caspex

The most radical shit I have realized on some level is that anything exists at all(or not exists), it has existed forever, is eternal, is perfect, is a strange loop, is ME and that all that makes too much fucking sense. Everything else that makes sense, doesn't make full sense, there are a lot of leaps of faith made. However, THIS, This makes total sense.

Well, I know I am judging but I do what I am about accuse you of a lot so I can't help but ask. Why did you make this post? Did you want us to tell you 'Wow well done! you are definitely having a kundalini awakening' Sorry again for this rude accusation. This is more of a projection.

Been teaching myself Japanese for the past month. I already speak Hindi and English.

Amazing read. Thanks.

I have done some experiments on my own, and from what I have observed, you can completely change 'who you are' and your personality to a point you don't feel like the 'former you'. It's very strange and you feel like a whole new person. And to be able to do this, one needs little to no attachment to their personality. So fluidity. This also allows a personality to change and grow more often and easily take criticism. Personality and preferences aren't any separate object, but rather behavior that you label. However, the ego is a entirely different matter. It is much more rooted. And it is important one knows difference between personality and the ego. When I changed my personality, it happened with ego as the background. A different personality is just identification with different things. And to fully understand what I am talking about, you gotta delve deep yourself and see what makes you, you. Without the idea of "I am infinite conciousness' and all that in your mind. Ego is like the whole sense of 'you' while personality is just different ways of expressing that sense of 'you'. more on ego I wrote here

I have had the experience with thinking who is behind the eyes too. It went to a point, I felt literally gone and that I was an infinite nothingness behind my eyes from where I look from. Strange daily experiences for me would be like: Looking in the mirror and not feeling it's me. Just some body. I really find it handsome though. Every now and then the 'lucidity' pops up. Where I am suddenly lucid of reality and am like, "What". It happens multiple times a day. I consider it as practice and try to pop it up whenever I can.

Hey everyone, I'll write down my insights on happiness following this, please read and point out any holes, loops and places I missed to explore. Tell me where I can go deeper, and just your insight on happiness in general. Thank you. I feel that Happiness is deep satisfaction that lasts. The feeling of being whole and complete. When you feel that you need nothing to complete you. When all your needs vanish, and you are truly ready to die. Really freedom = Happiness = Love. Then what prevents us from being happy? Worries and Wants. Why do we worry? Because of our desire to maintain, which is the same as attachment. We have the desire to maintain, because we fear the collapse of whatever we are trying to maintain. Collapse into what? Into pure nothingness, pure potential, infinity, death. We are scared to die. I think to stop this fear, we will need to realize, we are which we fear collapsing into, the pure nothingness, pure potential, infinity. Why do we want? Because we want to feel complete and whole. Well, that's an assumption that we aren't actually complete and whole. Let's question that too and test the assumption. Am I actually not complete and whole? Well, to question that, I need to know who I am first. And well, turns out, I am the pure nothingness, pure potential, infinity. Which means I am actually complete and whole. So complete and whole that I contain the non-complete and non-whole. Assumption was wrong. Therefore, there is no need to want. And you are truly free for the first time. So, true Happiness and actual freedom comes from realizing our true nature. Who would have guessed. Took me a whole 1.5 hours of contemplating and running into loops to come to a conclusion that I have been told the whole fucking time.

