caspex

Yesterday while journaling I realized that the reason I keep falling into procrastination cycles and bad habits of distraction is so that I do not feel lonely. Whenever I have a successful day where I did everything that I intended to do and was productive towards my goals, at the end of the day, I come away feeling unhappy, lonely and sad. I don't understand why this is happening. When I have procrastinated and am worrying about something all the time, that distracts me from this loneliness, is why I procrastinate in the first place. And then to distract myself from those worries, I procrastinate more by watching shows, movies or waking up all night(real bad for productivity) with friends on calls. I am pushing through the loneliness anyways and am trying to maintain a streak of productive days, but I keep doing things that will mess my days up because I want to make myself worry and distract myself. This depression after I am done with everything at the end of the day is no joke. How am I supposed to max out the orange in me if I can't enjoy productivity?

SD is a good model to figure out what you lack in. If you just try to integrate and master each stage you'll probably go through all the fundamentals

@vishnusavestheday I AM trying to be badass and do succeed in it however I still feel like shit at the end of the day when I am alone and have nothing to do. I have been building up to a 5K run for past 3 weeks and constantly see my endurance increase each day, I break through more mental barriers and even reached new personal top speed(felt amazing). I read more books now than I did last month, look better and all that good stuff. Yet I face this problem I outlined above. Not ejaculating is something that I am doing as well, infact, I am not looking at porn or masturbating at all, but it doesn't effect the loneliness. @Lila9 I do have a bunch of loose time here and there between some activities, usually of about 10-30 minutes. I plan for each day the night before and my plans are usually all slightly different. I also have free time from 1930 to 2100, then I prepare to go to sleep and sleep at 2200. The act of sleeping at a proper time seems so lonely and sad to me. From 2100 to 2200 where I am preparing to sleep, I feel the most loneliest. The rest of the day is fine but the loneliness is starting to seep in there as well eg. I am walking to the store, and start to feel depressed seeing how serene and peaceful the surroundings around me are. Sometimes it's because I see other people living their lives and I feel sonder, which makes me feeling lonely again. The point is that it can be for any reason. On a productive day, when I am not doing anything, like sitting around, I feel lonely. I feel that adding more loose time will make me feel lonely more, unless I do something fun in that time, which, I don't think will affect the loneliness I feel between 2100 - 2200, but I will try what you have said. @Leo Gura Familial Love and Warmth @Aiwass No money or access to Kambo

This is addressed to every note maker, not just Obsidian users. Do I just create a new note for each insight and group them in folders? Or do I write many small insights into a single note while dedicating entire notes to big ones? To those of you who frequently store insights in digital form, what's the best way to do so in your experience? What are some problems you have faced and how have you solved them?

High ambition, low expectations, and the willingness to keep trying.

I have been playing chess as a hobby recently. Needed this advice thanks.

I first watched Leo's series on Spiral Dynamics about 3 years ago, and it's taken me that long to realize I am nowhere close to Tier 2. Contrary to the beliefs of my past self, I am actually still mostly Orange, not even that Green yet. For a few months now, I have been gently but persistently, been reminded of my Tier 1 thinking by life. I have caught myself so many times just falling into your usual Orange/Green monologues. I do not stop myself because I believe I need to let these play out. What's disabling to me is that even though I notice these patterns in me, I see no better alternative. Actually, it's better to say, I understand no better alternative, even though I have listened from more advanced thinkers what the better alternatives are. Truth is, I am not even that attracted anymore to listening to speakers from higher stages. This is because, before, I watched these things to feel good about myself. To have superior opinions, I understood these points sure, but never embodied any of them. I have never been an advocate of strictness, I do what I feel I need and that which I feel I want, emotionally, mentally or physically; so I never forced myself to consume any content past my level of development. Such content that I did consume, was because of my lower needs of Acknowledgement and Ambition, that I still am largely operated by; In a very Orange sense. I want to consume media of a higher development for the sake of growth, not for egoistic conquest anymore. I used the word "Guide" in the title deliberately, in hopes that Stage Yellow folks are attracted. In truth, I just need some advice. On my own, I'll be rewatching many of Leos(and other's, who are presumably Yellow) videos and read posts about Stage Yellow to get a better idea of what I need to do anyways, but I thought I should also make a post here so that maybe I'll receive some good advice.

