@Ali Bakali
Hey, Ali
Do you believe the universe can repeat itself? I didn’t, but now I somewhat do. Because you are describing the exact same situation I am going through(!). You know what’s more amazing? We are in exact same age(!) Isn’t that cool?
Anyway, I’ll tell you more about myself & other cool stuffs in massage. Now, without further ado, here are my suggestions to you.
#1. Understand that structure determines behavior.
The primary goal of yours should be right now to work toward exiting the structure you are currently living in.
You have to work towards it. Because you can’t just instantly exit the negative/ unsupportive environment you are facing right now. You can’t just decide to leave the country, move far away from your mom, dad, and the fucked up school system, leave the whole RED/BLUE society and never look back again, can you?
No.
Why? Because you are too dependent on it & on them.
[Ask yourself: What is holding me back when I try to leave this negative environment and start a new life on a developed country? ]
Right now, structurally you are in a position where you cannot choose to live on your own. You are dependent on your parents to provide you food, your clothes, educational expenses, internet bills, emotional supports too maybe. You cannot cook your own food, buy your own clothes and do everything on your own;
You cannot leave your country because you (most likely) don’t have any money/ skills to provide value to the society, you might not know the language of the new country as well. I don’t know your full life story; it could be different than what I wrote here. But the point here is - For a number of reasons, you are dependent & you are stuck where you are.
And the first thing, before doing any higher consciousness work with your life is - you have to unstuck yourself. Means, you have to move/ create a more supportive structure for yourself.
How?
First, decide what holds you back the most, where you are most vulnerable & work towards setting yourself free on that area. Then you can choose to move in a more supportive environment/ structure without any constraints from your part. The point here is to become self dependent.
Most likely, what holds you back, is your dependency on money. Now, I’m not gonna go into the details of how you can solve your money situation here. We might discuss that later, if you are interested on that.
There are many ways by which we can become independent on any areas of our life. Research on the internet and tell me what you think about it.
Additional resources: Watch Leo’s video on the topic. In order to learn more about making structural change check out Robert Fritz’s “The Path Of Least Resistance”.
#2. STOP ASKING FOR HELP.
Stop saying - “I don’t know what to do”. It puts you into a victim role. When you ask people to show you the way, you are automatically taking the victim position. You are saying that you are helpless and you need other people to come to you and pull you up.
The problem with that is you are now dependent on other people’s willingness to help you. If you want to know something, ask & post interesting questions on the forum. People will answer you. But do not show yourself as though you are a complete victim of your circumstances. Because you are not. And because - acting that way tricks your subconscious to actually believe that is true.
Let me be straight here, no one is going to push you when reality gets hard. When you feel like shit, no forum member is going to come to your door and forcefully tell you to work on your life, neither will he change your mom’s attitude about religion, or give you a nice business idea one day to work on. Stop Fantasizing. & Face Reality. Nobody is going to solve your problems for you. Neither the problems are going to be solved magically by itself. If it happens, it has to happen by you. No one is coming.
Reality is hard. So start facing it. Rather than hoping that someone might solve your problem for you, find out the people, books, & necessary resources & get yourself out of the situation.
This is a very basic principle of self-help – taking 100% responsibility VS acting like a victim.
For now, I want you to identify the areas of your life where you are acting like a victim (and there are many). Write them down on your journal (I hope you have one). Then gradually move toward a more “100% responsible” mindset.
[Although, expressing suppressed emotions and thoughts are completely okay, I think you should do that more often. Just do not give yourself the excuse that you don’t know what to do because nobody replied any interesting idea on your thread.]
#3. Figure out the rules of life.
Rules, strategies, and procedures – are a particular way of doing things that govern success in a certain environment. Find them out. Observe them working in your life.
Find out the people who were in similar situation and what they did to break free. Then do the same. Figure out their psychology. What they did differently, what drove them, what motivated them to move forward. Then master your internal resources/ psychology accordingly.
Read books.
Also understand social/ power dynamics.
It looks kinda nasty studying “How power works” from a stage green point of view. But you must have to admit that you are in a stage red/blue reality. You have to study them to get out of the social structure & to get in a more supportive one.
So, read about power. Especially, Van Fleet & Robert Greene’s books are particularly very insightful. I am currently reading the “50th Law”. It will work for you too.
#4. And lastly, don’t lose hope.
No matter how impossible it feels about breaking free, always assume it’s possible. And it is possible. I personally don’t know what you are going through, but I believe there are many people who survived much harsher reality than that.
I understand how hard it is, (and how damaging it feels, it feels like dying from the inside) to keep trying to work toward something you believe in, while the destructive/ dysfunctional structure pulls you back with it’s full force. In this structure, your mom, dad, friends, and everybody else in the society will constantly try to discourage you for doing what you really should do, for following your heart’s desire. You can’t really change/ persuade them, it’s just how the whole thing is designed. Feeling hopeless and lost is very easy. I completely understand that. I’ve been through that many many times.
You won’t find anyone around you to relate to. Everybody else is chasing stupid stuffs. They will never understand who you are & what you are doing, therefore they will try to discourage you. Our human brain is not designed to work that way. It will seek reward for what it does. If it gets only pain & discouragement over and over again for doing something, eventually it will give it up and will look for something easy to do.
Try to find mentor & friends who thinks like you. Physical is better, but online friends & mentors will work too. They will give you hope and inspiration to go through difficult times, & positive feedback for keeping up the good work.
Don’t lose faith; we can make it work together.
Love,
Toimur Hasan
