Natasha Tori Maru

@Joshe I just don't agree with the model you propose.

@Osaid I think you expounded on what I am seeing in a much clearer way than me! I appreciate your insights 🙏🏻 Interesting to think how my words would be received if my avatar wasn't present and expressed as female. Responding to character and not ideas reveals development level. @Xonas Pitfall

I'm only part of the way through, but what stands out to me is how much judgement is present. As opposed to discernment. Extreme and overriding feelings of disgust and revulsion are described. Humiliation, embarrassment. And an inability to sit with these emotions and hold space. It appears there is a lot of action taken to control others to manage his internal state. Because he cannot do this. All stemming from perceived rejection.

@Xonas Pitfall as we grow what we are attracted to changes as well. It isn't static. Many people claim they are attracted to traits IE beauty, only to grow up and mature. Suddenly this isn't the top attractive trait any longer. Other qualities become the primary attractive quality. As a strong example - most people claim the age range of who they are attracted to broadens as they get older. They become attracted to people who show signs of aging and character. We can transition from being attracted to appearance as top priority, then pivoting to kindness. Or intellect. We can transition from being attracted to spontaneity and expression to diligence and responsibility. A big blind spot for many people is thinking the qualities we are attracted are static. Fixed.

Exactly. I think it is part of the human experience in the social domain to recognise where we were conformist in our youth, especially. There is a natural feeling of regret and revulsion at our previous behaviour in an attempt to fit into the clan prior to knowing who we are. It takes energy devoted to awareness to feel a compulsion to really seek out where we are further conforming unconsciously. This needs critical assessment of both behaviour and systems we integrate into. One needs to recognise WHY conformity is negative. It's systemic effects on society and the individual - and then work to break free.

I think the point is you don't know how I work or any woman. You have an idea but it is skewed by internet algorithms and toxic stuff. I would never be so arrogant to claim I know how you work. You don't have one iota of who I am or how I work. You only see what I strategically present here. The same can be said for anyone. You reject my feedback based on character, not on ideas and topics I present. Me pointing out the source and derivation of your ideas is attempting to get to the root of the issues. To illustrate how thinking is going awry. I wouldn't get upset over this. It is an idea and process critique. It appears as if you have made a personality out of your ideas and opinions. To be clear - I am not hostile towards you at all. I don't have any bad feelings toward you as a person. I can like someone, laugh at their jokes and enjoy their posts while simultaneously disagreeing and trying to illustrate where they are wrong. You fit into that description 😊 It could be my candid and firm statements feel like hostility. It is a challenge to ideas, not toward you as a person.

@Cathy92506 I think you are beginning to touch on equinimity as desire/aversion for particular experience is dissolved.

@Joshe perhaps conforming registers as wrong when we recognise we did not do what was soverign to us. We were performative and acted in the absence of thought assessment & our own values. This happens in youth a lot prior to us knowing ourselves well enough. This is one of the most common human experiences. I think almost everyone recognises some conformity from their childhood and laughs about it

@Xonas Pitfall much of the time, the type of thinking you highlight, causes these very issues that end up being the barrier that is trying to be taken down. A real deep bond with a woman.

@gettoefl I disagree. I've made the first move plenty of times. Doing so never weakened me in any capacity. It was simply earnest candid expression.

Emotional reaction - as opposed to feeling, which normally has the story attached - can be instinctual ie survival based. Faster than thought. Keeps you safe. You feel the fear of the lion and it generates energy to move. In the example - feeling anger because someone cuts you off while driving - the anger is arising because of the story 'they cut me off'. An adult might feel angry. If a child were walking, and another child walked in front of them - they don't get angry. There is 'oh an obstacle in front (another kid) '. In a similar way, animals do not get angry when another animal moves in front. But the do experience anger/agitation as a survival mechanism. The adult in this scenario is reacting to the story. If the adult had no story it would just be 'someone cut in'. Not 'someone cut me off', which inserts their narrative in. So in some instances the story is generating all the emotion. In others, like the lion, survival is the instant generator and powerful protector that requires no story. In some cases the initial reaction doesnt happen. But more often than not in non-identifiction the emotion happens, without it becoming a feeling (where the story, or perception) comes in. This gives you breathing room to respond and not react. Important to note though, not all emotions are created equal 😁

Question if that is true.

Your ideas about women in general are misguided. This is red pill stuff picked up from the internet. Most women aren't like that. You have no idea about women and what they want. This is all just too much time spent online listening to jaded men upper 30s dating spheres and their busted rationalizations for broken relationships or why they were rejected. That aint your experience. Expand your perspective.

Are you sure there would be anger? Really question that. Is anger present with a simple observation? 'Someone cut in front' That is all. If anger is arising, we are still identifying with thought. With a 'me'. 'Someone cut ME off, now I will be inconvenienced!!' vs 'Someone cut in to traffic.'

@LoneWonderer keep floating on through life - your current path is rock solid if you ask me. There is not right or wrong. See where it takes you. My only advice would be to consider seriously all opportunities that come by, no matter how unappealing they may appear 😁