For the solution, you should read Atomic Habits. It's literally just about building good habits and breaking bad ones. It says that the 4 laws to breaking a bad habit are to: Make It Invisible, as opposed to obvious; Make It Unattractive, as opposed to attractive; Make It Difficult, as opposed to Easy to do; and Make It Unsatisfying or Punishing, as opposed to Satisfying or Rewarding. The book goes in detail with each law and explains them well.

@Leo Gura Thanks for your response. I am curious, how does spirituality fit into the model? I have worked and gotten to a few realizations on my own and am able to generate the states sober quite frequently, but apart from that I am still Tier 1. I remember you said Mystical experiences can happen at any stage, but what about having a deep enough understanding to relive those experiences at will?(not enough to embody, though.) At first I thought Spirituality is something reserved for Stage green and higher, and that real Spirituality begins after reaching Yellow. Also, my second question is, how would you describe Turquoise?

I am right now! I grab some snacks, a pen and a notebook. Gonna binge watch at least 3 stages.

@Danioover9000 I am interested in your description of Green, can you describe it and why do you think it will take longer to integrate?

@michaelcycle00 I edited my reply so please re-read it and let me know what you think!

You need to understand the difference between Absolute and Relative. In the absolute, even the depths of misery where you can't even kill yourself it's that bad, is absolute love. But does that mean you'll go for it? I am telling you that you won't. No matter how conscious you become, there will be a state so terrible you'll never wanna visit it, let alone think about it. Now similarly, sure absolutely all this pedophile shit is absolute love, but what does that really mean? It means all that misery and trauma, that we all hate, that the child suffers, is a part of it, and is absolute love as well. I hate that, you hate that, the child hates that, the society hates that, so we'd rather eliminate it, because it benefits next to no one. What you're asking doesn't have much to do with God's love because what you're asking is, if all that, is possible without that trauma and misery. I don't think it's possible. Because think about it. It's not about just pedophilia but sex in general. Sex is something that requires a lot of energy and usually much of your time as well. Anyone engaged in lots and lots of sex, is trading that time and energy for other means of using it, such as developing yourself. A child is developing, if the child uses their time and energy for things such as this, they won't grow right, at all. Add on top of that all the shit a pedophile would do to them to abuse them and fulfill their own sexual fantasies and kinks? You can't prevent that. You cannot. If someone is more powerful than the other, your asking them to exploit the weak. Exploitation is one of the deepest desires of humans, and those are the kind of things that usually comes out what you are engaged in sexual fantasies. Even if we take an exceptionally rare circumstance where the adult would genuinely invest in the growth of the child he's fucking, it's always gonna be exploitation, because a kid is dumber than an adult, and if you use your superior intellect to convince them that it's alright, you're not really caring about their free will You'd rather fuck a person who's atleast as intelligent as you in the sense that they can give you consent in the same way you'll give them consent. It's exploitation as well when you manipulate a person who's mentally disabled or in an intoxicated state, so that they can't give consent in the same way that you give them consent. No matter how loving your intentions are, you can't prevent the exploitation part when it comes to fucking a kid. A kid can love you back but that love is frankly just attachment, that you will exploit and use to justify your own selfish desires. A kid's emotions, intellect and even selfhood don't all blossom till they are in their later teens. And all that being underdeveloped, prevents the kid from loving you back in the same way that you love them. Taking advantage of anyone's more limited free will is gonna be 'wrong' even in the highest of the relative sense. Once you know all this, you wouldn't fuck a kid frankly because you respect the kid and their autonomy as another being, or God. And it's the same with anyone else. You respect them, is why you need their consent, in the same way that you'd give them back your consent.

Read the books who you want to copy the structure of, and the more you read that author the more his/her way of thinking and flow will be ingrained in your mind. Then do the same for many other authors. Make sure to write everyday as well. Eventually you'll develop your own style.

