caspex

Don't practice this shit if you are not doing spiritual practices, it's a lot more harder that way. Bhramhacharya would give you the same benefits + more. If you are going to leave ejaculation, might as well get over sexual attraction altogether. Bhramhacharya done properly(with spiritual practices) is nearly not that hard. Semen retention seems like constantly dangling your favorite food in front of your face while you are on a water fast. It'd be easier if you remove the food. Counter-intuitively, letting go of all orgasm opens you up to even better states of pleasure. (Through spiritual practices)

Krishna or Rama are my top picks. If they don't exist then Mahavtar Babaji. If he doesn't exist then any great yogi

I mostly use the world 'realization' instead of 'awakening' because that's more accurate in most contexts. I only use 'awakening' when the state in question literally feels like waking up from a deep sleep, becoming more lucid. Awakening seems to me like a very literal word. Using 'awakening' to describe simply peering through some relative illusion, or discovering a new way of life, is not using it literally, which I think one should. In such cases 'realization' is more accurate.

I have a habit of doing the same during contemplation, when I am at peak concentration and about to generate an insight. I think it's very interesting that focus does that to your breath. I never saw it as a bad thing though. I see at as the body withdrawing energy away from other tasks to employ that energy into focusing.

I see zero reason to speculate about coral and incorporate it into the model. Spiral Dynamics is best to be used to understand individual's and collective's value systems. You can predict a lot with it. You can secondarily use it for your own development but understand it's a limited and biased model in that regard. It's even worse when it comes to incorporating spirituality within the model. Spiral Dynamics is not the only line of development and people develop in wildly different orders, and depending on their context, don't even need to integrate major parts of certain stages. In our world where even turquoise is so rare, what use is speculating about coral? If you want to do so for personal growth, why waste time in theorizing? Reach Turquoise and keep pursuing truth from there, at which point, why is there need for a model, a stage coral, if not for mental masturbation? I say drop this bullshit and pursue truth. You can't draw a map of a place you have never visited. If you are so concerned about losing way than you have no choice but to ask someone who has already been there. Your only other option is to just head in. And even if you ask someone who has 'been there', how do you know that's the only place in coral? Maybe the development branches off into multiple lines after turquoise. Or maybe it already did in the earlier stages, you just had too narrow of a view. What this seems like is people care more about "my evolution" than knowing the truth, even though they are not exclusive. See the subtle difference in values. All I am pointing out is the limitations of Spiral Dynamics when used for self-actualization after a point. Attempting to describe some coral is mental-masturbation, because it doesn't matter as the best use of Spiral Dynamics is understanding value systems of collectives and individuals, and you for sure as hell are not gonna be finding coral collectives or individuals(commonly). It's a cool project to figure out coral and add an extra stage. I am not saying coral doesn't exist or that you can never define it. All I am saying is that if you think you are pursuing truth by defining coral you're not.

I think most people get into consciousness work believing they can end their suffering. I think there's only an end to needless suffering, but you can't truly end suffering altogether. After a while though, your spirituality slowly evolves from wanting an end to suffering, to wanting bliss, to wanting understanding, to experiencing truth, to becoming/dissolving in truth. The spiritual journey goes through loads of evolutions. Your spirituality becomes about truth rather than suffering or bliss

Of course, that's a given. I was stating that it could be fed more specialized knowledge regarding questions asked by students. It could be fed data that explains the same concept from many angles. Imagine if an AI was trained on all kinds of questions regarding a concept or topic or a subject, and tons of quality answers for those questions. ON TOP OF your usual specialized knowledge of that subject that it could also pull from. I am sure there are problems with my approach, but regardless of that, my point is that while I am not quite sure how, I believe it's definitely possible to create an AI that is great at explaining stuff. Especially as AI advances. It's not wise to think that AI's teaching capability is maxed out in ChatGPT.

