AdamR95

@jimwell It was minor awakening, one facet of it. I have had many different minor awakenings since then but i had no epistemological understanding to comprehend that. Facets like: no self, higher self, no time, reality is ilusion etc... This one was my first i can recall, the thing that horrified me was, that i had hopes and goals wich i projected into a future and i though that in the future it will be something different then what is now, but then i realise it will be always this present moment, there is no more then present moment. And it was strange feeling because i had strong sence of a future and i realise that is ilusion. It was a similar to a feeling when you first realise that you gonna die. I would call that a strange feeling of hopelessness, that is what it feels to an ego.

@jimwell I had a similar experience when i was 13. Insight hit me, that this present moment is all there is, and it terrified me. After 12 years i finaly realize that was a spiritual awakaning.

I wanna share some of my thoughs about solipsism and infinity. You as god experience only this present moment and only this one perspective. And in this moment this is all there is. But also you have within yourself infinite potential to experience infinite number of perspectives. So when you experience someone as other it is only your imagination, but in infinite time you will eventually be experiencing his point of view too at some point. You imagine one side and you will imagine the other side too, but in the moment when you are experiencing one side the other doesnt really exist. But i think it is even more paradoxical than this. Speaking of infinite number of perspective there is a chance that you will never experience the exact same perspective you imagined to see from here. Because you can live infinite number of lives and never experience to be a human again!!! Infinity can unfold in whatever direction it wants and never repeat itself. This means that you are maybe only human that ever lived wtf? this is mindfuck.

Is god/infinity, inherently self-consistent and infinitely complex? Is this what infinite inteligence means? Wouldnt it be otherwise completely mess?

I had an insight today, that when you divide infinity in two, that one part of the two would be still infinite and would be still the whole thing. You can divide infinity into infinite number of parts and every part would still be absolute infinity, you can cut conscioussness to a pieces like you want and it will still be fundamentaly the same thing and thats the reason why duality beetween one and many is imaginary.

@Anahata Yes, you are infinite, i am infinite. We are the same infinity.

This is just turning into word plays. Are you aware that we are just using different words to describe the same truth?

Maybe direct experience is actual infinity? You can imagine the visual field for example as made out of infinite number of points. And when you get to the very edge of the visual field then it also continues forever as a void. In the end every experience is the void wich is also infinite. See, to talk about anything i need to use language to point to something what i experienced as truth.

good points here

@Dodo You can verify your existence and i can verify my existence but we cant verify both at the same time. And no amount of reasoning can help to solve that. Thats the problem. I am passionate to talk to you even though i am aware that you are construct of my own mind.

@Dodo But notice you assume, that i have a point of view. Maybe one of us is a zombie. If you gonna adopt non-solipstic worldview, you do it based on faith. And if you deny direct experience then you deny existence itself.

What about the absolute/god?

I am speaking about actual infinity not the matematical concept. This present moment is infinity. I cant put it better in words, words always gonna be conceptual. You cant divide it truly that was exactly my point.

I had a few satori experiences last month and it was beautiful, but now its starts to become very intense and frequent. I have a feeling like i have reached a point of no return and world is not gonna be the same for me. I dont know if i am comfortable with it and i dont know if i should dive in or not. Maybe it will pass but its not happening yet, but at the same time as the experiences become more deep i feel a fear from my ego. Maybe a big ego backlash is going to happen soon i dont know. I think the fear is a fear of unknow because i dont know what is gonna happen. I feel like a conversation with someone who went through similar things could help me to feel more comfortable. Can someone who knows what i am talking about share his/her experiences with me? When i am in these states i have a feeling of deep unity and i see everything as a gods body. I observe my self from third perspective and feel so present that future and past do not exist for me. I feel the flow and that everything is perfect and i feel more autentic then ever and its just happening automaticaly. Everything looks like a reflection of myself. But sometimes i also feel confusion, mood swings, sleepeness, demotivation and fear, its a little messy. Edit: this one is weird, i also feel strong stream of light shining from my eyes

@Judi I think its triggered by being very present wich i have been last days. I did LSD two months ago but i dont think it has too much to do with it, because i wasnt that much aware shortly after the LSD. The satoris started to happen during last month, initally i though it was just one experience of high wich would fall off that day but it continued to this day and it looks it stays. I am aware the confusion comes from the ego but i let it express itself even i know deep down its ok.

ironically stopping searching for enlieghtement and letting go makes me to fall deeper in these experiences, thats why i think i reached point of no return

@BipolarGrowth it goes full circle saying there shouldnt be "shoulds" is another "should" If you completely let go of "shoulds" then you will end up back with "shoulds" its a strageloop

How do you know?

@Kalo So its better to be ideological about god? Thinking of the possibility that god doest exist its actually good way to find God. counter intuitive

@Someone here You may be confused because you think everything must have a cause but there is no cause and effect, everything just is, look at the present moment - everything just is as it is think about the entire existence, what causes that existence to exist, it causes itself to exist its so obvious but so paradoxical at the same time, mind dont like paradoxes, mind want to look for a causes outside of itself The mind looks for meanings, causes etc. and that causes the confusion

@Quantum Toad The thing is as long as you hold enlightement as something you can achieve then you talk about long lasting satori wich is still duality and you can and you will lose it. Everything dualistic is permanent. But if you talk about enlightement in a absolute sence then we are enlightened even before we achieve a dualistic concept of enlightement. In this sence enlightement is eternal. Exactly, and you can fall asleep again

@James123 yeah i agree with you language causes the confusion

yep permanence and impermanence is just another duality afterall

direct experience

@James123 nothing is permanent but it also depends on definition of the word enlieghtement because we are always enlieghtened in a sence. But its not what enliegtement means when we talk about it, we often use it as another duality wich you can achieve and lose. i dont know wich definiton you mean I mean enlieghtment in a relative sence