mandyjw

Jim's talks seem pretty mundane, funny, direct, simple, etc, on the surface but every once in awhile he drops a jaw-dropping, flooring insight or comment, usually in the same dismissive tone and for some reason no one talks about this. "No one talks about this." ?‍♀️ I think all teachings can be taken on as a dualistic understanding, (belief) until they aren't. It's meant to liberate, not as an ideal.

What more do you want? What MORE do you want? That could be taken two different ways, as an honest question, what more do you want?, or as a rhetorical question inferring that you couldn't possibly want any more than THIS. Not two. In the acceptance that there is always more to want, desire is seen to be what is wanted whole in itself. You are never apart from the desire.

https://youtu.be/mYpjJ3TiJuA It seems like everyone is dying lately. https://youtu.be/9X_ViIPA-Gc RIP Meatfloaf. And Thich Naht Hahn. Neighbor across the street who I just only within the past year got to wave to me and was so happy about. And awesomely woke bead lady I made that penguin bead for who liked my insane blog post about Dr.P. How connected we all are. What a blessing we are to everyone in our extraordinary diversity. It's fucking unreal and I know I only have a small glimpse of it. No I don't, I don't know that. You're almost as ruthless of a bullshit radar detector as my own guidance. But you know what? I'm really sick of being terrified of talking with you. I'm really sick of caring so much what you think. Of the utter unpredictability. What's the point of pointing out the flaws in everyone? Why? Why? Why the contrast? What do you want? I want the pure feeling of confidence, openness, love. I want love. I want the balls to say what I wanna say and not fear that I'll regret it. I wanna be ok. I just wanna feel ok. No, I don't want to feel ok, I want to feel fucking AMAZING! Like Calvin in that strip. I wanna stop wondering if I'm a fuck up. "We are a blessing to everyone in our extraordinary diversity." Oh fuck you! "I want the balls to say what I wanna say and not fear that I'll regret it." Was just showing, you already have that. Yeah I do. I have every fucking thing I ever wanted, and I want to want more. Don't try to rip apart attachments our of repression. Get more attached, like a babe to the breast of Source. Everything is Holy, everything is light, it is in its essence. It's not your business to sort them all out. What more do you want? Tee hee hee, get it, what more do you want, what MORE do you want? We are a double entendre simply because aren't two. I want to fucking relax. I want to feel excitement, not fear. I want our's not mine. Why is everyone allowed to be perfect but me? You see perfect, Perfect. Perfect, meet perfect, you're ignoring that imperfection is Perfect. You're going to demonize yourself over a strong emotional response you don't want? REALLY? What's the response responding to? WHO is it afraid of? Me. Not even. I'm doing a cleanse, and I feel LESS CONSCIOUS. Less conscious. You feel less conscious? I'm full of shit. Seems like the cleanse is working. clean (adj.) Old English clæne "free from dirt or filth, unmixed with foreign or extraneous matter; morally pure, chaste, innocent; open, in the open," of beasts, "not forbidden by ceremonial law to eat," from West Germanic *klainja- "clear, pure" (source also of Old Saxon kleni "dainty, delicate," Old Frisian klene "small," Old High German kleini "delicate, fine, small," German klein "small;" English preserves the original Germanic sense), perhaps from PIE root *gel- "bright, gleaming" (source also of Greek glene "eyeball," Old Irish gel "bright"). But Boutkan doubts the IE etymology and that the "clean" word and the "small" word are the same. "Largely replaced by clear, pure in the higher senses" [Weekley], but as a verb (mid-15c.) it has largely usurped what once belonged to cleanse. Meaning "whole, entire" is from c. 1300 (clean sweep in the figurative sense is from 1821). Sense of "not lewd" (as in good, clean fun) is from 1867; that of "not carrying anything forbidden" is from 1938; that of "free of drug addiction" is from 1950s. To come clean "confess" is from 1919, American English. Come clean, confess. What do I have to confess? I've made all sorts of things I mist confess. Must not miss, miss speller. Made of the missed. There's nothing to confess, nothing to come clean about. Is there? Meaning "whole, entire" is from c. 1300 (clean sweep in the figurative sense is from 1821). Where does it end? What more do you want?

