snowyowl

Bad posture might be a cause. If you're on your phone a lot with your head tilted forward it can give you neck strain. Or if you use a desktop setup, your chair, screen, keyboard and mouse need to be positioned well to avoid muscle strain. Also you need regular breaks for your eyes. Here's one reference (from the UK): https://www.hse.gov.uk/msd/dse/ Lastly, regular eye tests are a good idea.

@BipolarGrowth hi, yes I've had some experience with Buddhism although not MCTB so thanks for the link. It's true that we're in a field of consciousness. Early Buddhism focuses mainly on how to end suffering, which is really important but seems less interested in the philosophy of what reality is grounded on. How about if a scientist uses some equipment to get data which is outside the range of our senses, like x-rays or magnetic fields, does that suggest reality is made up of more than our human senses, perceptions, awareness etc? My own current and loosely held view is that reality outside our awareness is a mystery which we can only guess at indirectly from whatever data we can get into our minds, via sensory or extra-sensory means.

@BipolarGrowth sure, the outside objective world is a theory based on our transient sense perceptions. But where do those perceptions come from? Some folks here seem to suggest that consciousness creates itself, but that's just another belief isn't it?

@Blackhawk Looking for happiness in external things like girlfriends and money is fair enough, but there's also the internal approach, introspection. After all, why does being alone feel lonely and sad? Not everyone does, there are hermits who can live happily in a cave by themselves but most of us aren't like that. Where is the sadness coming from? We can all introspect for ourselves, but I'd say this is your heart, inner child (whatever name you prefer) reaching out for emotional intimacy. But it keeps coming up against this hard brick wall of so-called rational beliefs like 'I'm unworthy', 'Nobody likes me', 'I'll always be alone', 'Nothing works, I'll always be unhappy like this'. Your inner child which just wants to play and have fun with others, is being suppressed by this wall of negativity. When you feel sad, how does it show? Can you cry, cry in front of other people? That's one way to release the dam and get sympathy and communication going. That's why I suggested trying therapy again, even if you have a disorder surely a small amount of improvement is better than none. There's nothing wrong with your inner heart, your feelings, imo it's the system of interface with the outside world which needs a bit of scaffolding - like the input/output devices on your computer. But like I said earlier, I'm not a psychologist so just my opinion. Also you care about your parents' feelings so you're worthy to them. Haven't you had good times of love and fun with them in the past?

Do you want popular in regular society, or popular amongst this forum? One which may cover both is 'God is Love'. Mind you, pointing to, or away from, God is difficult if God is everywhere!

You're not an unlikeable person at all. Ok I'm no psychologist, but my guess is this is more about other people finding it hard to get close to you, chat and socialise etc because of your condition. All I can suggest is to go back to professional help to practice and develop the social skills which you do have. Even if you have a disability limiting you in that way. I mean, you can chat with us in the forum so you do have communication skills. Don't let the lack of perfection get in the way of making improvements. Maybe you're sad because you're lonely being by yourself most of the time? Friends can stop you being lonely. Separation is a difficult feeling to have long term. Connection, with people, animals, nature etc, feels good not only because it's true, but it also allows us to express ourselves, let our energies out into the world rather than bottling them up. And we receive energy back from the world too. Thinking about it, I choose most of my regular friends because we have something in common which I already like doing - like country walking or meditation for example - which are more enjoyable when I can do them with someone else, at least sometimes. When I'm by myself I've only got myself to talk to (ie thinking), there's no-one else to listen to me or for me to listen to. I guess if you haven't got any hobbies etc you can share with others, apart from drinking/drugging (when you're not your normal self anyway), it makes it that much harder to connect. I've noticed you do highly value rationality, evidence and logical thinking - do you have any intellectual type pursuits which could give you a platform to meet other people?

