mandyjw

@Leo Gura I shall play my nonduality Trump card. I've never met anyone who was truly a fool and I've never met anyone who was truly wise. If a country had Russia's intelligence and work ethic and also America's fun, free spirit, my God, that would be a great place to live. Could you have both at the same time?

The problem with non-fiction is that we think it's reality and the problem with fiction is that we think it's fantasy. Almost all the very best fiction books are secretly about enlightenment.

You have to be crafty to survive in a cold climate. Trump is old, he's almost dead. He built his own tower in New York City, he's married to a supermodel and he has a mansion in Mar-a-Lago. That got boring, so now he is our President. Trump knows how to have a good time and he knows how to get the things he wants. American values like fun, big dreams and freedom... they aren't worthless. They are what we live for.

Focus on having more thoughts that you want to have. Rainbows. Unicorns. Cotton candy. Sunsets. Insights. Understanding. Intuition.

You don't need to understand doubt. You only need to know faith. This morning I went down to a stream in the woods and there was a rotten tree that had fallen over making a bridge. I walked across it, even though I didn't really trust it. If the tree wasn't high up over the stream I could have walked across it confidently. But I wasn't confident. So I grabbed at some little branches nearby. I knew if I really fell they would break right off. But they gave me balance and faith anyway. I thought about how hilarious it was conceptually. But faith is not conceptual. Throw your concepts in the wind. That's what we are for each other. Just some branches to grab onto, giving you the illusion that you have a lifeline. You don't need a lifeline, and they/we can't save you. But the illusion is everything. The illusion is what allows us to see love. Once we see it we have seen the face of God, the mirror in the sky. You are love.

That's been on the radio a lot lately, I didn't even realize it was by her. I came in like a wrecking balllllllllll....

@Truth Addict I'm eloquent as fuck. I could have said eloquent AF, but I spelled it out, because I'm so eloquent.

I could have written that. Well I couldn't have, but I feel the exact same way about almost everything I write in my journal.

@Truth Addict You can already read me like a book, might as well be literal too.

There was nothing noble about my path. Also why is everything talking about pissing in the wind? I mean, why not piss in the wind if that's what you want to do?

There are a lot of different reasons why people get tattoos. I never thought I'd be getting any but I'm working on designing two now.

@Nahm @Shadowraix

@Nahm I'm nearly incapable of work anymore anyway. It feels like the biggest personal development failing. I like being kicked.

A waste of a life. To truly be lost. That's my real fear. You got me. I hated visiting my Grandmother. She just sat there, doing nothing. I tried so hard to be entertaining, to not fall asleep when I visited her. Yesterday I went and got groceries. I hate having to do mundane things like that when I normally work. And the thing that kept happening to me before I had this break happened again. I felt overwhelmed, cold, everything was getting soaked in the rain. The feeling only lasted a second and then I just melted into it with no resistance. I only surrender when pain is present. When someone or something takes me down a notch.

@Nahm I don't want to be the only person in the universe. I don't want to be God. I want God to take care of me. I want to be a sheep, not a shepherd. I'm both, I'm all of it.

@Nahm I've never been open to the idea od past lives until recently. But there are three memories/visions, I've always known aren't mine. A meadow. An antique chair. I didn't know it until I saw one like it. An antique clock face. They trigger an indescribable unshakable feeling. It's a nice one but it is puzzling. Thank you, I can't thank you enough.

@LastThursday My path is more like forging through the wilderness. I'm out here, it's beautiful and I'm lost. I had a home at one time, but this place could be home too. My eyes see it for the first time, but I saw the same woods through different eyes before. Some of the memories are still there. What is a memory? A vision of the future? What is time? A vision of a clock?

I thought they were quite excellent, the best yet in the whole journal.

I almost always get a runner's high, especially anything above three miles. It usually lasts a while after the run. I've experienced the intense ones while running as you describe, but I almost always get some sort of mild high from running even short distances. I think it's different for everyone. I have a friend who runs and says he's never experienced it at all.

@cetus56 I LOVE that. himself/herself though.

Whatever you feel drawn to doing will be most effective. If both, great!

@TheAvatarState I've always been OK with the term God, even having been raised with a very rigid idea of him. I'm just still struck by how I had to accept the ugliest, low consciousness parts of myself and the world to get "here". I have to be very open-minded to the definition of the word noble to make it fit the description of the path I had to walk.

@zeroISinfinity I guess that is the true grace of God.

@TheAvatarState Yeah I think the word noble is very stage blue. I like the word, but it makes me think of righteousness or morality, where as the path is renouncing your understanding of morality and judgement in order to connect with God experiencially.

The strange thing is that Grandmother grew up here, she was born shortly before the clairvoyant doctor died and she died just as the realizations started and right before my awakening happened. To me love is the connecting force of energy. Love for a person, love for a place is what opens me up to feeling the energy and being transformed by it.