Let's raise girls to be good, kind and perfect. Let's also sexualize them and when they try to be good and perfect we'll call them repressed. If someone makes a woman think she is sexually repressed because her partner or whoever tells her so, and she feels negative emotion in response to that but does not listen to the love and direct feeling that is that emotion, she is repressing in that moment. Out of that repression she may go ahead with things she isn't truly curious about or desiring to do just to please him and/or prove to herself and him that she isn't repressed. All action done this way is repression. I created an identity of being a hard worker when I accidently overheard my Dad making comments about how lazy I was when I was young. Rather than listening to the feeling that in that moment was screaming "NO! That's his stuff! That's how HE was raised, that's not True!!" I tried to turn myself into someone who he would NEVER be able to make that comment about again. Exhausting. It also might be the contrast that brings about what is wanted. I did not want to manual labor I wanted a creative business. We're so hot and bothered to fix what isn't broken instead of creating a new. If someone calls you repressed it might spark the thought "hmm... maybe I'm closed minded about some things because I absorbed a whole lot of conflicting messages." In my absorption of messages from my Pastor AND MTV, and my classmates and Tyra Banks and Jerry Fallwell and my bad boy boyfriend, I'm a TOTAL WHORE. Oh! I love it thought! You make an instant hypocrite out of everyone. Oh wait, that's just Me. I'm just here to make you happy. NO! FUCKING NO! Happy doesn't need you or me. FUCK YOU ALL. Not like that.

@Judy2 Sometimes we might feel bad about ourselves because we think we're repressed or suppressing something, not realizing that the negative emotion we're feeling in response to that thought IS what's being suppressed. Only now, in real time. So there's no suppressor, just right now. Phew, what a relief, right? When thoughts that don't resonate about ourselves or others are no longer believed and negative emotion is listened to and felt directly as what it is, there's no suppressed or suppressor.

When a stay at home Mom is revered as much as a Veteran. Or when we stop revering anyone.

Caffeine in cacao can vary a lot.

Went for a walk and was drawn to a faded name on an old truck parked at the back of someone's yard. Didn't know why, didn't make any sense. Later that day got the message my neighbor with the same name passed away. Stuff like that is easily dismissed, just see what happens when you don't dismiss.

The cleanses in this book are really good. https://www.amazon.com/Medical-Medium-Cleanse-Heal-Depression/dp/1401958451/ref=sr_1_1?crid=T62JRJNO3EAQ&keywords=medical+medium+cleanse+to+heal&qid=1643117768&sprefix=medical+medium+cleans%2Caps%2C106&sr=8-1

I like your word "reparenting". Guidance is something different from what we thought it was when we thought it came from outside us. Morality and conscience and pleasing parents and teachers are seen to be a false separation. Understanding emotions is a such a trip. Feeling is our true guide, always with us, also us and only present now. When we feel bad it means we thought something up or saw something in a way that Love doesn't know. Perfect obedience and total rebellion wrapped into one.

?It would be sort of like if JK Rowling got really absorbed in writing harry Potter and forgot that she wasn't herself the author, but was in fact Harry Potter. But then after remembering herself as the author, she writes a JK Rowling character with her name and face and personality but with magical powers INTO the book, thinking THAT character is then who she is. It misses the real magic of the Author.

Someone is looking for a great apartment, and yours is exactly what they've been looking for. The location is perfect for them, what else? Maybe they lived with their parents and this is their first place? How does it feel to be them and walk in and be THRILLED that you have a place of your own? What do they love about it? Walk into a unit and imagine, pretend that that's you. It's not the perspective you use, it's the feeling behind it. When we are less focused on what's good for us, what's good for everyone is realized to be the only what's good for us there ever was. Feels good, that's how you know.

