some music and stop distracting myself, from myself.

I was unintentionally fasting & I just ate lots of chicken. Now I feel lethargic. I wish I had cacoa powder & nuts instead. These give me energy. Foods like chicken best left to the evening. Sleepy chicken. Also noticing I am feeling increasingly guilty for eating chicken, I didn't anticipate this but I don't think I'll be able to eat meat for much longer in my life. It just makes me feel bad & something just doesn't feel right. It feels right when I eat nuts & cocoa powder.

Sunday. No more forum no more journallin on here even. I know what I need to do. No more of my dumb cyclical thoughts. Action. Ah fuck it's 12 right now. I wanted to wake up at 6am. Why did I go out yesterday. How do I stop being a fool, I knew it was a bad Idea & I chose to drink gin & caffiene for energy >> couldn't sleep till 3am. Arh, still a fool after all these years. Let it go. I hate being a fool. I hate losing fuck.

Wow look at how much I love to neurotically rant. I need to meditate more .... I hope Microdosing will reduce this ranting & obsessiveness. "Hope", "I hope", I don't like that word. "I am going to see if microdosing helps, but I recognize that there are other options if no benefit is recieved". Yes I could have gotten my point across in like 1 or 2 sentences. Logistics is extremely important & good logistics allows pickup to fit seamlessly into your life without negatively impacting your time health & goals. Point made... Another long term goal I think, is to move to the United states. It wasn't on my radar but I am just realizing again & again, there is just so much oppurtunity & crazy stuff going on there that I need to experience someday. I will need to become pretty rich to move there though. Nice, well maybe I'm playing very small with my 5-10K/Month goals. But I have to start somewhere, the America thing is a very distant dream & for now it doesnt interest me, but there is obviously no better place for pick up & Meeting people. I dunno too much to think about maybe in 3 or 5 years.

I am going out tonight. A part of me doesn't want to. Why? The travel is quite far & I will sleep later. I don't like this city & I plan to move soon, so anyone I meet it's only social experience. I I have short - medium term goals, and I don't want to fuck my chances. But, I feel very depleted of social contact & so I'm doing it. It may be a mistake, but fuck overthinking I can always go home early if it's boring or I don't feel like i'm going to pull. I just drunk some gin, not enough to become drunk (I hope), but my reasoning was it's cold & it will give me energy to not procrastinate & be all ADD But I can't wait to start microdosing! I'd much rather that than alcohol., fuck alcohol but I will drink a bit tonight. EDIT TLDR : Shouldn't have gone out, wasn't worth it boring venue boring city, was forcing it.

BRAIN FOG. BAD BAD FOOD. Yesterday my mum prepared this dairy heavy /wheat heavy meal & pudding & a sibling came round & as always I didn't want to offend her plus my mind rationalized it as "oh it's only 1 meal let's enjoy life!". Before this meal I was on a roll, feeling good & able to focus, Next day? .... Now i'm fucked, so much fucking brain fog & I this weird headache. It's that low quality dairy & wheat & whatever other preservatives. fucked how my mum meant well but shes litterally offered me poison, doesnt seem to affect everyone as intensely but I feel like i've been poisoned in the brain. I hope this goes away soon. Feel soo bad low vibration right now & that shitty meal even dampened my confidence, I feel "unluckly", everything I picture is me getting in trouble or betrayed or scammed or failing & being alone & miserable. Ah the power of 1 bad meal to fuck everything up. Have to just deal with what I got right now. Have to rebuild now & try & fight, try & still not fail my goals with the brain fog, time is running out. I am off.

No Fap, intense emotions & the Power of Letting go. Was watching some Hilarious youtube videos of crazy people for about an hour, It's Friday evening whatever But even as I laughed I noticed some intense loneliness & solemn sadness in the background. I know from experience ignoring this backfires & I decided to turn off the youtube video. I'm also tired & I want to wake up at 6am & work. Normally the old me would keep watching youtube, especially when that channel had intensely funny videos. But the habit is starting to form Just let it go, don't resist your body, don't resist your needs, don't distract feel in to waking up early & feeling fresh. Last point : 21+ days of No fap now allows me to feel intense emotions. I feel intense loneliness & also some regret, it is painful but it is ultimately healthy, I know it is. It is almost impossible for me not to have drive right now because the pain is so strong, the pain of the void And nature Abhors a vacuum, It's time to feel the void. It's time to.. I want to keep writing but I have to also let this go too. Sleep .... Update Trying to sleep doesn't work. cured my snoozing problem I have another basic problem : I keep trying to sleep at 10PM ... But this is not possible for my body, not by choice. I am obviously a night owl. I always do this > I force myself to lay in bed at 10PM, Then 1 or 2 hours later I am still awake lying there & wake up soo pissed off about the time I just lost & frustated because I did it to save time but it backfired. I think god wanted me to be awake at night. But I should not have had cacoa powder at 2PM - Terrible idea, its brain meth.

