caspex

17 May '23 Yesterday's upasana was much better than any previous ones. It felt so loving and relaxing for the first 1.5 hours due to the bhakti, but then my mind got too tired to be able to focus, and it became hard to do the rest 1.5 hours, but I did it anyways, and it felt amazing as usual. Something new: Yesterday night I cried to Hanumana because I was really anxious about today. I cannot reveal why but it's safe to say a bunch was on stake, or at least I believed so. I was super anxious and stressed out. When I started doing the upasana and leaned into the devotion of Hanumana and Rama, this anxiety suddenly just got destroyed. I felt an overwhelming sense that it will be fine. I would not feel anxious even if I thought of today. It was as if the stress and anxiety was being forcefully destroyed, and there was this flooding of optimism and joy from the diya in front of me. I felt very happy for the first 1.5 -2 hours or so when I was in bhakti. The rest 1 hour had cycles of anxiety and cycles of peace. By the time I ended my pooja, I felt accomplished and a trust/faith in the universe that it'll be fine. How Today Went: It went well, much smoother than I expected. In fact, what happened today ended up being BETTER than what I wanted to happen. I had another chore lined which would last about 3 hours today, but I found a shortcut and I did it in about 20 minutes. What I Think: I have realized that there are various forces within me. For the sake of simplicity, let's call the negative emotions as negativity, and positive emotions as positivity. Bhakti boosts your positivity as well as destroy the negativity. Whether there are entities out there feeding on your negativity, and negative environment, I don't want to debate. I genuinely think there is some higher power at play as well, but let's observe for another year of this before I make any judgements.

15 May '23 + 16 May '23 It was about 18 - 19 years ago the last time this opportunity came. Two 'Shivratris' one after another. This was an amazing opportunity to supercharge your mantra japa. These two days are said to grant you energy worth 41 days or so worth of upasana. Basically, do as much as possible in these two days. I found this out a day late, but I still did 108 'Malas' of "Om Rama Ramaya Namah" in the day that I had. For those who don't know, a 'Mala' is a sort of necklace with 108 beads in it. It's a tool used for counting your japa without taking focus off whoever you are worshiping. So, 108 Malas would be 108*108 = 11664. It took around 4 hours. Which I followed by a 3 hour japa of 100 Hanumana Chalisas. Hanumana is said to be a Bhakt of Rama. The biggest Bhakt infact. So if you worship Hanumana, worshiping Rama goes hand in hand. Worshiping Rama separately, like I did for this Shivratri, works even better. Benefits The constant japa of "Om Rama Ramaya Namah" created a constant vibration in my chest, where the Anahata Chakra is supposed to be. Pair that up with the Bhakti/Love for Lord Rama I was generating, and you've got a recipe for Anahata Activation. The amount of activation and the amount of power generated was crazy. I can still feel it right now a day later. My heart chakra, which I couldn't even feel beforehand, now is so energized it feels as pressurized and activated as my Agya Chakra. Well, the Agya Chakra is a little more activated. I have been feeling an intense pressure (in a good way) and pleasure since the Japa last night. This pleasure is situated in my forehead. It's concentrated between my eyebrows. Similar pressure and pleasure in my chest. I feel so much happier every moment of my day, as compared to before. I feel more grounded in my body as well. I feel light. Even breathing is enjoyable.

@Leo Gura Can you elaborate on this? I genuinely want to know, do you think 'non-doership' is bullshit? Only reason I can think of is that since everything is being done by the only thing that can do anything, God, reality is absolute-doership, not non-doership

You can call reality everything and nothing at the same time, it just depends on what perspective you want to take. Both of what you said is true simultaneously

I have been seeing eyes for the past 2 weeks as well. Every time I close my eyes, there's a chance something pops up. Recently it has evolved into full blown faces. I have seen loads of terrifying and malevolent eyes and faces till now (Particularly when my heart center is active). I am basically having the same experience as you, These faces are always looking at me, imagine if it were an entity observing you. I have also seen a bunch of good ones as well. A lot of animal eyes and faces as well. Today I kept seeing the face of a lion. I don't know what this indicates but I am very curious like you.

