caspex

The title. I want to read through the Journals on this forum but I don't really know what the best ones or most insightful ones are. I know the question is highly subjective but I'd still enjoy your suggestions.

I just got into Stardew Valley and it is so addicting. I love it.

When I was in deep pain I realized there was a point after which the human mind simply stops holding on to sanity and gives up. I touched that boundary and barely came back. In pain you aren't really scared of death but reaching that boundary and going insane. Suffering has taught me to respect it and made me realize the point of life is goodness. I cry from gratitude for being alive and having a roof over my head, no pain in my body and a family. The world is full of suffering yet it is also full of love and goodness. In the depths of suffering and physical pain, when I dipped my toe in that insanity because my mind couldn't hold on to it, I fell to the ground screaming. I looked at all that pain and understood it was all God, all perfect and all as was always intended to be. I was crying in pain begging for it to stop but I knew it was perfectly God. I don't want to experience that ever again. Never Never Never. But that's God. That's true and that's perfect. No matter what you think of this, or whether I am on a high horse when I say the world is perfect, it is the truth and suffering is doing exactly what it is meant to do. The world is utterly perfect. When you cry beg and scream for it to all stop, when you cross that boundary and go insane you'll know it was all perfect and that it was love.

I have a lot in common with @Natasha Tori Maru in the mistakes I have fixed over the past few years. To add, the most prominent lesson I have learnt in the past year and half is respect towards the suffering of others. I cannot just go up to my friend and fix his problem for him unless he wants to fix it. I respect people and if they want to deal with something themselves they are free to. I will only help those who seek advice from me. Not because 'Don't throw pearls at swine' but because it's their choice if they want help or not. Respect your fellow being. By giving advice to someone who, although may need it, doesn't want it I disrespect their will. I will always be there and I'll have you cognizant of the fact that I CAN help, but not unless you ask me to. Respecting suffering has also allowed me to become a better listener and provider of emotional support rather than giving immediate advice. A lot of the times when people vent they do not seek advice but relief. They want someone to confide in. Like a scared animal they seek shelter. I know because I went through this exact phase. A surprising amount of times people know their faults, they just need emotional support to get back up. I used to think that having somebody vent their problems to me will fill me up with negativity and affect my life so it is best cut such people off. The truth is that there is a big difference between someone who genuinely vents for support and someone who vents for attention. The latter kind is what you must cut off. When humans suffer it is often like being lost in a raging sea not knowing where you will be taken. At such points in life one needs an anchor to hold on to so they can feel safe and then act to get out of that situation. I am continuously learning to become a better anchor for those around me. In periods of deep and prolonged suffering, even little islands of hope can go a long way. The only real way to mentally survive torture is finding happiness in the little things. A 5 minute walk, the way the sun shines through the window, the great taste of a burger. I have grown to love people because I learnt to love myself.

Me explaining how not paying my taxes is actually the same as paying them because I could have compared tax evasion to an ostrich.

I don't think deleting your account will get rid of your posts or name on the quotes.

I am in as well I might be in the 20%, I am the most neurotypical person I know but I don't have the money or time for the retreat. Bummer.

I have progressed. Past few years my spiritual journey was all about the mind i.e. building knowledge, experiencing ego deaths, realizing oneness, no others, impermanence. Now it's moving towards the heart. Few days ago I had an awakening of the heart where I understood the certainty of the true self. My heart bloomed and I felt I had breathed in after a long time. Calmness, peace. Above all I felt that I was good. Goodness seemed to be the point of life. I am the source of all Goodness in the world. This was a long time coming, I realized that I needed to move towards the heart for a long time. Although this made me realize how backwards I am going about it. In the three granthi system you go bottom up. i.e. the gut, heart then the mind. Awakening in your gut should provide you with a sense of utter security, balance and stability. I actually want to work on that before the heart. I believe the ephemeral nature of the spiritual states would be made more permanent if I do this. During the start of this journal I was going at my sadhana hardcore and I became a complete celibate too. I had forsaken even garlic and onion. Right now the only thing I avoid is non-vegetarian items and any sort of intoxicants. If I am gonna work on awakening my gut and the base of spine I assume controlling my sexual urges must be a big part of that. Brahma Granthi sits between Muladhara and Svadhisthana after all. This should increase my connection with my deity too and increase the quality of my sadhana. For now I am just going to start by sitting and focusing on the contract points between me and the ground. Really feeling into the base of my body and hopefully my being as well.

It was a mindfuck when I woke up one day and realized I was headless.

What does the symbol in your profile picture represent?

Not old enough for this, not rich enough for this, not free enough for this. Hopefully you are still doing this 3-4 years down the line. Will you be making a video about this? At least on the blog? Any sort of records or posts for those of us who couldn't go?

They are at a level of development where the best medium of comparison they have is money. By the way, how do you know you have achieved mind mastery? How do you define it?

Somebody has to say the boring stuff, and it often gets ignored. When I was in the same sort of rut I didn't even want to read the boring stuff because I automatically assumed that's all basic stuff that can never help me who was dealing with much higher problems. There was a sort of pride in my suffering. This is exactly what I needed though. You'd be surprised how much a little bit of discipline solves in life.

Your problem doesn't seem to stem from spirituality, I think you are using it to justify your behavior. It seems like from your post that you need a lot of normal self-help with developing motivation and discipline in life. Take a break from spirituality not because it is bullshit but because your ego is using genuine insights to spin its bullshit. This is quite common and I have gone through the same shit. For me it was the fear of failure, bad relationships, attachment to the past and other such issues which kept me down. Addiction and an unfit body also contributed massively to my depression. I used to believe that if I could just get one more insight that's just one degree deeper I would miraculously escape my depression. That's just not how it works. You probably need genuine shadow work, emotional healing, and discovering yourself(not in the spiritual sense). Trust me when I say this. If I striped you of all the spiritual insights you'd still be just as miserable because the real problem is a lack of development. This is why many traditions across the world have had practices to build and purify one's body and mind before attempting deep spiritual awakenings.

In the 1880s the British abducted a few them and kept them nearby at Port Blair but they kept getting rapidly ill having been exposed to new diseases and dying. However one man named Enmei survived. The stay was quite short and he was sent back to his island. There are no records of any conversation or any knowledge gathered from Enmei. I am just wondering what Enmei thought of the ordeal and what he communicated to his people. How is this story preserved in their culture over a hundred years later?