This is so true and for free!. Thinking about it I have been so ungrateful. He could get hit by a truck tomorrow.

How he explains complex abstract concepts in an interesting/amusing, memorable & practical way. I've almost never met a teacher who could get all those 3 down at once. Usually It may be practical but presented in such a boring unpersuasive way, or it may be interesting but too far out in la la land to apply or see any ramifications. One great example is the video on "the importance of going meta". This initially didn't resonate with me & I even felt like Leo was an armchair philosopher at one point, but only later I come to listen to this video again & some ripple was created in my brain, The counterintuitive video is another example where something shifted in my brain, funnily enough only after listening to it again a couple times & being able to connect it to direct experiences did it truly resonate.

Brake. Quickly jot down distracting insights. British & Americans are annoying Foreign guys tend to have the best English, because they worked on it harder, but what holds them back is their talking speed, hence I normally listen to them on 2X Speed. I'm not sure if there's simple solution, It's not easy of course but maybe they need more cognitive adaptation, constantly listening to others on 2X Speeds & having the mindset of deliberately talking faster than theyre baseline because although it's physically strenous, this makes it easier to hold listeners attention as foreign guy. Need to stay aware of this fact myself speaking otros. If game really fucks up some reason But my online career works out, I can always just move to Thailand. THis is last resort, pollution pretty bad there though. I guess happiness more important than pollution, Last resort saved to memory. Why do I sweat so much? Going meta - Learning how to learn, 80/20 rule, I can achieve what might take me 10 years in 6 months. It's all about high yield technique, life is a race. Just blindly working hard inefficiently cost me so much time. I need AI Lvl of effiecency in everything I do now. Always find the shortcut, always find the 80/20. Always find the fastest route, then even faster. Pre mortem technique, never lose the big picture again. Medium & long term planning needs to increase. Need start timeblocking my whole week every Sunday >> Reduce decision fatigue, procrastination & overwhelm. I Need to Reset Specific goals with time limit again >> Must have the basics. Specific goals with time limit & clear sub steps / milestones Pre mortem list Time block weekly scheduling No b.s this time. In fact, no more journalling posts allowed until I have articulated my goals & devised a plan. This merely being theory is a waste. Not having clearly articulated goals = background anxiety. I have goals, but there is no plan time limit or pre mortem. So they might as well not exist yet. I am strategic, I am organized, I am efficient, I am effective, I am productive, I find the shortcuts & achieve my 10 year goals in 6 months. My life is changing drastically instantly.

I just permanently solved my snoozing problem. It's Programmer Time. Every stupid thing I do is just run on a program. Time to create new nodes. Time for some stage blue Soldier habits, stage yellow creativity. Time for stage Sigma.

Magic Fucking Mushrooms. Microdosing Starts Soon. I Need Enhanced Intuition Enhanced Energy Enhanced Perception Drive Creativity EQ. Lets see what happens. But I have to let go of the Magic Pill Mindset. I used to do this with Modfainil, "is it kicking in yet, am I focused yet, FUCK it better make me focused, ok let me go for a walk & get my sunlight & listen to this intelligent podcast & then testosterone then come back then create my overcomplicated 50 point to do list & then" ... & then I hadn't just done the simple things I needed to do. Still useless. I'd take the modafinil, but nothing would change, I was still unemployed using credit cards, single & procrastinating. But That's because I was oiling up with a broken engine. This time I'm changed, well I'm chaning & I think I'm ready to get benefit out of Microdosing, perhaps a boost I need to Turbo charge my life, perhaps a useless gimmick. ARHHH I WANT TO SMOKE. I KNOW THAT ONCE I START SOCIALIZING AGAIN THE CUES WIL GET ME AGAIN, THIS EVIL HABIT BUT I LOVE IT STILIL, HOW DO I DROP MY LOVE FOR THAT BITTER BEER & THOSE FUMES INHALATION & BREATHING INTO THE NIGHT SKY ARHHH. MAN. I just had this thought? Am I just making this journal for anonymous attention ... Am I even really serious? Fuck. Am I addicted to this journal, am I just feeding my narcissism. Fuck. Maybe it's time to delete this shit.