You have an internal conflict, that's what you need to solve. You're not being authentic by telling that to your Grandma, you are only being impulsive. It's not authentic to vomit your inner smoothie made of bullshit onto others, it's impulsive. There's a big difference. To truly be authentic, you need to truly be you. What you are truly, as a human, is covered by all this guilt, confusion and ignorance. If you really want to be radically honest, you need to figure out who you are truly as a human being, as a person born onto this earth. Then, you wouldn't be facing these dilemmas anymore. Solve these inner conflicts before attempting to be authentic. Purify your inner smoothie, and you'll realize there's no smoothie left, no bullshit to vomit anymore. So then take the lid off the mixer and be as authentic as you want. When you are radically honest, you're honest completely, inside and out. You are you, completely. Currently you are broken into fragments, that's what your problem is. Even when you are truly able to be authentic, it's important it's done with civility, in case of family or public matters. There's no reason to be polite in case of seeking the truth ofcourse. Being polite comes naturally when you know who you are truly. It's not a mask over your authentic words, but just a flavor. It's like giving a kid some medicine. They're easily able to drink it if it's sweet as opposed to bitter. It doesn't make the medicine any less effective.

Don't worry. Life goes through cycles and the spiritual journey is of no exception. Just focus on the beginning of your next cycle. Relax for now. Gather energy to go all out next time.

There advice wasn't as thorough and complete as would be of someone who embodies it, but they correctly identified my problem and pointed me to the right direction. I think the reason they could do that was because they were dealing with the same problem, and the solution to this problem is something that requires consistency, and while they couldn't be consistent with the solution, the problem of consistency is an entirely different matter than the issue at hand. They are basically parroting what others have already said, but what they parrot could be of value to you if they correctly identify your problem. And as I said, it wouldn't be as thorough and nuanced as would be someone's advice if they actually embodied it. Another thing is that if you ask them more questions about the initial knowledge, they might start making shit up, which is not related to your problem. All in all, I have received advice about fitness and even spirituality from people who couldn't embody it, but I could because I had some pieces of the puzzle they didn't.

I have met a few people who give incredible advice but fail to embody it themselves. Their advice has worked for me. But I think what you're saying should be the default rule when judging whether to take advice or not. But I just wanted to add that nuance.

That's the whole goal of tantra. To annihilate the self and becoming a walking avatar of the deity you worship.

Yeah I do this all the time. Whenever I read back to my posts on this forum, it never feels like I have written it.

You sure smoking weed and jerking off is sustainable? I get your concept and it really does make sense. But the practice you're advocating seems inefficient to me. I think even if you don't look at reality from the lense of sex, you simply raising your consciousness is penetrating or getting penetrated by reality. I'd say there's a lot better ways to do that then.

It's obvious isn't it?

If I am being completely honest with myself, I'd get stuck in a loop of consumption, burn-out and recovery. I would achieve nothing and learn nothing for a long time. I need to fix this before I even look for my LP.

The implications and use cases of this insight are HUGE. Thank you for this insight. My main takeaway was that "Attention is the fuel for Distinction"

If socialization is sabotaging your work so severely I think you should look into how you can change your situation so you don't have to deal with them regularly. There's almost always a way to change your situations. But if it's absolutely impossible for you then some degradation is unavoidable when you socialize. To minimize it, I say you develop your relationship between these people in such a way that it's acceptable for you to be conscious as you chat. Because I am sure you have to change your level, way of thinking, speaking and personality for different people. So simply remain at your highest possible level while interacting with them. If they find it weird, let them have it.

