Natasha Tori Maru

Let's have a wholesome thread. Gimme your earned wisdom! Behavioural signs that are a proxy for good character or trait! I'll start: He makes me want to be a better woman. Not because I need his approval or to earn love. Because I genuinely admire him Doesnt confuse vulnerability with weakness. Accepts no with no retaliation. Doesn't mistake independence for rejection. Can navigate relational ruptures without throwing out the relationship or abandoning themselves. I got more, but these are to get us rolling !

Do we have one? Rolling. Post that shit. Shorts, reels, tick-tock turds. Do your worst short format. Boomer cringe. I love the spittle on the guys mouth 🤮🤢 https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS45V1Enf/

No worries - you cantankerous bastard I think I prefer looking at green flags as proxies or heuristics for deeper values a person might have - then we contrast those sets against ours for alignment. I think many users here addressed and answered according to their values rather than actual "green flags" which I think are these proxies/heuristics we use. In retrospect I should have defined green flags better Your proxies/heuristics/flags all seem to point toward humility? Across many domain sets domains (epistemic, moral, intelligence). This was my reading at least, if I am accurate

@Joshe This isn't the place for judging others.

Please. Do not turn this thread into judging each others standards, proxies and what we all look for! I think contrasting and comparing is great. Discernment. Lets not do this judging thing. Heaven help me, I tried to make a positive themed thread. Flush it down, right?

No way. I am not going to include someone I class as abusive or someone who treats people beneath them poorly.

Oh wow - I am so different. If I am too activated by the person, it is a yellow flag for me (just a warning I need to pay attention with nuance, as opposed to red flag no-go). I shouldn't feel excessive nervous system activation. Just some butterflies or normal excitement. Being intimidated or uncomfortable indicates to me my judgement may be clouded. Or I may be subconsciously responding to some sort of pattern of bonding that isn't formed from healthy attachment style. The "activation" should be proportionate to what is actually happening - so I take time to observe and reflect more when this yellow flag shows up. I do not interpret intensity as evidence of attraction or connection. I treat my own physiological response as information about the quality of the interaction.

I think you need to focus on what is said, and seperate it from your interpretation and inference.

@Ulax

@mariabudanova this silly chaps don't know, nevermind their brains buzzing along, frantically explaining everything away 🤸🏻

🎯

I wonder if his age factors into the incarceration time. 10 years between 50-60yo seems to me would be different to 10 years 20-30yo.

It's 10 years. He stealthed a woman. Anally raped her while she said no, repeatedly. Lounder and louder. Continued until she was bleeding. She never consented to condom removal or anal. Only normal intercourse.

Muahahahaa! I am poking fun - this thread sorta sets the tone 😃

Can't tell if jokes.... But if serious, just try and see what happens. I. Dare. You.

It was my biggest personal trigger too 🥹 Nothing could make me crash out faster. Most disagreements or strange comments toward me now are just "hmmm, this person probably just misunderstood me, or I failed to make myself clear. I'll good faith check and see if they are wilfully doing so, or it is just miscommunication". I just tap out when it's a bad faith character; I don't care if they misunderstand me. Caring for my grandmother with dimentia taught me this also. I had to use force and conviction to perform physical caring tasks. She didn't understand why her granddaughter was so pushy. Forcing her to wash or eat. Checking bill dates etc. It was an act of love to care for her. She just couldn't understand it. I had to come to terms with my expression of love being misunderstood as an act of removing her liberty and soverignty. Like a child that doesn't realise why they have a bedtime. But the parent sets the routine for a benefit that can't yet be understood. Difficult lessons. But the best ones 🙏💫

Are you an experiencer?

Are you a woman? It is a simple analogy for concept comparison. Not a one-to-one point equivalency in raw power. I am drawing attention to how we weigh risk and hazards and determine threat levels as a concept. I am not drawing any moral conclusions. Man or woman - violence is wrong on both ends. But we live in reality. Men are stronger than women in raw power.

This is it. His brain is full of cotton wool conspiracy pattern matching threads of esoteric beliefs. Just listening to him in that Piers Morgan interview is painful. Insane amounts of flamboyant, ostentatious rhetoric that says nothing at all while retreating into a semantic fog when challenged. It takes 20 minutes to even understand one line from him, meanwhile he has shotgun fired into ten other conspiracy theories. I swear he studied Jordan Peterson's slippery evasion jukes. There is so much show to try to appear erudite.

Yes - it's for this same reason we laugh when a chihuahua jumps on or snaps someone. But we destroy larger breeds like pitbulls when they do the same.

Let's have some FUCKING ARRESTS over Epstein. Haven't seen that yet.

@Vido I'll never forget that interview you linked. It spawned a huge thread here: When asked the deep questions - Sadghuru's answer is "It's bad dirt causing mind diarrhea. All from the bad dirt! BAD DIRT!"

Experience. And earned wisdom. I think I was born with a very high capacity for stress, but I also learned early on that recovering from failure was more powerful a tool than avoiding or being locked in indecisiveness. A lot of varied, challenging and poor life experience has resulted in deep self trust. I trust in my capacity to deal with violation & transgression of my self; physical and mental. I do practice caution, but I am not fearing in the sense I have a complex of thought that inhibits me. I suppose I have demonstrated to myself my own capacity for stress and operate from there. I am not afraid to ask for help and lean on others. This was a hard lesson. I don't know what is to come. I don't know how much I might suffer. But I trust I have the capacity to handle it and recover. And if I don't - well - I'll be dead! I (so to speak, haha) won't be there to worry I suppose the trick is not letting experience harden you. It is just a story about some girl named Natasha out in space!

I think this is the more difficult hurdle of the two: internal admission vs public admission/confession. I believe he is totally self deceived. He is having to redefine how he qualifies rape & consent in his mind. He would have to come to terms with what this means for himself. His character. What this means for him. That feeling of lost integrity can be destabilising for the mind; especially when we have a construct in operation around a narrative "I am a good man". I'd imagine this would entail a substantial volume of renumeration; if it were me, I would be going over every sexual encounter (I could recall, considering he was probably inebriated in some form for most) and replaying what was said, my read on the person. Attempting to recall information I may have failed to pick up on, or ignored. That is a lot of ego backlash. Then it has to be accepted.

Not care about what they think. Or at least, if you do care, accept that you will feel sadness and allow this. With the idea that you may have some transient emotional upset that will pass, with the overall intention of good. Even if people do not understand your actions. I have largely given up trying to be understood as much by others. When younger, being misunderstood caused me much upset. Especially when it is wilful. It won't harm you to accept and feel hurt at others judgement. Avoidance of it is much worse. Not avoiding the pain of being judged and developing the capacity to experience it without allowing it to dictate my behaviour was a skill it took me a long time to learn.