It's like how ChatGPT is shit at math stuff but WolframAlpha, which is trained for that, is much better. I'd imagine AI trained for teaching particular subjects would be much better at answering questions and explaining nuances than ChatGPT, good enough that I think they can teach you the basic concepts very well. I'd still suggest studying intermediary and advance concepts from humans though, but I think AI should take off some load from the professors when it comes to the introductory stuff. ChatGPT is taught basically everything, it can mix up views and easily contradict itself when it comes to technicalities. I'd assume an AI trained in a very narrow range of subjects and nuances (questions), will be able to teach much better. When the questions delve too deep into higher concepts, the AI can simply be trained to say that it's a higher concept that it's not equipped to explain. It could then give sources to learn about those higher concepts. It could also be trained to tell you what's relevant to the syllabus at hand and what's not. The possibilities are crazy. ChatGPT was never made to teach you stuff, of course it's bad.

well chatgpt is a bad example because it's not trained to teach, nor is it trained in a narrow subject to have very specialized knowledge. If an AI was also trained, in addition to teaching, on the kinds of questions students ask for that particular subject, it'll be a godly teacher.

For the basic stuff AI can do a good job if specifically trained to teach for a particular subject... even better, for a particular syllabus in a subject. You could supply videos with an AI trained to answer questions regarding that video/topic. Humans can then focus on teaching more advanced topics.

This is why being honest is important to remain whole. Lying fragments you. This is why honesty entails integrity.

I would like to add the nuance that Self-Actualization goes hand in hand with solving your inner issues. Hence all the different sub-forums. No one is really doing spirituality or actualization after being perfectly healed inside.

A Terrible Dream I slept for maybe 2 hours right after waking up and talking to a few people in the morning. In those 2 hours I had a dream in which my parents (who don't live with me), and some fairly old woman with white hair tied back (felt as if she was some divine energy, at the time I thought it could have been Hanumana), were seen entering my home as I stood at the entrance. I was happy to have my parents back at home, and apparently we were moving in a bunch of new items for the home such as furniture and such. It was being done by some worker men. When entered, in one of the sections of the home I saw a woman, looked like in her later 20s and slim, standing behind a counter. (We have that counter at home.). Behind her on the wall were the days of the week and above each day was placed a statue of Hanumana, except for Friday on top of which was Krishna. We were deciding where to place something I can't remember, on the days so to make them lucky in the coming future. I could remember my real life by the way. We all have a mental map at all times that maps out what you think will happen in the near future, for example you know it'll be your friend's birthday in 3 days and that's on your mind. I had not forgotten that mental map of the future unlike my other dreams. That's when one of my tooth became loose and I asked her what this could mean. (I was semi-aware this is a dream). She said it's a sign of death, your death. It's a bad sign. My mom was visibly worried and so was I. I asked for a solution and what to do. She said to simply to not think about it and wait till she visits me in real life. She said she'll have to drive, in real life, all the way to my place, and take me to Vrindavan (a holy place in India) for rituals and bathing. That's how I'd be able to escape this. My father was in the kitchen at the time, when he came out the woman told something like "Your power is around 307.". My father visibly confused, said that his age is only around 50. As they kept talking I could feel my grip on the dream losing and I very, very smoothly transitioned from the dream to my sleeping body, at which point I opened my eyes. Shocked, I searched up the meaning of having a loose teeth or breaking teeth in a dream according my culture, and low and behold, it means very bad luck. Some sort future attack, spiritual or material. It's suffice to say that I was very worried after that. Especially because I had a similar vivid dream a week ago where I shot and killed, in a very realistic way. In that dream I even saw my soul leave my body. I don't have these kinds of dreams often so I am very spooked. I believe this is somehow connected to the Bhakti practice I am doing. I contacted someone I know about this, a close friend of my family. She asked her Guru about this who is into deity worship big time. He told me to do a few things around the house, but overall said there is nothing to worry about. It's just that some deities are little angry at me. He gave a reason for why and a simple solution, which I can't disclose here since it's too personal. Anyways, this made me really tensed and paranoid. I had already decided to do a 100 Hanuman Chalisas for today's pooja and promised Hanumana yesterday, so I followed through with the promise. In today's pooja I asked Hanumana to destroy any sort of trouble on me or my family is there is one, or if there any trouble headed our way. What I Realized from Today's Pooja (3.5 Hours Long) Today I changed my outlook on Hanumana from simply a guru to also a big brother. I also brought in a sense of independence within my Bhakti today. Result was that I was flooded with optimism with proper logic backing it. Hanumana has a soft heart, yet I kept imagining him as some stern guru. I realized that I need to bring optimism and energy in my mindset. I am way too paranoid and irrational. It's like I have given up all sort of rationality and sense of individuality since I started Bhakti and that has let my inner fears gain more existence within me. It legit feels like I am going Insane. What I need to do is to become more Sane. Bhakti is not about becoming irrational. That's surrendering the wrong way. You need to maintain a sense of individuality even if you connect no-self realization to Bhakti. Bhakti makes you more SANE. Atleast Bhakti of Hanumana does. It makes you so SANE that others seem insane by comparison. Bhakti is not about complete dependence on the deity. It's like any other relationship. You maintain a sense of individuality and independence yet you love them dearly and have great reverence. My second realization was that doing 21 chalisas a day is wayyyy too weak. At least when it comes to personal and spiritual development. The whole process I described earlier connecting Spiral Dynamics with Bhakti of Hanumana will only really work when you do at least 51 - 100 chalisas a day. It imbues you with so much energy that you can't resist but destroy all the negativity within you. I have heard that you need to build the capacity to be able to hold the power it generates doing so many chalisas a day, and I am all for it. Tomorrow I'll do 21 and that'll complete my 11 day sankalpa for doing minimum 21 chalisas a day. I am thinking of simply starting to do 100 a day again and take a sankalpa for 41 days. But I'll need to think on it before I make such a commitment. But this dream has made me so paranoid, I might as well do it, because such a Sankalpa will easily curb the effects of such trouble. But I am worried, such massive Sankalpas invite tests and trouble to prevent completion. It wouldn't be a problem if it was just about sitting 3.5 hours a day and reciting chalisas with love. You also have to abstain from Onion, Garlic, Non-Veg and Alcohol. You have to visit Hanumana Temple every Tuesday and Saturday as well. All while abstaining from masturbation and sexual thoughts. I have already been doing all of this since I began Bhakti, but I can imagine myself fucking up during the 41 days.

