caspex

What seems like the problem to me is a lack of vitality and energy in your life. Every person has natural levels of vitality, you don't need anything special to generate it, if you have a lack of it, that usually means it is being held up by traumas and other emotional baggage. One of the biggest reason is usually internal fragmentation. Do you feel that when you are doing something you are not truly doing it on all levels of who you are? Maybe when talking to someone you feel as if you are putting a front, but don't know if the front is who you are or the one within. This kind of fragmentation is very common which takes away A LOT of vitality. I have the same problem and am still working on uniting myself + healing emotional trauma. When I am fragmented, I am averse to displaying emotions, smiling etc. But when I am united within, all these emotions come easily and feel natural. If emotional healing is what you need then go for it, but almost all the time fragmentation comes together with it. And I have a few solution to that. Display massive emotion. This will come from the core of your heart, from your emotional traumas or deep desires for life to change or be a certain way. What worked for me was to be alone in a room and pray to a deity or god, and fully believing it existed, displaying massive emotion to it, not worrying about accuracy of words. Cry, be Angry, fuck things up, fully give in to the emotions. This made me one within from the heart. How? When you see a version of you displaying massive emotion, you understand THAT is who you are truly, every other personality/self/front you feel in your day to day life, is NOT you. This is key. Pick the realest part of you and understand this is who you are, and live from that, talk from that from then on. You can do multiple sessions if you want, you wouldn't be able to display emotion at first. This process is like thawing away at a big hunk of ice with a spoon, bit by bit, to unlock the heart within. Once expressing emotions becomes a natural part of who you are, the desire to do will naturally be there, much less the desire to live. While doing the healing and such stuff, you should also look for things you love. This doesn't have to be a hobby but maybe a situation. Maybe you love sitting by the window in the evening sipping tea. I love sitting at my pc and watch anime at 9pm with some light dinner or tea. Do those things that make life worth it for you. Once you are more united from within and have more emotional baggage dropped, you'd also do good socializing and talking to people you love. If you have no one like that then you can make friends and find people you love. It's all VERY easy when you're one within.

I don't know what enlightenment means anymore because it has too many definitions. I think it will do you good if you drop that term as well after a few awakenings, because the term suggest a single massive awakening as the end all be all, but to me it seems like there is something beyond each time, but maybe I am wrong. I used the "I AM" meditation to first gain awareness of my 'ego' then built up my focus to be able to focus on it constantly. Then used the neti-neti method to achieve my first no-self awakening. After that I kept reading psychedelic trip reports that obviously go beyond the no-self insight and tried to reproduce their state of awakening, through whatever felt right. Ofcourse I never manage to reach that state, but I do reach something and end up learning. After a while of trying different spiritual practices and achieving various states, it all just comes together to give you a new peak. I think in terms of the chakras a lot, and that way I have reached various new levels. This is the basic overview of how I go about my spirituality. It's definitely very casual. I also keep reproducing these states, until I am able to produce them at will or am comfortably stationed in that way of being. I also contemplate things a lot, especially related to my personal shadow and emotional work, and also inner feelings in general, this has led to many breakthroughs as well.

@Yimpa The main logic behind connecting to deities is that they act as intermediary steps to Infinity/Bhraman. You become one with them, and now that you are at their level, you can go higher. The thinking is that Bhraman doesn't care about you at all, it's completely unbiased, so there are deities in between you can go through to reach it and dissolve in it. The set of rules, on a surface level practice might be arbitrary but I think on deeper levels the energetic organism/deity you connect to has certain biases, and you have to abide by it to seek its help. I mean you have to live by a certain set of rules even normally to stay in certain states, for most people stabbing yourself in the gut will not help you attain a higher state of consciousness. You have a body and mind, maybe even an energetic body, that has certain biases. What I am saying is, it's not such a bad thing to follow a set of rules.

In Hinduism, genuine prayers and/or rituals are generally done so that the deity you are worshiping enters your heart and possesses you in a way that there is no difference between you and it anymore. Now whether this is all mental or you are actually connecting to an energy archetype or organism, is not something I know.

There's a state where you realize whatever is happening/not happening is your will. So even if someone WAS deceiving you relatively, you realize that's actually you're will. So ultimately no one is deceiving you, the ultimate You or God can't be deceived, because no matter what state it is in is truth. If you don't wanna go that high up then your question is one that can't be answered, because no matter what you experience it can be suspected as being part of the deception. Maybe there's a way, Idk.

Apparently he graduated to the negative polarity fourth density according to the law of one.

