mandyjw

A committed relationship is an easy way to have the best of both worlds. A relationship is only a huge potential for distraction from spirituality at the beginning, if you settle down with someone you're much more free to still follow your spiritual path. There are plenty of spiritual women. Women are more drawn to spirituality and open to it than men. Maybe not this particular brand. Women don't always go as deep with spirituality and are better able to juggle it with other parts of life than men, most men only like to deeply focus on one thing at a time. You might have to get more creative about finding a spiritually inclined woman.

I can definitely turn this topic into a spiritual one. The way songs get stuck in your head is an awesome illustration of the way thoughts get stuck in our head. Unlike beliefs songs are harmless because they don't turn into false or limiting beliefs. You have to be intensely present like you do during meditation. Focus on your breath or a low hum in the room. If there are thoughts or a song running through that's an indicator that your focus isn't intense enough. So look at this as a gift and use it to remind yourself to do a mini meditation practice. As for a bigger solution I'd say, make effort to find and listen to music that really lights you up or that you really enjoy listening to. It may be a way of your inner being saying that you need more music in your life but you need to be intentional about the music you want to listen to. Getting random bits of songs stuck in your head is an example of letting life happen to you and resisting it. So if you seek out the music you really want to hear you'll be a lot less receptive to the music you DON'T want to hear. Apply the same principal to all areas in life.

Why do you think your sexuality is blue? Were you raised in a religious family? The problem is that the spiral dynamic progressions happen naturally and for most people it's messy, not a clear progression. Leo likes to tell you that you have to bang girls and do stage orange properly because that's how he did things. His path does not have to be yours. I believe that you're being too objective about spiral dynamics and doing things in the right order. I think you would be better served by truly finding out what you really want. I also think that your end goal will come a lot easier and be a lot more fulfilling if you go about seeking your green relationship now. The things you need to do to get that are going to be much different. A confident woman isn't going to care if you're a virgin, in fact that can be a huge turn on to some girls. But the neediness is a problem no matter what approach you choose. The truth is you want a girl you feel somewhat safe with. She wants the same with you. If you go out with the intention of screwing a girl to fix yourself, because this is what you NEED, you either won't find it or you will and you will both coming out empty after the experience. Why not just masturbate? Same outcome. You really need to find some way to fix the neediness part. Try this. Stop focusing on what you do not have. Stop using the word needy. Even in thought. What do you really enjoy doing? What are your strengths? Pour all of your passion and desire for attracting a girl into a different goal, work, hobby, sport, fitness? if you can do that 100% and still lightly hold your desire to get a girl, she'll come to you.

Fear as energy is the perfect solution to this problem, no? You aren't on the right frequency to dissolve, accept, use, dissipate the energy so it's blocking you. Possibly because you need to change your frequency and possibly also because you aren't meant to do so. It's blocking you until it's not. Boundaries have their uses until we've outgrown them.

There's two types of fear, but both are just a type of energy. Fear in the present moment is just energy. A loud noise scares you and you're filled with adrenaline, it's literally just energy. Fear as negative thoughts about the future, also a low grade negative energy, one that takes your energy instead of giving you energy. Fear is just an indicator that you aren't living in the present moment and therefore are unable to properly direct and use the energy.

@SFRL We're just not that into you. That's definitely not true of a needy or inexperienced woman, but generally that's not the type you're trying to attract. Women that know how to attract and make men desire them are very in tune with their own desires and pleasure. They are already fulfilled, but if you can offer them more or fulfill another desire that's great. We don't need men the way men need us. We have close relationships with our friends, we are better at social skills and relating to others and we often don't seek so much from a mate that men do from us. We're wired to love our children more than anything and focus completely on them when that time comes. We want security for that reason. Men are wired to always continue to want women. Especially in a culture that is very stage orange and masculine and celebrates masculinity and encourages women to be more masculine, true femininity is a power like no other. But to some of you, we're just objects to fuck. We'll continue to reject you, frustrate you or hurt you until you understand that you are actually wanting to experience so much more than that.

@Rachityczny Do you really want to attract other needy girls though, just to sleep with them? I don't think you need to move through stage orange if you already have some stage green values. I'd skip right to the part where you actually care about the other person in the relationship. The problem is that you already have aspirations of stage green values, which that means you care and are already partially stage green. Contrary to common belief, in a typical relationship a man loves a woman more than she loves him back. A man cares about a woman's pleasure more than she cares about his. The potential for coming out of a one night stand needier than ever is huge. The only way you're going to get rid of neediness is to embrace and move into stage green because stage orange is all about being needy, the neediness only stops when you learn to focus on giving to the other person. Mindset change is thinking of what I need to thinking of what I can give another person. That's going to attract girls a lot faster. BTW, women love virgins and they love nerds and the more RSD crap you all do the more we love the opposite of that shit.

@ajasatya Looking for a committed relationship is an entirely different thing. @Rachityczny Do you want to get laid or have a girlfriend, which is it? The approach and even type of girl you're looking for is entirely different. Don't look to RSD stuff if you are looking for more than just sex.

Stop thinking of it as a death. Do you want to kill your ego or experience bliss? Go towards the thing that feels better in meditation.