^^^ Great insights above they're left mostly empty - will return to that & edit but in ADD Mode right now. No More Hasanabi, no more random videos or joe rogan. It's Targeted videos like these I love. Funny how the answers & wisdom I need tends to come from those with almost no subscribers. Really like this guy. (Ooh what was that thought : I actually don't want to share him because I don't want other guys to watch this video & have the same advantage as me ... wow my psychee hasn't changed much). I still haven't completely 100% let go of what people think yet. Something within my psyche is holding back. I think I am less fake & filtered than the average joe, but alas there is tons of work to do, this can be another psychological goal of mine, to become completely unfiltered. It's a huge aspect of charisma, one reason I am exited to return to my game journey again, the journey went for in summer but failed laughably, but I approached it all wrong so no negativity. Man, my brain really thinks about too much at once, I've got bills to pay. Today I ate too late, bad life long pattern. I was really tired & then I ate chicken & that made me energized & sharp some strange reason, the issue is becoming energized & sharp in the evening for me makes me binge youtube & tasty bad food. I think reason being is even if I feel great in the evening, my mind has a strong fixed nerual evening association to slacking off - so this evening fuel will only serve to make me slack off overkill until 3am typically. d

(This doesn't make sense : I am busy I have to start work call) >>> For later >> Insight, Insight gradually building : That life is shockingly simple ** Life is shockingly simple & I always overlook simplicity , I overcomplicate & get lost in the weeds, when the simple solution was just staring at me in the face the whole time. Although the paradox is that life is also shockingly complex, & many times we oversimplify that which we don't understand, failing to realize the complexities & nuance So life is both simple & complex. But the former perspective is one which I'm only beginning to deeply grasp only recently, noticing all the simple solutions I've overlooked my entire life, how my mind tangles itself in to a sticky web. Just use Facebook, Just fucking use Facebook & other apps. . All this time I wasted worrying worrying "i'm alone everyone got their groups how do I travel how do I meet people" U CAN ALWAYS JUST USE FACEBOOK Rent? JUST USE FACEBOOK. Anchoring / NLP >> Using Anchoring for getting outa bed. Had a snoozing problem MY ENTIRE LIFE! I Think once I apply this new knowledge, this problem is permanetly solved send link video anchor + tony robbins alarm fav song anchoring ... Cold approach polish girl report > I APPROACHED, Returned my toothbrush > simple step creates winner effect. still terrified of aging, death, regret & rumination, still needs much work.

@Michael569 You should do blog post on plastics & specifically water bottles & plastic packaged food (bad habit) I spent 3 months drinking 2-4 plastic water bottles per day every day ... I am afraid to think what I done to myself or if this permanent damage. I ate tons of plastic packaged food throughout the last 8 years due to every fucking thing being wrapped in plastic in those annoying monopoly supermarkets. Information on plastics is too vague and not quantified, articulated in enough depth for public to grasp how bad it is, what the worst forms of it are, how to detox it, how long this takes ect... Due to this vagueness I am either afraid or indifferent to them (I was indifferent ) They obviously bad, but how bad? But important question, how do you systematically remove plastics from the body, is the damage permanent?

I just lost 1 Hour. I wasted 1 hour & then I thought "oh why don't I just fap then". Nope. But i just wasted an hour, perhaps more I didn't time it. 1 whole hour + I slacked off into a cloudy daze of procrastination. But anxiety snapped me out of it u see, anxiety is useful in short bursts, "FUCK I'M GONNA DIE, I'M GETTING OLDER EVERYDAY". Then I felt intense lonelyness & propspective regret, imagining myself regretting in a years time. I don't want that again. Back to work now, still gonna make the most of tonight, still gonna wake up at 6am & I will not hate myself for this. I NEED HUNGER, PROCRASTINATION IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN UR TRULY HUNGER. CONNECT WITH PASSION, EVERY BORING JOB & WORK IM DOING I NEED THE CAPITAL REMIND MYSELF I USE THE CAPITAL FOR GREATER THINGS, SO MUCH POTENTIAL. LETS GO MAN.

