caspex

"Omae wa mou... SHINDEIRU" "mou shitte iru"

i dont know what it does to health. But I have done 10 mins(i have no idea how, and it was my first time) my fingers were bent and in crooked positions, couldnt move them or straighten them at all. My shoulders were also stuck in some position. Only after a minute, it slowly fixed. Honestly, nothing major awakening wise. I am too preoccupied with breathing to even get into questioning etc.

have had come to the same conclusion when drinking strong chai

Talk to more people, go for what you want. Don't be shy, be bold. Don't be afraid to come off as rude, obnoxious or annoying(doesn't mean that you have to be a douchebag though). Have what you want as your main focus when you deal with people. Develop lots of self confidence(so much that you don't even care if you look dumb to others or not). Speak your truth and be loud and clear, both in voice and in people's minds. Synonymous to balancing the throat chakra(in more westernized models of the chakra system). Also be assertive, dominant. Doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. My mother has integrated stage red really well and has all these qualities. (She's Stage Blue-Orange and into Blue Spirituality). She has none of the bas qualities of Stage Red because she isn't stage red. All the bad qualities are just limitations that are transcended at stage blue as one learns discipline. But really if you have stage Red mastered, you'll be able to effortlessly move between this assertive, dominant character to a submissive, introvert kind of character to other ones depending on the situation. You're not bound by red limitations like being afraid to look weak or soft after all(or are you?)

"Hm, ok I am at peace, yes... there's nothing to do... ok so what now? Oh right, there's nothing to do.... ahhhh... reality is oneness, I am an illusions, it all just is...................... so, what now? Oh shit yeah, there's nowhere to go ofcourse.... so what do i do? ah god damn it, again, there's nothing to do, I am satisfied rn in moment.... I have all I need right here... ahhh... that's great, so what next- OH ffs!"

ngl, you know what this sounds like? A Christian itching to get his friend into Christianity because he sees potential in him. You could say something like, "Nah spirituality is much much more nuanced and all". But really it's the same structure of thought process as Christian Missionaries at a very surface level. "My worldview is great, and it will ofcourse help him out, so let me introduce it to him." Why tf would you want to get him into spirituality? Thing is, don't even label all of this as 'spirituality' and that you are into some 'spirituality' and he is not. Just drop that whole idea. You see him suffer sometime, you help him out. Maybe your interactions with him slowly build up to some sort awakening for him one day. Great for him. This is all about maturing oneself. If you think it's your duty, or maybe not even that, but your choice, to mature him/help him out, and your choice is yes, then it's still forcing. Legit just let wanting to mature him go. That's giving him true free will. If he sees you enough and one day asks "What's all this stuff you are into like self-enquiry whatever" then THAT is his 'free will' at play. Giving him small suggestions and cues here and there is still textbook manipulation. Ofcourse don't reinforce his own view onto him and act like an echo chamber. It's really in those moments when he might get the opportunity to open up as you speak your part. You just being his friend is giving him this opportunity(if you're, you know, 'sufficiently awake'). I had a very similar friend. He called spirituality st8 up bullshit. But also a very open-minded person(within the orange paradigm but he also had many yellow views of the world. He just had a big green shadow that prevented him to go full yellow). As I got more into spirituality and had awakenings, it reflected in my behavior. If he wasn't compatible with that, we would have grown apart. But that didn't happen. He also had awakenings(on weed), asked me about these realizations and all. He opened up to stage green and has much of his psyche in yellow too. And guess what I did? Nothing. I didn't try to get him into some "spirituality", no nothing, I didn't even care if he had potential or not. I just challenged his views when his challenged mine, as happens in everyday relationships.

Same problem. But I try to make videos every week and also talk to friends online (in english) and sometimes help em out with complex topics(regarding spirituality), so this is my way of just dealing with this and getting better. After just 2 -3 months of this, my explaining has gotten way better, but only decent. I still need to pause, talk slow, and have the problem of repeating myself with different words. Sometimes going off track. But I don't get as much mental blocks anymore. So imo you should figure out some way where you NEED to use your speaking skills in your life regularly. If you really need to, it will better.

Thanks! Glad to know

(33 mins) Even though this is shameless self promo, I do feel this adds to forum. Therefore I am posting it here. Let me know if there's a problem.

@Breakingthewall ngl, I predicted that people will project this exact same thing on her. That's because I did the exact same thing after the first few videos I watched of her. But honestly, after closer inspection, there is no real way of knowing and that what I felt towards her was 100% just a projection. In fact, it doesn't even matter if our projections are correct, don't you think? All that matters is what comes out of that mouth.

What's your definition of yellow?

nice song

Don't give me the "That ain't gonna get you to liberation." I know. So, I want to see Auras and get into that general area. I am already trying to AP every night. Anyone here who is able to see auras and colors. Help me out please? All I have gotten from watching Teal Swan etc. youtubers is being able to see something colourless around the object/person/my body. That too only about a centimeter off the surface. No colors, nothing fancy. So if anyone can help me out with that.