Reading Atomic Habits is gonna be very helpful for this. It doesn't specifically talk about phone addiction but it does give you all the tools to eliminate your screentime. One more thing I'd like to add to the book is that you should replace the time you gain, just do anything else. I replaced most of my screentime with reading. I built the habit of reading minimum 20 pages a day, and since I am a slow reader, that keeps me off the phone for a good while, and the rest of the time I do have, I have other things to do.

From the passages I read that you posted, it seems wonderful but I understand so little because of my low comprehension.

True creativity in my mind, is being able to generate data, seemingly spontaneously with no process behind it. In a universe without limitations no intelligence is better, but in a society with limitations and based on practicality, the intelligence that is faster and more complex is better. Humans have the upper edge of original thinking, which I don't think AI as it is built now can access. But AI not being able to think originally doesn't limit it as much as people would think. Sure it cannot access completely new data but it can rearrange and understand data in millions of ways at a rate that humans cannot comprehend. It can generate insights given it has sufficient data and complexity. Most insights aren't original, they are reached by digging deeper and looking at data from different point of views and connecting dots, which AI as it gets more complex will excel at. What most people think is creativity(even though it's mostly not), such as writing, painting, singing, the AI will be able to produce. From a practical standpoint it is something to take very seriously. AI, if it is complex enough, will be so much like another human intelligence, most will not be able to discern. There is so little difference between a sufficiently complex AI and an average human being, that it is mind boggling. Just being able to think originally does not make human intelligence all that different. Most humans do not think originally AT ALL, what will distinguish them from an AI? AI can guess as well, that's not unique to humans. As of right now, AI cannot comprehend paradoxes as well as humans, but I believe AI will overcome that as well, as it gets more complex. Don't get me wrong, I will never give up the ability to be truly creative, for complexity of thinking(although I wish for both). In that way I view human intelligence as better than AI. But that doesn't mean AI is not a cause for concern. Not to mention, we don't even realize how humans are able to access original thinking. What if AI, as it gets more complex, breaks through and achieves original thinking, and how would we know? I am not even gonna get into if AI can turn conscious or not, because to answer that you need to answer solipsism first and that always turns into a big ass thread. And I don't think that matters to this thread.

Similar thing happened when I heard this song as a kid on the TV while watching Doraemon. Didn't realize it's meaning until a few months ago.

The associating spending with freedom is a very common problem, is the same with me. What has worked for me is to track my spending using an app such as MyMoney and then figuring out what category I spend the most on, which I really shouldn't really be spending on. Then reducing that, using techniques from Atomic Habits. Although I am not yet a master of managing my finance, I am just telling you what has worked for me in the past months.

I'd say you should fix your sleep schedule from the get go, without that building other habits will be pretty hard. I speak from experience.

Those flashes of lucidity can fuck your material life up if your mind(what you transcend in these lucid moments) doesn't have a proper foundation, it can take erratic decisions which can be detrimental to one's life or even body. Laying a proper foundation for your mind means doing shadow work, achieving some level of emotional understanding/mastery, understanding, integrating and embodying the practical/brutal nature of life, and other things such as dealing with confrontation, stress etc. which is covered in shadow work. Laying a proper foundation for your body means eating healthy, exercising, being lose and flexible within the body etc. which is also important on this path. You don't have to lay a perfect foundation in any of these areas but you do need some minimum level of foundation to get started and go deeper in. The better your foundation, the deeper you can go, and the deeper you can attempt to embody.

When this video came out on Aaraon Abke's channel I remember thinking to myself that this is it, this is the video that's gonna make me stop watching this guy. And so I did. Not all is bad tho, this SQ video does at least tell you different things that are supposedly possible and tells you how others might see and divide the spiritual path into a hierarchy, and how different experiences and states can be bundled together. Personally, that's all I took from it, and I don't really see this as stupid because hey, it fills some need for people down the spiritual path.

Looking for an accountability partner as well. Drop me a dm anyone.

@Arthogaan Try "A rap battle between stage yellow and stage green"