caspex

HARVEST #1 : Failure. I couldn't pass the exams. :: The reason for not making this harvest are the multitude of problems I highlighted in the Seed. But, I have improved, I will give these exams again in May and am studying day and night for such. I have been on track for a few days now. I have not been able to follow the above mentioned goals in the seed consistently, but in my effort to do so, I have landed in a much better place than I was before. Even though this harvest failed, I was still able to get a lot out of it. I learned lessons that will help me pass these exams in May. While I am constantly working on passing my exams in May, a lot needs to be fixed to ensure my success. For that reason, I will sow seeds in this journal to tackle these problems head on. As it stands now, my studying starts at 7AM and ends at 6PM, after which I am free to do other things. In this time, I aim to experiment and try new things according to my theories of how to better myself, to aid the overarching goal of becoming the perfect student. The course I am tackling is the Chartered Accountancy course from India, it's famous for being extremely hard to pass all the way through. Look up how it's structured. I am currently giving the Intermediate Exams, trying to pass the two groups consisting of three papers each. This course requires one to become highly strategic in their studying on top of becoming someone who is willing to work hard. For every 100,000 kids who enter this course, only around 250+ come out as CAs. I love this course and aim to finish it.

'India's Got Latent' is one of the most popular lowest consciousness content I have seen come out of my country. All of my friends watch it and urge me to watch it too. I can't watch more than 10 minutes of it.

You can see it in physical buildings too, at some point you'll need to have a stronger foundation if you want to build higher.

I understand your point and it's honestly better to not do anything else while eating. But those who are not ready to make the switch will watch something regardless, in that case, it'll be good to have better content to watch than TikTok.

Post videos here that you would watch while eating. Videos that are comforting, or videos that you get excited to watch. Point of this thread is so that anyone who's bored can browse this thread to watch something while eating!

Over the course of this year I have become increasingly more aware of the evil within me. To me it's terrifying. Earlier, it confused me how such terrible acts could be committed by people to other people, but now I completely get it. Evil is a dead-end path towards God in the sense that you'll eventually have to face the evil and revert to unity. The Evil-Doers are children who know not what they are doing. They think they know and they think they're in clarity, but it wouldn't be true ignorance otherwise. Others are the same children just constrained with rules and mental walls. Break them down and they'll commit the same acts they condemned and none of them will feel any guilt. This is not a negative view of the world, this is a positive one. This is an opportunity in the sense that one can mature by realizing the nature of their evil within and healing it truly, rather than suppressing it. The darkness within each one of us can be filled with light, like slowly lighting up a dark house, by recognizing one's own evil without guilt, accepting it and letting it go. Choosing to do good and love through one's own conscious will, not because of the fear you hold of your own evil. Most people fear evil and that's the only reason they're good. Your post felt like a direct message to me from reality that it's time to let the evil go. It might be a slow process or a fast one to do so, but I thank you for writing this post.

I get it. Once it's an addiction it's not about being 'cool'. It makes you powerless against it. It's not something to make light of. You know you're hurling yourself towards doom and you still do it. You destroy yourself with your own hands and you are there see each step. It's terrifying. It's a parasite. But on the other hand, if you do indeed defeat something like this, you're one of the strongest human beings on the planet.

It took my Father two heart attacks to finally quit smoking cigarettes and his heart is still largely impaired. He regrets it everyday. He got into it without knowing the dangers when he was a young adult. You people know the dangers. Defeat this addiction at any cost. It'll cause a lot more suffering than you deceive yourself to think it will. It's not cool, and being cool should not be a higher priority than your health.

I wanted to post this channel here. It's a gem with not much reach. It's in Hindi. Especially the "ज्ञानमार्ग" Playlist on his channel. It goes into Metaphysics and Epistemology in a way I haven't seen been done on YouTube in Hindi. https://www.youtube.com/@bodhivarta

From Delhi here, I understand Hindi too.

Aren't the guidelines to only post in English?

Authenticity is the most important thing one needs to be working on RIGHT NOW. Why? To put it simply, if you're trying to embody an archetype, a particular person or acting out behaviors then you are setting yourself up for hardships. Being you necessarily invites personal problems, but if you don't deal with that you don't grow as fast. You can keep acting out templates and things that work but it's not really you. You'll cross problems in life and get ahead but somewhere along the path you'll be in so deep you're real self won't be able to handle your baseline. It'll be hard to be yourself then. You'll be stuck in a shell of someone you have built up in other's eyes, and it'll take a real hard hitter to break that. Being authentic is all about feeling into your body and asking yourself, who is caspex? Replace that with your name. It's about letting go of fear regarding yourself and if you can't do that just yet, then it's about spending time with yourself everyday until you feel comfortable enough to let it out. A lot of people reading this right now might feel "Of course, I am my real self right now!" No you're not! Try replying to this post and observe who you become when you type on this forum. Then pay a visit to your mom, or your friends, and observe who you become there. They are all shells. It's an effective survival strategy, but it's not you. On one hand you want to be unique but on the other hand you'd rather cosplay common social shells? This little understanding seems simple but if you have not mastered this yet you're impairing your spiritual growth.

Seed #1 I am tired of this powerlessness I feel towards my own actions. I cannot control what I sense, think and do. It's time for change. Here's what I want: : Pass my upcoming exam; :: It's within 20 days from now. It's a tough one and mentally I had given up. Despite having time and a full fledged plan, I gave up because I thought I could not. I faced a little failure and stopped. There are also a variety of other reasons that effected my mental focus. To give you an example, being sleep deprived throughout the day is literally like being hit on the head. You cannot learn as effectively and your problem-solving is in the dumps. Sleep is, very, very important. My diet consists of a lot of sugar and caffeine on top of normal healthy food. My mental diet consists of short-form content and porn. I had really let myself go this time. As of writing this post, I am at an all time low, but not for long. Here's what we'll do: 1 - Prioritize sleep, even if it means not being able to finish your daily tasks. Let's keep it simple. Sleep on time, wake up on time. Sleeping on time is much more of a mental game than it seems. You need to get in the mood at least an hour before your actual bed time. I'll start winding down and keep away from anything stimulating for any of my senses. 2 - Lessen the Junk. I have tried before and I cannot go cold turkey on junk food; especially sugary drinks with caffeine in it. Reason? I like the energy boost it gives me because usually I would be feeling quite tired. So, no more solid junk food, only sugary drinks. One 750ml bottle per day will be the maximum (I am used to drinking 5 of these on a bad day) and only before 2PM. If I feel hungry, I'll cook something at home, but no sugar or caffeine after 2PM at all. 3 - No Porn. If I have to masturbate it'll be using my imagination and if I can't then I guess I won't. Once daily at evening is the maximum. 4 - Try For More Conscious Digital Consumption - No rules for content consumption as of now. 5 - Study the bare minimum - Seems lazy but it's not. After countless trial and error, the best approach for me is to start by learning the bare minimum to be able to pass the exams, then keep learning/practicing a bit more in order of priority. # - A recurring pattern is that when I face failure such as not being able to sleep on time, I give up entirely and go back to living the bare minimum. To become the Architect and build a better life, I need to embody those qualities and persist. I am expecting to fail soon and am eagerly anticipating it. I am not going to make any other goals in this period. I am not even going to think about doing other stuff or trying anything out. Until it's fruition, this will be my sole goal. I will not provide updates regarding the above goals. This journal will only be about creation. For that reason, the harvest will come after the fruition of the goal, see you after 2025.01.15