caspex

Tbh you first need to contemplate on what is movement. What I have gotten is movement = stillness.

Tbh I am not one who should give advice on this, but I'd say there's always exceptions in one's ways of thinking. I think it's very possible for you to find a girl for yourself that you can connect with and also when it comes to self-actualizations, assuming you die of old age, you still got a lot of good time on your hands. My father is 7 years older than my mother and it was a love marriage. My father met her in his 30s. I don't think you have fucked up yourself by wasting a lot of time. Just a late-bloomer. Gotta assume there might be females in same position as you

How else will you do nothing about something if you can't accept it?

'Trippin' On Sahara' Going through the dunes I have no water Is that heat or is that fumes? My bottle is empty, it just keeps getting hotter. I have been walking, walking, walking, forever am I even going anywhere? Feels like the same place as two days ago How did I wind up here, I need to go. Maybe I should lay down and die The sand is so hot, not a cloud in the sky It just the hot burning sun and it's prey, I. It feels so good to lay down and close my eyes Even though my whole body feels like it's getting fried I am gonna give up, the rays are so unforgiving, and there's nowhere to hide. My childhood, adolescence, adulthood It's all gonna end with me for good Did it even matter? Probably not, whose would? I am dying, I am dying... I am... oh... hahahahaha

I second!

I honestly don't know what Enlightenment is anymore. I thought I did but, it always is not enough. My current assumption of what Enlightenment is, is: those high level realization states as baseline state, because one has realized/seen those high level realizations so deeply, that it is impossible to naturally go back to unseeing that anymore. It would be so incredibly obvious that you can't forget it anymore, unlike awakenings which are probably not deep enough, therefore you lose em.

Why must you deal with it? Maybe you identified yourself too much with Leo and his content. Maybe you think unconsciously that you know him well. You like his stuff, but more than that, you have identified with it. Just like how a Christian identifies with the bible or being a Christian. If the stuff works for you, that should be enough, why must any criticism of the stuff you love feel like an attack? If the criticism makes sense, you correct your ways, if it doesn't, you don't take the criticism seriously. This is similar to Sadhguru's following getting defensive af when he is criticized, even though Sadhguru says his advice is to be taken only if it is proven to one, else keep open to it. It's because they identified Sadhguru as some symbol himself and a emotion of hurt just pops up on it's own when that identification is criticized. I know because I have been there and it is very common to identify with your Gurus. I was so attached with Leo that it took courage to just click on the video of his criticism or the rational wiki on him. I didn't want to click not because I didn't wanna waste my time, but rather I was scared to have my 'home' or belief system of 'him knowing it all' attacked and lied to myself as 'I don't want to waste my time watching it.'. Furthermore, I told people about him not for their benefit and growth, but rather to validate my belief of him 'knowing it all'. This was all a sneaky mechanism I didn't notice until I realized it. This could be the case with you too. Nowadays, no feeling of hurt or defensiveness arises in my chest when I see Leo criticized, infact I am curious if I might get to know some truth or if it's another set of self-biases. Afterall, I wanna know the truth, not stay with Leo.

Just make a journal in your notepad and update it with the date and time every time you write in it.

1 up from me

I intentionally delved into something similar, YT Shorts(with lots of clips taken from tiktoks) and TikTok Compilations, for 4-5 days and got straight up addicted. I don't resist it or watch it anymore. Now the urge is gone. From what I have noticed is that, it robs of your free and clear way of thinking. It instills fake values into your mind and gets you to act in unconscious ways. Even if you find things you are interested in, it could be a good watch, but it just robs you of so much including time. You could definitely grow from watching these things but I mean, you could def go without it and grow much fast too. Honestly, I would recommend to quit that app. Still, it depends on who you are. For me, TikTok aint the thing, atleast right now.

The most radical shit I have realized on some level is that anything exists at all(or not exists), it has existed forever, is eternal, is perfect, is a strange loop, is ME and that all that makes too much fucking sense. Everything else that makes sense, doesn't make full sense, there are a lot of leaps of faith made. However, THIS, This makes total sense.

Well, I know I am judging but I do what I am about accuse you of a lot so I can't help but ask. Why did you make this post? Did you want us to tell you 'Wow well done! you are definitely having a kundalini awakening' Sorry again for this rude accusation. This is more of a projection.

Been teaching myself Japanese for the past month. I already speak Hindi and English.

Amazing read. Thanks.

I have done some experiments on my own, and from what I have observed, you can completely change 'who you are' and your personality to a point you don't feel like the 'former you'. It's very strange and you feel like a whole new person. And to be able to do this, one needs little to no attachment to their personality. So fluidity. This also allows a personality to change and grow more often and easily take criticism. Personality and preferences aren't any separate object, but rather behavior that you label. However, the ego is a entirely different matter. It is much more rooted. And it is important one knows difference between personality and the ego. When I changed my personality, it happened with ego as the background. A different personality is just identification with different things. And to fully understand what I am talking about, you gotta delve deep yourself and see what makes you, you. Without the idea of "I am infinite conciousness' and all that in your mind. Ego is like the whole sense of 'you' while personality is just different ways of expressing that sense of 'you'. more on ego I wrote here

I have had the experience with thinking who is behind the eyes too. It went to a point, I felt literally gone and that I was an infinite nothingness behind my eyes from where I look from. Strange daily experiences for me would be like: Looking in the mirror and not feeling it's me. Just some body. I really find it handsome though. Every now and then the 'lucidity' pops up. Where I am suddenly lucid of reality and am like, "What". It happens multiple times a day. I consider it as practice and try to pop it up whenever I can.

