Natasha Tori Maru

I think the subforum context flew over some heads. I cannot stop laughing!

@Joseph Maynor me too.

Trailblaze into integrity and authenticity - here's to our continued progress My career in the building industry really taught me to speak less and execute. I never tell anyone my intentions. I speak about my ideas and projects mainly for perspective and brainstorming. Sometimes, talking about the thing can almost brainwash me into feeling like I am making progress. But it is false; action tastes so much sweeter. I visualise my outcomes as I fall asleep at night. I see the building complete.

Probably because historically marriage was about survival? What is valued in relationship and marriage has changed a lot.

This is very true. I am always wary of leading questions that are loaded with some form of premise. Normally I will choose not to answer or engage because of the insidious ways this can alter perception.

I think the above is why we have trained medical professionals in mental health - so sufferers do not end up in scenarios where their pathology runs amok, hurting those around them. And themselves. There is a massive gap in the medical field for treatment & help. Issues with non-compliance and even simply the fact that mental issues are nebulous and incorporeal in nature contribute to stigma. We can try, personally, to help, as much as we are able. But at the end of the day, it is okay to admit these issues are way beyond our scope of ability to deal with. Even if we are educated well. Knowledge may help us to collectively steer these individuals to receive help sooner - which is where your point regarding education early on dovetails. You sound like you have been intimately involved with someone with a cluster B type pathology. I do not mean necessarily romantic either. The only option is you for to know yourself, be so connected with your needs, that you understand what you can tolerate within intimate relationships. Many people choose to not associate with pathological sufferers on principal. Hard boundaries. I grew up with someone very close to me who suffered from cluster B borderline personality disorder. This: is the cycle. Repeated. Their internal experience is just as terrible for them, as it is for those around them; you end up as collateral damage. It is very, very difficult to deal with. And it operates as a second layer to the 'self'. Like a double cataract / lens overlay. Obscuring reality, AND the small self. Well, this is how I conceive of it. Because it isn't the person, it is a pathology confusing the matrix of the base personality. I think I frame it this way to be able to remain in a position of compassion toward suffers. I had to do a lot of healing after the damage close association with BPD caused me. I could not maintain my own sense of self under that sort of pressure. Hugz

While I agree we all have personal subjective perspectives and needs - and these evolve through our lives as we change - the title was 'objectively' I mean, I like Australia mostly for quality of life & balance. But I was born and raised here - so I suffer from SIGNIFICANT bias. Which makes this totally subjective for me also lol What would be your pick of best country/s, objectively?

This is such great action advice to assert personal boundaries in a compassionate way. Many people struggle asserting their boundaries in a clear, even tempered and stoic way in an attempt to teach others the behaviour they are willing to accept, to maintain respect in the relationship. Often aggression and overcompensation arises when we are unfamiliar with healthy attachment style communication methods. This style of boundary communication is key to prevent the union dissolving into resentment due to unspoken needs. A+

@Joshe 100% And this is really prescient - maybe we are much to quick to slap labels on what could be perceived as 'natural inherent behaviour' of a given sex. When in actual fact, it is simply growing pains; an artificial reaction to an unknown, changing environment that has nothing to do with inherent nature, and everything to do with circumstance. Harkening right back to the old nature vs nurture. It is a powerful message to not make any grand claims attributing behaviour to sex.

For me it seemed the purpose was to simply see through it for the illusion it is; it's not going anywhere. It never existed in the existential sense. Just a bunch of conditioning. Can't kill something that never existed to begin with. So it is there - and not there. It's both. Always both with these things. It cannot be transcended, and to even think this is possible, is bypassing, and actually enhances the contraction/conditioning of the ego itself. If we are to think we can transcend the ego - this just becomes another ground. Just like spirituality becomes another ground we must eventually do away with. Groundlessness is the aim. The purpose of seeing the illusion is to lesson its grip. Only then was I able to create distance between my conditioned reactions and observations. Within that gap I have breathing space to witness my acuminated conditioning from life experience, and work on dissolving that conditioning. The process of letting awareness sweep through in this way, cleans up anything that puts me out of equanimity. Which brings a feeling of integration and understanding of my true nature to the forefront. Being. Presence. Feelings are felt in a more genuine way, unobstructed by contractions of the ego. Preferences all remain. Judging experience as good/bad falls away. But the centralized 'doer' feels less present, and as a result, I feel I simply ride the flow of life. No claim to any outcome. No claim at all. It all just becomes awe and wonder. Great insight @Davino

Hello @Leo Gura Do you experience a 'flow' state when you engage in long bouts of writing? I ask because I write a lot - not the sorts of topics you endeavour to outline - but often ideas I am fleshing out that have been germinating for a while. When this happens to me, it almost feels as if it is a channelled state. Like the writing is coming through me. Like there is no centre to my experience, no do-er. No writer. Just the hands moving as I act as a conduit for messages to flow out. Do you experience this? It is a timeless state for me.

I'd never heard of this piece of scum, Vitaly, prior to this.

The whole topic is sort of fascinating to look at in depth. The above caught me. I think knowledge =/= wisdom. And it is very, very easy for us to conflate the two when we are young. We are full of 'knowing' before we mature and realise we were... full of shit. So to speak A similar conflation often arises with pleasure being conflated with happiness. I think the flood of information is empowering, no doubt. Experience is the greater teacher. It is rare someone can actually have the self control to avoid making mistakes and heed advice; most of us need to fuck up and find out. For these reasons I suspect there could be the delusion of youth operating as a factor in there. Possibly, also, too much information, too soon. Sort of like trying to teach a student algebra when they do not know simple BODMAS or basic rules; that person is going to dislike maths and walk away with a negative experience due to the struggle. Paralyzed by algebra and unable to proceed in their schooling. This could be a metaphor for information saturation and inundation people endure. I digress a bit. I sound very disparaging of younger people - I do not wish to convey judgement with the above passage. My comments are more a statement of my own experience, stupidity, hubris and pure ignorance I had to work through. All needed. All warranted. But I was a MESS. A stupid arrogant little girl.

The topic makes me wonder if technology / social is retarding maturity.

Do you think this is true of people, not just one sex?