Embodying Love is not about generating a state of Love within you, nor is it about expanding your sense of self to contain everything, nor is it erasing your sense of self until all that's left is pure oneness, nor is it about extinguishing the illusory center of experience. It's about doing absolutely nothing at all, do not change your experience that's happening right now, do not do anything, let it be. This is being purely authentic to oneness. And when you're purely authentic to oneness, then you can expand that awareness to encompass everything, be it thoughts of jealousy, hate or what not, encompass all of it, and let it be observed by your awareness that it is everything, and then it will see there was no encompassing that was happening, it was all one all along. Important points: To do this you need to be able to separate thinking from awareness. Compared to your awareness, your thoughts are dead. You are this awareness(for now) and you would need to learn to expand it without affecting your thinking at all. It's like trying to play the piano with both hands, but they keep influencing each other. In practice this will look like you(as a thinking mind) wouldn't even know you are doing this, because it can't, it doesn't have access to awareness anymore. If awareness stops giving it data, it has nothing to feed on. Awareness usually lets itself get guided by the thinking mind. If awareness is free flowing water, the thinking mind is like a pipe that directs where the awareness should go. But the thinking mind by itself doesn't know where it can go without the awareness. If you suddenly take the pipes away, the awareness will simply spill everywhere, and encompass everything. The key is that you realize the pipes aren't different from 'everything' that they need to be taken away, the key insight is that the pipes are an illusion and the awareness can simply and independently spill everywhere even if the pipes are there. I stress it again that even if you are feeling anything that you don't like to feel, anger for example, then do not try to change it, suppress it or let it go, don't do anything about it, because the thing that wants to do something about it and will do it, is the thinking mind. The awareness, will simply expand, to encompass that anger, and suddenly the anger will seem weak, even pleasurable. This includes all your petty ego games. Feeling worthless, rejected and what not, all of it is part of everything, instead of changing it let your awareness expand. I would suggest first getting a good grasp of 'everything', try encompassing and figuring out what 'everything' is in the first place. At the end it will be seen there was no awareness separate from the thinking mind, nor was it separate from everything else. It wasn't being narrowed down by the thinking mind, it always was and is everything. You were always doing what I have told you to do here. The metaphor of the pipes is transcended. So everything is essentially the same as you began, but your thinking mind is now not narrowing what you are aware of. It's pure mindfulness. Your thinking mind instead of taking up 99% of your awareness, will only become a minuscule part of everything. I am sure there are more nuances and factors, so I would love your input.

- Good Will Hunting, directed by Gus van Sant I am sure I am taking this quote completely out of context, but I just found it randomly after making the post, and it fits so well to what I am saying. Think of Will as your Will Power, awareness, and the speaker as the thinking mind.

I acknowledge that most people out there do not know what you were talking about, but understand that this hate you feel is different from that fact. This hate originates from rejection of your ego by those people. You yourself might even reject that part of you that is a total normie. Bring that part of you up, which is exactly like those normies, and give it some love. If you feel resistance doing this then you know this was the problem, so work on it. If you don't know how to feel about normies then let me tell you what I feel about them when it comes to spirituality. For me, it generates fascination because something that is clearly basic level seems to change their whole lives. They dance around what they really want, lengthening the process of completion. That said, I do that as well to a large degree, to hate them would mean to hate myself. To even refer to them as 'they' is already creating an identity that is separate and labelled superior. So while I do acknowledge your feelings because I have felt this way many times, understand that your emotions are in your hands and they are indicative of what you should work within yourself. Try doing what I pointed out above.

Lately my ability to visualize has gone through the roof compared to the average person. I haven't consciously aimed for this, it was a natural byproduct of spiritual growth. The problem is that I seem to also not distinguish between what's real and what's my imagination. At least not to a degree that should be healthy for me. Today I reached a personal deepest embodiment of "Kaivalya". It left me dizzy but blissed out for maybe 2 hours. But now my baseline is even better at visualization. This has become a serious problem, because I cannot control my thoughts properly yet. My monkey mind is very active. I still accidentally think of scary shit when I am walking alone at night. But normally it wasn't a problem because what I imagined was being labelled as 'fake' and 'imaginary' and besides the image wasn't that strong anyways. Tonight, I was walking in the hallway coming back from the bathroom, and as is the usual tendency I accidentally imagined a scary person standing across the hallway look at me. But today, it was on another fucking level. I couldn't stop it even if I wanted. The image ALMOST seemed to manifest transparently into reality. It was still different from seeing it physically, I know I imagined it 100%, but it was on another fucking level. The details, everything, all imagined so suddenly that I got jumpscared. I walked past it and I felt it physically standing there (all part of my imagination, I am 100% sure, the being wasn't real). It scared me shitless because I couldn't assign the 'fake' or 'all inside my head' tag onto it because my recent awakening had revealed that mental tag to be a relative and subjective thing. I was shivering and barely stopped myself from panicking. I had to call a friend and all that stuff. And my mind kept imagining that being rushing multiple times at me to attack me, each of which time I flinched. I know the reason for this. I don't seem to have a strong sense of self and material reality. Which is a basic foundational block for this work. I thought that I did but I don't. I know now because of today's experience. I am going to stop going any deeper and first develop this. I really want to develop a strong sense of material reality, and am thinking of diving into the 'rational' + 'highly skeptical' mindset. I don't know how to develop a strong sense of self however. I would appreciate advice regarding today's experience. Those of you thinking of saying that this might have been an actual entity, I am 100% sure it wasn't. I know it was produced by mind, and I am not saying this out of denial. I could feel the thought/imagination coming my way before it actually happened. I can still kind of see faces popping up in front of me whenever I blink.