Hey everyone, I'll write down my insights on happiness following this, please read and point out any holes, loops and places I missed to explore. Tell me where I can go deeper, and just your insight on happiness in general. Thank you. I feel that Happiness is deep satisfaction that lasts. The feeling of being whole and complete. When you feel that you need nothing to complete you. When all your needs vanish, and you are truly ready to die. Really freedom = Happiness = Love. Then what prevents us from being happy? Worries and Wants. Why do we worry? Because of our desire to maintain, which is the same as attachment. We have the desire to maintain, because we fear the collapse of whatever we are trying to maintain. Collapse into what? Into pure nothingness, pure potential, infinity, death. We are scared to die. I think to stop this fear, we will need to realize, we are which we fear collapsing into, the pure nothingness, pure potential, infinity. Why do we want? Because we want to feel complete and whole. Well, that's an assumption that we aren't actually complete and whole. Let's question that too and test the assumption. Am I actually not complete and whole? Well, to question that, I need to know who I am first. And well, turns out, I am the pure nothingness, pure potential, infinity. Which means I am actually complete and whole. So complete and whole that I contain the non-complete and non-whole. Assumption was wrong. Therefore, there is no need to want. And you are truly free for the first time. So, true Happiness and actual freedom comes from realizing our true nature. Who would have guessed. Took me a whole 1.5 hours of contemplating and running into loops to come to a conclusion that I have been told the whole fucking time.

I am aware that this notion of 'reality being far-fetched' is very relative, but let's think about it relatively for now. I was thinking about all the different awakenings I have had and lumping them together. And man, honestly, it's literally unbelievable what reality is, or atleast what I gather from my awakenings. To think that it all existed forever, and that to make sense! See it's weird enough to think something existed FOREVER, but to see that reality existed forever and it to make TOTAL sense? Like it couldn't have existed not forever, and I can see that, atleast on some level. And it's so... unbelievable you know. I know it, it's true, the 'proof' is right here. But it's still so hard to believe. It's all me, infinite, nothing, eternal. intelligent, beautiful, acceptance, truth, love, mysterious, etc.... You wonder how did this all come to be? But then you remember it always was. And that's what blows my mind once again. Really then I got nothing to question. I get my What, Why, How, When, Where, Whom, Whose, Who answered. There is honestly nothing left at that point for me to question and my mind is unable to pop some question up. And I feel so complete. But... It's so unbelievable. I take a little dose and just come back because it's too whole. I am aware I can go deeper. Realize much more. But for once in my life, I feel truly one, whole, perfect. It's so unbelievable. It's right here but I can't believe it. And I know, or rather being, no self and true self on some level. So I know, there is no one who believes, and that when I say unbelievable, I really mean very hard to accept and embrace. And what acceptance is, is death of me. I just wanted to share this for some reason. Any advice you think I need is welcome and please do tell, harshly or softly, if you see me falling in a trap. Thank you.

Maybe we mean the same thing, different words. But I'd say it's a peace that gives you joy for just being.

I would like to tell you that, that book doesn't explain HOW to do bhakti yoga or anything about it. It just explains the pastimes of krishna for bhakti yoga purposes. I think point of bhakti yoga is to love so much, lean so much, that you end up falling over and surrendering yourself onto whatever archetypical energy you worship. I tried bhakti yoga with Ganesha, by singing a Mantra. And really feeling into it to a point, that I really was calling Ganesha, asking him to dissolve me into him. I think if we do that consistently, there might come a point where you actually end up tipping over and die. Which is liberation I suppose From what I have gathered so far, it is purely feeling based and skips over all the thinking and contemplating. It cuts right through the bulllshit inside of you and goes straight for that ultimate dissolution. I guess this is what Sadhguru meant when he said that Devi burns away all your nonsense and cuts right through it. However, problem I see with this, is you dont really comprehend much and end up just dissolved. So even after you are liberated, you won't be much of help to someone else who also wants to be liberated. I mean it won't really matter to you I suppose. But you'll still hold dogma and other traps if you want to help someone else. It's just that, feeling wise, you are now liberated and dissolved.

I did a little contemplation on beauty and ugliness. While looking at pictures of dog poop(with parasites) and "ugly faces" on google, compared them with what I call beautiful stuff. All I can gather is that ugliness makes you uncomfortable and beauty makes you comfortable. With ugliness you see that thing and immediately refuse to have any connection to it whatsoever. You dont try to feel like it and be it while looking at it. There is resistance. While with something beautiful, you immediately start observing with great care, and become it and feel it. But what originally determines something as ugly or beautiful to then react to accordingly? I think it's a mix of, social conditioning(Which is slowly built into us and become automatic and feeling based over time) and survival(which is alr built into us and feeling based). Well, if this is the case, when looking at something you call ugly, should you try to look at it more closely and try to be it, feel it? Well I think this does work when trying to see the beauty in something. Becoming it, feeling it, and loving it as yourself. So beauty is love? And what is ugliness, but fear, in some sense. Fear is also just very contracted love. Then a new question arises, what is love?

Can't wait, feels like an eternity.... (lol)

For bhakti yoga you can try reading KRSNA The supreme personality of godhead by Swami Prabhupada.

How can you do 30 mins off the bat? Or have you been practicing? I can't even do 5 mins.

Wish I was old enough to try some myself! Lucky you.