Natasha Tori Maru

Killing two birds there - developing yourself and attracting some ladies at the same time I find men who engage in a passion and share it very attractive. I think this applies to many people in general.

I didn't explicitly state the working mechanisms for healthy, genuine relational connection I experience & prefer. I just chose to answer OP's question around cold approach only (how I prefer it to be done, not if I do or do not want it etc). I read @Emerald's response and agreed with the mechanics as described. I just didn't explicitly make my agreement there clear I didn't mean to appear to be hedging or anything. I felt she nailed it and I had nothing else to add. I tend toward the conclusion that the sort of women to generate instant attraction (or just deeper feelings in a rapid manner) may be responding to some sort of internal, unconscious version of love learned from childhood that may not be healthy. I suppose my non-aversion to cold approach dovetails in well with my little project of resisting Ni compression/closure we have been touching on. I definitely compress and spearhead for closure as a default. I am going the opposite way as a method of meta mind exploration - and I feel like this insane experiment might appeal to you, haha! So far it has lead me down some unusual growth paths - namely in being able to cross pollenate and merge different frameworks together. Feeling and emotional based stuff. @Olaf If your goal is a secure, long term, healthy and mature connection with a women - in my opinion this is the optimal path. Connection through third spaces (or even second, but this has inherent risk, although it is time tested!) is great method.

I think I am open to novelty and new experience to a high degree. But at the same time, I am extremely discerning and know what I want. Someone approaches and I have a snap, intuitive read. I don't often roll with it, just to test it's ability and to ensure I am not needlessly misreading and losing an opportunity. But there is definitely a boundary there, if a guy is signalling any sort of disrespect, charged anger or violence it's an instant no. I suppose it's me testing my gut intuition by remaining open to collecting more data? Most often, the men who are more likely to approach are less patient. And although I might be okay with being approached, I am slow to build genuine feelings of deep attraction and emotional connection. There appears to be a hidden assumption with cold approach that making your intentions (sexually) prominent from the outset, that sexual contact is guaranteed quickly (or quicker). This has just been my experience. I've never had a successful connection develop from any man who cold approached me. All my relationships were vetted through social circle, or some other relationship that didn't involve romance initially (work etc). So the mechanics of attraction as Emerald described are very similar to my own experience. I chose to answer the question differently. Thanks for asking (or prompting) 😁

Even needing to ask what the point of this thread is (in the manner it has been done here) potentially points to a much deeper and concerning issue within these users.

Yes. Misandry. It often gets smuggled into the feminism rhetoric.

It definitely doesn't intentionally teach it. Or guarantee it. Not at all. But the movement did act to give women agency - which freed them to select. That in no way guarantees the selection is of higher quality or better. It does push women to evaluate mens behaviour. But because feminism isnt intended as a female dating strategy, there isn't a guarantee women would learn from it in the way described.

@ElvisN no low quality posts like that, thanks. Inappropriate.

Too much truth for some people 😃

Depends. Did I complete my assigned tasks, to be so rewarded with this confectionery?

My sister is like that 😬 Sorry for semi-derailing there. You provoked some insights for me. And reframes. Cheers for the tag !

Forgot to add to my points above this sort of dovetails with feminism. Some men's negative reaction to feminism may be (partly) explained by feminism changing women's mate-selection in ways that reduce mens control. It increases women's selectivity/sorting/screening through increased agency and make men's behaviour more subject to evaluation. The mechanisms behind feminism act to empower/teach women to screen more effectively, but as a byproduct.

I think ultimately with game/pickup everyone eventually moves on from dedicated, concerted practice due to it becoming (ideally) naturally incorporated into their habits and reflexes. I just view it in the most charitable way as men learning confidence through technique (there is more to it, I am simplifying heavily). That's not to say there aren't crude and exploitative forms of pickup. I don't view it as cringe. In general mens challenges are access and attraction generation; women's are screening, filtering and relationship calibration. This is just in general, as the more high value one is, these challenges can flip and change. Pickup is a structured method to teach the tools for attraction generation and access. Men use these tools. It is transparent. You can learn this also with social circle game. Women also need to learn screening and selection. But because women have access to different tools, how they learn to screen can be different. Therapy can be a way women learn screening, and we don't shitcan that - despite it addressing their challenges (and it isn't marketed as such, but it could viewed as addressing this issue). There are also mate selection training courses, books and coaches for women. There is a legitimate gap in the market here to assist women to select/screen better. Women in general have larger social reach than men, so they essentially have the opportunity to learn via social circle, just like men. This would be an intuitive learning. At the very highest level, both sexes are sort of heading toward "Can I perceive another human being, with accuracy, without projecting my fantasies, fears, desires and stereotypes onto them?" You can also break it down into symmetries for both sexes (again this is in general and can flip with high value mates): Men - Approaching women, Women - Recognising and allowing access to good men Men Creating attraction, Women - Evaluating attraction, not confusing it with compatibility Men - Flirting/charisma, Women - Reading men's intentions, character, social behaviour Men - Handling rejection, Women - Handling abundance without becoming indiscriminately cynical Men - Escalating, Women - Setting boundaries and observing how he responds Men - Getting dates, Women - Filtering dates efficiently Men - Game, Women - Discernment Men - Avoiding the friendzone, Women - Avoiding the manipulator/player Men - Learning female psychology, Women - Learning male psychology Men - Screening for attraction, Women - Screening for character, stability, compatibility I suppose I am attempting to reframe pickup and flesh out a female equivalent here! And just as pickup can give women the ick, I can perceive how the above dating points/advice/training for women can give men the ick also. Imagine a female dating course taking into account the above points - it could sound viscerally gross to men! Some men do not learn well how to attract and get access to women via social circle, so game provides a structural frame to apply. Some women do not learn to filter and select well through social circle also. They might end up in therapy which can, although not it's primary mechanism, assist here. Women are probably less likely to reach out for a structured training method to select, though.

