Natasha Tori Maru

https://youtu.be/uCheMBE8hq0?si=qs4aPV-xbMFABg3s

@Lord Kadaver sometimes true love, and expressing love, can be asserting boundaries. It is simply that when we aren't mature, have trauma, or attachment issues, this version of love is misunderstood. But it is a higher, more selfless love. Just like a parent who must discipline a child to protect them from harm; the child doesn't see this as love. It is not received like this from the child's perspective - it seems uncaring, what of the child's needs? But from the parents perspective; they are protecting and helping to grow the child. Ensuring safety while the child lacks the wisdom needed to thrive in the world. They love their child, and will protect them at all costs - even if that means they have to have hard words that the adult dislikes doing. It might feel bad within yourself to cut off your ex - but it is a loving act for both of you. So you can cleanly close the door and work on healing. It might not be what either wants, but that doesn't mean it isn't for the best. An act of love - but not fairytale love. Real love that entails sacrifice, maturity and surrender. If you were healed and able to have a friendship with this women, I can tell you from experience, none of these feelings of confusion would come up. Instead, you would feel a kind, warm regard and welcome an old friend. My experience, my experience 🙏❤️

I think Leo has expressed a very detailed and conscientious reply. The only thing I may add to aid in overthinking; imagine a child as they grow. They learn to roll. Then crawl. Then walk. The child has no room for overthinking, or thinking about the walking. It just does it. And repeats until muscles are built, reflexes honed. The process happens through trying and repetition. No need to analyse with the thinking mind disconnected from the event - only jumping into experience and reflecting through that. In a way you are almost rehabilitating yourself to life. You will need patience and grace for yourself. It sounds like you have been through a great emotional upheaval - you have my heart and well wishes ❤️🙏

It will never be forgotten... 'Because I can' conformity mindset of the rich

(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

@Breathe really hard to say, because I wasn't using it for spiritual reasons - just bonding and experimenting. I had it in small crystal greyish form and via caps. So a full cap would be typical for me. I would never have found it useful for consciousness work. Not that sort of substance imo. I had visuals from it also - which I don't think is common. I recall going to see Daft Punk on it. During Aerodynamic got caught on a giant checker board I couldn't get out of. Then I saw gold zippers all over reality and as I unzipped them layers of vision were torn down to reveal new scenes. I recall that being the most intense MDMA trip, but I took a lot. It was tested as pure also (I never take anything I haven't tested with drug kits). I enjoy the 'slide out' part of the come up (if that makes sense) but I hate the surging waves prior to the backside/breaking on the shore. The come up feels too much, then I am gliding on a boogieboard of love, rinse repeat. Had to use a metaphor because I don't know how else to describe it. Had the most fun on it with partners. But yeah, the malaise I felt for a couple of months after mean I wouldn't do it again 😊

YMMV because everyone reacts differently; I experience a day or so of afterglow. I normally focus on sleep following MDMA. Small super nutrient dense meals without persuing the 'full' feeling people chase (which is not the currect way to eat anyway). Sleep recovery is higher with small meals. The 2 months following MDMA use feel depressed and malaise-like. Slight fog in the mind. I find it quite neurotoxic so I do not touch it any more. Using another substance on a comedown would overload my system I think. I am glad you came out alright 😊 I personally do not recommend MDMA.

Brah no one saying you can't 🤪 Just that it's silly

I share this sentiment also.

Enjoyed it a lot many years ago ❤️

Dunno if it has been said - might upset some FUCKEN 'gamer' branded/styled PC shit. We talking seizure inducing RGB lights, mice with fins and bolt on car spoilers, keyboards with turbo cyborg looking cancerous growths of plastic lit up like a Christmas tree... that shit. South/north bridge heat sinks that look like aluminium cladding with fins bolted onto fins , cold cathode lighting, custom waterloops with piping that looks like spaghetti intestines

@Shermaningeorgia Yep, and venting is okay. Me being a moderator has nothing to to with being right or wrong. More correct or less. Better or worse. It is a job. I hope you gather enough experience and evidence to prove your current modus operandi defunct; making enemies of people for traits they have no control over is a severely biased view and one that runs antithetically to the general spirit of these forums. And spiritual development in general. I only hope, that you view all experiences with women in equality, and do not filter out the possibility of real love and connection. Because this is what you stand to lose of your own volition with this myopic worldview.

@Joshe thank you so much for the reply ❤️ I think I gathered that you had actively stopped on the path, somewhere along the line... Or I felt there was a change in approach from you. I dunno, but there was something I noticed. Tbh there's a lot of grace and courage in your above statement - respect 😁

Realizing/seeing through the illusion doesn't make it any less real. The moon shining light is an illusion - it's not radiating light from itself as source like it appears to be. But it still seems as such and we do well to work with it in that manner. Imagine being in outback Australia under the bright, illuminating moonlight from a full moon, exclaiming 'I cannot see!!'. Refusing to walk in the bushland because you won't see the ground because the 'moonlight is an illusion.' This is what you sound like. Not that Leo needs defending - but like, why are you following him around trying to poke holes in what you think are issues with his conduct? It reads like you are personally offended at whatever level of integration you deem them to be at. It belies your own incomplete understanding - which is why your questions appear so redundant. You have the weirdest patterns of posting toward him. Just my perceptions. Feel free to disregard

@Bjorn K Holmstrom I like this - thank you. The beauty of intelligent design.