I am aware that this notion of 'reality being far-fetched' is very relative, but let's think about it relatively for now. I was thinking about all the different awakenings I have had and lumping them together. And man, honestly, it's literally unbelievable what reality is, or atleast what I gather from my awakenings. To think that it all existed forever, and that to make sense! See it's weird enough to think something existed FOREVER, but to see that reality existed forever and it to make TOTAL sense? Like it couldn't have existed not forever, and I can see that, atleast on some level. And it's so... unbelievable you know. I know it, it's true, the 'proof' is right here. But it's still so hard to believe. It's all me, infinite, nothing, eternal. intelligent, beautiful, acceptance, truth, love, mysterious, etc.... You wonder how did this all come to be? But then you remember it always was. And that's what blows my mind once again. Really then I got nothing to question. I get my What, Why, How, When, Where, Whom, Whose, Who answered. There is honestly nothing left at that point for me to question and my mind is unable to pop some question up. And I feel so complete. But... It's so unbelievable. I take a little dose and just come back because it's too whole. I am aware I can go deeper. Realize much more. But for once in my life, I feel truly one, whole, perfect. It's so unbelievable. It's right here but I can't believe it. And I know, or rather being, no self and true self on some level. So I know, there is no one who believes, and that when I say unbelievable, I really mean very hard to accept and embrace. And what acceptance is, is death of me. I just wanted to share this for some reason. Any advice you think I need is welcome and please do tell, harshly or softly, if you see me falling in a trap. Thank you.

Maybe we mean the same thing, different words. But I'd say it's a peace that gives you joy for just being.

I would like to tell you that, that book doesn't explain HOW to do bhakti yoga or anything about it. It just explains the pastimes of krishna for bhakti yoga purposes. I think point of bhakti yoga is to love so much, lean so much, that you end up falling over and surrendering yourself onto whatever archetypical energy you worship. I tried bhakti yoga with Ganesha, by singing a Mantra. And really feeling into it to a point, that I really was calling Ganesha, asking him to dissolve me into him. I think if we do that consistently, there might come a point where you actually end up tipping over and die. Which is liberation I suppose From what I have gathered so far, it is purely feeling based and skips over all the thinking and contemplating. It cuts right through the bulllshit inside of you and goes straight for that ultimate dissolution. I guess this is what Sadhguru meant when he said that Devi burns away all your nonsense and cuts right through it. However, problem I see with this, is you dont really comprehend much and end up just dissolved. So even after you are liberated, you won't be much of help to someone else who also wants to be liberated. I mean it won't really matter to you I suppose. But you'll still hold dogma and other traps if you want to help someone else. It's just that, feeling wise, you are now liberated and dissolved.

I did a little contemplation on beauty and ugliness. While looking at pictures of dog poop(with parasites) and "ugly faces" on google, compared them with what I call beautiful stuff. All I can gather is that ugliness makes you uncomfortable and beauty makes you comfortable. With ugliness you see that thing and immediately refuse to have any connection to it whatsoever. You dont try to feel like it and be it while looking at it. There is resistance. While with something beautiful, you immediately start observing with great care, and become it and feel it. But what originally determines something as ugly or beautiful to then react to accordingly? I think it's a mix of, social conditioning(Which is slowly built into us and become automatic and feeling based over time) and survival(which is alr built into us and feeling based). Well, if this is the case, when looking at something you call ugly, should you try to look at it more closely and try to be it, feel it? Well I think this does work when trying to see the beauty in something. Becoming it, feeling it, and loving it as yourself. So beauty is love? And what is ugliness, but fear, in some sense. Fear is also just very contracted love. Then a new question arises, what is love?

Can't wait, feels like an eternity.... (lol)

For bhakti yoga you can try reading KRSNA The supreme personality of godhead by Swami Prabhupada.

How can you do 30 mins off the bat? Or have you been practicing? I can't even do 5 mins.

Wish I was old enough to try some myself! Lucky you.

When I realized no self, I had to tie it in with the insight that reality is also infinite, nothing and perfect. Then that I and everything is God, everything is one and eternal. Which is my true self. Then I felt perfectly Happy and content. Problem is, that I am pretty damn sure that ain't the deepest I can go. When I am in that state, I don't care to go deeper. But right now I do. I think I have realized my nature at some level, be it shallow or deep, but it did give me that contentment and happiness so I'd say the theory checks out. I don't know how to keep it at baseline tho. I figure that the answer is practice. I keep recalling that perfect happiness whenever I can.