Do you repeat outfits? Exact same several days in a row? Find one or two that work and repeat? Or do you have a style that has essential basics but you rotate accessories? Or do you find something that works and purchase multiple of that item in differing colours? TELL ME! I am a chronic outfit repeater; I find a couple of items that work as a basic template and alternate one or two small elements. I am completely unbothered repeating an outfit 3 days in a row, exactly the same (provided it is clean). I don't want to think too much. Just slap something on I know works and go. I dislike shopping for clothes. I wear a lot of black. Special occasions I deviate. But day to day I don't give a shit if it's the same all week INTJ if that factors in

Everyone makes mistakes, no stress! I have so many disasters going on in life, unless someone has lost a limb or has a terminal diagnosis I'm just gonna let it go. Plus you just got through a heavy breakup. Sounds like the sort of a sort of breakup where you attracted something so intense it broke your previous relationship patterns? We can play out a pattern in romantic relationships until it calls something into our experience that is so intense, we cannot ignore it. Breaking it. Just speculation peiced together from your posts. It's hard not to get paradigm locked after those sorts of experiences. I only have charitable and happy feelings when in dialogue with you 😀

@Inliytened1 mad at you???

It's the nature of my work and the spaces I frequent. City centres, medical facilities etc. I am engaged in the social realm a lot. Some of these approaches maybe aren't it though, as some guys are just wanting to chat. It's just that... Well. I know men. Sometimes they aren't overt - but they wouldn't say no if the opportunity arose. One day I won't even get a glance from dudes. And that's cool. That's life! I don't put much value in how I look, because I didn't earn it. I just got some good rng genetics. I approach men too. I am pretty direct for a woman. I also get approached my women on occasion.

I choose to answer this from the frame I am being "cold approached" as opposed to some sort of courtship attraction phase - like a dude is shooting his shot I just like humor and wit, initially. If someone can make me personally laugh, they need to have some sort of sharp intellect generally. I use humor as a proxy for a sharp mind. I won't date someone who cannot keep up with me. So if a dude approaches me and is able to induce laughter from me it's a big win! Don't bring me your ego or arrogance. Confidence I am cool with. You will transmit these sorts of things subconsciously through body language, movement, tone, intonation and facial expressions - women will generally respond to these signals first. Other than that, I am not the sort of women to be irritated by being approached. I don't treat men who approach me as some sort of inconvenience or disturbance. They are just a human seeking connection. Often, I'll reject an approach and give them some of my honest feedback - mostly that I admire the testicle, haha (especially when a guy is visibly nervous). However, I get a body language, tone and expression read very quickly. I won't give a compliment to an egotistical dickhead who has an attitude like he is Gods gift to women. I'll just turn him down, dismiss and move on. I still get approached daily. Younger dudes and older. I have the sort of face and appearance that seems to project approachability. There must also be something in the way I hold myself or dress, because I can count maybe 2 or 3 times in my life I was objectified to the extent it was offensive. I won't always be approached like this - I am 40 now. Soon it will end! Or maybe not, who knows.

Did Carl step down or was he demoted?

@Monster Energy it might be something you notice when there is some distance from the immediacy of reaction. I stand by my words. I am perfectly fine expressing my opinion and that I agree with Carl ⚡ You need to seperate me from the moderator.

Especially when one does not comprehend at all what the AI has output, pastes it - and then must spend 90% of replies trying to clarify meaning. Backpedaling to a softer and easier to defend premise over and over. Because any of their original meaning and prompt has been lost in the recursive, mastebatory hyperbole of LLMs. Across not one thread, but multiple.

I love reading situations like that - you end up seeing all sorts of ripples of tension in the body, in the face. Tiny little expressions. Shoulders rounded inward just a touch. One side of the mouth twitch. Looking down all of sudden (when I ask people how they feel they often look down, not sure if there is something to that!). I resist actually making a diagnosis "this means that emotion". I can just observe sOmEtHiNg occurring that isn't being allowed. When we get new hires in the office - my Dad is like "Yeah, you will get used to that room experiencing a lot of Natasha's emotions. Soon you will miss it when she isn't blowing up in there". He's a good egg for tolerating my explosions !!!