@David Hammond What you describe is the state of the mind post enlightenment experience. The word "understanding" implies that the mind has come in to make sense of what happened after the experience. The experience itself is the present moment, which can only be fully experienced without thought. The state you describe is important because otherwise it could not be taught to others and after all the mind allows us to exist and survive as form. But the actual enlightenment, the actual experience, the actual embodiment can only happen in the now. We really like to inflate enlightenment into some sort of future state of mystical salvation but it's always here, has always been here, and anyone is capable of it but only ever in the present moment. People are doing it accidentally everyday. That's the appeal of drugs and sex and extreme sports. The difference is that this community is cultivating a practice where they do it purposefully rather than on accident.

@Mikael89

I used to take everything so seriously, like every stupid little choice I made was life or death. Knowing that it's all meaningless is so beautifully freeing. I still like the things I like and work towards the things I want but i feel at peace outside of needing those things for fulfillment. You're here to experience, to create, to experience good and bad, light and dark because without opposites or contrast there is nothing. You're here to live a life as a form based human being with limitations to learn that you are at your essence so much more than that. Life is both incredibly meaningful and meaningless at the same time.

When I started consciousness work, a really awful situation was already unfolding and ended up exploding a couple months later. I had a few blow ups about it because when I started to do the work I did a lot of repressing and didn't realize what I was doing. What helped was that I went for a lot of runs in the woods, something that I did before any awareness practices anyway. I would focus on my breath and the beauty of nature. Then the angry thoughts would come up and I'd let them run through until I realized the discrepancy between the peace of where I was and the ugly thoughts in my head. I'd keep bringing myself back to appreciating the beauty and peace around me. It took months for the anger to diminish but in it's place was a greater connection and sense of peace and understanding. The energy of anger was not diminished but replaced with a different energy. That's what's so f-ing beautiful about this work. Just keep coming back from the angry thoughts, to the present moment, to the beauty around you. You'll fall back into the anger but each time you bring yourself back you'll be able to stay longer after a time. Occasionally I'd rebel against the work I was doing and tell myself I wanted to be miserable and angry. As soon as I let myself be that and feel it fully, the anger would disappear. Which made me angry. You're definitely attached to the experience. We love our stories of how people did us wrong. We like being angry. The key is to realize that the thing in us that loves it, and wants to be angry is the ego. The ego has to keep replaying the story to make itself feel the feelings it likes to feel, that delicious anger that separates it from the people or situation that did us wrong.

You've got it backwards, when you see beauty you are truly seeing, when you don't see it you are deluded.

There's a difference between yearning and suffering because you don't have what you want and having a pure positive desire, or knowing that pursuing something is right. One is enjoying the journey and the other is holding out for what't at the end. One lives in the present moment and one lives for the future. There's also a difference between suffering and being aware of pain. The ego identifies with what it wants or identifies with pain and doesn't know it is separate from those things it experiences. It's constantly latching on to things and saying "this is part of me", "this is who I am". I won't be fulfilled until I have a nice career, or I can't have any nice experiences because instead I have this pain. Again, one is in the present moment experiencing the pain as a sensation and one is in the future and the past defining himself by his experiences. I'm starting to do some cold exposure training, the most suffering I experience is not the intense cold but the time leading up to it or when I first feel the cold and my brain is saying what is happening here. It forces you into the present moment.

@Odysseus What we usually mean by conscious state yes that includes the ego, I'm referring to pure consciousness though, consciousness without thought.

@David Hammond I did for a long time too. I actually thought that I enjoyed suffering because suffering was what set me apart from people who were afraid of suffering. Then I realized that the entire idea of suffering was just from my ego. Of course another equally true perspective could be that I had to suffer to learn that I didn't want to suffer.

How very stage yellow of us.

@David Hammond Enlightenment is nothing other than the present moment. When thoughts subside there is nothing but consciousness which is also nothing but the present moment. There is no you, there is only consciousness, the present moment is never a trap. The present is all there ever is, everything else is conceptual and the concepts are the trap. Suffering is a concept made out of pain and it's a trap. Suffering can never be the goal. Suffering can never be the path. It can be the trail markers along the path, guiding you but it is not the path.

@pluto That was the easy part. I lost myself by trying to find myself and then I realized I already am.

@David Hammond Yes, you can experience pain without suffering. I'm not saying anyone should try to achieve any state permanently, just that they use suffering as guidance to move to a state that feels good in the present moment. I think there is a tendency to believe that if I suffer enough now I won't suffer later, but instead I get more of what I practice and focus on.

You just broke the number one rule of law of attraction which is to focus on what you want, what is good and feels good and not what you don't want. If you want financial abundance revel in the abundance all around you. Do you have food in your house? Running water? Experience incredible gratitude for whatever it is that you have.

Nahm's advice is great. Focus on working to deal with the self talk and self criticism. Make peace of mind and clarity in everyday life your goal. It sounds like you've read chapter one and the last chapter of the book while skipping all the stuff in between. I'd also highly recommend Eckhart Tolle's, The Power of Now.

Being bored is just a signal that something is amiss like if you lay down and go to sleep and realize you forgot to turn the light off. You stop doing an activity that engages the brain. The brain is still on and says "we have crap to do, why aren't you doing crap, what's wrong with you". You either have to go do crap that engages the brain, or turn off the mind. Some people don't know how to turn off the mind.

I try hard to remember that if I notice something, am bothered by it and judge someone for something, then it has to be present in myself. When I was chasing material success I was most bothered by people who were doing the same. I thought I was bothered by the fact that they were more blatant about it than I was or did it in a less honest way but that wasn't it at all. The real problem was that I was trying to find happiness in the wrong place. Whenever I see myself wishing someone else was different I try to always bring the focus back to myself. I ask myself what there is in me that is mirrored in that person that I need to address.