Samsonov

Thank you all for writing, My indecisiveness is a real issue for me. Again, greatly appreciate this forum, and y'all<3

@vizual But the boundry between productive time and comfort is very loose, As I said, being social, especially with strangers that arrive to our place is'nt comfortable for me, In a way being alone is more comfortable but also more productive, and socializing can also be productive, for developing social skills and becoming a more social person. But I guess @Lincisman has a point, Its all about control, When living alone I can better manage my socializing. I also dont want to offend my friends, and I like living with them..tough stuff.. I guess I should do what scares me most, which is this new chapter of living all by myself

Hi, I've been meditating for almost three years and a few weeks ago I stumbled upon Leo's video called "Do Nothing Meditation", and later watched shinzen young video on the same or similiar technique. I have been practicing it for a week or so and I have some doubts on wether I am doing it properly. I can feel myself letting go of control and surrendering to the present, but then, If get lost in thoughts/monkey mind as soon as I become aware of it, I come back to the present immediatly or the thought evaporates within seconds, Is it me manipulating/controlling or am I executing the technique as I should? It seems to me not very different than my regular awareness of awareness meditation. When watching Leo's video i imagined it would feel like monkey mind while keeping awareness. but for me it seems like the two wont go together. Have any of you tried it? What was your experience like? Thanks for the help

@Consilience Thank you, very helpful

@Salvijus thanks for the answer, but still: My concern is not with being lost in thought, I am just wondering if by me noticing it and becoming more present again, is it the manipulation of mind I am trying to avoid with this technique or is it just the nature of thought that by shining awareness upon it, it disapears

All things considered, as far as I can see things, there isnt a real solid objective arguement for why life is worth living. Im not being nihilistic here in the ordinary sense of the word, but I think most people here have realized that life is inherenttly meaningless or that all meaning is constructed as leo talked about before. So, from a very big-picture view on things, Is there a good solid argument for living, when we understand the nature of dying as connecting with oneness? Don't you worry, this is'nt coming from a suicidal or even a morbid state of mind, it is just a contemplative exercise. things leo might cover: the nature of time the life-death duality how meaning and pupose is constructed is there absolute meaning or purpose? enlightment (in this context) Life purpose,Death and reproduction

Maybe a good strategy will be to try a very "smooth transition", by that I mean to start implementing daily or weekly habits slowly, one by one. for you it might be to write a thousand words every weekend, or every day. or something like start carrying a small notebook with you wherever you go, at all times(and a pen). make sure that a habit rally sticks before moving to the next, and be patient. I can relate on how frustrating it can be, because im on a similiar state with my own life purpose. but it is those mundane actions we take that really transform our lifes. And it can feel like you are not doing enough...

I thought alot about what i would do as soon as i get out, i would live with my father and working in a casual job near home. having pleanty of free time, ill spend it all on self improvment, reading ,meditating health, i have more motivation then ever. also i would try to meet new people and work on my social skills. iwould do this until flights are availble again and would go on traveling without a plan for return. in trems of stability and security, ill be fine. this i thpught much about, of having no plan b, because if im honest with myself i believe that not matter what ill choose, ill manage fine, but i must choose soon because this whole thing is getting to me So in a way there is no best or correct decision and i now have confidence in either path. Ive seen you have done some research but this gets a little technical, so i would spare you the details. Basically there are two roads for me, one is thru a psychiatrist, where needs to determined if you are not fit for service, which for me will involve some lying. Or i can just "refuse" as ive seen you read, this will lead me to military jail, (which is not nearly as bad as regular jail) in jail there is some luck involved with how long ill stay there, anywhere from a few days to a few months. basically until they give up,(or i). in training it was impossible, the only thing i did is read some books, secretly;). but from now on it is going to be very different, ill have some free time here and there, probably every day, but the issue is the instability, hard to build habits when your schedule is so unpredictable. so if ill stay ill try my best , but for sure it is far from optimal conditions. I think what i need is a deadline. tommorow my week long vication after the training period is over and im coming back for the rest of my service( so they think) so ill give myself two weeks to decide(!) because as i said, yes there are some insight to learn probably, but there are insight to learn from the act of leaving, so... making a desicion is cruicial, and going for one side or another 100% It is possible that ill go to jail and somehow wont get released, but i think the current unit im in won't accept me back. but after getting the certificate that says im free, there is no turning back,iy basically says im not fit for service. well maybe if i really push hard ill be able to get in the IDF but get some shitty job or something. yeah you are on to me... Truly im looking for something, some proof that either decision is right, im fooling myself into thinking that there is a piece of information that will determine things for me, but there is'nt, this is all on me, the hardest decision in my short life, and the answer must come from within. @AlphaAbundance it doesnt seem like you are biased, you have been incredibly objective and open, You have been patience and caring, so thank you for your effort here is a quote that i find relatable right now: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." -Reinhold Niebuhr-