Often you get a great idea, but don't really know what the next action will be regarding it. In this case it's better to leave it alone and focus on other things until you feel the inspiration to take it further. Otherwise we introduce resistance. The idea felt great but until there's a burden on us to achieve it and make it so, maybe to show or prove it to others. It doesn't have to be like this. Often when we talk with people we sort of join them in their mindset of action and making the idea a reality so that person or other people can see/experience it/believe in it too. That makes us focus on resistance, the fact that our idea is not yet a reality. Let it gestate. Don't induce a premature birth for your dreams. It's not the fact that you told them but that you let their reactions and expectations introduce resistance for yourself. How many people would answer that question like "I have a lot of ideas I feel really good about but right now they are still gestating."? We might answer otherwise because we have a pattern we picked up from society that makes us believe we have a need to PROVE our worth. It might be that we are afraid they'll judge us in some way if we admit that we're really enjoying our manifested dreams, it hasn't become anything tangible yet. But that's your right, and that's where the satisfaction lies in everything, in the becoming of it. The tangible isn't where the satisfaction lies only, it's mostly in the entire process of it becoming. Take your dream back. The conversation reflected to you that it wasn't really fully yours to begin with. Make it your own.

@Fearless_Bum "I'm not feeling it." But... when have you ever not been feeling? Hmm...?

Not a trashbag.

?❤

?

Make or write out an intention before you go into them (when you have the luxury of knowing ahead of time.) Don't make the intention "I'm gonna crush it!" or anything super motivational, just make the intention for how you want to feel, which is in this case unconditional (self) love. No matter what you say or what is said, you're gonna be good to yourself. When thoughts that berate yourself come up, you're more likely to say "oh hi, bye" because you know what you want, you made the intention. I pulled out in front of a tractor trailer the other day because he had his signal on and I thought he needed me to exit so he could make a turn. It wasn't that dangerous because he was going so slow and having a hard time making the hill anyway, but just the same, when I realized what I did, this very strong pang of what I always thought to be horror and shame and fear rolled into one hit me (not the tractor trailer fortunately). In the past, I'd make it into a story about how I'm a bad driver, or whatever else, but this time I really caught it and felt it, and though hard to describe it felt amazing. Without the thoughts about who did what or why and the expectations for what should have been, emotions are seen, sensations are felt as they are. This is so breathtaking to behold that your dumb misunderstanding can easily turn into the highlight of your day. Obviously we don't go around intentionally pulling out in front of tractor trailers or saying stuff to offend people. The intention is only to feel Good, unconditionally.

I tend to focus on how I look and how much I eat when I'm not enjoying life in general as much as I'd like. Make a list of things you enjoy doing/want to do, dreams, big and small, etc. Want to try bellydancing? Take a pole dancing glass with a girlfriend? Learn to play an instrument? Paint your bathroom a different color? Plan a trip? What do you want? After this move on to enjoying your food and how the food you eat makes you feel. Try a new recipe. Try a new healthy "super food". Try juicing if that sounds fun. I dunno. Go wild. Have fun. Eat how much you want three of four times a day if a schedule cuts down thoughts and doubts around food. Then appreciate the hell out of your food. I personally think heavier women are as gorgeous as skinny or average women. Who told us otherwise? Did you ever really look and ask yourself what you think? People have preferences and then they get overly vocal about them when societal expectations tends to "agree". There are no societal expectations, they died and went out of fashion long ago and no one noticed cause they were too busy trying to conform themselves with them. Look at yourself in the mirror. Really look, utterly look with presence. Observe any thoughts that come up, but notice you cannot truly look and see in the present moment and also think something to be something. Your thoughts are a blind approximation, just like society, they died long ago and don't have any power but you didn't notice because you were too busy running from them. These thoughts are the true thief of beauty. They are parastical and you keep feeding them, they grow fatter and fatter and fatter. Who is fat and ugly? The thoughts. Not the "you" the thoughts claim to be about. Not the food you eat. Stop feeding THEM.

Asking someone else what feels best to you is avoiding yourself. Demonizing and avoiding "I" might just be the very same thing you've done all your life, when you were willing to believe thoughts about yourself that you are lacking. You can't avoid or get rid of what already is not.

Holy shit. It works both ways. I can let people be mad at me. Or hate me. And I am always ok. Mandy is going to be the most spiritual goddess saint martyr, and she is going to please everyone! She will fully know it's not personal when she is mad at people, it has nothing to do with THEM but she will feel like utter shit when others are mad at her. She will need everyone to like her in order to feel loved. Really this is just hiding her fear, because she's really honestly afraid of someone hurting her in some way. Or simply afraid of the feeling of being unloved. Womenkind (women be kind) have lived with this for centuries. Always say yes, Yes, yes yes. Yes sir. If you snap apologize as quickly as possible. "I was wrong!" So she'll cover over her fear in needing to control how others feel. She'll throw herself under the bus, submit, submit, submit, because she won't submit to her fear, and the direct feeling of being unloved, which is only the very assurance of Unconditional Love. https://youtu.be/aU5aDqLUvug I'll know my thoughts are just shit but I'll worry about everyone else's. What a tangled web.