@YimpaCan you elaborate on what you mean?

@Hojo I'll make sure to do this. I do very little physical activity.

@integral You're right. I did watch Hereditary recently and I am sure this is why my mind has been in a spooky mood and is why it imagined that suddenly. I am sure this will pass. Man, I am scared of consuming any horror from now on. I do remember the imagination coming in, but I didn't choose to imagine it. It just happened, usually I can stop it but this time it was too much for me to stop. I knew it was my imagination but all imagination is just as real as reality, I didn't imagine it to be any more fake than myself. It felt so strong, I doubted if I actually attracted a spirit. Especially when I tried to quickly walk past it, I could feel the pressure emanating from it onto my body, the animosity was what scared the shit out of me. Because in appearance I imagined it as a normal looking human. This is so unusual, it's ridiculous the mind's ability to imagine. I scared the shit out of myself and I feel like I might do it again. This is because anything I imagine, it's very detailed and vivid at this point, I can't control the vividness. Nor can I really control what I generate. I think I should just stay away from consuming anything scary and watch more comedy instead and stuff like that.

I like this definition. However I wouldn't put Transcognition as something beyond Metacognition. Rather I'd say it's on the same level. This is because these both are essentially the same process of observing in order to understand, only in Metacognition the focus is on cognition while in Transcognition the focus is beyond cognition i.e external systems. In practice as well these two develop at the same time.

When I was still in school I had all those traits and it made me a high performer. As I started doing emotional work, I dissolved my superiority complex, which made the insecurity of not being enough also disappear to large degree, though I worked on it separately as well. Having outgrown the first two traits, there was really no need to control my impulses anymore to achieve high, so I lost that ability as well. This made me a mediocre performer even though I am capable of so much more. The first two traits really helped to motivate me to keep going for high performance. Because not doing so would infringe on the survival of my superiority complex and the insecurity kept me fearful and wanting to achieve more. It's a very anal way of living but also not so bad. It makes you comes off as pretty selfish in your relationships though. Now with that motivation gone it's really hard to achieve high, because my mind doesn't see the value in it. Which is something I have recently realized. You need to show your mind how what you want to achieve has and provides more value than other alternatives, after deducting the effort expended from the values gained of course. If you master this, it would be a less anal and more conscious way of being a high performer, than the prior way.

which ai is this?

Be it AI art or anything, what are some images that you have seen that triggered a big insight, or experience for you? Let me go first, this image might be gross to some but, this somehow really hammered in me the understanding that the 'core' I feel inside my head is not me. Every time I focus on this image, I trigger some level of no-self, and a deep understanding that I am not the body.

What I have noticed is that Negative motivation works better for lazier people. While positive motivation is subject to fear of failure, taking risk, etc., Negative motivation isn't subject to anything. You either do the thing or bear the punishment. and the human mind spends less energy in deciding to avoid punishment(often soon or immediate) than to continuously pursue a pleasure that is often far into the future.

@Roy nah check this thread out

@Leo Gura You ever have doubts that maybe one day everything or major aspects of your teachings will be invalidated by some contradictory awaking that is above all others? Or is that you have absolute confidence in your teachings?

I am just gonna enjoy the current times because pretty soon all of this will become nothing more than nostalgia. If most of humanity is going to perish due to massive disasters, I am pretty sure I am not in a position where I have a high chance of surviving. And the sad thing is I can't do much about that with the resources I have. So instead of being fearful I am just gonna be loving and try my best to embody God and grow spirituality while I am still alive. Those of you who are fearful about the coming times, whether or not you have power to do something about it, remember all the spiritual work you have done, and if you have understood death to be an illusion, then be happy and see these times as an adventure. Don't isolate spirituality from all the current affairs.

This is the stage I need the most work done in right now and it's time I grind. Everything I say in this journal will intentionally be in the most Stage Orange language possible. This is because it will help me contemplate about topics in a more stage orange/ practicality oriented way. This journal is all about results. Materialistic results. Skill development, money, fame, dating, habits and so on. I will intentionally not give any fucks about being anything more than a practicality and results oriented person. It's time I take a more active role in my development. Posting this journal online is also a stage orange act of increasing ego, getting attention and competition. This will also help me keep myself accountable and responsible, making sure I don't lose some of the important stage Blue values. Next rule I will impose upon myself is that I'll write something here everyday. Only exception is if I literally can't due to reasons such as away, busy or sick. If I have nothing to write about I'll just contemplate some random topic with stage orange values in mind.