Natasha Tori Maru

No worries - you cantankerous bastard I think I prefer looking at green flags as proxies or heuristics for deeper values a person might have - then we contrast those sets against ours for alignment. I think many users here addressed and answered according to their values rather than actual "green flags" which I think are these proxies/heuristics we use. In retrospect I should have defined green flags better Your proxies/heuristics/flags all seem to point toward humility? Across many domain sets domains (epistemic, moral, intelligence). This was my reading at least, if I am accurate

@Joshe This isn't the place for judging others.

Please. Do not turn this thread into judging each others standards, proxies and what we all look for! I think contrasting and comparing is great. Discernment. Lets not do this judging thing. Heaven help me, I tried to make a positive themed thread. Flush it down, right?

No way. I am not going to include someone I class as abusive or someone who treats people beneath them poorly.

Oh wow - I am so different. If I am too activated by the person, it is a yellow flag for me (just a warning I need to pay attention with nuance, as opposed to red flag no-go). I shouldn't feel excessive nervous system activation. Just some butterflies or normal excitement. Being intimidated or uncomfortable indicates to me my judgement may be clouded. Or I may be subconsciously responding to some sort of pattern of bonding that isn't formed from healthy attachment style. The "activation" should be proportionate to what is actually happening - so I take time to observe and reflect more when this yellow flag shows up. I do not interpret intensity as evidence of attraction or connection. I treat my own physiological response as information about the quality of the interaction.

I think you need to focus on what is said, and seperate it from your interpretation and inference.

Let's have a wholesome thread. Gimme your earned wisdom! Behavioural signs that are a proxy for good character or trait! I'll start: He makes me want to be a better woman. Not because I need his approval or to earn love. Because I genuinely admire him Doesnt confuse vulnerability with weakness. Accepts no with no retaliation. Doesn't mistake independence for rejection. Can navigate relational ruptures without throwing out the relationship or abandoning themselves. I got more, but these are to get us rolling !

@Ulax

@mariabudanova this silly chaps don't know, nevermind their brains buzzing along, frantically explaining everything away 🤸🏻

🎯

I wonder if his age factors into the incarceration time. 10 years between 50-60yo seems to me would be different to 10 years 20-30yo.

It's 10 years. He stealthed a woman. Anally raped her while she said no, repeatedly. Lounder and louder. Continued until she was bleeding. She never consented to condom removal or anal. Only normal intercourse.

Muahahahaa! I am poking fun - this thread sorta sets the tone 😃

Can't tell if jokes.... But if serious, just try and see what happens. I. Dare. You.

It was my biggest personal trigger too 🥹 Nothing could make me crash out faster. Most disagreements or strange comments toward me now are just "hmmm, this person probably just misunderstood me, or I failed to make myself clear. I'll good faith check and see if they are wilfully doing so, or it is just miscommunication". I just tap out when it's a bad faith character; I don't care if they misunderstand me. Caring for my grandmother with dimentia taught me this also. I had to use force and conviction to perform physical caring tasks. She didn't understand why her granddaughter was so pushy. Forcing her to wash or eat. Checking bill dates etc. It was an act of love to care for her. She just couldn't understand it. I had to come to terms with my expression of love being misunderstood as an act of removing her liberty and soverignty. Like a child that doesn't realise why they have a bedtime. But the parent sets the routine for a benefit that can't yet be understood. Difficult lessons. But the best ones 🙏💫