Having a little sister, and regularly observing her play with her friends, has revealed the same thing to me. I'd like to share my experience: There's this kid who is short tempered, impatient, practically a genius, and very selfish. She employs manipulation tactics and all, which is obvious to an adult like me, but just good enough to deceive other kids. There's another kid who's really just slow compared to other kids, in understanding, physical activity and speed of speaking. There's another who's very confident in herself, and unlike others, when the first-mentioned kid tries to manipulate her it almost always fails. She also loves to play pranks, but it will certainly hurt your feelings if you're not integrated. There's another who's very shy and takes no sides. I mean it's a lively bunch, but there are a LOT of fights. Mainly because of the manipulator-kid taking advantage of her louder-voice and other things. So I have to often solve these disputes between the kids, and it has taught me a LOT. Firstly, every kid has a good intention, but they are a copy of the average personality of their family. They are all 7 - 9 year olds and it's only the older ones who have started developing a personality separate from their family. Secondly, the stereotypes we have about certain groups of people is entirely visible in the children. They are the perfect examples of let's say a selfish-prick or a people-pleaser, depending on the kid. But such perfect examples are rare in adults. Thirdly, they are very focused on your tone and choice of words. Way more than the meaning of the words itself. To teach them any sort of nuance, you can't do it through words. You have to get them to experience it, but it's really hard to come up with such scenarios. Finally, it seems to me that their brain is capable of thinking in a sophisticated manner it's just that they can't grasp those sophisticated concepts and use it as a tool in their thinking. Honestly, handling kids reveals to oneself a lot about what they judge, hate and demonize. About what they can't love and what they don't accept. Normally we effortlessly and without awareness, avoid such things due to the way we lead our lives. But with kids, it's unavoidable, which is great opportunity for growth. Adults are great at hiding bad behavior, so you don't have much practice in dealing with it head on, but kids don't know how to hide it, and all their selfishness and tactics are on your face, so... can you still love them?

I do not call someone more than once because I assume either they are busy or want to talk to me later. I think it's actually rare in today's age that the reason someone hasn't picked up is because they didn't notice it. I mean, whether you call someone more than once or not really depends on what kind of relationship you have with that person. The fact that her husband called back and abused you means she felt threatened by you calling her 3 times. If this was the case, then you should take responsibility and accept to yourself that you should have known what kind of relation you had with her, and that it was only appropriate to call her once. Or maybe just message her.

I think it's important in case of something like a dream to determine whether you are passionate about it or not. If you're not really passionate about it then put it lower down your bucket list. But the real question is, how do you know if you're passionate about it or not? I mean we are talking about an old dream. Maybe you just forgot your passion for it, and as you delve deeper into actualizing that dream, your passion will fruit again as it used to be. So it's important that you determine truly whether you have actually lost your passion for it or just forgot about it.

Yes Yellow contains radical forgiveness and the statement that "love and peace can't solve everything" does not contradict it. This is because 'love and peace' in this context is used to refer to what Green would call love and peace. But the version of love and peace of Green is very biased and their viewpoint lack a lot of nuance as compared to Yellow. This is also why they cannot truly forgive 'evil' people, while Yellow can.

By suffering that pain, misery and dysfunction without any resistance. That's what it means to love pain and misery. When you cry for another human being, that's love as well. Love doesn't always feel good because it's not about feeling good to you as a human. Love is truly beyond human. For us as an individual, the line between what is love and what's not is drawn at 'resistance'. But for God, even 'resistance' is simply an experience.

Your gf needs healing, love and growth more than revenge on the guy. Revenge will surely soothe your wounds but it will only be temporary for your girlfriend. The effects caused by such events gain a separate existence apart from the cause (the guy) itself. Cut off the BFF and live a life separate from the brother. Once he is out of her life completely, he is not the problem anymore, it's her wounds, THAT is what you need to defeat. In my honest opinion, some action against the guy, whether physical, legal, or any other way, would be justified if he was a constant or reoccurring problem in her life. Then you should have absolutely fucked him up, if you could. But in your case, from what I have read, this is not the case. You're not a pussy for not fighting him, he's not even the real problem anymore. Anyone who tells you otherwise is narrow-sighted. Chill out and take a deep breath.

Microdose Trip on 5-LEO-DMT:

I haven't researched it but thought about it. It seems it is caused mostly by past dreams and past similar experiences. However, there is that 1% of Deja Vu that has nothing to do with the past. It seems it brings you such sudden intense lucidity that you are almost able to predict the future.