Yeah if it existed back then it would have been done for stage blue. But it didn't. Rn breast implants are done mostly from stage orange. Is what I think the book is tryna get at. Chinese people tying foot is more tied in (pun intended) with tradition and dogma than a women choosing to get breast implants. Getting breast implants is more to stand out and tying foot as tradition says is more for fitting in and conforming to tradition. This, imo, is why that is said in book. I haven't read the book tho lol

Yeah it's selfish and biased, this is what you need tho. Don't feel guilt about wanting enlightenment. Non-desire and all that shit will really happen properly after enlightenment. You are selfish until YOU are not.

Scan with thin lines from above your head, slowly, until you reach your eye level or nose level, now adjust it until it feels like the scan hit 'you', from where you think 'you' look from. That is what atleast happened with me. I never knew I identified so strongly with that spot until I did the thing. So that's like discovering the ego without labels. What it essentially is, is identification with sensations. Now be it an actual physical sensation, memories of certain behaviors, memories of particular thoughts, an image, some sensation of an internal spot in the body, a compliment, an insult, some feedback, anything to do with language that you think describes you, etc. I term them all as a sensation since those are all either memories, imagination, thoughts or physical sensations. Memories, imagination and thoughts are really the same thing that just pop up, and that's a sensation too. Usually 'you' are rooted in a lot of stuff from tons of memories to tons of spots in the body. Hard to notice. So what does ''you' being rooted in these things' even mean? It means identifying with these sensations. But what is identification but yet another sensation that pops like all other thoughts/sensation? There is a sensation, and then there is another one that says that sensation is you. Well, how does that identification, or rather, sensation that says the other present sensation is you, say that? Say that, "This sensation is you". From what I can notice, it says that by feeling like "This particular sensation needs to survive, continue, and live on. It should not change." It's a strong sensation of wanting to maintain whatever sensation you identify as you. So who identifies? No one because identification itself is a sensation that just pops up. Btw, as I was finishing re-reading that, I just got terrified as I just realized I am nothing. fucking hell. I have never been so terrified in my life. As the thing I am terrified from is me. It's so close that it is me.

Definitely a yes from me.

Procastination This is the only flaw I am not working on.

If I do not exist then who is thinking? No one If no one is thinking and thoughts are just getting born in consciousness and God/Me is aware of those thoughts. Then why there are specific thoughts but not random. Who decides to think something specific? Isn't "The thoughts are consistent and specific" a thought itself? Consistency might be an illusion as you rely on your memories, but your memories also just pop up like every single thought and action. Are objects, thoughts, etc... are automatically and randomly getting born or coming out of God/Me/Awareness/consciousness? Or God/Me creating them consciously? I don't know about this but I think since God is prior to "Who", I think it's wrong to say that God is doing anything like a person would. But at the same time God is everything and pure being. Suppose if any specific thought gets born did god decided to create that specific thought or it just got came out automatically? As I said God is prior to "Who" so I think it's wrong to think of God doing stuff like person. And from my direct experience it all just comes up automatically and spontaneously, I really have no say. Since I do not exist in the first place. Each of these words and your thoughts while reading this and also after when you think on this, each and every moment of that thought came up spontaneously and automatically. All of this said tho, you have to see all these for yourself, this is just like pointers

i'd say to start of work on being able to toggle linguistics in your brain on and off. like become a baby and not know something is a word when looking at the text, and not thinking of names of the objects you look at, stop thinking in words, etc. A good way to do this is to let the inner voice play out as you see stuff and notice the voice and like let it go. Once you can do that, and turn of linguistics, focus on your sense of self and try to fully get aware of it and let it go as well. If you feel like there is no center or you, no such this as perception and only this pure being, that should make you conscious of awareness atleast on that level. This is how it happened for me and i brought in and mixed various realization to unknowingly realize being. I KNOW for a fact that it goes wayyyy deeper. And I am working on that, but you gotta work on reaching their first.

well from my experience, you always have a long way to go. ego, or atleast the way my ego kept on this path by thinking "I am almost there" in every awakening. If it truly knew how much work is required, it wont even go for it. Therefore I think you have had some awakening on a shallow level (still deep relative to your usual peeps) and still have ways to go

This post brings healing inside my chest. I can feel it lol. I thank you deeply for writing this out. Helped me out too.