Natasha Tori Maru

It's always been that way - one of my first posts on the forum was the c-word. Censorship! bUt mY FeMaLe VoIcE - YoU WanT to SuPpResS My FemINinity I try so hard to be good. Crazy harpy mode escapes out sometimes

Genuinely - what an insight! Maybe this is the loop that feeds the depression? Good things to contemplate

As much as I feel like I have worked on so much conditioning - I still lash out (even if just in my mind) when animals are harmed by humans in such a torturous manner. Wales and dolphins in particular. If I see any footage of them being hurt, killed. Dogs also. I get hysterical. Thankfully violent Natasha hasn't appeared for a good 4/5 years

Thank you, this is very kind of you to say Japenese - my dad is half Japanese from his mothers side. I have an 8bitdo Pro 2 that needs some exersize You might have to interview. That is a lot of pressure to pass on to @Vido. He is a busy man - but very professional, warm and engaging. I'm cooking up to that stage. Pushing into 40's now - the wrinkly old wise women is hopefully in my future! Thanks a bunch

Is this actually your experience of depression? Or is this the state that precedes it? I ask because it seems to be describing a state of confusion, or uncertainty, followed by frustration at ones inability to make sense of a situation. Then proceeding into self flagellation through judgement of the self as "inadequate". That is a lot of additional transitory states that don't necessarily describe depression - but could very well be your trigger into it! You also describe "spoiled" experience - perhaps this is disappointment? A feeling of being let down. All of these states, feelings and thoughts can lead to depression - assuredly. Correct me if I am wrong. Trying to un-compress what may (or may not) be going on. Typically in states of unrest we have trouble detangling all the different parts of the big charged emotional soup. In fact, most people (men more often) are unable to make finer distinctions in this way. There are many emotions, feelings and thoughts happening. All unique. But they tend to get felt as one big soup of "angry", "happy" or "sad".

Fuck. You know what? I deliberately engage in a much more watered down, benign, neutral rhetoric when engaging in political talk with my family. They are so fucked up, no amount of care bare "trying not to push buttons" neutral rhetoric will work. It is just INSTANTANIOUS rage at someone else not coming to the same conclusions they do. I wish it worked like you propose Political talk is blacklisted as a topic. Two prominent members of my family are anti-feminism (like "we don't need bank accounts" mode), anti-vaxx (meanwhile INJECTING PEPTIDES which are RESEARCH CHEMICALS), conspiracy theory, MAGA lovers (and we are Australian!!!). I immediately walk out and leave the event if these topics come up. Mostly because I feel a sense of disgust I am genetically similar to these morons! Perhaps the single worst discussion ever revolved around animals not being sentient. It came out that my cousin was putting his cat in the dryer for (only one or two seconds!) to discipline it. I slapped him and walked out - and I was told I was being judgemental.

I experience depression as being rooted in unexpressed anger. Anger strongly propels motion for me. I feel anger not acted on and repressed leads to depression. We can have feelings of frustration, elements of judgement & thoughts of righteousness behind the anger. When injustice happens and we get angry, but there is no path to solution (ie systemic issues with society we have little agency to change) anger frequently turns to depression. Lack of motion. Flat, low affect. From a Buddhist perspective depression would be "there is" an unpleasant feeling, thoughts, bodily sensations, memories, aversion, diminished motivation, identification with a particular narrative and changing conditions. Emotions and thoughts are difficult to define across the board due to the phenological nature of them. There is a lot of co-dependent arising involved in both. I keep returning loosely to the difference: a thought has cognitive content, whereas a feeling is an affective or felt experience. But this is not strict. Anyway I digress. Thanks for the contemplation

@Vynce Thanks for sharing. I experience depression as a relinquishment of the desire to experience. A stagnation of the feeling of anger. Immovable anger.

Typically this ends up with users who can display some quite profound insights - TOTALLY domain specific. I will read some great stuff from them. But I am hesitant to consider many here truly well rounded, mature people. Some users have regressed to retarded states in some domains (I use retarded in the formal sense, not the derogatory way). I am consistently shocked and disappointed when I read some really crazy takes from an otherwise intelligent sounding individual. Obviously we all have our blind spots. But relationships can be fantastic at fast-track revealing these - cross domain. And mainly because you are engaging in experiential reality with a team mate by your side. Direct feedback with another. Most people get caught in defining others by the value they bring in relationships. Ultimately they are about connection. And all of what true connection entails.

@Vynce What do you perceive depression reveals about the nature of your experience?

Strong argument.

Yes. Users here seem unaware that existing in intimate relationship to others is one of the quickest ways to grow in many domains Intimate relationships are unusually powerful developmental environments. They continuously expose you to feedback, conflict, vulnerability, difference, responsibility, and the limits of your self-concept. They are often catalytic for growth. Many users just don't know or have experience in a wide range of style, type, duration and connection within relationship. It is a limited experiential range producing limited awareness of what is possible. It doesn't help that at large - social media, dating apps and general internet dialogue is becoming less and less tolerant of conflict, friction, discomfort and navigating complex problems that come up between men and women - and just close intimate relationships in general - romantic or not. The ability to sit with discomfort is an important life lesson.

There is some domain and category error here. Maturity is its own seperate thing in different areas that requires defining before broad claims can be made. How old are you? Do you have a professional career? What field?

Too absolute. Not all relationships are immature.

This ain't it.