Of course the past facts can't be changed, just our interpretation of them. So yes, surrender, acceptance, or self-forgiveness is the sane thing to do (however you prefer to frame it). Who hasn't done stupid or crazy things sometimes? I dunno what you did but there's sure to be far worse things otherwise you'd be in prison or something. I know nothing about kundalini or semen retention, but one thing I've learned is that we can be our own worst critics. Life and society need good, talented, hard working people right now and are more forgiving of us than we are of ourselves.

@Blackhawk my impression from this thread and others (please correct me if I'm wrong), is that you have some kind of long-term chronic condition which affects your communication skills and your ability to form close friendships. There's either no professional help available, or if there is, it doesn't work or you've given up on it. Isn't there a disconnect between not wanting friends, and wanting a girlfriend / friend with benefits? Even if you only have one friend who happens to also be your sexual partner, you still need to get those friendship-making skills. And unless you're some amazing sexual athlete, you'll be doing the friendship part for more time than having sex. I was going to suggest you try building your talking and socialising skills gradually in baby steps, maybe have a goal of making one regular friend this year, before stepping up to try the dating scene. But perhaps you don't want that kind of advice? Also I'm so sorry to hear you don't want to exist. Can I reframe that another way, that you (just like the rest of us) don't want the sadness to exist, you want the happiness to exist. Wishing you well man.

@Someone here hey, I've been contemplating this kind of thing lately I'm considering the idea of levels of consciousness of the mind: conscious, sub-conscious and unconscious. Conscious mind might actually be the smallest part, and things like thoughts, intentions, sights and sounds, go through the unconscious or subconscious mind first, which is why they seem to just appear in our awareness from nowhere. Therefore, deep dreamless sleep is the conscious mind switching off for a while, but sub- and un-conscious mind still carries on for our survival. I've been reading the interlude chapter in The Mind Illuminated about this subject recently. Some of the "consciousness is everything" folks may come and contradict me on this, but hey-ho.

I don't think there is anyone experiencing senses and thoughts in the first place, that may be what's causing this question to arise. There's just senses and thoughts. They are self-knowing, in that when there's a sense-perception or a thought, that awareness is the knowing already, there isn't a knower distinct from the known. Similarly I don't see a distinction between mind and content. Mind is just the collective name for all the apparently distinct contents. The two people standing next to each other are part of the diversity of forms, but understanding this interplay of the unified whole vs the multitude of things is the nub of mystical spirituality imo. I don't exclude the possibility of telepathy etc, maybe there is a higher level holon which includes awareness of different people, but mostly we're 'stuck' in the limitation of a single bodily form / consciousness. (Form is consciousness and consciousness is form to misquote the Heart sutra).

Death, nothingness and non-existence are paradoxical ideas I can't even properly think about. Does non-existence exist, or not exist? If non-existence (death) exists, it is part of the realm of existence. In that case, existence has no opposite. In fact, that's true either way: if non-existence (ie nothing or death) does exist, it's not opposite to existence. If non-existence doesn't exist, then it's also not in opposition (or duality) to existence. So existence and non-existence aren't different things are they? This, here and now, is the absolute. This is life. This is death. Obviously I can't make myself immortal in the relative sense with a clever philosophical argument, that'd be way too easy!

"The Truth Shall Set You Free, But First It Will Mess You Up"

I agree with your message, but why did we start using 'radical' for fascist reactionaries? At one time, radical was a positive adjective, used to mean getting to the root of an issue, people wanting to make revolutionary change, including progressives going further than the usual muddling through of the mainstream politics. I hear a lot of ideas in this forum I'd like to call radical but the term is now tainted by this fascist association.

@Someone here how about painful situations which are wanted, like going to the dentist to cure my toothache? I suffer from the pain of the toothache which I resist, but I accept the pain from the dentist's drill. The physical pain is similar but my state of mind is different. We can take pain easier when the bigger picture is good. Suffering may be less, when the motivation to accept it is there.