Ah fuck I'm so bored & lonely right now. It's really hard not to fap & drink. And it's hard not to smoke & it's hard to stay productive & post these items & then work on online after that. I have to push myself till late hours, procrastinated already the last 2 hours. Counterintuitive, unless I work I wont fix my basic needs again, AGAIN. But the mind wants to dsitract and watch utube & masturbate & drink & look at hot women on google. NOOOO I WILL WIN TONIGHT. AND I WILL WAKE UP 6AM. NO MORE JOURNALLING JUST HAD TO BE MORE HONEST HERE. I AM VERY MISSING SOCIAL INTEREACTION RIGHT NOW, BUT I HAVE TO BE A MAN & DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE UNLESS I MOVE OUT, SELL ALL MY STUFF & WORK THEN I'LL STAY HERE FOR A LONG TIME. Ok, I got that out of my system, the honesty is refeshing, I am very alone right now. I just have to work and have faith that in hopefully some weeks time I may have moved out by then & I will have a plan.

TOMORROW I WILL WAKE UP AT 6AM !!! Challenge accepted. STRONG URGE TO FAP!! Very strong, horny thoughts of hot women curvy ass american college girl with & her milf step mum. STOP. NONO. 19 Days of no fap this evening. I have to make it to 30 days guys. NO FAP NO EDGE NO PORN, FOCUS ON MY GOALS I have to achieve something these past few months. It's lame sure I know but it's better than nothing. City night lights in the night sky. I need these, I need an aparment with this kinda view in cool city. I love night life, I love the night. I wake up at 6am right now because i'm focused on work, but when I get the money, I need these night views, I need girls & parties round at my place, looking in to the night sky. Alright I'm done dreaming right now return to my undesrired life be humble focus work & work some more give it some years you'll have this focus now fuck.

Walking back from gym today. "Why does everyone want one specific life purpose? what the fuk. One? Cmon bro. One? FUcking bitch only 1 life purpose? life is my purpose, i'm gonna do everything & fuck the world & be everything, king of the world and ... " "And the practical guides & ebooks & the language course & the travel guide & then Ima make a youtube channel soon & Ima be a celebrity but I'ma also be that suave anonymous guy who travels around & I'ma be a party nut head but I'ma also be wearing a suit leading a master mind group as the leader on a 100 storey high looking out in New york sometimes & I'm I can't be everything. Allthough I'll admit the "1 life purpose" thing is bullshit in my sitation, i'm just born to be a davinci type, But still, I will admit that I can still only really do a couple things at once, if I'm unlucky, & if i'm unlucky maybe only 1 thing. Fukk, I mean ... This is all a pipe dream right now, time to focus on base survival first, Focus, u li'lll bitch. What? why am i calling myself a bitch? SHUT UP BITCH.

Time to practice self acceptance. Self Compasison. No hate towards myself, no hate towards others. Complete forgiveness. Tony Robbins. Goodnight. I need to stop referring to my mum & step dad as mediocre. I love my mum & she is a good person. It's painful that she'll never get to experience the kind of freedom & life mastery I am striving for, but I have to let that go & accept that she is happy enough, overworked & unhealthy but she has some hobbies & finds meaning in her job caring for others. Need to let go of my perfectionist mindset now & only focus on myself. Stop thinking now.