How you deal with distractions depends on what it's distracting you from. If your goal is to simply learn as fast as possible allot a good chunk of your day specifically for learning and another for exploration. Learn in a different environment than the one you explore or distract yourself in though. Maybe a different desktop on your pc or a different device altogether. But these external changes are only an aid. The main solution is internal. If you take anything seriously enough, nothing can distract you from it. Notice how you take other things in your life seriously, and apply that mental process to what you want to learn. Do not allow your mind to develop rationalizations as to why it's not that important/serious, and that you are devoting too much emotion to it. Your mind could be right, however it doesn't matter what it says. There's a mind behind your thoughts. Therefore it's possible to control one's thoughts. You'd have to be strict with yourself, but it is possible to direct your thoughts towards a certain task by not letting any other thoughts interfere. I wish I could describe to you how, however you can figure it out. I am talking thoughts all the way back to the thoughts that you simply 'sense' before it becomes non-verbal then verbal. You can control even that. There's this sort of 'direction' mind before the 'thinking' mind so to speak. It spans the whole body rather than just the head. I think the better way to call it is the 'vibe' that you are feeling in your body. You have the ability to directly control that vibe and direct your thoughts and energy anywhere you want. If you ever feel "I don't feel like it today", you have the ability to directly change that vibe to "I feel like it today". You don't need to do anything external or think any thoughts. It does depend on the strength of the vibe if you can change it or not, however you do get better as you keep practicing this direct control. I don't know how much of that made sense. This is the first time I am verbalizing this process. Well, hopefully this helps.

The period where you didn't fap was probably so different from your normal life of fapping that when you came back to fapping that period of nofap didn't seem real.