A partial answer to this question is historical. An explanation I heard (but I forget the reference) was, in the middle ages Christians in some countries had a taboo against 'usury' somewhat similar to Muslims, so they couldn't lend money for interest. Jews didn't have this restriction, also were banned from many professions, university education and government jobs, so some became money lenders and later on progressed to banking. That made them unpopular among people owed them money. Also some religious hatred against Jews because the New Testament apparently blames them for Jesus's trial and crucifixion, but most likely this is the authors trying to curry favour with the Romans by shifting blame away from Pontius Pilate. At least these are some reasons for Jewish scapegoating I've come across.

Suffering is resistance to what is, so there's the formula: suffering = pain x resistance. So a highly developed person still feels physical pain but don't suffer because they accept the inevitable.

The Noble Truths are simplistic because they're a headline or shorthand summary of the teaching for easy memorisation. I prefer to read them in context with other early Buddhist "lists" such as the three fires (greed, hatred, delusion); and the three signs of being (impermanence, non-self, suffering). My take on it is not that all life is suffering, but a deluded life is, a life based on attachment to impermanent things, a self-centered life. A life full of desires and aversions (= greed and hatred) by an illusory separate self. It also has a lot of pleasure in it too of course, that's what keeps me going back for more lol !

And Bashar took over from his father Hafez in 2000, so effectively Syria is becoming a monarchy with the The Arab Socialist Ba'ath Party as his royal court. (An interesting aside I just read is that all 3 parties in the election have Socialist in their name). In the media here, much was made of the Russian involvement to help Al-Assad win the civil war. Do you think he could have without their help, and what (if anything) does Putin expect in return?

@Blackhawk "I view all the books as probably just beliefs, hallucinations, or at worst: deliberate lies to earn money. But I also think there's a small possibility that they might be right. This not knowing is frustrating." Yeah, belief is so powerful isn't it, shaping how we see the world. A bit of doubt can be liberating, opens the door to new perspectives. Maybe. If we are open minded. Not knowing doesn't need to be frustrating, it can be exciting, creating some space in our belief system for something new. Sorry to hear you're in pain, I wish you all the best, really. That's not a lie or a belief by the way.

Sorry man, not my intention to hit. Have you thought about counselling, it gives you a safe space to express yourself without judgement? If you can't afford it then co-counselling is a cheaper alternative. You do a training course and after that you pair up and counsel each other for free. I did it when I was unemployed and it really helped me out of my shell.

As kids we're programmed to internalise how our parents treat us, so it came as a surprise to me to learn that mine weren't always right. I hope you can protect yourself from further trauma and get help healing your childhood trauma. Glad to hear you have faith in life to want to be a parent yourself, it's the most important job in the world yet so many people are untrained and unprepared.

I'm pretty introverted too so I can sympathise. There's anxiety about making mistakes and getting judged. But not talking has consequences too, you're still responsible.

You have such kindness and understanding to many others in the forum, it's obvious you are as worthy as anyone else here If you see another family with the parent saying such things to their children wouldn't you feel compassion on the whole situation. Maybe your mother has her own issues which she's projecting. Do you still talk to her now?

@Husseinisdoingfine "Beijing has already promised that Taiwanese independence means war" This is obviously double speak by the CCP, as Taiwan has been independent from mainland China since 1895 otherwise why would they need to go to war to conquer it? In fact China doesn't have a very strong claim to the island anyway, occupying it 1683–1895 until the Japanese took over. The CCP is certainly becoming more belligerent and haven't forgotten the trauma inflicted on China by Japan in the 20th C. It looks like Joe Biden's honeymoon period is coming to an end.

It sounds like you're in pain and that's what needs healing. Maybe your thought about not living is all about not suffering instead? You say here that you want to feel, and feeling is part of life. But we all want happy feelings not suffering don't we? I'm sorry if life seems bleak, I hope we in the forum can give you a collective hug of support. Like you've supported so many others with your kind words. As well as 'spiritual' methods, have you tried talking therapies, counselling etc?