Not me, but my parents were scammed. The manager of my parent's company did some shady stuff like taking money from clients but never telling us. Our business was about teaching how to do stock marketing and trading and other related stuff. This manager guy is actually part of a group of several hundred people that scam new business owners. Now among the clients who actually got scammed by the manager, they sent random lots of people from their group and started blaming it all on my parents. So naturally the ones who actually got scammed blamed us too in the mob mentality. Someone who had a newspaper editor as a friend, got us in the newspaper in the form of an article as well, calling us a fraud company. They also bribed the police in a separate state(Jammu and kashmir, India) (I live in Delhi, India), to come arrest my parents. Jammu Kashmir cuz back then that state had a more independent government from the central government, so police had most of the control, so easy to bribe, and get away with shady stuff. They took most of our money and got our bank account's freezed so we couldnt use money to help ourselves with legal matters like getting a good lawyer. It's been 3+ years, both parents still in jail. These people are able to evade law because of money, and they're just stalling the case. They really thought this out. At this point, all we have is a government lawyer and those aren't that good here. Now if I had to describe my parent's mentality which would have led to this, I don't know. I bet they had really thought this out and paid much attention to what they were doing, mainly because something similar has happened to them in 2008 as well. The scammers were just too good at what they do.(Not saying my parents were perfect at inspection, they must have slipped up in many places and ignored red flags) And these people are pure stage orange. They got both my parents incarcerated, didn't care that me(14 at the time) and my sister(3 at the time), would probably have to go to some institute to live where they keep children with both parents incarcerated, if not somewhere worse. tldr; a group of people who scam new successful business owners some how infiltrated my parent's company through jobs, and fucked us up from the inside, and then got away with all the law shit with money

@impulse9 I have already tried this, I can only see colourless aura, as I explained in the post. How to improve?

Tbh here in India, in old times they suggested starting spiritual work after you are 50, so I wouldn't say you are too late to the party

had a similar insight this week. Was watching veritasium when he said, and i am paraphrasing, "The scientific method is the effort to disprove yourself in every way and what you know, and if it still stands, then maybe you're closer to truth" Now ofcourse the culturally accepted version of scientific method is much more different and materialistic, but what veritasium described is what we all do here as well. Thing was tho, I never really tried to disprove what I had realized(and I was resisting wanting to, telling myself, "it's just a waste of time"). When I tried, I realized that not being able to disprove myself provided the contrast I needed to embody what is more so. I really tried to disprove myself right, but I couldn't. I also saw that I was holding too tight onto "what I had realized". It's actually very similar to, if not, dogma. After that point, I had insight into what you are describing here. In my efforts to disprove isness, I tried to become as 'normal' in my way of thinking as possible. "Yes, I was indeed born." "Yes, I AM Swarnim." "Yes, I AM this body." "Yes, I AM a male." "Yes, I AM my thoughts." "Yes, I AM my mind." Which gave me more contrast to work with. I saw that yes Indeed I am all that and I am just fooling myself by excluding those. I told myself "I exist" and yes indeed I do. I needed to come back down and accept all these things that I was pretending to accept before.

honestly having the same problem. I see the that when I don't do it, after about 2 days, I am able to be much more productive and have much more control over my life mentally. But at the same time, more and more sexual urges build up. It's even worse when I define a time like "every saturday", because in the anticipation, I end up relapsing halfway through anyways. part of me hopes i magically figure out a way to transmute this build up of sexual energy

A few months ago I really tried to understand the straight feminine perspective during meditation. After watching a few episodes of Teal Swan on masculine and feminine energies, and how they are attracted to each other, I started to get a little bit of an idea. I forgot how long it took me, but that night after meditating and trying for a while, I could say with 100% honesty that I was a woman. It was very surreal how I just changed genders. I wouldn't know how to describe it but I just became a girl. I observed it for a while, but I couldn't change back, which scared me a bit. However, after about 5-10 mins, I could change back into a man. I conducted a bunch more experiments like changing one side of my body into a man, and the other into a woman(took a while). Then communicating those two together and integrating them. Ever since then, my internal has always been something that isn't either a man or a woman. I mainly did this because at that time, I was trying to understand why someone would like sucking a dick(Being a straight male). But it escalated into turning into a straight woman. However, now I can actually see/feel(not fully) why males would be appealing on a sexual level. Problem is, I am only attracted to males when I am a female, and vice-versa. I cannot seem to understand how homo-sexuality will be appealing. Any help?

I'll try this

I don't need to understand it, I just want to.

when you feel the watcher, remember that it is also a feeling, existing like all others the watcher then may get pushed back, keep remembering it's just a feeling

try meditating after waking up. Turn on a fan or go hear the birds chirp. Keep your attention on that noise, keep bringing it back onto it. Whenever you feel like "Aw shit here we go again, that's another interest af thought", tell yourself these magic words "Just don't do it" and just don't indulge in the thought. Focus back onto the noise. Let the exterior enter through your ears and dissolve your interior. Try to occupy your hearing with outside noises, instead of the inner voice. If your thinking mostly occupies your ears(sound) then open up your ears to all the sounds outside and let it all inside your head through your ears, don't let your inner thoughts occupy any of that sound space. If your thinking also mostly occupies the visuals, open up your eyes, and let all the visuals flood into your head through your eyes. Don't let the visual thought take any space. Doing this, you may have an experience of total silence and peace. hold onto that and try to be in that again and again for as long as you can.