@Joshe I had a long think on how this process I engage in works and how I understand it integrating into reality and making shit happen. Or achieving shit, doing, succeeding etc. Went for a run for 60 minutes with this topic as my contemplation I think you are caught up a bit regarding the spiritual path, its progression and what is to come. There was, for me - in my experience, a clear path; growing up, learning concepts, mastery etc. And then - disintegration. Deconstruction. A build up, and a tear down. A relearning of what I had forgotten. Or a forgetting of all I had learnt. Both the same thing. I think the next steps on the path for you aren't clear - and your fear could be wrapped up in the uncertainty of the path yet walked. The potholes and rocks you cannot see below your feet, still in relative darkness. You are attempting to use the logical, thought driven & conceptual mind to 'see' the next steps. To project future outcomes and how things may play out. Hey - I may be wrong here - but I speak only to this because this used to be me, also. And so, with that preamble out of the way. I might move toward - what is a thought in your words, and understanding? Deconstructing this and launching into terrifying enquiry really turned me inside out on the path. Because I reached a point where I realized this is all mind. All mind. And that a thought is simply a contraction of energy. A wavering of consciousness. I movement of awareness. That is literally all I could bring myself to recognize is as. I soon made the connection that a thought - being a simple wavering/contraction of energy/mind - was no different to a chair. Or matter of any type. The constituents of a chair, broken down; wood, material, atoms, electrons, neutrons, quarks - all energy 'wavering', 'contracting', 'vibrating' at different levels. All forms of consciousness. All the same. All in unity. All infinite. I distinctly remember suddenly being aware I had no claim to my thoughts. My thoughts are the same as perceptions. As matter. As any other part of the reality we inhibit. The distinction broke down. So when I operate from a state of claiming 'I just do' or 'The body moves and does as it will' I do not necessarily claim I am not thinking - because all is mind, all is thinking, all is matter, all is perception. It is all the same shit to me. I simply no longer make claim to any thought. There is no effort. So all appears to rise as an impulse or instinct within the moment. I just act on what is highest priority. But it is not a conscious thing. It is a being thing. There is no distinction between thought or any anything else. It is all the same. So, thinking happens. Perceptions happen. Achievements are had. But not by me. By the intelligence behind consciousness. God, if you will. This is where trust and surrender come in. I know we have spoken on this in the past. I recall a lot of resistance to this from you. I perceive it is your identification with your intellect and thinking mind that is the block. Surrender and trust are what put you in alignment with the greater intelligence and flow behind effortless power. Anyway, maybe none of this will hit home - I surely do not mean this as an attack or lecture - merely to try to use words in a futile attempt to explain something that really cannot be explained with words unless you reside in the state of being. To experience truth.

🎯🧶 It has to be so, it couldn't be any other way. Fluid evolution. I am grateful you created this space ! (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

https://youtu.be/wlN7uXMGVjA?si=pxOnaJyCscP-05F1

Good morning @Ishanga! I recall clashing with you a few times when I first noticed a post like this from you, on these forums. I respect you a lot, and you always have many interesting views to add. Most of your spirituality crosses over with what other users and masters say - it is in the translating that many cannot see the overlap. This theme of rejecting the forum has been a constant thing for you. My questions for you when you leave would be: What draws you back here, again and again? It is clearly, to me, not desperation for connection or community. You often inject, what I perceive, feeling wise (from your posts, not your words); disgust. Contempt. Like the forum is a bad smell. Do you think this is worth thinking about and contemplating? If you are judging this place so harshly, there is something happening here that you feel you must not have, or do. Otherwise, you would not feel so okay to post along these themes. Perhaps you feel you do not have ego like those here? If you thought you had this, you wouldn't judge the forum so much because you would realise you are judging yourself as 'low consciousness'. And it would feel quite bad think that way about ourselves. I witness you engaging in egoic battles all over the forum - and here, this is my experience of you speaking. I am not judging you, because I engage in this manner also. But I think the forum is representing parts of yourself you have not claimed, so you feel okay rejecting it. Even this post is begging for engagement. If I were in your position, as is my typical way, I would simply disappear. No goodbye. You acknowledge there must be some addictive quality to this place - because you feel you need to post for personal accountability; but you have full sovereignty. I do notice you have personal issues with Leo - perhaps he represents ego which is unclaimed in you? Not sure. In any event, I do not mean this as an attack. Merely my observations looking at patterns of posting. And I suppose this could all be projection - because I have been through exactly the above. Many times, repeatedly. I do note that while on this forum everyone argues, clashes and has their beliefs challenged - you will always see us all laughing at each other within a post or two. Or in the next thread. Or agreeing in a seperate subsection. But then, laughter follows. I don't see this as much with you. You appear to not have fun here in this way. Simply an observation. I digress a a bit here... I mean no attack at all. I just feel maybe this might help with thinking on your experience here. Feel free to disregard! I think you should take a big break. @CARDOZZO did just that and had some good words. Maybe you will return, maybe not. But overall, I wish you peace, happiness and joy in your growth and seeking ❤️

Never said anything about what you are allowed or not allowed to do. Have a read of the post again. There is always a reason we post - what did you want to discuss if not to have your ideas challenged? And when they were challenged, it appeared you threw away rationality and doubled down. So I ask again - what is really at stake here?

Cannot comment on all the links, docs. Only my personal families report: it is shit. Indentured servitude.

Purest love

Poodle Merry Christmas love for all !

@RisingLane becoming a recursive fractal vicarious universe 🤪

God. Can you imagine milking a kangaroo? Those legs. Skulls would be caved in These contemplations are not welcome in my experience 😆