1 August ' 23 I have just come back from doing today's pooja. I started it as soon as I finished writing the last post, and man... every time I do pooja of Hanumana my ego gets a serious beating. I see how I bullshit myself, it's like nothing can be hidden from Hanumana. Even though I try not to hide anything from Hanumana, I do self-deceive, and it becomes apparent during the pooja. As an ego, I am pathetic. I mean that I am such a pathetic being that I keep inflating myself. Everyday Hanumana beats up my ego and I build it right back the next day. What the fuck am I doing... I AM NOTHING COMPARED TO MY POTENTIAL. That's the main point I need to get through my head. My mind, in actuality, is that of a child compared to what I believe it to be. I love myself dearly, and I can't bear looking at myself like this. It's for this love that I must look at myself as who I really am. It's for this love that I must stop being so petty, so stupid. Note to self: If you are feeling good, and become attached to it(not wanting it to end), you have built back ego. Update By the way, I took a Sankalpa around a week ago that I'll do 21 chalisas each day for 11 days. (Takes an hour twenty minutes each day) It was my first proper Sankalpa so I was nervous that I might fail it if I make it too ambitious. You cannot fail a Sankalpa at any point otherwise everything you have done in the Sankalpa so far goes to waste and that's a big setback in your Bhakti. This one will end on the 3rd of August and I plan to begin a new one the day after. This time it'd be 51 chalisas for 21 days(2 - 2.5 hours each day). I plan to eventually build up my capacity for Bhakti. My goal is to do a 41 day Sankalpa where I do 100 Chalisas a day. (3.5 - 4 Hours per day). This one is supposed to grant some wish of yours, but it's also supposed to get harder as the days go on and you'll be faced with many dilemmas and tests. At least that'd what I have heard from others talking about it when they did it. I plan to begin that one with the intent to gain some sort of Siddhi. Obviously it won't be one of the main 8, that's out of bounds for even a 41 day Sankalpa. However, you do have a chance to gain Hanumana Siddhi from it. Which is that Hanumana or one of his envoy beings(which are practically Hanumana himself) will stay with you at all times, protecting you and helping you out. In this fashion, you are also able to ask them to help someone else, or do exorcisms. You'd also be able to ask Hanumana to take you on Astral Trips. I mean it largely varies depending on what Hanumana allows for you. Regardless, there is a possibility that if you ask Hanumana for some minor Siddhis like being able to see the future, read minds or other such powers, and Hanumana deems you fit, he'd actually give that to you. And if I am able to gain such a Siddhi, I'll be able to prove once and for all that deities really do exist, and all the other good stuff that it implies! This is something I have been curious about since childhood. Even if I don't get anything, I'll likely continue on Bhakti because it's not really about the Siddhis to begin with.

Connecting Spiral Dynamics and Bhakti(Of Hanumana) I'll do this multiple times as this thread marches forward with time. Reason being that I'll draw more connections as I keep doing Bhakti and it'd be a disservice to any reader to try cramp it all up into one post. This post would not be systematic in drawing connections but rather would just consist of my thoughts and observations so far. It'll focus on Bhakti of Hanumana as I don't have a lot of experience in the overall practice of Bhakti to draw meaningful connections. It seems at first that all Bhakti of Hanumana (I'll refer to as simply 'Bhakti' from now on) does is give someone like a Stage Red Savage meaning and purpose in life to evolve to Stage Blue, like most other religious practices. However, while it does do that, it's so much more than that. Hanumana not only wants you to integrate fully stage Blue by following his rules, he will also help you get your shit together and integrate Stage Orange quite smoothly. More than that, so far, I have gained amazing, and I mean AMAZING integration in Stage Green. Through devotion and love towards Hanumana and Rama, my capacity to love anything has increased a lot. I am a lot more gentle with people and a lot more understanding. I have gained great understanding into selflessness and love. It's to be expected after all! When you consistently, consciously and unconditionally love anything for hours everyday, you'd expect your understanding of unconditional love to skyrocket. From what I have understood so far through my research into Bhakti, it seems what Hanumana really wants for you before he teaches you anything spiritual, is to atleast reach Stage Yellow in a complete fashion. Meaning everything prior is already integrated. It's quite evident because every advanced devotee seems to say that Hanumana loves it when you follow your Dharma(A combination of following your dreams/desires/life purpose and doing your duties/taking responsibility for your role in whichever holon you are a part of) Being able to properly follow your Dharma easily indicates a well integrated Stage Blue, Orange AND Green person. If you ever have a hard time understanding Dharma, know that it is what a Stage Yellow Person completely integrated in the prior stages would act like. To know what that looks like, read Ramayana and Mahabharata. Let's be honest however, it's more the practice of Bhakti itself doing its magic than Hanumana himself. Hanumana likely comes in much later(in matters of self-development) as you get better at his Bhakti. I think this is because the reason you'd see your flaws and the solution to them, is because Hanumana is just that perfect of an idol. Once you completely focus on him, it's easy to see your own shortcomings in comparison to him. He shows you what you could be, and through shame you better yourself bit by bit. Even if you are not ashamed, you cannot resist the pull of that goodness of being so filled with integrity. Simple Bhakti of Hanumana gives you a little taste of what it means to be with integrity, and you can't resist going towards that. This, all on top of the unconditional love you are generating and receiving. This love quite literally PURIFIES your mind and your ego. You beat down your ego each day like hitting the gym but instead of lifting weights you are pulling bars made of love. This makes it even easier to make changes in yourself according to those adjustments you so see. Hanumana and Rama give you a finish line and loving them is running towards it. If you do Bhakti properly each day, it's inevitable you'll almost completely integrate Tier 1 someday. It's INEVITABLE. But that doesn't guarantee an integration of Stage Yellow. That'll only happen if your intent is so. Because here is where the supernatural aspect comes in. Hanumana is a deity. He is supposed to be a being outside of your head(let's not get solipsistic for now). He will help you materially if you are genuine about it. He will also bestow upon you Siddhis if you so work for them through Sadhanas. (From what I have heard) And you can leave it all at that. You don't have to go further than that. But if you ask Hanumana, he's supposed to take you beyond, into Stage Yellow, Turquoise and beyond. I don't have any experience in this, but this is what I have heard. Spiral Dynamics is not a perfect model and neither is my understanding of it or that of Bhakti for that matter. This is what I have gathered so far and it is rather half-baked, as are most things jotted down in a journal. So as is usual, employ your own logic and take what seems to work for you. I can tell that these observations are full of holes but I am sure I'll realize and correct them as I go forward.