Hello - it me This is how I experience most emotions now - after all the work I did. Short and sharp. People do react poorly often, as they perceive it as a loss of control. On the contrary, it helps me remain in control. I just make sure to never be "emotionally violent" ie directing it at someone. Sometimes (actually most times) inanimate objects cop some verbal abuse, though. Hell yeah I will lean over and abuse that bluetooth mouse that won't FUCKING sync! I'd rather be this way than the suppressed/repressed affect NPCs I see around (I explicitly say suppressed/repressed here as some people are just less emotionally expressive than others, but they feel them just as strongly). Expressing them in my voice and body just... moves em' along quicker!

I did some of that too >.< Any humans disturbed? Humans so good at expressing disgust at emotional displays. I had to say to someone at work yesterday "Can you stop trying to get me to be calm? I am just in my emotions, let me have them. You don't need to go near them!" Apparently I am emotionally "violent" when I hang up the phone and say in a heated way "My GOD, the lights are on and no one is home!" in anger. Rhetorically. Emphatically. With lots of violent hand and arm movements! People are so averse to emotions in professional environments, any sort of healthy expression is perceived as bad!

The equine therapy was quite remarkable. I have a history of extreme trauma - a larger load and narrative than one would consider usual (I require no compassion or sympathy, we all have our tale of woe. I add this because it is relevant to the therapy experience). For many years I felt I got through the early childhood difficulty relatively well. There were some lingering strange oddities about me; I had a lot of flat affect. Emotional numbing. Blunted internal interpersonal value system. I decided to drive into this, as I could recall a time when as a child when I was much more expressive, headstrong and emotive. I did talk therapy (which wasn't so effective). My therapist suggested equine therapy as I had all the cognitive tools and knowledge to address my own issues (and striking intellectual interoception and analysis ability), but wasn't showing a lot of improvement. It isn't like I was broken or non-functioning - more I was aware I was somehow blocked internally. You basically interact with horses as part of a structured therapeutic and psychological process. Approaching them, standing near them. Noticing your own reactions. Grooming and caring for the horse for trust and connection. Leading them and observing my own body language/attention and how I affected the horses response. Some groundworking also - verbal commands asking the horse the move around obstacles, stop, follow - the therapist used these exercises to explore/observe boundaries, communication and emotional regulation. After you reflect on what happened verbally. It isn't some magical healing sort of juju that horses do - but they are remarkable creatures. I did 8 sessions (I wish I could do more, but it was not cheap). I started off scanning myself (my internal state) each session, thinking I was calm, relaxed and neutral - but the horse I worked with, initially, wouldn't come near me. Like, almost RAN away skittishly. It turns out horses are remarkable at detecting fear. Their proposed therapeutic value comes partly from horses being large, sensitive and social animals. They respond strongly to human behaviour and body language. They pick up on things even another human is cannot detect in your voice, tone, body language etc. If you are fearing - they won't come near you. They are social animals - if they sense fear in you they read it as "this animal senses danger" and won't come close in case there is danger near. You ride the horses in the sessions also (backwards too!). By the end I could enter the field and have the horses come running to me! Following. Taking lead from me so easily. It was remarkable because intellectually and analytically I couldn't get through the 'block'. I needed feedback from the horse to see how I had improved and worked through my internal resistances. The more emotion I allowed, the quicker the states passed. So even if something did come up (talking to the therapist at the same time occasionally) and the horse resisted my attempts to connect, I could let the emotion go quicker and the horse would respond. My therapist observed a lot of tension in my legs and pelvis a lot. How I moved. I got a lot better at bodyscanning for emotions and identifying them. Naming them and learning the nuanced distinctions in my emotions was essential also. The horses gradually responded more positively to me. I still remember the 5th session so well - I entered the main gate to see the mares and one came straight up to me, almost demanding affection! That was a big breakthrough. I discovered I was, essentially, for around 15 years - blocking out emotions, suppressing or resisting. Creating elaborate coping mechanisms to avoid feelings and emotions. I was excellent at intellectualising and explaining everything away mechanistically - which actually caused some secondary issues with over-attachment to frames, ideas, thoughts. This lead to a lot of defensiveness of my own intellect!). The horse therapy helped me get through it. Haha! Traditional therapy didn't work so much Dogs also (and other animals) approach me a lot more now. Animals have higher sensitivity to tone, eye movement, body language, tension, sound etc due to a lack of language to verbally communicate. If they do not have any pathologies of their own (and yes, I have seen animals that have pathological coping mechanisms due to mistreatment, just like humans), they can act as a great feedback mechanism. I am also now way more drawn to animals as a result. I wouldn't say I am healed - oh no! - but I am able to find the source of the problem quicker now. And most times, the feeling, emotion or state itself, isn't even a problem. But I needed to let myself feel the hot pan properly, so I could drop it. It is that zen saying isn't it? How do you drop a hot pan? Let go. But to let go I had to identify and feel the heat. Not fight it. Pretend it wasn't hot. Thanks for asking!