as an israeli 19 years old, i am serving in the IDF, for 8 months now. i have started watching actulized.org content gradually about two years ago and it really did change me in a very profound and fundemental way,and shed some light on the subject of this post. in israel the 32 months of military service is ingraned so deeply in the culture that not joing the army is regarded as quite a radical move and those who won't are not looked kindly upon.getting released from my position will involve spending a few months in military prison. but as the recruitment date got closer i started to have some major second thoughts about it. but eventually due to inaction i ended up in the IDF and just finished my 8 months of training, where those thoughts and ideas kept on popping and developing thruout. firstly, obviously this is not an optimal enviroment for self development , my meditation habits and life purpose. sometimes i feel like this is enough of a good reason for me to get out of there. to be all-in for self actualization. So the question here is if doing military service can reconcile with leo's teaching, radical openmindness and spirituality. in the beginning i felt like not doing military service is selfish and acting like a social parasite. but as i learned about letting go of attachments, to my country per se, i began looking at things from a wider perspective, and can see how the IDF actually hinders humanity development and is spreading fear rather then love, and in my life, i wish to do the opposite. which makes me think that what kept me here so far is ego and fear. this video provided great help and insight: As emanuel kant have claimed in his categrical imperitive, i too believe that by taking such action as mentioned above, i should regard it as if i am willing that the entire IDF will cease to exist, but i also believe it is an anti-war statement at the same time, which sits better for me here. so i think that by quiting i must also let go of evey bit of nationalism in me, luckily there is'nt much. I have a lot more i would like to say buy i first want to hear your thoughts, i know this something i need to settle with myself but this is the hardest decision of my life. it is a matter realism vs idealism, compromising and making the best out of the situation vs being bold and proactive. maybe it is all some excuse my mind makes to escape to the more comfortable life outside of the military, am i just avoiding to confront the harsh and complicated reality of living in the middleast? feel free to criticize me... thank you for you time, and comments, truely means a lot?

@AlphaAbundance first of all, i am really thankful for all of the replies. And those are some really key questions to ponder about. but trust me, i have done enough of that. As i said i've spent the past year or so thinking about this, and i've asked myself most of what you mentioned. and regarding the 80% certainty thing, this was my mindset before but it seems like a left-brained sort of certainty is unachievable. So far it leaves me in a passive state im in right now. AS far as answering some of the questions: my future will probably not be affected much, there are people i know who werent recruited from the first place and it is generly fine, the issue is that im already quite deeply inside the system, so the road out won't be easy. in term of research, contemplation and so on, I did my research and wrote my self a pros/cons list, and my heart does lean toward getting out, this is why it keeps on bugging me i guess. what i didnt really think about is what you said about finding a middleway, maybe there is something to it. thanks alot

hey, i believe that the israeli society and especially the younger generations are extremly diversed. so its hard to tell. but generly, i want to say that my generation atleast is more progressive then you might assume as an outsider, i live in the center near tel aviv so maybe this is not an accurate picture , but i think you can compare young israelis to young americans... perhaps a little behind them.regardless the future seems brighter and so far i am seen as a bit of an oddball but i am accepted.

well, but again this is seeing things thru an israeli lens, im not saying that either side of the conflict is good or bad, im trying to get a sort of meta perspective, and then i ask myself, what are im fighting for? a piece of land i've been told belongs to a group that i've been told i am apart of. in essence, we are fighting over an identity, an israeli jew