Hello younger self. Hello Future self. I forgot about this Journal. The N (Intuition) in me decided to come back to this. Trying to get in the reflective, pensive zone. So what's changed since? Well I experienced partial growth within the summer, but I fell into many traps & patterns I didn't prepare for & anticipate, but because I at least took a leap of faith & went out in to the world, left my home quit job & experienced life, I learnt a ton about myself and about the world and people. But in terms of all the things I wanted, women, hot sex, business connections, life set up, setting up legal means to permanently move oversees ... I had the chance to set this up, I had months but I messed about too much, got too hooked on alcohol, wasn't strategic enough, ect.. ok I get the picture I'll stop, I had to learn the hard way I guess. I have 0 regrets about all the life savings money I wasted, although I wish I had bought more crypto at the right moment, but I have 0 regrets about the life experiences I got. The problem now is though, I'm back stuck where I was 6 months ago. I'm with family, i'm being held back by their mediocrity & it hurts. Yes I am responsible, of course. But just by nature of influence it really holds me back, I've been back with family well over a month now & it's time to leave. Unfortunately I didn't plan so I'm going to have to risk what money I have left & take everything with me, only this time there is legal risks too, but I know where I have to go & I know my heart needs this. This is round 2. This is adventurer round 2 except this time I have 3 options : 1. Quickly build my online income to at least $3k Per month profit but ideally $5K & manage this whilst building social revenue & mastering pickup 2. Very quickly build deep social connections because if i have financial or legal issues friends will cover it, trust me people in self help underestimate the value of social currency, 3. Play it safe & stay at home town & spend another 2 months being miserable but properly planning stuff out legally & financially No.3 just doesnt sit with me. I can't, I am capable of using logic & strategy, but not when emotions are involved. I am going to fuck the law & book a coach very soon. Take alll my shit with me. I need to do this quick. I want to feel alive this christmas. I must be in foreign country & I must at least interact with pretty women, I must see lights & hear music & I want "spiritual" time. I want some MDMA, maybe even a little joint here or there. But I'm not talking about the b.s british be a lazy slob & get preyed on by capitalist daddy santa type "spiritual". I'm talking real spiritual, spirtural that connects to pain, aliveness, risk, adventure, & some eventual catharsis. AND NOW IM REALLY FUCKING FRUSTRATED. AH, I wish I was less privacy oriented & partially ashamed of my existence because then I would write such less cryptically, Like most of my "so no i'm doing this & plan this" paragraphs are so fucking cryptic. This is why I probably create a new account. But I have some attachment to this journal, my old younger brother of months ago, I love u, but u are me. Ok, focus. Ego is creating distraction mechanisms now ... And where was I? Look, I've grown a lot the last few months. BUT ... BUT?? >>> I COULD HAVE GROWN SOOO MUCH MORE. GAINED SOO MUCH MORE. Look, I've grown enough not to wallow, I'm not wallowing this time, but literally I could have grown so much more, & I can't allow these growth gaps to reoccur, never again. I ate bread this evening. As I was eating it I didn't even enjoy it, I felt inmediately pissed off afterwards, & I know this will effect my sleep quality. I am going to wake up at 6am tomorrow. I can't wait to jump into another country. Arhhh man I need risk in my life, I need adventure. I know what I'm like. I'm like a warrior thrown in to this bullshit world of cereal and foot fetishes & people watching other people watching other people on TV, whilst judging them & scratching their head as they emotionally & cognitively numb themselves to "sleep" before waking up to have "just another day in this predictable life I resigned to I guess". Stop focusing on others. Stop. see what I mean, I ate some bullshit food today. The bread is the worst on my stomach. But I ate 4/5 bowls of sugary cereal. I have been clean for 2 months. Positives : No Fap Day 18 No Cigarettes > Day 30 (25-30 ish) Not much alcohol Lots of weight lifting BUT ^^ ALL THIS SHIT ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS TO ME. What I Reallly Care about : Lifestyle > Adventure, Hobbies, social life, night life, women Pick up, getting out comfort zone, social psychological emotional personal growth Business & Escaping the rat race & having time for hobbies, personal passions & interests Money, better clothes better teeth better grooming Money = Life coach, Productivity Mercury detox, no plastics >> Intellectual & cognitive improvements : No more ADHD, Hyperfocus & creativity & workflow & able to leverage my true INTP/ENTP Side or whatever the fuck I am Most important The place I live / SPIRITUAL STRATEGIC LOGISTICS Pick up / Women + charisma = Not just sex but confidence, social status, feeling connected, alive, like an actual human not some incel self help robot Creativity - No more brain fog or ADD > I have so many fucking biz ideas but how do I org them, stick to them, make them happen, I gotta minimize 1st bu. Hobbies - Relates to passion, why only find love in your life purpose? No I will always love certain hobbies & refuse to stop doing them apart from temporarily if I have to tripple down on a goal Now i'm feeling gulity about writing this journal. I CAN'T STRUCTURE MY THOUGHTS I CAN'T. I hope this wasn't a waste. Like I said before, Everything I do has to have a result, either sucess or a lesson learnt, nothing else. No single word no signle journal no single nothing can veer outside of those paramaters. Younger bro of this journal I love you, I am doing this for you now. The part of you that died in frustration when you got so stuck couldn't fulfill any basic needs. The part of you that's dying to grow & get the basics out the way & express himself authentically in every aspec of life, that's screaming to just be who he is, which is so so different to how most peple are & it's easy to be pushed back into a corner not being truly authentic.