Natasha Tori Maru

Authenticity. I find it ill-defined. The word is tossed about flippantly. EVERYWHERE. It is spoken about on these forums frequently. What is Authenticity (in the romantic sense, and interpersonally)? Do you think it is overrated/underrated? Only appropriate at certain times or phases of connection? I find it paradoxical. Authenticity requires enough self-awareness to distinguish your genuine values from the forces acting on you (incentive structures). I think it is about congruence. Congruence between what is actually going on inside you, how you live, make choices and relate to the world. So for me it's being able to accurately know what I experience, owning it completely and acting in accordance with it as the situation deeps appropriate. I feel like it needs these clauses because it gets muddled up with just "expressing" without censure. Authenticity IS NOT just expressing the contents of your mind. "I say what I feel", "I refuse to change for anyone", "I do what feels natural", "I am brutally honest" or "I don't care what anyone thinks, this is who I am" - all of these are not it in my definition. Philosophy wise I don't think to be authentic we require a true fixed self. Values change. We change. What is authentic will change. Existentially I see it creeping toward "am I taking ownership of the fact I am choosing?" My closest definition: Authenticity is the constant, background practice of shrinking the space between what I experience and what I understand myself to currently value. What I claim to be, and how I actually behave... while remaining willing to amend my understanding of me. Would love everyone's thoughts around this loaded topic as it applies to dating, courtship, romance, relationships, attraction etc.

I hope you have lots more time with yours ❤️

Catching up on the recent shares - thank you all ⚡

There's a big reason for it being top 😃 I can't wait for you to read it, if you haven't

@Ramanujan he is attractive to people who have high epistemic standards and an earnest persuit for truth - or spirituality. The combination of his work encouraging deep contemplative investigation + rigorous emphasis on direct experience + resistance to dogma makes ralston rather foundational imo. I personally love he combines consciousness work with embodied practice via martial arts. And that he heavily emphasises a distintion between concept/perception/interpretation and direct experience of what "is" - which is key to his teaching regarding suffering (there is a big difference between what is being experienced and what the mind says that experience means, his books are great for this distinction). He also founded Cheng Hsin. He has many published books, facilitated workshops and great YouTube talks. Good body of work. It probably helps he is highly respected by Leo. Do you have Leo's booklist?

Appreciate you! And enjoy your contributions 🫶

Both of my biggest were sober, funnily enough! Both from unbearable suffering reaching a horrible climax I worked out what happened after the fact.

Reflection 😁

I feel like this forum needs a bolt on IRC or MSN Messenger section for users to shit talk. Then I remember I am a moderator and why would I want to do that to myself

On it boss, I have an exceptional radar for dick chop 😭 Sometimes I wonder how I get to the point in conversation where phrases like this come up

And then unlock "into eunuch mode" Not a welcome achievement 🤣

I'd be pretty concerned at the speed and sense of urgency, within the context of not having known the man for long. Sounds like affection bombing with gestures. But it is heavily context dependant

Right

Steps? Difficult? Asking open questions. Flowers don't work on me.

Navigating the online domain also? IE apps

@Cred long time no see - many hugs

Do you think you understand the social dynamics of sexual attraction as it applies to generation Z or Y? Do you think all the same rules apply?

I find that even having the idea of looking and labelling something a shit test conducive to poor social dynamics - just personally. Would take me right out of the moment and into analysis. Never good.

@Inliytened1 there are variations within the sexes - although I think you speak in generalities.

Attraction is so weird though! What I am attracted to has changed. People SAY they are attracted and want one thing, but then fall for something totally different. Same sorta shit with buying and purchases. I think a lot of attraction comes down to familiarity with our first attachment patterns and learned love signalling when children. Even when it is unhealthy - we are drawn to it as it is sometimes the only pattern we know that represents love.

Of course - but having a functional cock isn't the be all end all. People run into health issues. We age. Etc The relationship can't totally hinge on a solid member. Having said that, sex is so much more than penis in vagina 😁

Just gotta be mature really A man that can handle his shit - MUAH

Yum - add a dash of sesame oil and I'm IN!

I define shit tests as being deliberate / orchestrated. I don't look for proxies for maturity or self-regulation (that's not to say they aren't extremely useful in their own way). I look for direct evidence for them. I don't like high stakes games that involve negativity.

My grandad raised me - his passing was hard. I've lost 2 grandfathers and 1 grandmother. Parents hit different.