What is Source can have no source. If we blame a person or circumstance for making us feel bad in the moment we are asserting that it has a source, therefore we assert that the bad feeling was asserted on us. When we understand that feeling is guidance, feeling itself, directly IS SOURCE we see how (love)d we really are. All our power is in the surrender. Action can be driven out of insecure thoughts, action to check our messages, to grab at pleasure, to check how well our sales or youtube is doing, to secure, to look, to work towards, to find the love that was presumed to be missing, we go on a wild goose hunt for exactly what is searching. If instead feel the pang of pain that thought came along with the thought, (hey, I disagree, that's not how I feel about you." we would not be compelled to search for our love.

Confusion is when we try to make two conflicting things work out. They won't. What spiritual peeps "have" is that they don't try to make it work out. It's not what they have but what they do not have. Note that when you're feeling great you've got huge visions, when you're not it's about leaving society and not expecting anything. This doesn't have to be an either or thing, in the allowance of what we want to come, what we've got suddenly becomes perfect. It's that perfect happy medium. Would you tell a little kid that's learning to walk and has just fallen down that they should just give up because obviously if they get up again, they'll fall again? Or do you KNOW that they will learn to walk, and that they will fall down a lot? It happens less and less over time. Give yourself that same understanding and patience. Call a hotline if it helps. Look for something small to appreciate. In a cave, away from everyone and everything, the light falls upon the rocks the same fucking way, it's the same miracle. In a multi million dollar mansion, the light falls on the paving stones the same fucking way, it's the same miracle. You are BEYOND the judgement, big, small, wise, foolish, spiritual, unspiritual, rich, homeless, you are so magic you are all of it and beyond it all.

Crazy how often we miss the path of least resistance in trying to know and conform to "THE SOLUTION." Often this is secondary to the belief of inferiority, which tries to resolve itself in finding a leader. "He's got it, she's got it, he don't got it, she don't got it, I certainly know I don't got it.

2 hours meditation, sloppy insights, although the best stuff isn't an insight. Thoughts hit like aliens attacking in a computer game, in meditation the thoughts come slow enough to deal with and learn how the game works. it's like we're thrown into life and say "I can handle it!" and turn up the difficulty level to max before learning how to properly deal with a single alien ship. Then we wonder what went wrong. Self love could "prevent" all misunderstandings. Out of loyalty and aversion, I learned to work hard and deny my own true desires. One incident when I was 15 and overheard my Dad say I was lazy and how did "THEY" raise a lazy kid, I was gutted. I learned to work and avoid by working my ass off. I'd prove him wrong. I didn't see or know that the comment felt awful because it wasn't true. What kind of parents expect a 15 year old to do no social stuff, nothing fun or expanding whatsoever and work in a fucking cemetery in all their spare time? I didn't see how much his identity was wrapped in in being a hard worker because he accepted the same faulty message from his parents. I'm mad that I was too afraid and too loyal to ask for an actual childhood. I'm mad that I didn't go on the art weekend out of fear and out of being afraid they wouldn't be able to take care of a FUCKING CEMETARY without me. I'm mad that he literally controlled out of fear every aspect of my life. I'm mad that I just plain old didn't know, if a thought feels bad, it's not about you. I'm mad that I compensated for it. I'm mad at myself for trying to perpetuate the same thing and have the same expectations of my husband. I think the whole fucking country is realizing that its identity is not one of being "hard workers". I'm mad that I just didn't follow what felt right to me. I did a lot. I really did. I'm sick and fucking tired of living on the end of the earth. It's funny to know that a CEMETARY was the first clue to there being a world out "there". Out there, really, really out there. Life is so good. It's so full circle. It's so funny. I really missed out on nothing. You don't have to fight the aliens after all. They are friends. Well then, anger and tears streaming down my face, or peaceful post meditation buzz, I don't know if there's a difference or a preference anymore.