it's because of that suffering that one really grows as fast they do in the 70-90 years you get. Realistically if you prioritized your growth you'd choose this type of life anytime. You choose an easy life because you prioritize your ego. While that leads to growth(like literally everything else) it's hella slow compared to what suffering gets you. Besides, life isn't fair. There's no guarantee that boundaries and forms in reality completely dissolve after your physical death. It's obvious that if you truly die in every sense of the word you'd become God, but you don't know if that is what will happen when you die physically. It could be that there is an entire astral world with its own rules and regulations, own laws, that you have to deal with after you die, that too without a physical body and a mental mind. Maybe you have an astral body and stuff. I'd say it's wise to listen to various traditions you trust and figure something out that way, and to not assume physical death is true death.

Jerking off seems mechanical even in comparison to the sober states of pleasurable awakening I have personally reached, I can't imagine it comparing to what 5-Meo has to offer.

What I needed as a 13 year old was the ability to be independent. My parents actually gave me a ton of freedom but I needed that push to make independent decisions apart from the help of my elders. I never got that at the time and I had to learn it the hard way in the last few years. (I am 19 in 2 months). Not only inspire but get him to join fields and communities that you know he'll excel at or get some sort of achievement in, and then praise him for it. He should be praised for being a man. He should feel responsible and reliable. The thing lacking at the age is a sense of direction for most teenage boys and you trying to figure out how to be responsible and reliable as you approach 15-16 years of age. There is a lack of certainty due to inexperience. This is what his male idols should provide him, before he can develop his own sense of independence and direction. As a mother you should definitely provide him with a lot more love, genuine love. Softness, tenderness and gentleness. You should be the one teaching him humbleness and empathy. Selflessness for the sake of love and nothing else. The reason you should be the one doing these things is because it's way more effective from a mom than a dad. A simple act of motherly embrace can teach him a lot more empathy than any logical explanation of why. If you show him what true authentic femininity looks like it will steer him away from porn or sex addiction. It will also help in finding a good partner. The reason for that is because you would be that one female(if he doesn't have sisters, in which case them too) he doesn't view sexually but with respect, love and admiration in his life. This teaches a man to transmute that creative energy towards a female from becoming sexual to that of admiration and love. Because of this ability, he'll have control over his sexual urges if he wishes to develop that capacity later in life. Which is one of the most important abilities for a man with integrity. All I am saying is that while it's important to mainly focus on all the masculine aspects that you and other male role models can give to him, you should not forget to give a secondary focus on feminine qualities such as gentleness and empathy, which need not be taught but just shown to him. The reason I emphasize this because others here have already given advice focuses on masculinity, and that is also what would be the most prevalent advice on this forum.

The imperfect being is stuck in a cycle, the perfect being has transcended it

Leo's way of awakening is very destructive but also fast. Of course relationships will crumble. But that isn't to say you can't build them back once you are at a sufficiently stable growth rate.